Dreams of a Virgin (15 page)

Little did I know that the joke was on them.
You see, my pencil was not your standard No. 2 pencil. When the
ladies saw my larger than normal pencil, they were impressed. Word
spread quickly.

I spent most of the next day locked in the
cabin. I couldn’t face anyone after that.

The dance was mandatory. I didn’t want to go.
I did everything I could to get out of it, but they made me go.

When I walked in, all of the guys were
laughing and pointing at me, but not the girls. They were just
looking at me.

They lined up to dance with me once the music
started. Me, someone who had never danced in his life. Me, who was
the outcast of the class. I was confused.

I didn’t say no. One by one, I danced with
them. They fought over the slow dances. A few of them who did not
witness the incident grabbed my package to see if the rumors were
true. They left with smiles on their faces when they discovered it
was.

After dancing a while, I needed a breather. I
went to get some punch.

I was pulled away by Kallie. I think she knew
I was going to ask her to the dance when I was pantsed. She led me
away from the dance and into the woods.

“Okay, Jeff. Now that we’re alone, it’s time
for a private lesson in Sex Ed 101.”

I could tell she meant business. She was
wearing her sexy teacher glasses. She laid me on the ground.

“First, we have to take these off.” She
started to unbutton my pants. Naturally, I was hesitant. “Don’t
worry. It’s not like I haven’t seen it before.”

“Wait a minute. Why me? Out of all the guys
in there, why me?”

“Well, this week, they taught us about
nature. And those other guys, they just have garter snakes in their
pants. But not you. You’ve got the anaconda, and that’s what I
want.”

She took off her shirt. “First, we need to
wake him up.” She started petting the anaconda, then stroking him.
I didn’t need this to get excited. Seeing Kallie in her bra was
enough. As a nerd, I was good at taking notes, and I paid lots of
attention to the teacher. Shortly after she started, it had doubled
in size.

She took off her shorts. “Now, we need to
cover him up. Sorry, big fella.” She took out a condom from her
pocket and rolled it over my snake.

She then took everything else off. “And leave
all the rest to me.” She took the latex-covered anaconda and slid
it into her cave.

Do you remember as a kid that hippity hop,
the ball with a handle that you would bounce on? Well, that was me
because she just kept bouncing up and down on me.

Minutes later, she gave me an A on my
homework. She told me that we needed to have more lessons once we
got home. That way, she could teach me more advanced classes.

After that, once I got that smile off my
face, I realized why all the girls were looking at me different,
why they were grabbing my crotch at the dance.

I also realized why the bullies were picking
on me. Now, I knew how to stop them.

The next day, I had breakfast with Kallie. On
cue, the bullies came trying to take my lunch. This time, I didn’t
give in to them.

They crossed the line. They called Kallie a
slut for being with me. I stood up and stared them down. I wanted
to hit them so bad, but refused to stoop to their level.

One of them tried to shove me. I knew I had
to defend myself. I grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back.
I shoved him into the wall. Another took a swing at me. I ducked
and kicked him between the legs.

As most bullies did, when they saw they had
lost their advantage, they ran away. Kallie jumped to my side.

Things were gonna change around here. No more
timid little Jeff. I was the man around here now.

And I was Kallie’s man. I was looking forward
to those long, late night cram sessions. Just hope I can pass her
final exam.

There is that one gift that everyone wants for
Christmas every year. For Jeff, it’s the gift you can only give
once or receive once.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and, once
again, I was alone. Just like every other Christmas.

I had no family to visit, and no gifts to
unwrap. There wasn’t even any snow. Just another day for me. I
still put up the tree as I always did, even though no one ever saw
it.

Just the same, I asked Santa for the same
thing every year. I asked him to bring me someone that I could
share the holiday with, that I could share the rest of my life
with.

I asked him for this every year. And every
year, it fell on deaf ears. So why should this year be any
different?

I decided to go to bed early. No one invited
me to parties. I had no reason to stay up.

