Dreams of the Forgotten (17 page)

Crap. How to approach this? "Why did you believe you needed the knife?"
He ducked his head and for the first time his eyes glistened with tears. "I saw him kill a man," he said in a low whisper.
"When?" I asked in alarm.
"Before, in Georgia." The boy refused to look at me.
"Do you know who?" I glanced over to Ushna to make sure he heard.
Justus shrugged his shoulders. "A man. Dad said to be a warrior I'd have to follow his orders and punish people for him." Tears started to fall. "I didn't want to watch but he made me. He said if I told, he'd hurt Father and it'd be my fault." Justus gazed at me with such anguish in his young eyes. "I didn't tell anybody and Father still died. I
swear
I didn't tell."
Justus cried in my arms, grieving for his father, mourning the betrayal of the man he called dad. I rocked him gently in my arms and swore to him that his father's death wasn't his fault. Silently, I vowed vengeance for the pups. Daniel would pay blood price for everything he'd done.
Nathan had set Dawn's arm and placed it in a cast after Gregori healed the break. Her arm would be weak but she'd only need the plaster mold for about a week. Neoma had a sore scalp and bruised ribs, but thankfully nothing had been broken. She and Justus compared bruises and refused healing. I figured it wouldn't take long for the novelty to wear off before they'd reconsider.
After seeing to the children's injuries, I tucked them in for a much needed nap. I thought over my earlier conversation with Nathan. Over the last couple of weeks the heartbeat for one of the twins had developed an arrhythmia. Nathan also thought he detected a mass. No, he didn't come out and say tumor, but he might as well have. It was the only explanation there was. Nathan worried about the strain of stress on me and a day like this didn't help.
A part of me refused to believe anything was wrong because of my connection with the Earth and her gentle healing. If I had a tumor, wouldn't she detect it and heal it, or make me aware of it? Ashur told me he didn't detect anything wrong but promised to consult with Ki when she resurfaced.
Then the other part of me saw the sonogram pictures and I was unable to deny what we were seeing. The events of the day had Nathan spinning out of orbit. I loved my brother but he needed to back off. There had been so much guessing through the pregnancy, the anomaly only added another layer of stress.
I mulled over the latest test results as I put the children in bed, preparing to keep watch when Randy peeked into the room.
Quietly, I closed the door behind me. "Were you able to catch him?"
Randy's dark eyes flared. "No, the scent was nearly nonexistent and he left little in the way of tracks. I'll find him and kill him for what he's done." He didn't know the half of it.
I relayed to Randy what Justus revealed earlier about Daniel's activities. I'm a hothead and I thought my wrath was impressive but mess with a Twin Flame, Randy's Twin Flame, and mercy wasn't a word he would exercise when he caught up to the fugitive.
Marjan came by to check on the children and insisted I lay down. I had planned on staying with the pups for a while but Randy grunted and took up sentry duty in the corner chair. Knowing I couldn't ask for a better guardian, I made my way to my own bed for some much needed downtime. I didn't take off my clothes as I curled under the blankets and was immediately pulled under by my exhaustion.

Warm arms surrounded me and stroked my chest. I followed their progress as they slowed, then eventually stopped as the breathing of my bed partner evened out with sleep. I waited until I was sure I wouldn't wake Angelo and carefully maneuvered out of the bed and snagged some pants as I left the house. It was already early morning and the day was well on its way to being hot. I heard the waves of the ocean and let my feet carry me to the one spot where I thought I'd found happiness.

The cliff was the perfect spot to overlook the turquoise sea. It was beautiful. This was where I'd been standing when my Twin Flame, Arsenios had approached me for the first time. I wondered if I'd always feel this stabbing pain when I thought of him and his betrayal. I had so much hope back then. I'd thought once I was claimed by my Flame what I felt for Nikita and Angelo would turn into something brotherly.

I had thrown myself into the relationship with Arsenios, but very quickly it became apparent there was something wrong. Not only did my love for Angelo and Nikita remain strong and unchanged, I continued to yearn for them. It was as if I was split into two completely different individuals. There was part of me who was faithful to my Flame, giving him everything I was able, and an equal part that felt incomplete without Angelo and Nikita. The tug in opposite directions drove me crazy and I avoided friends. I should've been happy, content with my Bashert.

