Dreams of the Forgotten (18 page)

I scrubbed my face with cold water until Ushna started pounding on the door. I gazed at my reflection. There were dark circles around my eyes. My skin was pale and pasty. I had severe bed head with wet bangs that stuck to my forehead. I looked like death warmed over. Just peachy.

Ushna consistently pounded on the door. "Dammit, Tristan, open this door or I swear I'll tear it off the hinges!"
Quickly, I rinsed with mouthwash and yanked open the door. I was immediately gathered into his arms. I'd gladly stay there forever but there was no such thing. He cupped my face and kissed me hard.
"Love you," I said when he released my lips. I ignored the question in his eyes but took his large callused hand in mine and led him back to the bed.
In the bedroom, everybody waited expectantly. How was I going to explain the dreams to them when I barely believed it myself? I was worn out. Tired of fighting with my wolf. Tired of being pregnant. Tired of hiding from my enemies. I was weary in body. My feet hurt, my hips throbbed, and my back was killing me. I was fed up with placing everything I wanted on hold. I wanted to have sex. Rough, dirty, kinky sex with Ushna on all of the horizontal surfaces, as well as some vertical ones, but I was so pregnant simply getting out of bed was a huge production. If I wasn't so exhausted all of the time, I'd be chomping at the bit to make love. But no matter what I wanted or how drained I was, there were things to do, questions that needed to be answered and people to reassure.
"Tristan, I don't know if I can allow the trip to Georgia if you're going to continue to have these episodes," Nathan said, bringing me back to the moment.
He was striving to be a good brother and doctor, but it still pissed me off he thought he could tell me what I could and couldn't do without understanding what was going on.
I sighed heavily. "I need to go to Georgia. There are things I—we have to accomplish before the children are born. I don't know if there's anything that can be done about the dreams." I glanced at Ushna, wondering what he'd think… I shook my head. "I believe I'm dreaming about one of my past lives," I confessed. The silence in the room was deafening.
"There are records of others who've claimed to dream about their other incarnations. The assertions are hard to prove." Hakim, the Priest of Shamash, waved a hand in the air. "It's all conjecture. No one can prove we can access those memories. There are strong arguments for both sides, for and against."
"I know it's my past life. How would I have been able to give the names to Jory if it wasn't real?" This is why I had kept my mouth shut and my suspicions to myself. I didn't want to fight opposing views or speculations. I didn't want the pats on the head or the indulgent looks. As crazy as it was, I needed someone to believe in me and offer solutions to the questions.
"Maybe you ran across the names somewhere…"
"No!" I slapped my hand on the bed, the sound very unsatisfying. "You're the ones who forced this confrontation on
me
. If you are going to turn around and tell me I'm wrong, if you aren't going to take what I say seriously, then you can move your happy asses out that door! I'm not in the mood to argue with you or anyone else. If I believe I've been dreaming about my past life, I shouldn't have to prove it or justify it to any of you!" Ushna tried to pull me into his arms but I pushed away. He'd wanted this confrontation too. I moved to a chair in the corner and propped my sore feet up on the ottoman.
"Now are you prepared to listen?" My pause was met with silent stares. "They aren't all nightmares. In my dreams, I'm Seth. I dream of growing up with Nikita and Angelo, of the life I had with them. Nikita and Angelo wanted Seth to bond with them. Nikita kept quoting a prophecy he swore was ours to fulfill. The temple priests were adamant there were only two person couplings and refused to bless a third in a union. Even though he felt the need to be joined with the two of them, Seth worried that it would break their Twin Flame bond. Then he found by his Twin Flame, Arsenios Kyrollos."
I refused to look at Ushna as I told the story. I wanted to know what he thought but I'd be the first to admit that I was afraid of his reaction.
"Arsenios claimed Seth but he didn't want his family to know his Twin Flame was someone of no wealth or stature. He married a priestess from the Temple of Inanna about a month later. I was… Seth was devastated and Nikita and Angelo took me in."
Gregori let out an ugly snort. "I told you I thought he was an ass in his other incarnations."
His words and seeming acceptance eased me somewhat. I gave him a small smile for believing.
"Nikita was still adamant that Seth bond with them."
"If Seth already had a Twin Flame… how would it work?" Hakim asked. He was attempting to understand, to be more open to the possibility.
"Nikita was unrelenting in his belief the three of us were supposed to join for a prophecy that had been passed down in his family. Seth made the choice not to pursue his Flame when he was left behind. When Arsenios came back and found Seth, they had an argument and Seth was pushed, which caused him to fall over the side of the cliff. It was an accident. I don't think Arsenios was trying to kill Seth." I rubbed a hand over the spot on my chest again.
"That's what I was dreaming about when I woke this last time. I fell backward over the cliff's edge. Nikita was behind Arsenios and had seen everything." My chest tightened as I thought about the look in his eyes as he witnessed me go over the edge. "I was so angry at you two for insisting we were supposed to be together."
"Angry at me?" Ushna asked looking started.
Oh shit, what did I say?
"Tristan, what do you mean you were angry at me?" he urged when I didn't answer.
It was Jynx who asked, "If you could recognize the soul of your Twin Flame, could you recognize others?"
