“Sasha and I see Ryan less now than we did when I first arrived.”
Her aunt looked at her sister. They were, Cassie realized, a study in contrasts—these three women who had, for a time, lived in the same house. Her aunt was slender with dark hair pulled back in a neat chignon. Her tailored clothing emphasized the youthful shape of her body, despite the fact that she was well into her fifties. Chloe was beautiful, as always, but especially radiant at nearly six months pregnant. Her curly red hair tumbled down her back in loose disarray. If Cassie hadn’t loved her sister so much, she could have easily hated her for being so darned attractive. As it was, she depended on her. Chloe was her best friend and had been so all of her life.
“I don’t know what to do,” Cassie continued as she settled her hands around her mug. She glanced at the clock over the stove. She only had a short time until she had to pick up Sasha at the preschool. “It’s not that he’s hostile. I don’t think he dislikes her as much as he’s uncomfortable being around her. A few days ago he came in the kitchen while I was fixing dinner. Sasha was bringing him toys. He seemed fine with that. He even gave her a penny, which sent her racing for her Mickey Mouse bank. They seemed to be having fun together, but then he just left.”
She looked at the two women she cared about most in the world. “I’m completely at a loss.”
“How is Sasha doing?” Chloe asked. She was drinking a warm glass of milk instead of coffee, having given up caffeine for her pregnancy.
“Pretty well, considering everything she’s been through. She has her spells when she wants her mother. I hold her when she cries and, after a time, it passes. We haven’t really talked about her parents going to heaven and not coming back. I don’t know how to do that.” She drew in a breath. Despite her degree and her experience working at the preschool, at times she had no idea how she was supposed to help Sasha deal with her loss. Sometimes all she had to go on was what her gut told her to do.
“She’s sleeping and eating?” Aunt Charity asked as she set out a plate of cookies, then took the seat opposite Cassie’s.
“Yes. That’s all fine. I’m sure being in her house with her room and her routine is helping her. Ryan said he didn’t want to deal with the issue of moving her just yet and decided to stay for a few more weeks.” She pressed her lips together. “It’s not that he’s mean or rude. I think he forgets that she’s around.”
“Hard to imagine a toddler being quiet enough for that to happen,” Chloe said wryly.
Cassie smiled. “Okay, maybe forget is too strong a word. I think he has a fabulous ability to focus on his work and he can ignore her for long periods of time.”
“If he’s never been around children, I’m not surprised by any of this,” Chloe told her. “You shouldn’t be either. How many times have you gotten frantic calls from fathers left with their kids for the first time? If you don’t know how to deal with kids, it can be traumatic.”
Aunt Charity pushed the plate of cookies closer. “This withdrawal might be his way of dealing with the loss of his brother.”
Cassie took a chocolate chip cookie and nibbled on it. “I hadn’t thought of that, but you could be right. The question is, what do I do about it?”
“You’re going to have to remind him of his responsibilities,” her aunt told her. “He’s using you as a buffer and that’s fine for now, but you’re not always going to be there.”
Cassie sighed. “I know,” she said, even though she didn’t want to agree. The thought of having that conversation with Ryan put a knot in her stomach. “He hadn’t even met Sasha before the funeral,” she said. “I don’t understand families spending that much time apart.”
Chloe touched her hand and smiled. “Not everyone is like us. Some siblings don’t get along.”
“What a waste.” Cassie couldn’t imagine living in a household like that. She returned her attention to the problem at hand. “I guess I’ll say something to him. I’m just not sure what.”
“How is Sasha acting around her uncle?” Chloe asked. “Is she frightened of him?”
“Not at all. She keeps including him in things. She often wants him to pick her up, but he doesn’t know how to do it. He’s too stiff, which scares her. It’s never a positive experience for either of them. But Sasha is a sweetie and very forgiving. Ryan has a long way to go before he chases her off.”
“That’s something,” Chloe pointed out. “She can be your ally in all this.”
Cassie smiled at her aunt and her sister. “Thanks for the advice. That’s why I came here. I knew you two would be able to steer me in the right direction.”
Chloe sipped her milk, then smiled. “Our pleasure. And speaking of men who don’t have a clue, what does Joel think about all this?”