The problem wasn't only with me, though, because Arsenios wasn't happy either. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn't enough. Then the priestess from the temple took an interest in him. Gods, how naive I'd been. My Flame made his choice and it wasn't me. I thought his rejection would crush me.

The Gods had been wrong. Flames could leave. They could choose someone else, and sleep with another even while they were tied to their Flame. The bond didn't guarantee anything. The two people in the relationship were the ones who decided what would happen. If the Gods had been wrong about that, what else did the priests teach that was skewed?

I had reevaluated what I believed. I'd fought my love for Nikita and Angelo because I was taught it was wrong, told there could only be two in a bond. The fact was there was always a choice. I had a decision to make but first I must make peace with the past and leave it behind me.

Nikita was correct. He'd always known and I was excited for the first time in a long time. I couldn't wait to tell Nikita and Angelo that I chose them. I not only loved them, but I wanted to bond with them. It felt right.

I turned from the cliff's edge to go home, only to discover Arsenios standing not two feet from me. I'd been so lost in thought I hadn't heard him or felt him approach. My smile faltered as he gave me a lecherous grin.

"What are you doing, Seth? Are you sad?" His words were soft and mocking. His gaze stripped me and made me wish I'd put more clothes on before leaving the house.

"What do you want?" My voice was flat and cold. I was tired of playing his games.
Arsenios smiled slowly, running his tongue over the top of his teeth as his gaze took in my bare chest. "I came to see you. I'm not heartless, regardless what Nikita and Angelo are spreading around the village. I made a choice that would help my family's standing in the community. Having a poor fisherman for a Flame doesn't help me."
"As you can see, I'm in good health. Now go back to your city and leave me alone." I attempted to walk by Arsenios but he grabbed my arms.
"I'm not ready to leave yet." He bent down and sniffed at my neck, his tongue licked a path up my throat to my ear.
I wrenched away angrily. "You don't get to touch me like that ever again!"
He frowned at me. "I'm your Twin Flame. I can touch you however I want."
"No, you can't! I'm not yours any longer!"
"Like hell I can't," he snarled.
Furious, my shove barely moved him. He regarded me with shock that bled over to rage. He grappled with me and I dodged his hands.
"I said no, Arsenios!" I yelled shoving at him.
"You don't get a say!" He bellowed, pushing me hard in the chest.
I lost my footing, arms flailing but found nothing to grab on to. The anger left Arsenios's eyes as I toppled backward into the open air. Over his shoulder, I saw the horrified face of Nikita and I knew it was too late… too late to tell them.

I woke screaming, and then choking. Ushna frantically tried to calm me as I cried. An undefinable sense of grief consumed me and I keened with loss. Ushna rocked me in his arms, much like I'd done earlier with Justus. I clutched him to me, understanding that somewhere, somehow, I'd lost him and it terrified me.

My predator surged against the walls I'd erected to keep him in his place. He scratched and clawed, as overtaken by the foggy dream as I was. He pushed and pressed and demanded we take and bond with Ushna. Claim him by bite and blood so he'd never be taken from us. The calmer I became, the more frenzied my predator was.

