Drowning (Tears of Sin Series) (4 page)

“MOLLY, JUST DO IT.”
She flips around, inches away from the edge. “It’s too high.”
One of the guys we’d tagged along with runs past her and jumps. His body flexes,

dips, and he disappears over the edge. She leans over and watches. I wait for the splash and laugh when his, “Fucking, cold-ass water,” rushes up to us.
“See, it’s safe.”
I can almost bet that she’s going to chicken out. Molly will follow me just about anywhere, but she stays in the plane when I jump, she stays on the bridge when I bungee, and she definitely won’t do karaoke with me, even though she sings almost as well as I do. Molly is a sweet mouse. Not daring, and definitely not a risk taker.
She twists her strawberry blonde hair around her hand. “Why do we need to do this again?”
“Because it’s fun.” I grip her shoulders and spin her around. There’s only one way to get her off this rock. “I dare you.”
“No…you wouldn’t. Take that back right now, Alice Harrison.”
As children, when we were allowed to see each other, Molly always shied away from anything extreme, unless I dared her. She couldn’t help herself. She claimed it as her one true vice.
“Double dare you.”
Wrinkles form around her eyes when she squints them against the sun. Her nose scrunches up at the cringe. “Alice. Please. Don’t.”
I step around her. “Come on.” Without another glance back, I rush the edge and jump for the second time. The wind catches in my hair, rips at my T-shirt, and I fight to keep my feet together on the dive down.
Cold water swallows me, spanks me with shards of broken, ice-cold waves. My breath finds my stomach and rushes back up as I cut through the surface. “Holy shit, that’s cold.” I tread water and wave up at her. “Come on. I double dog dare you.”
“Alice, you are such a brat—”
The last word ends on a scream as she steps over the edge. My heart clenches, she’s messed up and not jumped out far enough.
“Shit.”
Before she makes it to the water, I’m already fighting the waves, stroking as fast as my arms will go to get to her before she goes under. Bo and some of the other guys shout and jump back into the water. We make it to her prone body at the same time. They flip her over, and I scream. “Mole, please wake up. Molly! Wake up!”
She’s listless in Bo’s arms. I keep her head out of the water while we tug her to the shore. I pray, and I haven’t prayed since I was six. However, for Molly, I say every Hail Mary I can remember and then start again.
Holy fuck, I killed her. The only thing good and sweet in my life, and I just destroyed it with my need for the rush. My need to feel alive. I am the toxins of the world. The silent deadly kind that creep in and kill you slowly—like carbon dioxide poisoning or polluted water. They don’t see me coming until it’s too late.

I toss the book across the room and wipe at any remaining evidence of my sorrow. “Uh, yeah.”
She edges around the door frame. “Hey, you. I’m hungry. Want to go out?”
“Out?” She hasn’t asked to leave the house yet, so this is improvement. “Uh, sure.”
It takes us an hour to get her ready and me into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. “Ready? Let’s go.”
As my hand poises over the door handle, a familiar knock freezes me. Rowena. She has this dainty little three tap beat she uses when knocking, and I hate that Molly has heard it too. If she hadn’t, I would have pretended we weren’t home.
“Mom?” Molly shrugs and fumbles with the handle. She pulls the door open, and I move back. Way out of Row’s path.
She steps in, kissing Molly on each cheek and then forcing her to an arm's length. With a cold, grey gaze, she inspects her daughter for any flaw that I may have caused. “You look well, darling. Were you going out?”
Molly plays with the tassel on her cane. “Well, yeah. We were going to get dinner.”
“Oh, good. I have the driver waiting downstairs. I’m sure Alice can manage without you.”
“Wait. Mother, we were going together. I can’t just leave Al.” Molly reaches back, her hand searching for me. “Come on. You can come with us.”
Oh hell no. That will never happen. Rowena enjoys taunting me. I squeeze Molly’s grip. “You know what? I think you should go with your mom. I’ll run across the street and get a sandwich, and then I’m going to do laundry. You guys have fun.”
She grips me tighter. It was a plea. Since the accident, Rowena has managed to push her only daughter, and really the only person who loves her, away. Her awkward mothering skills drove a mile of distance between them on each visit. “Are you sure?”