“Don’t insult Joel,” Cassie said automatically, stalling for time, even though she knew what her sister was asking. She did
not
want to have this conversation with Chloe.
“Okay. What does Joel think about your new living arrangements?” her sister asked. “Is he concerned that you’re staying alone in a house with a good-looking, older man? Someone sophisticated enough to sweep you off your feet?”
Chloe’s words were close enough to Cassie’s own fantasies that she was afraid she would blush. “Joel doesn’t think anything about it. We’ve spoken on the phone several times. He knows what I’m doing and why, and he’s very supportive. He’s not the jealous type.”
She made the last statement with a note of defiance in her voice, even though she wasn’t feeling especially pleased with Joel’s actions…or lack thereof. In truth she would have liked him to be a
little
concerned about her close proximity to another man. After all, Ryan was everything Chloe had said and then some. Ryan was handsome and brilliant, and while she didn’t know him that well, she could easily imagine him to have other fine qualities, qualities that every woman looked for in a partner. What she did know was that he was smart and driven about his work. She wasn’t so sure about his humanity, though. He wasn’t an obviously warm person, although she’d caught glimpses of humor now and then.
“It’s very nice that Joel is being understanding,” Aunt Charity said, and shot Chloe a warning look.
Chloe ignored it. “Joel doesn’t have the sense God gave a turnip. I can’t believe he’s just sitting back and letting you do this without protesting.”
“That’s not fair,” Cassie told her sister. “If Joel had gotten all macho on me and insisted I not live there, or if he’d been otherwise concerned, you would have called him a bully. You’re not going to let him win either way.”
Chloe had the good grace to look a little uncomfortable with her sister’s words. “I would not,” she said, but without much conviction.
Aunt Charity patted Cassie’s hand. “You’re going to be fine. I’m sure Joel feels a little jealousy. What man wouldn’t? But he doesn’t want to show it. As for Ryan and Sasha, it seems to me that you’re on the right track. Be patient. It will all work out.”
“I hope you’re right,” Cassie said.
The three women chatted for a little longer, then Cassie got up to leave. Chloe walked her to her car.
“You’re glowing,” Cassie said as they paused in the driveway. She had to speak up to be heard over the lawn mower. Old Man Withers was still out doing his weekly round over the grounds.
Chloe pressed her hand against her bulging tummy. “I don’t know about glowing but I do know that I’m very happy.” Her smile was tender. “Being in love will do that to a woman.”
Cassie searched her face. “No regrets? It happened so fast. One minute he was a stranger, the next you were involved.”
“I know. When I think about how quickly we found each other, I have trouble believing any of it is real.” She smiled. “But the more we’re together, the more I’m sure this is exactly right. Arizona isn’t the perfect man, but he’s perfect for me. We understand each other so well, it’s almost scary. It must be the magic nightgown.”
“Must be,” Cassie agreed, trying not to be envious of her sister’s happiness. Despite being a nonbeliever, Chloe had worn the Bradley nightgown when she’d turned twenty-five and she’d dreamed about Arizona Smith. They’d met the next morning and sparks had started to fly instantly. They’d had passion…they still did.
“You’ll get your chance in a few weeks,” Chloe reminded her. “Are you excited?”
Usually, she was, Cassie thought with surprise. But not today. “I’m not a real Bradley,” she said. “Even if I was, there’s Joel.”
Chloe gave her a quick hug. “You’re a Bradley in your heart and I’m sure that’s all that matters. As for Joel…” Her voice trailed off. “I swear, Cassie, you make me insane with your devotion to that man. What do you see in him?”
For once Cassie couldn’t answer the question. “We’re going to have to agree to disagree on this one.”
“I know. I’m sorry. You have enough going on in your life without me making trouble with this old argument. I’ll be good.”
“Thanks.”
They said their goodbyes. Cassie got into her car and started driving toward the preschool to pick up Sasha. She had to wrestle with an unfamiliar emotion—guilt. She didn’t want to envy her sister’s happiness, but she did. She didn’t want to feel unsettled about Joel, but she did.
It wasn’t fair to him, she reminded herself. He hadn’t changed. He was exactly the same man she’d fallen in love with nine years ago. He was kind and gentle and caring. Okay, maybe he wasn’t flashy and he didn’t have a high-powered career or a lot of ambition, but he was good and decent. Wasn’t that more important?