The internal struggle must have been reflected in my face. "Tristan! What's wrong?" Ushna demanded.
I couldn't say. All my resources were used to keep my predator at bay. If he was let loose now, I knew he'd attack and bite Ushna. I pushed to get away from Ushna so he wouldn't be in danger but the stubborn man wouldn't let me go. I couldn't fight them both.
"Help! Oh Gods, someone please help me!" frantically Ushna called out. One of the guards stuck their head in the door. "Get Gregori and Nathan! Now! Hurry!" He feathered kisses over my perspiring face. "Hold on, babe, stay with me," Ushna whispered in my ear. How I loved his eyes with his green ringed by my golden brown.
Brilliant blue eyes flashed through my memory, and a snarl tore from my chest along with the need, the desire to cry, to rail aloud. They were filled with shock and horror, eyes I knew had gazed at me with passion, with love. The snarl turned into keening again with the heart-wrenching, ear-splitting sound of tortured pain. I closed my eyes and concentrated on identifying who they belonged to understand why my predator fought me.
My body shook and convulsed as I tried to recall something I desperately needed to remember, something I had to do. At the thought, my predator fought harder, demanded we claim Ushna, now, right now! For the first time ever, he raked his claws across my mind, leaving long hot trails of agony behind.
I screamed.
A prick on my arm barely registered before everything became slow and muddled. The predator withdrew from the drug that flooded my system and I released a breath of relief. A warm hand touched my cheek and sluggishly I opened my eyes. Ushna stared down at me. He'd been crying and his cheeks were wet with salty tears. I went to wipe them away but my limbs were weighted down like lead.
"What happened?" Ushna asked Nathan.
"He was fighting his beast. What was he doing?" Nathan flashed a light in my eyes and checked my pulse.
"He had a nightmare," Ushna answered, brushing my hair off my forehead. "He's been having a lot of disturbing dreams lately. This was the worst one by far."
Nathan contemplated at Ushna. "How often?"
"Almost every night. He wakes up choking like he wants to cry but they're only dry sobs." His hand felt warm next to my cool skin.
Nathan glanced sternly at me. "Does this have anything to do with what he asked Jory to look into?"
Ushna gave Nathan a questioning look. "What do you mean?"
Nathan lifted an eyebrow at me. "It looks like you've some explaining to do, little brother, when you're finished with your nap." Nathan pulled out another syringe and gave me another shot. "I promise no dreams this time."
It was the whispering voices that actually drew me out of a dreamless sleep. I had the impression there were several people in my room. I wasn't disappointed when I opened my eyes. Jory, Stan, Gregori, Randy, Corey, Jynx, Devlin, Nacht, Hakim, Nathan, Neesie, and Lonnie Fucking-Fowler were all seated wherever they could or on chairs they had brought in. Was there anyone who wasn't here?
Ushna sat in bed next to me, holding my hand, his thumb caressing back and forth across the pulse in my wrist.
"Look who's awake!" Nathan said with a tad too much enthusiasm and I worked at not cringing. I knew this would be one of those moments when I clamped my lips closed and nodded like a bobble head, whether or not I agreed.
Ushna helped me to sit up although he didn't sit behind me. He moved around to sit facing me. Nothing else could scare me more than Ushna's serious expression. I wanted to go back to sleep. Nervously I stroked my stomach, feeling the children roll and kick.
"Okay, what have I done?" Might as well bite the bullet and get it over with.
Nathan raised an eyebrow at me and crossed his arms. I fought not to mirror his body language in selfdefense. For Pete's sake, I was a grown man and yet he could still look at me in such a way that made me feel twelve years old.
"Why don't you start by telling me why you kept the fact that you're having nightmares from me?" Nathan seemed pissed and I didn't know why he should be.
I scowled at him. "They're only dreams, Nate. What would you've been able to do about them? Nothing." I raised an eyebrow in return.
He ignored my snarky tone. "How much actual sleep are you getting?"
I glanced at Ushna for an answer because I wasn't sure. "I'm sleeping twelve to fourteen hours."
"More like six hours," Ushna replied. "He sleeps for an hour or two before he wakes from a nightmare. He'll move around, go to the bathroom, and come back to bed."
I thought I'd been careful and he was asleep. Not once did he say anything to me.
"So!" Nathan bit out. "You didn't think it was important to tell you doctor you're not sleeping?"
Wow. He would take a chunk out of my ass. I could already feel it missing. "Nathan…" Well, I didn't know what to say. It wasn't a big deal, or so I thought. The look he gave me said I was wrong.
"Don't
Nathan
me. How are we supposed to help you if you keep things from us?" Nathan didn't take his gaze off me; his neck turned a splotchy red with anger.
"They're dreams," I said defensively.