Sure that I will not spend one minute longer than I have to with Rowena. “Yeah. Have fun.”
Rowena nods at me before tucking Molly’s hand in the crook of her arm. “Come along. Alice will be fine on her own. I want to take you to eat, and then some shopping at the Domain. If you’re up to it.”
“Yes, Mother.”
I close the door on them and suck in a few deep breaths. With Molly out of the house, I can take a real shower—one that lasts longer than two minutes. And, maybe if I’m lucky, I can run down to the cemetery and add fresh flowers to Mom’s grave before it gets dark. I don’t do that often, but I think it’s important that someone remembers her.
I strip on the way to the shower, enjoying the freedom of letting my clothes slip to the floor without worrying about them. I’d of course clean them before Alice got back, but for now, they make great floor décor. A quick scrub down with my favorite shower head does the trick in more ways than one and when I towel off, I notice the rosy glow to my always tanned flesh, a by-product of my half-Latina blood.
I wrap up in a ridiculously large terry cloth towel, and twist a smaller one into my hair. Someone’s knocks pound over the last few drips of the faucet in the bathtub. Crap. Rowena was usually the only visitor we had, and I couldn’t take another round with Seth right now.
I hurry to the front door in time for a second pounding and mumble, “Hold your ass.” I swing the door in and jump when I find my father on the other side. “What are you doing here?”
Dark eyes, blue like Molly’s, but deeper, glare at me. He rakes a hungry gaze down my still damp shoulders, eyes catching on the scars lining my skin. Lust of the flesh wasn’t his objective. His vice is the pain.
I step out into the hall and make sure that he doesn’t see my clothes scattered across the floor inside. Years ago, I made him stop punishing me, but I still carried the old fears.
“What are you doing here?”
He brushes an imaginary piece of lint from his expensive suit jacket, but it’s a guise to control the anger that passes through his jaw. “Alice. Of course you would answer the door naked. You always have been quite the tramp.”
So we aren’t holding punches today. “Well, Daddy, I learned it all from you.”
“Don’t you dare call me that.”
“What?
Daddy?
”
He steps forward. I stumble back until my hips meet the doorknob. The metal digs into my flesh despite the thick towel circling my body.
He takes another step forward. I can’t stop the involuntary shiver that snakes down my arms. I wrap them across my chest, clutching my fingers around my elbows.
“There’s no one home is there?” A half grin slips down into a frown. “Where is Molly?”
“I think you know.”
He laughs that loud laugh that cuts down into my stomach and vibrates my breakfast to the surface. “Of course. I haven’t seen you in quite some time and thought I’d pay my baby daughter a visit. Did you get my letter?”
I can’t help the tremble that takes root in my chin and bleeds up into my tear ducts. I fight the well of salt water. Seth was right. They were a weakness to him, and he’d feed on them. “You need to go.”
“I’ll go when I’m ready. I think you should remember whose roof you’re living under and be more gracious.”
The door across the hall opens, and I meet Seth James’ bold stare over my father’s shoulder. God no. Please, don’t watch this.
He leaves the door open and steps closer. “Everything okay?”
My father lurches back and clears his throat. “Everything’s fine.” He spins and thrust out his hand, all politician’s smiles and his kissing baby’s grin on his face. “E. Harrison, and you are?”
“Neighbor. Seth James.”
I grip my towel tighter, but Seth’s eyes never stray from Dad’s. He was so wrong about being a hero. He’d just saved me from pure evil. The two men stand taller. My father is forbidding in his expensive threads. He has years of cut muscles beneath that have kept him from sagging like most men his age. Seth, on the other hand, has youth on his side. He’s all hard ridges and full of territorial male dominance.
With a deep sigh that relaxes all those tightened nerves, I ask, “Father, did you need something?”
“I came by to speak to you about something, but, perhaps another time would be better suited.” He glances back at me and sneers, but returns to sleazy smiles before he gives a nod to Seth. “Mr. James, a pleasure. I’ll be on my way.”