“What about passion?” a little voice whispered.
Cassie tried to push it away. There was more to life than sex. She should know. She’d gone her whole life without once experiencing what it would be like to be with a man. She knew that in time, if things continued on their present course, she and Joel would marry. They would become lovers. She was sure that their physical intimacy would be as pleasant as the rest of their relationship.
“I don’t want pleasant,” she muttered rebelliously. “I want fire. I want to be swept away by needing someone. I want to feel alive.”
She was being foolish, she told herself. Her priorities were messed up and the quicker she got them back in order, the happier she would be. But the traitorous thoughts wouldn’t go away, and deep in her heart, she wasn’t sure she wanted them to.
CHAPTER FOUR
“I’
M
GONNA
get you!”
Cassie’s voice drifted down from upstairs, followed by Sasha’s laughter. The sound of thundering tiny feet accompanied the giggles. Earlier Ryan had heard running water, then splashing, so he assumed that Cassie had given his niece a bath before getting her ready for bed.
Over the past week, his life had taken on some kind of order, the movement of the hours marked by Sasha and Cassie’s comings and goings to preschool, followed by the excitement of lunch, early-afternoon reading time, the quiet of his niece’s nap, the preparation for dinner, evening playtime, then bath and bed. Despite his attempts to distance himself from the child as much as possible, he was still aware of what went on in her day.
He’d assumed that as he got used to being in the house with her and as he developed a routine, he would find her easier to forget. He could go for long stretches of time without thinking about her, but then she appeared in his mind without warning. He would think about how she smiled at him as he passed her and Cassie in the hall, or the way she liked him to read her at least one story before dinner each evening. He didn’t understand her need for him to be there, but he found himself showing up before he was asked and lingering in the room until Cassie had prepared dinner, even though he rarely ate with the two of them.
One of the things that startled him the most about Sasha was her blind trust. Not so much of him as of Cassie. The toddler simply expected Cassie to be there to take care of her. If she had a need, she expected it to be fulfilled. If she wanted a hug, she asked and expected to receive affection. He couldn’t imagine trusting another person so completely.
It was a curious situation, he thought as he returned his attention to his computer and buried himself in his work.
Sometime later he noticed the silence in the house and knew that Sasha was asleep. Peace reigned again. But before he could focus on his work, there was a knock at his door.
“Come in,” he called and gave Cassie a welcoming smile as she entered his office. Except for seeing her with Sasha a couple of times a day, they were rarely together. He didn’t know anything about this young woman who took care of his niece and quietly brought him food on trays so he could continue working through the day.
She moved across the floor toward him, then paused in front of his desk. “I have a couple of things I would like to talk to you about,” she said. “Is this a convenient time?”
“Sure. Have a seat.”
“Thanks.” She settled in the chair across from his.
He leaned forward. “Before you start, I want to tell you that you’re doing a terrific job with Sasha. She seems very happy these days. You’ve got her on a schedule, the house is in order. I really appreciate that.”
“You’re welcome.” Cassie tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. “To be honest, it’s easy duty. Your niece is a very happy little girl. She’s intelligent and fun to be with.” She paused and cleared her throat. “Although we talked about salary when I was first hired, we never discussed time off.”
Ryan stared at her for a couple of seconds. He opened his mouth to respond, then closed it. “You’re right,” he said at last. “I’m sorry. I should have thought of that and I don’t know why I didn’t.” He shrugged. “Evidence to the contrary, I’m not usually a slave driver when it comes to my employees. What seems fair to you?”
“I don’t need that much,” Cassie told him. “I have some time to myself when I drop her off at the preschool. They invited me to come back to work for those few hours each morning but I told them I had my hands full already. So I’m able to get any personal things done then. What about two evenings a week, and one full day every other week? Just to make it easy on you, I’ll arrange day care for the full day. You should be fine on your own in the evening. Sasha sleeps soundly through the night.”
He felt a faint whisper of panic at the thought of being left alone with his niece again. Their first few days together hadn’t gone well. But, he reminded himself, Cassie was right. Sasha slept through until morning. As long as he wouldn’t have to deal with her during waking hours, he would be all right.