Later that night, I thought I’d heard some
rustling in my living room. This was a good neighborhood I lived
in, so I thought nothing of it.

Little did I know that Santa was paying me a
special visit. He touched his nose and blinked his eyes. When he
did, a special surprise was left under my tree and a little
something in my stocking as well.

I woke up on Christmas morning. As I walked
to the kitchen, I heard giggling from the living room. I dismissed
it. No one else was here but me. I heard it again. I had to see the
source of this giggling.

When I walked in, under the tree, I saw the
most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Long blond hair. Eyes the
color of the sky. More curves than a racetrack. At least what I
could gather. She had bows covering her breasts and her down-there
region. In short, anything better and God would have kept it for
Himself.

She saw me and stood up. She started walking
towards me. All I could see was slow motion, like watching
Baywatch
.

She placed her arms around me, and whispered
in my ear, “Merry Christmas, Jeff. Santa left me just for you.”

“And what might your name be?”

“Noelle.” How fitting for a Christmas gift.
“Well, aren’t you going to open your present?” She handed me the
end of the bow covering her breasts.

I gave it a slight tug, and it just fell off.
My eyes started to water. I tugged on the end of the bow down
below. Clean shaven. Not a single hair down there. My emotions got
the best of me. I wept like a little baby.

She held me in her arms, as a mother would to
comfort a child. She kissed me on the cheek. After a few minutes, I
was calmed down.

“Now, don’t you want to play with your new
toy?”

A few minutes ago, I was crying my eyes out.
Once she said that, I had a smile a mile wide. I took off my
clothes so fast that I think I set a world record.

I felt every inch of her perfect body, from
her hair to the soles of her feet. I had to make sure this wasn’t a
dream. Nope. This was as real as it gets.

She knelt down and took a long lick on my
peppermint stick. I knew then that she was going to deck my halls
and jingle my bells.

I scooped her into my arms and carried her to
the bedroom. I gently set her down on the bed. She grabbed my arm
and yanked me down on top of her. She kissed me long. She kissed me
hard. She kissed me like I had never been kissed before. The kind
that makes your toes curl. The kind you wait your entire life
for.

She got on top of me. She placed my stick
inside her stocking. She acted as if I were a sled and she was
trying to start down a steep snow-covered hill. Pushing back and
forth, over and over. Once she got me going, what a ride!

After I recovered from the ride, I got up and
went to my stocking. I saw that Santa had left me a bunch of
goodies. Little blue pills. Handcuffs. A wad of cash. And a
note.

“Jeff. Sorry it took so long to get this gift
to you, but I was just waiting for the perfect timing. I’ve left a
few things to help you along the way. The cash is to treat Noelle
to the best of things and for clothes.

“Every good boy deserves a naughty girl once
in their life. And Noelle is as naughty as they come, if you know
what I mean. Enjoy. Merry Christmas.”

I heard her calling from the bedroom. “Jeff.
I’m lonely in here.”

Well, Merry Christmas to all. Now get out. I
gotta play with my toy some more. Don’t think I’m gonna get tired
of this anytime soon.

Vacation. A time to relax. A time to have fun. A time
to do what you wouldn’t normally do. Let’s see what Jeff’s ideal
vacation would be. Or is it?

It was my second night on vacation at the
beach. I decided to stay in my first night, due to a long flight
and unpacking. I laid out in the sun soaking up some rays today. I
saw some of the sights. One stuck out in particular.

Her name was Diana, a beautiful blond-haired,
blue-eyed vision. I was lying on the beach, gazing at the sun.
Suddenly, a shadow was cast over me. I looked over and saw her.

“Excuse me, could you please rub some lotion
on my back?”

She didn’t have to ask me twice. She set her
towel on the sand. She lay on her stomach and untied her top. I
squirted the lotion down her back. She shook from the chill. In
slow circles, I gently rubbed her back.