I stared at the Magi with his orange-streaked hair and angular features. Of everybody here in the room, he was the best person to understand me right now. He, who had his Magi circle of three, I wondered if there was something more to their bond. Was it something more than necessity?
"Yes," I replied. "I recognized the souls of others." I glanced at Ushna, his hair brushing his collar, his eyes guarded, and his face blank. No emotion peeked through the mask he wore. "Angelo was Ushna. Nikita was Brian."
I waited and held my breath. Nothing about Ushna changed as he looked back at me and my heart broke a little bit. He stiffly rose from the bed and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. I stared after Ushna. I wanted to chase him down and apologize. I didn't know what I'd be apologizing for and I didn't care. If it took that expression off of his face, I'd make a thousand apologies and mean every single one of them.
"Tristan," Gregori said to get my attention, "do you remember anything about the prophecy Nikita was referring to?"
I stared at my hands as I thought about it for a moment. "'Three and three… sons of the first… three to bind and lead.' That's all I remember."
"Three and three born on a blood moon in the hearth tribe
,
" said a deep voice from the bedroom door. Ushna stood there with a small fragile book in his large hands, "three and three, strong sons of the first, lines unbroken; hearts are spoken, bound by blood, bound by souls, bound by love. Fear parts them. If hearts aren't followed, if the predator doesn't reign and unleash the dragon from the black soil of the first mother, the children of the zodiac, and the children of Enki will be crushed under the foot of jealousy who will release the demanos of chaos on the world. The three will lead the way
.
"
I stared at the small leather-bound volume in Ushna's hands. I intimately knew the softness of the leather, the smell of it. Ushna held the book out to me.
"The three will anchor jealously to the under rock, the glass is broken and demanos escapes but the world won't fall if the three reign, strong and bound, the breath of the dragon their weapon, the eye of the snake at their back
.
" I intoned from memory as I reached out and took it with a shaking hand. The diary was real, its solid weight firm in my hands. I opened the front cover where the lineages of the forbearers of the tome were inscribed. In spidery scrawl was Nikita's name in faded black ink. A couple of lines below read Brian Nico Augustine Minoas.
Goddess
help
me.
I closed the book and brought it to my forehead and inhaled the scent of leather and ancient paper. There was a hint of salt from the sea. I know it wasn't real but I caught
his
scent in the oils of the paper.
Nikita
.
It felt like losing Brian all over again, only this was worse. I had closed my eyes a few hours ago and I'd been in Nikita's and Angelo's arms. I had indulged in their kisses… his kisses, and now Nikita was gone. I'd never touch him or hold him again, and I'd never be able to tell him how much I had loved him.
A wail of loss burst from my mouth, and I was helpless to stop it as I gave into the rising grief. I now knew what I had missed. No, our lives wouldn't have been exactly the same but if Brian hadn't died, if he'd lived and grown up with us, the relationship, the bonds of friendship, family, and love could've been ours. It had been stolen from us, wrenched away in blood and death. We were too young to understand what we'd lost.
And we couldn't get it back.
I grieved for the loss. Each breath of air was sorrow released from my body. Ushna carefully maneuvered himself into the chair under me. I clutched him to me in my grief, terrified if I let him go I'd lose him too. Somehow the both of us ended up on the floor surrounded by my friends and family. Arms cradled us, hands soothed us. Ushna was hurting as well. I kissed the tears from his cheeks as we were bathed in comforting touch.
I was grateful Ushna hadn't seen, that he didn't know. My sorrow was enough to bear without worrying about Ushna experiencing the loss of Brian again. I'd do anything to protect him from that kind of pain.
Under my hands, he shifted and allowed his wolf to surface. I rubbed the wolf's face, combed my fingers through the silky black fur. His wolf called to mine and I allowed it to bring mine forward. The creature pushed the anguish and heartache to a more tolerable level.
I fell back into my wolf form, the magic rippling through me. Skin, hair, bones, all of them shifting, changing, growing. I stood on four legs for a second before I shook off my clothes. I gave Ushna a couple of sloppy licks before I turned to the door. Our bedroom was suddenly a mass of wolfy wiggles and shakes as everyone changed and shook off their human clothes. Ushna rubbed against me, my belly obviously swollen, even now, with my pregnancy.
Single file we trotted down the hall, the guards opening doors for us. Outside stood Randy and at his feet with his tail wagging a mile a minute was Justus. The energy from so many changing at once would've called to his wolf. He didn't have the experience to ignore it. His wolf weaved in and out of Randy's legs in his excitement.
Justus bounded over to us, tripping once, with Randy's gaze following him. I licked Randy's hand to reassure him we'd protect the pup. Nosing Justus into the middle, he and I were encircled by friends and warriors. We loped, Justus with his stumbling-run, out to the pasture, tongues lolling, the circle loosened as the exuberance of the run overtook some of the wolves and they began to play. Justus tripped and staggered as his uncoordinated legs tried to move faster than he was capable.
Ushna paced next to me, tall and ever vigilant, but he too began to relax, his wolf running circles around me. Only once was he tripped by the pup who attempted to keep up with him. How did I get so lucky to have family such as this?