“When did you want to start your nights off?” he asked.
“Tonight.”
He heard the words as she spoke them but it took a little longer for the meaning to sink in. Great, he thought grimly. He was being thrown into the fire without warning. “That will be fine,” he told her, careful to keep his voice and his expression neutral.
She continued to stay in her seat, but instead of sitting quietly, she fidgeted slightly. Obviously she had more on her mind.
“What else did you want to talk about?” he asked when it became clear she needed prompting. He could only hope it wasn’t another bombshell about leaving him alone with Sasha.
She touched her right heart-shaped earring, then laced her fingers together. She was nervous about something, he thought as warning bells went off in his head.
“It’s about Sasha,” she started.
Despite the fact that he didn’t want to hear anything negative she had to say on that topic, he told her to continue.
“She’s your niece,” Cassie continued.
“Surprisingly enough, I’m aware of that.”
She gave him a brief smile. “I know it’s hard for you to connect with her. You haven’t been around children much. Your work is very demanding. Adding to the stress in your life is the fact that you recently lost your only brother and you’ve had to temporarily relocate to a new town.”
Ryan wasn’t sure where all this was going, but he knew he wasn’t going to like it when they got there. “None of this is news to me.”
She squared her shoulders and met his gaze. “You can’t ignore Sasha forever. She’s not going away. If it’s difficult for you to deal with the loss of your family, imagine how she feels. She’s too young to understand anything except that her parents—in essence her entire known family and her whole world—are gone. She’s scared and alone and she’s barely two years old. She needs you to be around more. She needs to know she can count on you.”
Ryan wasn’t ready for a child to count on him, nor was he any great prize in the family or responsibility department, but one look at Cassie’s determined expression told him he wasn’t going to get away with saying that to her.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said at last, when it became obvious Cassie was waiting for a response. He was stuck, even if he didn’t want to be.
“I appreciate that, and I’m sure if Sasha was old enough to understand, she would appreciate hearing that, too. But right now actions are going to speak louder than words for her.” Her eyes darkened with compassion. “I know this has been terrible for you. Losing your brother and Helen, taking responsibility for Sasha. While it might make sense for you to hide out until you feel as if you’ve started to heal, it would be so much better for Sasha if you could allow yourself to need her, at least a little. She needs
you
so very much.”
He didn’t need Sasha, he thought. He hadn’t needed anyone since he was seven or eight years old. His mother hadn’t only taught him the power of hard work, she’d also taught him self-reliance. But he couldn’t tell that to Cassie; she wouldn’t understand. Besides, there was an odd knot in his stomach when he thought about his niece and he had a feeling that if he examined the sensation too closely he would find it was fueled by guilt.
Cassie was right—he couldn’t ignore Sasha forever. Even though a part of him wanted to. Even though he was the wrong person to raise her and he didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to do with her. But his only brother had entrusted him with Sasha and he couldn’t turn his back on that trust.
In truth he’d been hoping the problem would go away by itself. He wanted to remind Cassie that he’d relocated to Bradley, had moved into his brother’s house, and wasn’t that enough? Why should he have to do more?
“I see your point,” he said quietly. “What do you want me to do?”
“Nothing that scary.” She tilted her head and smiled. “Just get to know her. Pretend she’s your new neighbor. How would you meet someone like that?”
“I wouldn’t.” At her look of surprise he found himself adding, “I’m not a very social person.”
“Why would you choose to spend your life alone?”
No one had ever asked him that before, but he didn’t have any trouble with the answer. “It’s easier.”
“Not getting involved?”
He nodded. “Things are a lot more tidy when people don’t get involved.”
Her dark brown eyes seemed to be staring into his soul. “Sounds lonely.”
“Sometimes, but it’s a small price to pay for autonomy.” He drew in a breath. For some reason, Cassie’s questions made him uncomfortable. He decided to shift the conversation back to something safer. “If I wanted to get to know my neighbor, I would say ‘hi,’ strike up a conversation in the elevator, that sort of thing.”
“It’s not so different with Sasha,” Cassie told him. “You need to spend more time with her. Get to know her in her world.”
“She’s two.”
“She still has a world of her own. It’s a little different from yours but it’s not so very foreign.”
“You want me to play dolls with her?”