We lay next to each other and got to know one
another. She was a senior in college. We had a lot in common. This
almost seemed too perfect, like written for a script.

I wanted to see her again. I asked her to go
dancing with me. She said yes. For the next few hours, I was
thinking of what to do and where to go.

She came back wearing a sky blue mini-dress,
to match her eyes. We grabbed a bite to eat, then danced the night
away. The way things were going, I knew before it was over, I was
going to enjoy this vacation a lot more.

We went for a nice moonlit walk by the ocean,
hand in hand. I could tell she was feeling a little adventurous.
She pulled me down in the sand and fell on top of me. We started
kissing and touching and feeling all over.

She unzipped my shorts. Telling me that she
had no underwear on, we flipped over so I was on top. My tree trunk
entered her shrub. After a while, the sap started flowing. After
she had tapped me dry, I pulled out. We just lay there. Finally, we
got chased out when high tide rolled in.

The next day, I was like, “If I see her
again, that’s okay. But I’m not going to stop looking for another.”
Nothing against Diana, but I knew that I would never see her again
after this week.

I decided to get a Henna tattoo that day. I
was too scared to get a real one. Besides, what if I didn’t like it
on me? If it was a real one, I was stuck with it.

That was when I met Janet. She was getting
one too, a butterfly. Me, I was getting a barb wire wrapped around
my right arm. We started talking while they were painting us. I
could tell she was being flirtatious.

I invited her back to my place to talk some
more. We had a few beers. I found out that the more she drank, the
sluttier she got.

She started to strip for me. I matched her
step for step, shirt for shirt. Having taken everything off, she
got on all fours. I got doggy style too, hammering my nail in her
poop chute. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Flesh banged against flesh.

That was when Diana walked in. Immediately, I
could tell she was upset.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Diana, I can explain this.”

“Jeff, who is this bitch?”

“Bitch? Who you calling a bitch, bitch?”

I pulled out. Actually, she pulled out
lunging after Diana. They started pulling each other’s hair. Slaps
flew everywhere. I sat back and watched this cat fight. Two women
fighting over me. This was turning me on.

“Wait a minute. Why are we fighting? Over
this dick?”

“You know, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

Janet got dressed and both left. Oh well. I
wanted to get rid of Diana anyway, and I would have done the same
to Janet. This saved me the trouble.

Later that week, I was dancing at a club,
minding my own business. That was when this tall drink of water
approached me.

“Hey, big boy. Care to buy me a drink?”

She had a deep, seductive voice. I accepted.
We danced a little bit. I found out her name was Dawn. We stayed
until closing time. She invited me to her room.

When we got there, she dimmed the lights to
set the mood. We held each other. She kissed my cheek. I reached
under her dress. That was when I made a shocking discovery.

I felt a twig and berries. I realized that it
wasn’t D-A-W-N, but D-O-N. This
she
was a
he
.

I woke up screaming and in a cold sweat.

Sometimes it takes a single event to see just how
much we are worth. Or how far we will go to achieve that one
special moment.

Tonight, our alumni group was sponsoring a
charity auction. One of the features was auctioning off dates. They
had single men and women volunteer to be auctioned off for one
night.

Since I was single and couldn’t find any
other way to get a date, I volunteered. We had about twenty men and
twenty women on the block

In an unchivalrous move, the men went first.
I was about a third of the way in. As soon as I went out there, I
could tell this was a bad idea. The looks they gave me told me the
bidding would be low.

“Alright, let’s start the bidding at twenty
dollars.” He started all bids at twenty dollars. No takers.

“Okay. How about ten?” Nothing.

“Five?” Not the faintest of interest.

“C’mon. This is for charity. Okay. One
dollar.” Still nothing.

The emcee looked at me. “Sorry, pal. You’re
off the block.”

I knew I wasn’t attractive, but not even a
dollar? At the same time, I felt hurt and vengeful. Every other man
that went up there was bought, some as high as three figures.