When we'd returned from the run, Randy waited at the fence line. Justus caught sight of the tall man, gave a joyful yip, and ran full out toward him. Randy knelt on one knee to receive the exuberant pup. Justus tripped and rolled right into Randy who safely caught him. Squirming, wiggling, and sloppy wolfy kisses, Randy laughed loud and long.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Randy's men sneak out of the field singly or in groups of two. The wolves hadn't seen them nor did they catch their scent on the wind while we were out on the run. Randy's men were that good. I detected their presence through the Earth as they tracked us from a distance. I was reassured that their protection of Randy translated to their safeguarding of Justus.

The back door to the kitchen was held open for me. My claws scraped lightly on the hardwood floor as I headed back to the bedroom where I fell forward into my human form. The magic washed over me as my shape grew and changed. I padded into the bathroom and turned on the water for a shower.

Ushna moved around in the other room. For the first time in a long time, I was unsure of his acceptance of me. Without our wolves to buffer our emotions, and remembering how he'd looked at me earlier, I was afraid of what he'd have to say to me.

I stepped into the shower and turned my face up to the spray, holding my breath as the water washed over me. The last four months had been surreal. I was terrified at every turn that this fortune I'd been handed would be snatched away. With every passing day, I had more to lose. Life was becoming more dangerous, and whereas I had been confident we could overcome the challenge, that was before I'd learned a Goddess might be behind the ongoing massacre of my family. Now with my own children soon to be born into this silent war, I again reevaluated my options. But without Ushna, whatever I decided would be moot because I couldn't go forward without my heart.

The glass door opened, cold air briefly caressed my skin before it closed again. For a moment, he paused, not saying a word or touching me. I dropped my chin to my chest, knowing the ache there, but ignoring it.

Callused fingers brushed the back of my neck, following my spine down to the curve of my ass. I shivered under his touch and a small smile touched my lips. I was the size of a small house and as uncomfortable as Scarlett O'Hara squished into her seventeen inch corset, and yet he could still touch me like that and set me on fire.