“I can't, Rick. That is against company policy. As it is, we bend the rules with you 'helping' people with their computer glitches anyway. Anything computer related has to go through IT. If my boss, Dick, saw that you were moved, he'd immediately question me and know that it cost money, you know what I'm saying...? I'm sorry, Rick,” Tanner rejected his plea without any emotion.
Now a little angry, Rick sat staring at his boss' desk simmering for a moment before he spoke again.
“We both know who sent these complaints, and you know as well as I do that this... individual... has been a headache for a long, long time...” Rick began.
“Then don't give this
individual
ammo, Rick. You're smarter than that anyway,” Tanner succinctly argued with a perched eyebrow.
“I fucking hate people!” Rick grumbled under his breath and ran his hand over his face.
“What?!” Tanner immediately asked, his normally lazy eyes suddenly bulging in shock. Then, instantly calming back down, his boss continued, “ Don't answer that! I don't want to know. Look, this is a professional environment, Rick. I don't need to tell you that. You have to act professionally... at... all... times, period... This is only a warning, Rick, and I
understand
your situation, all right? I really do. All right?”
For the first time ever, Rick stared into Tanner's eyes and saw something more there. He realized his boss really didn't want to be having this conversation with him any more than he wanted to hear it, and whoever this person was that had sent the complaint email was as big of a headache to his boss, as she was to him. Still, Rick had a hard time controlling his boiling frustration, and all of his pent-up anger about the situation suddenly got the better of him.
“So you agree that this other person is the problem, not me, but you are unwilling to do anything about it? Is that what you're telling me?” Rick hissed back, but regretted his words instantly.
As Tanner stared at him with his cold, lazy eyes, Rick knew he had gone a bit too far. The fact of the matter was though, he was sick and tired of all this play nice bullshit in these corporate settings where everyone danced around the real issues just because they didn't want fucking problems with HR. Sitting there staring at his boss, he honestly felt like he was going to pull his hair out. It was always the plotters and the complainers that won out and made everyone else's life hell. The little, innocent guy that just wanted to go to work, not be bothered, and just do his stinking job always got the shit end of the stick. The thought then suddenly flashed through his mind that he wanted to find a job that he could just work from home at, so he wouldn't have to deal with all these people and their petty problems and daily bullshit.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a wonderful thought dawned on Rick and a long smile stretched across his face. The fact was, Rick really didn't even need to work this stinking job at all anymore. He could go home to Jizzy that night and have her wish him the next lotto winner, and he could say goodbye to all the Cathy's in his office forever. How fucking awesome would that be!? To be free of all these sacks of shit that made his, and everyone else's, life a living hell from day-to-day. He'd honestly give his left nut for that! The thought sounded almost too good to be true. Not only that, but he'd even get the last laugh over these pests. He'd get to be the lucky sap all those little complainers envied because he won the big lotto. It would be justice rightly served for one time in the world. Just the thought of winning the lotto and then quitting nearly gave him another erection, and Rick nodded his head several times before instantly correcting his course with his boss.
“Sorry, Tanner, sorry! That was out of line. You're trying to help me out here. I see that now. I get it! I will keep it professional from now on and be more... aware of my environment.”
His eyebrows suddenly lifting in surprise, Tanner managed what, for him, was a smile but really was little more than the very corners of his lips barely trending upwards.
“Good. Now that we've got that out of the way, I need you to head over to Nancy. She has a person on her team having trouble with her computer. For some reason, it is not accessing the client database correctly... or something? I don't know the details, but you're good at figuring these kinds of things out. If you can't fix it, you know the drill, send a request through me for IT, and we'll get them on it ASAP. Talk to Nancy though...”
As Tanner gave him his marching orders for the morning, Rick nodded his head with an eager smile on his face. He wasn't happy to be helping Tanner or Nancy, he just couldn't help but smile imagining himself winning the lotto and walking out of that fucking office for the last time. It not only would be fucking glorious, but Rick decided it will in fact happen and, like a snake, he'd shed this shitty skin of a job once and for all.
However, Rick had one play left for that day, a big play, and as he stood up in his boss' cube to leave, he stared across the floor at the back of Candace's head several rows over. He had constructed this ingenious plan on his way to work that morning on the train. He knew he needed a way to get Candace alone, and he knew just the way and the time to do just that. Every day after lunch, almost like clockwork, the pretty brunette, about a forty-five minutes or so after lunch, always walked past his row of cubicles to use the restroom in the far corner of the building. She not only did this religiously every single day, but even better, the restroom she used was a smaller restroom which only had three or four stalls in it, and it was situated in a weird corner of the building the other employees didn't frequent. Reflecting on his brilliant master plan, Rick walked back to his desk to IM Nancy. As he took his seat and unlocked his computer, Cathy's broad face appeared over him once again on his left.
“I hope you didn't get in trouble for being late,” she whispered, and Rick honestly just wanted to stand up and punch her in her fat face.
“No,” he honestly answered her. “Tanner needs me to help someone on Nancy's team who is having problems with her computer.”
“Oh, you're always good with that,” Cathy quietly encouraged. “Oh, by the way, that hot sauce is great! I had just a tad bit of it with my sandwich, just to try it out.”
“Help yourself to as much as you'd like,” Rick dismissively told her as he typed a message to Nancy on the instant messenger.
