Dreams of a Virgin (11 page)

“Yes, I’m alone.”

“Okay. Now, for part two of the drop-off.
There should be a bag beside you, is there?”

“Yes, but...”

“Okay. Now, take the money and put it in the
bag.”

“Not until I hear from Angelica.”

Nathan signaled me to bring her over. Still
holding the knife, I told her not to mention what I did to her or
else.

“Daddy,” in a weak voice.

“Are you okay, my little angel?”

“I’m fine, daddy.”

“Okay. Satisfied? Now put the money in the
bag.”

I took her back to the chair. “Good work.”
Judging by the look in her eyes, I could tell she wouldn’t have
told anyway.

“Okay. It’s in the bag.”

“Now, take the bag about ten miles south, to
an old abandoned mine. Be there in a half hour. Otherwise, you’ll
never see your precious little angel again.” CLICK!

A half hour later, we pulled up to the mine.
There was a Lincoln Continental waiting with a very angry Mr.
Vanderich outside.

“Here’s your money. Where’s Angelica?”

“She’s right here. Leave the money in the
mine. When we get the money, you’ll get Angelica.”

He put the bag in the cave. Nathan went to
get the money. I gazed into her deep, dark eyes one last time.

“Okay. You got your money. Now, give me my
daughter!”

I let go. She was free to run off, but, for
some reason, she didn’t move.

“Go on. You’re free to go.”

“No. I want to stay with you.”

“But why? What about your father?”

“My life is boring. Every day the same thing.
Get up. Go to school. Come home from school. Ballet lessons. Or
piano lessons. Or some other kind of lesson. I don’t have any fun.
My parents expect me to take over for them when they pass on. I
just want to have fun.”

“What about your friends?”

“What friends? I don’t have time for friends.
Besides, being the daughter of one of the richest men in the United
States is not as glamorous as you would think. I just want to be
normal. And God forbid I be introduced to boys. Why do you think I
was sent to an all-girls school? You’re the best thing that’s
happened to me.”

“Angelica!” from her father.

“Seriously?”

“Yes. No one’s ever shown me affection like
that before. I like it. I want to do things spontaneously. I want
to see the world. I want to do it with you.”

“But what about Nathan?”

She hugged me and whispered in my ear, “I’m
sure you can take care of Nathan.” He was history.

“Angelica! Get over here NOW!”

“No!”

“Angelica! Don’t make me tell you again.”

“Daddy, I’m not going home. I want to stay
with Jeff.”

“Angelica! NOW!”

“You heard her. She doesn’t want to go with
you.”

“You keep out of this, punk. This is between
me and my daughter.”

“Daddy, you try to run my life. You tell me
to do this, do that. I’m only eighteen. I just want to have fun.
Jeff lets me do that.”

“Yes, you’re only eighteen, and you don’t
know what you’re doing.”

“Yes, I do. You never listen to what I have
to say. You always tell me and assume that I’ll like it. Well, I
hate ballet. I hate the piano. And I hate YOU. C’mon, Jeff, let’s
go.” She put her arm around me and the three of us headed for the
van, twenty million dollars richer.

“Angelica! ANGELICA!”

We drove off into the sunset. Nathan looked
over at me.

“What did you do to her to make her tell her
father off?”

“Nothing. It was all her idea. By the way,
could you pull over? My teeth are floating.”

We pulled over. I headed to a nearby cactus
and, very carefully, relieved myself. Noticing a large rock beside
it, and remembering what Angel, as I’d come to call her now, told
me, I picked it up and concealed it.

As I got into the van, Nathan checked the
mirror for oncoming traffic. Seizing the moment, I hit Nathan in
the back of the head with the rock, rendering him unconscious. I
dumped his limp body out of the van and drove off, to lead my new
life with Miss Angel Vanderich.

Every now and again, stress gets the better of Jeff.
So, he retreats to a world of innocence to calm down, the world of
fairy tales. Well, maybe not so innocent.

I was walking through the woods when I felt
the call of nature. I was scared to go in the woods. Luckily, I
found a cottage.

