Authors: Kerry Wilkinson
‘Sorry, I can’t accept that because you could be buying it for her,’ he replied, nodding towards Jessica, his face utterly serious.
‘This is ridiculous,’ Jessica said. ‘Seriously, how old are you? Thirteen? Fourteen?’
‘Ma’am, I . . .’
‘Stop calling me that. Can I speak to your manager?’ Jessica could see someone else in line behind them listening to the conversation.
‘I’m sorry, the manager is currently busy. You could wait but it might be a while. He’ll only tell you what I already have anyway.’
Jessica was weighing up the best way to tell the man exactly what she thought of him before Adam interrupted. ‘It’s okay, we’ll just take the food.’
Despite stopping at an off-licence close to her house, Jessica was still angry when she arrived home, much to Adam and Caroline’s amusement. ‘You should take it as a
compliment,’ Caroline said but Jessica was having none of it.
Desperate not to completely mess things up, Jessica got up early the next morning and made a list of everything she had to do. Caroline had given her a cook book as a birthday
present, no doubt wanting to give her a nudge in the right direction. She hadn’t thought she would ever use it but now it would come in handy. She wrote down everything she was going to make,
noted how long everything should take, then worked backwards so she knew what she would have to cook first. Essentially, everyone was right when they said she didn’t cook but she figured that
was largely because she had never tried. As she read the method for making Yorkshire pudding, she thought it couldn’t be
that
hard.
That afternoon, Adam and Caroline rearranged the living room as Jessica continued to refuse any offers of help. Despite an accident opening one of the bags of flour which resulted in one of the
walls ending up with a fairly heavy dusting, Jessica thought she was doing a fairly good job – particularly judging by the smells coming from the cooker.
Hugo was the first person to arrive. Caroline answered the door and Jessica heard her welcoming him in. She hadn’t seen him in a few weeks, since her friend had moved in. His real name was
Francis and he was a part-time magician, although he didn’t seem to do anything else the rest of his time. He had helped her through a bad spell emotionally and always cheered her up when
they met. He was an old university friend of Dave.
Jessica was at the oven when the door opened and Hugo stepped in. She glanced towards him, quickly doing a double-take. He was wearing a full suit with canvas trainers that didn’t match
and, most bizarrely, a top hat. Despite the smartness of the suit, he still made it look scruffy. ‘What
are
you wearing?’ she asked.
Hugo shrugged dismissively as she had seen him do so many times before. ‘Dunno. I thought it best to dress up.’
‘What’s with the hat?’
Hugo took it off, twirling it impressively in his hand before putting it back on his head and shrugging again. ‘I’ve been trying a new look for the act.’ His long dark hair had
grown a little since the last time Jessica had seen him and was now below his shoulders. He had tied it back into a half-ponytail, so some of it was still loose.
‘You’re so weird,’ Jessica said affectionately, stepping away to give him a hug. ‘Is this all part of some big trick you’ve got planned?’ she asked, nodding
towards the hat.
When it was just the two of them, he acted relatively normally but whenever there were a few more people around, Hugo would pull off some sort of illusion. He shrugged again, although that
seemed to be his standard response to most things.
‘Do you want some help?’ he asked.
‘Did
they
tell you to ask that?’
‘Who?’
‘Adam and Caroline?’
‘No, you just look . . .’
‘Right, you can go join them in the living room. Out.’ Jessica shooed her friend away and closed the door again, checking the clock above it to see how long she had left. It was a
few minutes to three and she was aiming to have everything ready for half past. As she put a tray of Yorkshire puddings she hoped would rise into the oven, the doorbell rang again and she heard
Dave’s and Chloe’s voices from the hallway.
The constable was also in a suit and Chloe had a short black dress on. ‘Why has everyone dressed up?’ Jessica asked in annoyance.
‘I thought it was some official sit-down dinner thing and thought I’d make an effort,’ Rowlands protested. ‘If I’d known you were going to be slumming around in
trackie bottoms, I wouldn’t have bothered.’