Seth puts a hand out and catches my father’s shoulder. “Mr. Harrison, as the owner of this condo, I feel that I should warn you against making my tenants uncomfortable.” Seth steps across the hall and drops an arm around my scarred shoulder. His thumb soothes away the shiver chasing over my collar bone. “I’m not sure of your welcome here, so please correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t want to see either of these girls come to harm.”
I gasp. He spoke so eloquently. Bold and rich. I’d have never thought he had it in him if I hadn’t just witnessed it. And no one has ever come to my defense. Never. Seth James was ten feet tall and made of blue bubble gum right now. I’d chew him, blow him, and make him pop. Vulgar, I know, but there it is.
My father straightens his jacket. “Do you know who I am?”
“I do, but obviously you do not know who I am or what I’m capable of.” Seth tucks me even closer. If he’s noticed the scars stretching across my shoulders, he’s too polite to even give them a second glance, and for that, I’ll forever be indebted to him. “Don’t fuck with Alice again.”
He knows my name. And he just cussed my dad.
Harrison squints at us, and turns, clicking his heels together before stalking to the elevator. As much as I love seeing someone put him in his place, Seth James had just built me a coffin.
Fucking great. As soon as the sliding doors close on Dad, I shove Seth away from me. He’s too much right now. Everything is too much.
His brow wrinkles. “What?”
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
He steps back and glances at the floor before smirking up at me. “Being your hero.”
I laugh, but it’s a mirthless noise. He must be a mind reader too. “What? Are you serious? Heroes don’t exist. People sometimes get lucky and happen to be at the right place at the right time, but that’s all it is. Blind luck.”
He scratches the scruff along his chin. “What about this morning? It sounded like you believed in heroes then.” He glanced back at the elevators that had carried my father away. “So what’s your story with him?”
“This morning, I was fucking with you because it’s fun for me and there’s no story.”
“I know men like that, and there’s always a story.” He crosses to his door. “You know what, never mind.” His eyes travel from the tips of my unpainted toenails and up, finally landing back on my eyes. “Get inside and get dressed. You’ll catch a cold.”
A cold? The man is crazy. But he’d put my father in his place. I think I fell a little in love—if I could love. I’d never thought of the emotion before now. And that bit about heroes, I lied. I’d never had someone rescue me before, but it’s there in his eyes. He thinks he can, but he doesn’t know me or the depths of depravity. I enjoy the pain.
“Seth.” He pauses half in his doorway. “Please, please don’t ever do that again.”
He doesn’t turn. “I don’t make promises.”
“Neither do I.”
He lowers his head and glances at me over his shoulder. “Then we understand each other.”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
I turn the knob that had no doubt left a bruise on my lower back and step backward into my apartment. Our eyes lock. I won’t lower my head or break contact first. I won’t.
Seth sighs, grins, and turns his back to me. He shuts the door, and I’m left to lick my wounds and wonder what the hell has just happened. I make sure all the locks are latched before I pick up my mess from the floor.
I find my favorite sweats and decide to clean instead of doing any of the other things I could have been doing away from the apartment. An hour later, every dish has a home. Every piece of laundry has been washed or folded. I’d vacuumed and swept. And still, I can’t chase off the nerves agitating me. Something has inspired my father to come back into my life, and for the last two years, I’d been lucky enough to keep him away. Was it retribution, vengeance, or just that he is too damn mean to stay away?
I take shower number two, this one to rinse away the light film of sweat that fear and cleaning will give you. Dressed in a pair of jeans, a pink ribbed tank layered under a fitted T-shirt, I slip on my favorite worn down Converses.
I’m not sure how much more I can take today, but I’ll be a turkey’s ass if I’m going to back down from another go with Seth. I’m hoping for another chance at him. For round three, or was it four? I’ve lost count, but the thought that I cared enough to even contemplate the number makes me smile. I’m in to Seth James. In a big way.

I
CLOSE THE DOOR AND
find three faces scowling at me. “What?”
Gabe steps forward. “Dude? What the fuck?”
He’s probably completely surprised that I got involved in Alice's shit, but then again, so am I. “I don't know what you're talking about.”