After I relieved myself, I was about to leave
when I saw the doorknob turn. I hid. In walked two bears, a dad and
his son.

They were settling in after a long walk. All
of a sudden, out walked a woman with long, blond hair, soaking wet.
Apparently, she was taking a shower and, assuming no one was home,
came out to get dressed wearing only a smile.

Seeing this brought me out of hiding. My jaw
dropped. The father bear’s jaw dropped. The little bear’s jaw
dropped.

Turned out this was Goldilocks. She could see
how excited we were just by looking down. This put a smile on her
face.

She felt the knob on the father bear. “This
one’s too hard.” She felt the knob on the little bear. “This one’s
too soft.” She felt my knob. “This one’s just right.”

She led me to the bedroom. After trying out
the beds, she found the one that was just right. She laid me down
on the bed and straddled me. As she placed me inside her, she
started bouncing up and down. I said to her, “That’s too rough.”
She just sat there and wiggled. “That’s not rough enough.” She
started thrusting. “That’s just right.”

The next day, again, I was walking through
the woods. I started to feel fatigued and needed to take a nap. I
didn’t want to sleep on the ground. I had already passed the
cottage and didn’t want to backtrack. Fortunately, I found another
house in the woods.

I had just gotten comfortable in the bed with
a bed cap on my head when I heard a knock on the door. In walked a
young woman carrying a basket and wearing a red hood.

“Hi, Granny. I brought you a basket of
goodies.”

Trying to sound like an elderly woman, I
said, “Just set it on the bed.”

“Why Granny, what a big nose you have.”

“The better to smell that wondrous odor you
have.”

“And Granny, what big eyes you have.”

“The better to see just how beautiful you
are.”

She set the basket on my lap. “And Granny,
what a big bulge you have between your legs.”

I sat up in the bed and ripped off the
nightcap. “The better to screw you with!”

When she saw I was a man, she got a smile on
her face. “Wow! I hope Granny won’t mind if we use some of her
goodies.”

The basket was filled with various oils and
lotions, as well as toys. Red started to take her clothes off,
leaving only her red hood on.

“Why Red, what nice, firm breasts you
have.”

“The better for you to grab hold of.” She
placed my hands on them.

“And Red, what soft, pouty lips you
have.”

“The better to kiss you with.” She kissed me
softly on the lips, then started heading south. While doing this,
she grabbed onto my big, bad self.

“And Red, what a strong grip you have.”

“The better to get you off with.” Now that
grip started making my big, bad self even bigger and badder. Once
it was at maximum size, she rubbed some of the oil on it and placed
it into her mouth. Bobbing her head around, I could feel her tongue
licking up the oil and her teeth gently rubbing against it. After a
while, I released a lotion into her.

Right in the middle of this, Granny walked
in. At first, I was embarrassed. Then, Granny said she wanted to
get involved. Embarrassment turned to repulsion. I leapt out of
bed, quickly got dressed, and ran out.

The next day, yet again, I went for a walk in
the woods. A half hour in the walk, I passed by these seven little
men. I thought nothing of it. A short time later, I passed by a
house. That’s when I heard an angelic singing voice. I looked in
and saw a snow white lady cleaning the house. I knocked on her
door.

I could tell she was pleased to see me when
she grabbed me and yanked me inside.

“Finally. A real man. You don’t know what
it’s like living with a bunch of little people. They’re all so
tiny. I can barely feel them inside me.”

She took off her dress. “I want to feel
you
inside me.”

As I entered her cave, I started digging. As
I dug, I could hear her sing “Heigh ho!” As I continued to dig, her
voice went from alto to soprano. The mirror may have said she was
the fairest of all, but she could be a nasty girl when she wanted
to be. She looked snow white on the outside, but there was a dark
side to her.

As I left, she gave me a new name:
Stiffy.

I’d tried three different parts of the
forest. The next day, I tried the one part I hadn’t.

I came across a line of men waiting. I
decided to see what they were waiting for. After an hour, I saw the
most beautiful woman I had ever seen asleep on a slab.

The men were kissing her, trying to wake her
up. With every kiss, she remained asleep.