Nathan made Father's cutting hand motion, which shut me right up. "That last dream wasn't merely a dream," he shouted. "You were convulsing because you were fighting your beast! If Ushna hadn't been here, you could've been seriously hurt." Nathan dragged a hand through his brown hair. "Your beast has been more active the last couple of months. Every week he's worse. He wouldn't fight you like this unless you're denying him something he needs. What's going on, Tristan?"
I didn't want to talk about it now. There were too many people in the room for me to comfortably express my weakness, my selfishness. Nathan was right. My predator surfaced more, demanding more. I'd been tired and not sleeping well. The Ophidians, the collapse of the Magi College, the discovery of the assassin's organization, protecting the children from Daniel, all of this stress on top of the pregnancy had made me weaker but I hadn't lost control of him.
Yet.
"I have control…"
Nathan cut me off. "No, you have convulsions to keep him restrained." He threw his hands in the air, exasperated beyond words.
"Look, it's only happened the one time. The nightmare impacted my predator as much as it did me." I thought it was a reasonable explanation.
"The dreams are becoming more frequent, stronger," Ushna said. I gazed into his concerned eyes. "What are you dreaming about?"
Oh hell no! I wasn't going to talk to him about what I remembered of the dreams, especially with an audience. Jory decided to help me out when I clamped my lips shut and glanced away from Ushna.
He pulled some folded papers out of his back pocket. "I believe it has something to do with the people he's had me research." Jory glanced down at the paper and read, "Nikita Minoas and Angelo Giannis."
"Tristan," Gregori started, "are you having premonitions? It's not unusual for the royals to develop the ability."
"No," Jory said. "These guys are dead. So is the other person he had me look for, Seth Augustine."
I should've kept my mouth shut but I had a burning need to know. "How long ago?" I stared at my hands as I waited for his response. I was afraid of what I'd see in everyone's faces.
"A bit over one hundred years. They lived in a fishing village in Greece," Jory replied.
There was silence as they waited for me to explain. In the beginning, I'd hoped they were only dreams. I wanted these people to be figments of my overactive imagination. As crazy as it might seem, I was so relieved they were real, and incredibly sad they were gone.
What did it mean that they existed? Was I dreaming of one of my past lives? At first the contents of the dreams slipped away when I awakened, but recently, I'd started remembering more when I woke. As unclear as some details were, I vaguely recalled Seth's childhood, of living with Angelo and Nikita. The last dream had been more vivid than any of the dreams before but I still didn't remember what I was supposed to do. There was something…
"Tristan… Tristan!" I pushed away my frantic thoughts. "Do you want to know what I uncovered?" Jory wasn't sure if he should give me more information and appeared to regret asking.
Did I? Did I want to know what happened to them? Could I accept the consequences? Ushna watched me keenly with a troubled expression and I knew I'd say yes.
"Nikita and Angelo were registered as Twin Flames. Seth wasn't. I found notes regarding letters between Nikita and the local priest of the Temple of Shamash. He asked about bonding with Seth. The letters stopped though. It seems Seth committed suicide by jumping off a cliff. The only reason I knew that much was because the council remanded judgment against Nikita for an unprovoked attack on Arsenios Kyrollos. Nikita claimed Arsenios pushed Seth off the cliff. Arsenios contended he'd tried to talk Seth out of jumping. Nikita's sentence was fifteen lashes. He and Angelo packed up their families along with Seth's and moved them to America right before World War One broke out."
I rubbed a hand across the spot on my chest where I knew… "Seth didn't jump," I whispered. The dream had gradually come back—a word, a face, the smell of the sea, and the rocks beneath my bare feet. The gates to the memories open and I was flooded with all of the dreams and images at once. My head pounded, my breath hitched, and grit irritated my eyes. "It was an accident. He was pushed by his Twin Flame…"
My stomach rolled with the dawning realization and I bolted for the bathroom, slamming the door behind me before falling to my knees and throwing up into the toilet.
No. No. No. No.
It was too much to consider. I didn't want to truly believe, and yet I'd known Seth's love for them, my love for them. Separating the two of us was harder each time I had dreamed of him, of them, of the life they'd had growing up together, I think, or was the dream confusing me? If they were real, then were the impressions of who I thought they were true, too? What did it mean?
If I dreamed about the past, that didn't mean it had any bearing on today. Or did it? If Brian had lived, would our life now mirror their life then? Would they both want me to bond with them or was I projecting my desires?