Authors: Kate Vale
“Are you still having nightmares—you know, about what happened at the beach cottage?”
She nodded, grimacing. “Too many things around here remind me of Brad.” Her voice trailed off. Margaret had never had nightmares. Then again, her husband had been so much older and he hadn’t died after an argument and threat of a divorce from a wife who’d waited too many years to speak up for herself.
“Have you got a particular place in mind?”
Suzanna sighed. “I’m not sure.”
“Why don’t you
just
do what S
ylvia did last year?” Her friend snorted and she began to choke on her tea. After wiping her eyes, she laughed.
“
Don’t you remember?
She
closed her eyes and pointed her finger at a page
. Where it landed was where she went.
She had a blast!”
“
And,
she went to Be
rmuda,” Suzanna chuckled.
She reached down to stroke
Sam
when he
laid his head
in her lap and looked up at her.
“
Where she met
that fabulous young man, that beach bum she—
well, you know—she had fun with.
”
Suzanna
felt herself blushing
. “I’m not looking for
that. A friend with privileges?
I
’m
not interested in a man,
but if I were, a retired school
teacher—someone who likes books as much as I do—that would be more my speed
. Not some oversexed beach bum closer to Penny’s age. Didn’t Sylvia say she hardly ever got out of bed when she was with him?”
Margaret laughed. “You do remember. Maybe
I’ll
go to Bermuda this year.” She reached for another cookie.
“You need to expand your horizons, Suzanna. Since when are you one to spend all your time sitting in an easy chair reading? You n
eed to get out more, have an adventure
.”
Margaret was right.
Inst
ead of planning it, maybe she w
ould just go. But where? She was nervous thinking of leaving without a destination in mind. She wandered aimlessly through the house.
Maybe I’ll just do that right-hand-
turn thing Maude mentioned.
Suzanna pulled down her list. It was shorter now … get a dog, done; sell Brad’s practice, done; sell Brad’s car, done; let hair grow, a work in progress. But she smiled at how long it had been since she’d seen the hairdresser. What else? Lose weight. Hmm. Another work in progress.
She’d vowed to walk more, at least three times a week, around Lake Harriet. Somehow, that occurred less often than she’d planned, but her walks in the neighborhood with Sam made that one mostly done. And then she’d unexpectedly met Jonathan Kingsley. That had started her pulse pounding.
But what else had she accomplished? The Jeep! It wasn’t even on her list, but she’d done it, too.
It was time to tell the kids. She texted Kevin first. “Dinner on Saturday. Here. Your favorite roast beef.” Then she texted Penny. “Dinner on Saturday. Here. Your favorite chocolate cake for dessert. Seven sharp.” She crossed her fingers that Penny didn’t have a dinner date. Even if he had studying to do, food Kevin didn’t have to pay for or fix himself was something she knew he wouldn’t ignore.
As she prepared the meal two days later, using her best china and silver, her nerves began to show when she dropped the cluster of tulips she’d picked up at the store. The one whose stem had broken too close to the bloom she tucked into the vase, floating it on the water.
It’ll last for tonight.
The front door opened and Penny blew in, her cheeks reddened from the brisk April winds. “The table looks terrific. Is this a special occasion?”
“Not really.” She gave her daughter a quick hug. “Well, maybe, in a way. Will you help me with the salad, dear?”
Five minutes later, the back door banged open. Kevin stood in the doorway holding a bone nearly the same size as Sam, who barked and whirled at the young man’s feet.
“Where did you get that? It looks like it came from a dinosaur!” Suzanna laughed. “Your cheeks are so red. It must be cold out.”
“I went for a run before I headed over here. This is from a cow—the butcher at the market gave it to me when I told him I was coming to see you. For Sam. I think that man has the hots for you, Mom.”
She felt a blush begin on her neck and move upward. “Oh, Kev. It’s Sam he likes. Besides, he’s way too old for me, don’t you think?”
“I should hope so,” Penny interrupted. “That man must be at least eighty. Besides, it’s only been—”
Kevin was staring at her, stone-faced.
“Never mind.”
Suzanna said, “Everything’s about ready. Kevin, if you will pour the wine, we can sit down. I’ll bring in the meat and Penny will bring in the veggies.”
Suzanna passed the platter and other bowls around the table.
“So, why did you invite us for dinner?” Penny asked again as she speared a broccoli floret.
“I’ve made a decision,” Suzanna said, hoping her voice sounded calm, in control, even though her heart was thudding against her ribs.
“Oh?” The strained look in Penny’s eyes made Suzanna reach for her wine glass for a quick sip of fortitude.
“You’re not thinking of selling the house, are you?” her daughter asked.
“No.” Suzanna breathed a quick sigh when Penny seemed to relax.
Did she see my list?
“I’ve decided to take a little trip, like I was talking about before.”
“Where?” Kevin looked up at her before reaching for a second helping of the roast beef and signaling his sister to pass him the cheesy potatoes.
“Oh, just around,” Suzanna replied, waving one hand in a nonspecific circle.
“How long are you going to be gone?” Penny asked, her fork motionless above her salad plate.
“About a week, maybe longer.”
Maybe she hadn’t made enough food. Kevin was chowing down like he hadn’t eaten all week, making up for Penny, who had barely touched her food. Suzanna’s stomach began to churn.
“I want you to handle any bills that come in while I’m gone, if you would,” Suzanna addressed her daughter, whose fork descended again into the salad and speared a cherry tomato.
“I’ll be happy to.”
“I’ll leave the household checkbook in the center drawer of your father’s desk. If you just come over every other day and check the mail and pay any bills, that would be great. Leave the receipts where I can find them when I get back.”
“Sure.” Penny nibbled on a miniscule piece of roast beef.
“When are you leaving, Mom?” Kevin emptied his water glass and reached for more roast beef.