Finally, it was my turn, and I didn’t want
sloppy seconds. Or sloppy sixty-seconds.

I pulled down her panties and dropped my
drawers. I inserted my key to try and unlock this treasure. After a
few minutes, I noticed movement in her. Another few minutes later,
I heard a scream. Looks like I’d unlocked the treasure.

“My prince. I am grateful for you waking me
from my slumber. I am at your beck and call.”

Now, I was hardly a prince, but who was I to
turn down such an offer?

And I lived happily ever after.

What would happen if you suddenly came into a lot of
money? How would people around you react? How would you react to
them?

I was your typical hard-working person,
working a typical nine-to-five job. I worked just to make ends
meet. Like your normal person, I tried that get-rich-quick scheme
every now and again. You guessed it: the lottery.

Once a week at the gas station, I purchased
two dollars in Powerball tickets. I played the same two sets of
numbers every week. 10-13-14-23-34-36 and 3-9-12-13-23-37. Thirteen
was my lucky number. I played them every week, despite the fact
that I’d never matched more than two at a time.

Until this week. I patiently watched TV like
I did every Saturday at 7:30. I waited to see if I had won the
jackpot, now at $130 million. They drew the numbers. Thirty-seven.
The year my father was born. Twelve. Three. The month and day he
was born. That was three.

Twenty-three. Nine. The day and month my
father passed away on. I jumped out of my seat. That was five.

I dropped to my knees and started praying.
“Please. Let that last number be thirteen. Please. Please. Please.”
They drew the number. Thirteen! I jumped so high that I almost hit
my head on the ceiling. I shouted like I’d never shouted before. I
won $130 million. Or just a part of it. Depends if anyone else hit
those six numbers.

The next day, I was waiting outside the state
lottery office, winning ticket in hand. I looked around. No one in
sight. The doors opened. The only people here were me and the
employees. They made me sign a ton of paperwork, claiming the
ticket, taking taxes out, the whole ball of wax.

I walked outside. Press everywhere. Flashes
going off left and right. Microphones shoved in my face. A barrage
of questions. I pushed my way to my car and drove off.

Outside my house, even more press. I forced
my way through the crowd and into my house. My answering machine
had about a hundred messages. Some from reporters wanting
interviews. Some from long-lost relatives who just happened to turn
up, asking for a hand-out. Some from women wanting to meet me. I
ignored the first two and jotted down the ladies’ numbers.

The calls continued all day long. It got to
the point that I turned off the ringer on my phone. When they
couldn’t call, they came to the door. Finally, I’d had enough. I
decided to call a press conference to answer all questions.

“Thank you all for coming. First of all, I
appreciate all the attention I’ve received in the last 24 hours.
No, I don’t know how I’m going to spend my earnings yet. To all my
‘long-lost relatives’, forget a hand-out. Yes, I do plan to quit my
job, but I will not sit on my butt all day long. I plan to be
active.

“And finally, I have gotten many calls and
letters from many single women. Yes, I am single and looking. So,
to remedy both situations, I propose the following. Saturday, at my
house, I will interview all single women that show up. From those,
I will choose a select few. From those, I will select just one.
Just so you know, sucking up doesn’t work. Looks aren’t everything.
I want to meet people who are interested in me, not my money. Thank
you.”

I thought up five questions to ask each lady.
I knew what kind of turnout I was going to get. I braced for
it.

I woke up at eight o’clock Saturday morning.
I looked out the window. There was a line already formed and
wrapping around the corner. I dressed in my best suit. I set up my
sign-in sheet. I opened the door.

“Ladies, please. If you would, please sign in
before the interview. Just leave your name and phone number, and I
will be with you momentarily.”

I proceeded to the dining room. I had a table
and two chairs set up. As each woman entered, I asked each the same
five questions.

“Question one: What kind of things do you
like to do?”

“Question two: What brings you here
today?”

“Question three: What would we do on our
first date?”

“Question four: What do you look for in a
man?”

“Question five: If I was to give away all my
money, would you still be interested in me? And be honest.”