Jessica looked down at the trousers she was wearing and realised the flour that had exploded had stuck to the cooking oil she’d dripped on herself earlier and created a crusty mess. She
knew she was going to have to change.
Ignoring Dave, she turned to Chloe. The woman had short blonde hair with an incredibly toned physique that made Jessica think the woman probably
could
kick her arse if she so desired.
Chloe was smiling awkwardly. ‘Are you okay, Chloe?’ Jessica asked.
‘Fine, thanks.’
‘What about me?’ Rowlands asked.
‘You’re always fine. Now sod off and leave me alone.’
‘Burnt anything yet?’
‘Only
your
food, pea-boy.’
Chloe laughed. ‘I keep telling him it’s weird not to like peas.’ Dave quickly shuffled his girlfriend out of the kitchen, perhaps suspecting the women were going to gang up on
him.
When it was time to dish up the food, Jessica called Caroline in to help her get everything onto the plates while she went to her room and quickly changed. She thought about putting on the pair
of jeans she always wore at the weekend but, given all three men were wearing suits, while Chloe had a short dress on and Caroline had made something of an effort too, she opted to go with the
flow. Jessica opened her wardrobe and shunted ninety per cent of the items to one side before picking a blue dress from a hanger. She hadn’t worn it for as long as she could remember. The hem
came to just above her knee and it was the shortest piece of clothing she could remember wearing since the days when Caroline was a university student and they used to go out together. She was
pleased it still fitted and untied her hair before dashing bare-footed back to the kitchen.
‘Wow,’ Caroline said as Jessica entered.
‘Yeah, sod off, it’s just a dress.’
‘All right, aren’t you touchy?’ Caroline was clearly teasing. She was wearing a similar dress in red but had put an apron over the top of it while she scooped the food onto the
plates. ‘You’ve done a good job with this here,’ she added. ‘Potatoes a little burnt but all good apart from that.’
‘I like them burnt.’
‘Fair enough. They’re ready to go through.’
Jessica carried the first plate into the living room. The table was set up with some placemats Caroline had found and she had also bought Christmas crackers. The chairs were a mixture of ones
that folded and the regular ones from in the kitchen. Because of that, everyone was at slightly different heights. As she came into the room, Jessica saw Adam smiling at her but Rowlands exhaled
loudly. ‘Holy shit, you look like a girl.’
Jessica put the plate down in front of him, then slapped him on the back of the head before leaving and returning with another plate which she gave to Hugo.
When they were all sitting at the table with a plate in front of them, there was an uneasy silence with everyone waiting for someone else to start. ‘It
looks
good,’ Dave
said.
Jessica picked up her fork and thrust it into one of the potatoes. ‘Fine, I’ll go first,’ she said, stuffing the entire thing into her mouth. Once it was clear she wasn’t
going to collapse, the rest of her guests began to eat too. ‘You could have started,’ Jessica whispered to Adam.
He squeezed her thigh under the table. ‘You look nice,’ he replied, ignoring her. ‘I’ve never seen you in a dress.’
‘Seriously?’ Adam shook his head as he removed his hand and started cutting into a Yorkshire pudding. Jessica realised that they saw each other almost exclusively after work when she
still had her suit on. When they went out, she usually wore jeans – not just for him but because she always did.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Rowlands opposite her speaking far too loudly. ‘What the hell is that?’ He was pointing with his fork towards something on his plate. Everyone turned
to look and Chloe stuck her fingers in and picked it up. For a few moments, Jessica thought she had done something wrong, before realising the other woman was holding a single pea. ‘It was
hidden under the turkey,’ Rowlands protested.
‘Sorry,’ Caroline said. ‘I tried to make sure there weren’t any on yours. Jess said you didn’t want any.’
‘Ugh, it touched other things,’ Rowlands added, a disgusted look on his face.
‘It’s just a pea,’ Chloe said, putting it in her mouth. ‘It won’t hurt you.’
‘How old are you?’ Jessica asked mockingly. Rowlands nervously poked the rest of his food with the fork, checking underneath for any other hidden vegetables.