“I’m not sure. Maybe on Monday … and I’m taking Sam with me.”
“Good idea. Shall I get the cake so we can cut it?” Kevin pushed his seat back and was halfway to the kitchen before she could reply.
“I was thinking we would clear the table first and then have dessert, but if you want it now, that’s okay.” She turned to look at him. “Haven’t you been eating at the frat house? You ate like you were starving.
And why are you in such a hurry?”
“Our food isn’t as good as yours.” He grinned at her and gave her a quick peck on the cheek as he moved past her chair, the cake in his hands. “I’ve got a date tonight. Don’t want to be late.”
“Oh. Well, why don’t you cut yourself a piece, and your sister, too. If you want to take some with you, you could use that Tupperware holder in the pantry.”
“Sweet! Thanks, Mom.”
Kevin cut two pieces and handed one to Penny, who remained silent as she stared at him. He then handed one to Suzanna before retreating into the kitchen with the rest of the cake. Minutes later, the back door banged behind him.
Suzanna glanced at her daughter, whose silent appraisal of her began to feel oppressive. “Is something on your mind, Penny?”
“You never said where you were going.” Her lips closed around a sliver of chocolate cake. She chewed slowly.
“I haven’t really figured that out. Maybe I’ll head south, where there’s less snow. Now that it’s spring, the flowers should be starting, especially if I head into Iowa. The highway is clear. I already checked,” she said, anticipating Penny’s next question. “I was thinking I might head on into Illinois, so I could shop at one of the malls outside Chicago.”
“You could shop just as easily at the Mall of America, Mother.” A thin dark line, probably from the chocolate, was visible on her daughter’s lower lip.
“But that’s too close to home. I just want to take a road trip, Sam and me. To get away.” Her voice, even to herself, sounded unsure, hesitant, timid, not like someone who was taking charge of her life.
“Why don’t you delay that until summer so one of us could go with you?” Penny pressed.
Suzanna peered more closely at her daughter, whose eyes no longer focused on her, but seemed to be staring at Brad’s old seat, at the head of the table.
She doesn’t trust me.
The heat in her belly, generated by the butterflies that kept colliding with one another, made her push back her chair without warning.
“No, honey. I need to do this myself. If you don’t want to cover the bills for me while I’m gone…well, I’ll make other arrangements.” She walked into the kitchen and began filling the dishwasher.
When Suzanna returned to the dining room to retrieve more dishes, Penny was looking at the family pictures near the piano, running her fingers along the edge of the one featuring her father, his arm around her, taken at one of her recitals.
“Penny,” Suzanna’s voice was soft. “I want you to understand that I
need
to do this—for me. Can’t you see that?”
“Oh, Mother,” her daughter turned and reached for her. “I miss him so much. And I … I don’t think I know you anymore.”
Suzanna’s eyes filled. “I know you do, sweetheart. But I’m still here, just the same. I know it’s been hard since …” She patted her daughter’s back, then smiled. “I made that chocolate cake for you, and Kevin took the rest of it with him. I’m sorry about that.”
Penny gave her a wet-eyed grin. “It’s okay. One piece is enough for me. As usual, it was delicious. I’ll help you clean up.”
For the next several minutes, mother and daughter silently cleared the dining room table.
“Give me a hug before you leave,” Suzanna implored her daughter. “And let me show you where I’ve put things. You do have a key to both doors?”
Penny followed Suzanna into Brad’s office. “I’ll take care of anything that comes in. You’ll have your cell with you?”
Suzanna smiled. “Yes, even though you know I hate to use it when I’m driving, and the Jeep has GPS. Kevin was so impressed with all the little doodads it came with.” She chuckled. “And, I’ll have Sam with me. He won’t let me get into trouble, will you, Sam?”
The dog panted a happy smile and whined softly.
“Will you call and tell me when you’re leaving?”
“Of course.” She hugged her daughter again before she headed out the front door.
Suzanna plopped into one of the overstuffed chairs in the living room. “Well, that went better than I thought.” She smiled to herself before heading up the stairs.
The next day, Suzanna met Margaret at the door. “I’ve decided where I want to go.”
“Tell me.”
She reached for the tea pot as Margaret opened the container of chocolate bars. “Crater Lake—it’s in Oregon, or Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons—in Wyoming.”
“Crater Lake. That’s a long way.”
“I know but it’s supposed to be beautiful and it’s not that far from the coast. Maybe I’ll just stop there and then head west. I’ve never seen the Pacific Ocean.”
“But if you’ve seen one ocean, you’ve seen them all. Aren’t they all about the same? Pass me the teapot.”
“I know, but I haven’t seen it and that’s the point.” Suzanna grinned. “Maybe I’ll take another cruise—to Mexico or through the Panama Canal. We could do that together. Have you ever been?”
Margaret shook her silver curls. “No. Unlike Sylvia, I’ve decided I’m not into hot-blooded Latin types. But if you decide to take a boat to Europe, let me know. I’ve always wanted to do that.”
Suzanna laughed. “I’ll bet Maude’s been there. She told me she takes a cruise every year. I never asked if it was the same one.”
“What about Yellowstone makes you want to see it?”
“Curiosity, I guess. Did you know it’s supposed to be part of an old volcano? That must be why it has all those geysers and things. And the Grand Tetons aren’t far from there. I could see both in the same trip.”
Suzanna was eager to pack now that her mind was made up. Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons this trip. Maybe she would go to Crater Lake next year. And if it wasn’t that far from Montana, maybe she would take up Mr. Kingsley’s invitation, too, except that she still hadn’t checked the Atlas for Willow Grove. She smiled at the thought, recalling how it felt when he’d shaken her hand that day they walked around Lake Harriet. If he wasn’t there, she could always leave him a note before heading west.