While the hot sauce revenge clearly wasn't going to work now, Rick realized he still had to do something to get back at her before he won the lotto and blew out of there. Suddenly thinking of his neighbor's little fluffy dogs, Rick wondered if he went down to the dog park and picked up a little, brown treat off the ground, and then stuck it into one of her hoagies sandwiches when she wasn't looking...?
The next second and as he was waiting for a response from Nancy on his IM, Rick heard what sounded like a suppressed trumpet being blown under mountains of pillows for just a split second from his left, and he knew exactly what that sound was and where it originated from. On cue, Cathy suddenly dropped down into her cubicle like a World War Two submarine abruptly diving below the oceans waves to avoid Nazi warplanes, and the next second, he saw only her plump fingers rise up from her cube and light the scented candle between their two cubicles. He knew that the horrendous odor of her smothered fart was likely only seconds away from invading his clear airspace and grossing him completely out.
Far worse than that though, Rick started imagining the passage of her fart through her congested colon packed with mounds of shit, and he could imagine it squeezing between the remains of many foot-long hoagie sandwiches and then blowing out between her two massive asscheeks, which acted to suppress the concussive blast like a silencer on a gun. Seeing her massive, pitted ass in his mind, Rick cringed and wondered to himself just how on Earth she could honestly wipe her own ass after shitting at all because she was so fat. This line of thought immediately led him down an even darker road though, as he imagine the fart pass through the unwiped slimy residue around her butthole, which would then make it pick up traces of her shit as it thundered past. Holding his breath, Rick shook his head and was happy the next second when he saw Nancy respond on his IM, telling him that she was free and to head over to her cube at his earliest convenience.
Escaping from the poisonous gas cloud, which he imagined enveloping the area around his cubicle like blinding mustard gas, Rick departed to help the person on Nancy's team and then lost himself for the next couple hours in trying to play catch-up on his titanic workload. Rick had half-a-dozen calls from his clients to get back to and the emails just kept pouring in nonstop all day long. For the next few hours of the day, the titan in his pants slumbered as his thoughts were all about accomplishing his work-related tasks as quickly as possible, so that he wouldn't be backlogged for the next day. Even though he planned to have Jizzy wish him the next lotto winner that night, Rick still felt a firm sense of responsibility, and he wanted his exit from the company to happen the right way.
After getting some food delivered from the deli, Rick even stayed at his desk during lunch and continued to work away on his emails in-between shoving handfuls of food into his mouth. With it being lunch, his mind wandered repeatedly to beautiful Candace, and he stood up at one point and innocently scanned the floor area. Seeing her seat empty, Rick was giddy with excitement and eager to try out the new wish Jizzy had bestowed upon him before he had left his condo that morning. The images in his mind of him sinking his fat meat-pole deep into her luscious, hot body made him so eager, he felt like a teenage boy looking at his first porno magazine all over again.
A short time later and almost right on schedule at one forty-five, saucy Candace, her hips swaying from side-to-side and her blouse shifting with her weighty boobs, strode right in front of his row of cubicles on her way to the remote restroom. Seeing her long, flowing hair trailing behind her as she floated over the floor in his thoughts, Rick felt the greedy eye open up on the cyclops in his pants again, and he instinctively sensed it was time for some action.
This is what Rick had been plotting and waiting for all day long, and he wasted no time and immediately launched into action. Locking his computer, Rick shot up in his cubicle, and he stepped out of it in hot pursuit of the foxy brunette. If he could pull this off, this would be the fuck of the ages! While it wouldn't necessarily be a story to tell the grandchildren someday, it would definitely go down well at the strip club. But then, just as he started down the aisle after her, something unexpected happened, and he mentally felt a monkey wrench come flying in his direction.
“Oh, Rick! Do you have a minute?” came Ginger's voice from the cubicle right in front of his, just as he was breezing by it.
Cringing, Rick came to an abrupt halt, and he immediately changed his expression and smiled.
“What's up, Ginger?” he happily greeted, swinging around on his heel.
“I don't know what's going on here, but my computer is acting funny. I can't seem to enter the client's database. It only lets me in so far, but I cannot get into the client notes section for some reason. Can you check it out, pretty please?” Ginger asked with a begging expression.
Admittedly, Ginger was one of his favorite people in the office, and as such, he never turned down a request from her. Plus, unlike so many of the other people he worked with, she only bothered him when she had exhausted all her know-how first. On top of all that, it sounded like her problem was the exact same problem he had fixed a few hours before with the person on Nancy's team, and he knew there was an easy fix for the glitch that would only take a second.
“Sure!” Rick happily obliged, and he immediately stepped into her tiny cubicle beside her.
Crouching down and taking her mouse in hand, Rick quickly clicked through the screens, until he found the settings screen he was looking for. Rick knew the way the company password configuration was structured, and he knew every three months it essentially reset and forced the user to create a new password for security reasons. During this last cycle of resets though, the system reconfigured some of the settings for the user's profile for some odd reason, which limited their access to certain screens. The fix was pretty simple if you knew the problem, but many people in the department didn't know the problem or really care about it anyway. For most of his fellow employees, any way they could justifiably get out of work for a few minutes was always something they jumped at.
After waiting for the screen to finally switch over, Rick quickly changed the setting, and then he waited for the screen to refresh and the new settings to then take over.