Deacon grins, and I want to throw something at him. Maybe a fist would wipe that shit-eating smirk off. I've spent most of my life running from relationships, and I definitely stayed away from sweet girls like Alice. Oh, she didn't think she was sweet, but deep under all the layers of dark, I saw a slice of pie. Sweet enough to eat. With more charm than whipped cream bras.
Evan punches Gabe in the arm—a rare feat, considering Gabe towers over Evan’s average six-foot height. “Don't give him shit. He'll be in a mood all night.”
Gabe rubs at the spot and shoves Evan. “I'm not giving him shit. I want to know who the douche roughing up the neighbor was. That's some weird stuff going on over there.”
For once, I have to agree with Gabe. “I'm just glad I was here.”
Deacon's grin grows until his whole face is stretched into the goofy smile. “You are?”
I scowl at him. “Shut it.”
He laughs. “What?”
“I know that look and you're wrong.”
Deacon’s face contorts, like he’s holding back his jibes, but is losing the battle. It has been some time since I'd shown any interest in a woman, and the last one turned out bad. She'd been a clingy nuisance, and after three months, I realized my mistake. Sadly, even Lilith isn't as bad as my ex.
“I'm just glad to see that there is still some sense in that head of yours.” Deacon plops down on the couch and leans back. “Since Deb finally stopped stalking you, maybe you'll be able to get on with your life.”
I shudder with the memories of her eerie phone calls and threats of suicide. That had been an unexpected bad situation, but I seemed to have that effect on the women I’ve slept with. I chased that dark and crazy vibe. It turned me on, much like the neighbor next door. But she also scared the hell out of me. I think her shit might be real, and I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of challenge. Hell, I’ve got my own dark shadows to play with.
The guys were having fun with me, and I could take a joke, but the more they talked about her, the more I thought about her. “Listen, she wasn't looking like she wanted to deal with him. So, I stopped it. End of discussion.”
Gabe narrows his gaze. “So she doesn't mean anything to you?”
Even if she did, I’d never let these bitches know. “I just met her. How could she?”
Gabe laughs and puts up his hands to placate me. “Fine. So if I invite her over later, you're going to be okay with that? I mean even with the scars, she’s fucking hot.”
“Hey asshat, what the fuck? Were you standing in the hall?”
“Douche nuts, I was standing in the living room. We were all standing the living room and heard the conversation. I wanted to check her out. I didn’t know she’d be in a fucking towel. She’s kind of tiny. Don’t you usually fuck leggy girls?”
“I’m not fucking Alice Harrison.” It hadn’t been hard to find her name on the list of residents my father kept. His secretary had been free with the information. She’d always had a sweet spot for me and Gabe.
He grins. I flip him off and head for my room. I regret checking on her. Hell, I regret a lot of things, but that’s a lie. I’m fucking happy as hell that I was there to help her out.
“So, you didn’t say, can I invite her over?”
I sigh. They were not going to let this go. “No. I don't want her over here around you assholes.” The thought of Gabe even looking at that little spitfire didn’t sit well in my stomach.
Gabe grins. “Why the fuck not? She's fucking hot. Tiny, but hot. I could tap that if you're not going to.”
Heat runs up my chest and burns my ears. “Stay away...fucking do what you want...I can't stop you...fucking family.” I have this really bad habit of grumbling when emotions knot me up. These guys know it, and that makes me even more pissed.
I feel like a ten-year-old boy as I storm out of the room, but one more minute with these asshats and I'd surely give away another secret about the way I really feel about Alice. She's an enigma to me. I want to know her more. Want to take a chance to see if I can wipe away the scars and make her smile for real. Not that shitty little grin she has when she thinks she's playing me.
No, I want the real thing.
I enter my room and flop down on my stripped bed. The linens are in a box somewhere, but I doubt I'll get to that tonight. My pocket vibrates, and I pull out my cell. I slide my finger across the screen and cringe when my father's angry voice fills my ear.
“Is Gabe there?”
“Yeah, Dad, he's here.” Who knows what kind of trouble my brother is in now. “What did he do?”
My father grumbles beneath his breath.