Cassie grinned. “I was thinking more of spending time with her at meals, maybe reading to her at bedtime, going for walks. Although if you like the idea of playing dolls, go ahead.”
“Gee, thanks.” He shifted in his seat. She made it sound so simple, but it wasn’t. At least not for him. “I’m not dismissing your advice, but I feel awkward around her. She’s so small. I’m afraid I’m going to step on her or something. Worse, I don’t understand half of what she’s saying.”
“Oh and I do?”
He stared at her. “You don’t?”
“Of course not.” Cassie leaned toward him. Her mouth curved up in a smile. “She’s doing great on her verbal skills, but she’s not ready for the debate team. Some of what she says is hard to interpret, but if you pay attention to her facial expressions and her body language, you can usually understand what she’s asking for or telling you. Sometimes, though, you’ve just got to nod and act interested even if you don’t have a clue.”
“You make it sound simple.”
“It is, Ryan. You’re a smart man and this isn’t going to be that hard for you. I’m not asking you to take over all her care.” Her smile turned impish. “After all, that would mean I would lose my great job. But you need to be with her more each day. Start slowly. That’s how everyone does it. Most parents get to begin in the baby stage, where they’re caught up in crisis management all the time and there isn’t so much communication involved. By the time their child is a toddler, they’ve grown to understand her. But I think you’re more than capable of figuring this all out.”
He gazed at her speculatively. “
I
think I’m being given a snow job.”
“Excuse me?”
“All those compliments you’re throwing my way—I think they have a purpose.”
“Is that bad?”
There was a teasing quality to her voice. Something completely feminine and intriguing. As he stared at her, taking in the thick brown hair that moved with each movement of her head, her big eyes accentuated by light makeup and her generous smile, he realized he’d never seen her before. Oh, of course he’d physically noticed her presence in his house. But he’d never noticed she was a woman.
It just went to show what bad shape he was in, he thought as he stared at the faint color on her smooth cheeks and the generous curves of her breasts. Tonight she wore a long-sleeved cream-colored dress with high heels. Heart-shaped earrings dangled from her ears. He vaguely recalled that she’d worn a dress on their first meeting and jeans ever since. He’d catalogued her presence, the sound of her voice, her competence, but he’d never
seen
her. Dear Lord, there was an attractive young woman living in his house. She’d been there an entire week and he’d just got the message.
“Who are you?” he asked without thinking. “Where are you from?”
Her smile widened. “Practicing your skills on me? The questions are a little complicated for your niece.”
Perhaps, he thought, but he wasn’t interested in Sasha’s answers. He already knew those. He wanted to know about Cassie Wright. How old was she? She’d told him, he remembered that. Twenty-three, maybe? Twenty-four? How could he not have been paying attention? Maybe it was because she was so different from all the other women in his world. Those he worked with he acknowledged as female, but only in the most superficial way. Long ago he’d found life much easier if he viewed all his colleagues the same way. The women he dated were usually smooth, sophisticated career types who wanted the same things he did and clearly understood how it was all to be played. Cassie didn’t even know there was a game in progress.
Her smiled faded. “That was all I had to talk about,” she said. “I don’t want to keep you from your work.”
She was going to leave. He stiffened as he realized he didn’t want her to. He searched his mind for some excuse to keep her sitting in place. “Where are you off to tonight?” he asked.
“Joel and I are going to a movie.”
Joel? Ah, the boyfriend. His gaze strayed to the slender band on her left hand. Joel of the diamond-lint promise ring.
“Tell me about Joel.”
“Joel is, well, Joel.” She frowned slightly as if not sure what kind of information to share. “He works long hours. You two have that in common.”
At least Joel dated, he thought grimly as he tried to remember the last time he’d been out with one of his female friends. It had been months. Lately he’d spent all his time at the office. Maybe because most of the women of his acquaintance had started to all sound the same.
“What does he do?”
“He’s the assistant manager of Bradley Discount Store.” She fingered the promise ring. “His is a very responsible position. He’s going to be manager in a couple of years, and when that happens he’ll be their youngest manager ever. He’s worked there since he was sixteen.”
“Sounds like they appreciate him,” he said, wondering why he’d thought Cassie would be dating a lawyer or a doctor.