“Dad, you have to speak up. I can't hear you.”
“The little shit took out his entire trust fund when he turned eighteen and invested it in some damn penny stock. Collin called to let him know that his stock was doing well and asked what he should do, but of course, your brother didn't bother to answer his phone—”
“Wait, Dad. I'm not getting why he's in trouble.” If Collin was handling the money, then that meant that Gabe went to the best in the city to handle his business. Dad had always warned us about protecting our assets, and for once, it looked like Gabe listened.
“Look, Seth, I don't expect you to understand, but he invested his whole damn savings. All of it. There were several million dollars in there by now, and he basically used it to help some small-time company to get off the ground.”
This was definitely news to me. Gabe didn't have a mind for math, but he wasn't stupid.
“Dad. I'm sure he had his reasons.”
A frustrated sigh blew through my ear. “I don't even know why I try with you boys. Just tell your brother to get his ass home.”
I don't really know why he tries either. If it’s called trying. Since our mother left us twelve years ago, my dad had done his best at separating family from everything else. And by that, I mean, he took care of everything else. Gabe and I spent our time with sitters, nannies, and tutors. It was a lonely life for two boys who lost everything when the one thing we had always been able to count on was gone. Family.
“Dad, I'll tell him, but that doesn't mean he's going to come home.”
“Fine. Do what you can. I'll expect to see you Sunday.”
Every Sunday we get together for the pretense of a family meal. It’s a sterile affair with my Dad popping in and out of his cell phone, and the housekeeper clucking her tongue over the food that would get cold on our plates until our father decided we'd been tortured enough. Even so, we went. Every. Single. Sunday.
“I'll talk to him, Dad.”
“See that you do. I swear. I don't know where I went wrong with you boys.” I'm pretty sure it was when Mom left. “You know he gets this wild shit from you.”
I let his anger flow over me. Yeah, I'd take it. He'd been blaming me for everything for years. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it is my fault. I'd take partial blame. But not all of it. No, he'd have to carry his fair share. I'd done my best for Gabe, but there was only so much a big bro was responsible for.
“Dad, the guys are here. I'm going to let you go.”
“Talk to him, Seth. I don't want to see him fuck up the way you are.” “Bye, Dad.”
Even as twisted up as he'd make me, I can't bring myself to disrespect him. The rules and manners my mom had ingrained in me from birth on are the only things I had left of her. I'll be damned if I'll fuck those off.
The phone bounces on the bed, and I lean against the headboard. The door into my room opens. Deacon stalls at the side of the bed, that nerdy grin plastered across his face. “What's eating you?”
I kick him in the thigh with my boot, and he swats my leg. “I don't know. I'm not sure I'm making the right decision.”
“About what?”
“Everything. What if my dad's right, and I'm just fucking up my life?”
Deacon’s brows arch up, and he scrunches up his face. “With the music?”
“Yeah.”
Without warning, he leans over and pinches my nipple. I double over and rub at the sting. Fucking asshole.
“You done feeling sorry for yourself.”
“The fuck was that for?”
“You have a gift, Seth. Something people only dream about. Man you can create a melody out of air, and your words come straight from the heart. I've never heard anything like what you do.”
I know that he’s right, but years of my father’s doubt fill my head. “Yeah, but what if it isn't good enough.”
“If you believe like that, it won't be.”
I glance at my phone and dig my fingers against the ache in my temple. My father always seems to know which buttons to push. “You're right.”
“I know I am.” Deacon claps his hands. “Now, can we please get our shit set up? I'm itching to scratch out that new solo.”
I grin. Deacon has been my best friend since third grade. He'd been there when my mom left and would probably be there when I died. He was always the calm one in our group. The one I could count on to have my back. Evan was cool, but he had his own issues to battle.
“Don't let your dad do this to you.”
“I won't. I'm going to make this happen.”
He pats me on the back and pushes me toward the door. “There you go. Now, let’s nut up and get down to business.”
I still have to find out what Gabe is up to, but for now, I feel better knowing that at least my guys would have my back. And as far as the little spitfire next door, I'd keep a wide berth of her until I sorted out why I was so drawn to her.