Jessica was pleased everyone seemed to enjoy the meal. Afterwards, Hugo insisted on doing the washing-up, while Adam and Dave helped out, even though the latter was reluctant. As the three women
moved the table out of the way and started to rearrange the furniture, Caroline stopped to hug her friend. ‘That was really good, well done.’
‘Cheers.’
‘I’m sorry for being a burden these past few weeks.’
‘It’s all right, don’t worry, you’re not. I’ve just got lots going on.’
As Jessica and Caroline carried the folded-down table into the corner, Chloe spoke. ‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Me?’ Jessica asked.
The woman was standing in the centre of the room curling a strand of hair around her finger and letting it go again. ‘Yeah. It’s just . . . we’ve met a couple of times now and
I know you’re mates with Dave but you’re always so, erm, friendly . . . I was just wondering if you’ve ever, erm . . . you know? Sorry . . .’
Chloe was clearly nervous about asking but it seemed to be something she’d had on her mind for a while. Jessica looked at Caroline then back at Chloe before bursting out laughing. It took
her a little while before she could compose herself enough to answer. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh but, oh God . . .’ Jessica went across and hugged the other woman. ‘Have
you got a brother?’ she asked as she released her.
‘One older, one younger.’
‘How do you feel about the younger one?’
‘I don’t know . . . he’s just my brother.’
‘Exactly. I don’t have any brothers or sisters but Dave’s just
there
for me to annoy. Believe me, nothing like that has ever happened between us.’
Chloe seemed relieved. ‘Oh right, it’s just that you’re always fighting. I thought it was like at school where the boys only torment the girls they secretly fancy.’
Jessica didn’t know the best way to respond, eventually opting for: ‘Believe me when I say this in the nicest possible way, he’s all yours.’
Chloe broke into a smile. ‘Sorry . . . I just wanted to ask . . .’
When the men had finished cleaning up, the six of them sat around the living room chatting about their own memories of Christmases gone by. Jessica was sitting on Adam’s lap with an arm
around his neck, happy with any conversation that didn’t involve work. Hugo was amusing them with a series of card tricks and had finally taken off the top hat.
‘Hugo,’ Jessica shouted, as the wine she’d had with the meal began to take hold. ‘How long have you known Dave?’
Hugo was sitting cross-legged on the floor, shuffling a deck of cards one-handed by spinning and tossing them into the air. ‘I dunno, since uni. Maybe nine or ten years?’
‘Do you have any dirt?’
Hugo wasn’t looking at her but was instead in his own world, playing with the cards. She had seen him in this mood frequently, where he would be fully engaged in a conversation but to
anyone not immediately involved, it would seem as if he was oblivious to what was going on around him.
‘What do you mean?’ he asked.
‘Steady,’ Rowlands warned as Chloe, who was sitting next to him on the sofa, giggled.
‘Yeah, come on, dish the dirt,’ Chloe said with a hiccup.
‘Shall I tell them about the business cards, Dave?’ Hugo said, putting the cards down and picking up his top hat again.
The response was instant. ‘No.’
‘Oh, go on,’ Jessica said. ‘You’ve got to now.’ Chloe joined in with the encouragement while Dave was equally adamant.
‘Don’t you dare,’ he warned.
‘Let’s put it to a vote,’ Jessica said. ‘All in favour of hearing about the business cards, put your hands up.’ She and Chloe thrust their arms in the air instantly
while she opened her eyes widely and stared at Adam. ‘If you don’t put one of your hands up, you’ll be needing it to perform other duties this weekend that I certainly won’t
be involved with.’ Adam made his apologies, smiling, then half-raised his arm. Caroline was beginning to fall asleep as she rested her head on the corner of the sofa. ‘Caz?’
Jessica said to no response.
‘Three-all,’ Dave declared with a smug tone. ‘That’s not a majority.’
‘Come on, Hugo, get that hand up,’ Jessica urged.
It seemed as if he hadn’t heard her as he spun the hat on one finger before, finally, he stopped and lifted his arm into the air, turning to Rowlands with a grin. ‘Sorry,
mate.’
Jessica slurred a cheer and knew she’d had too much to drink.
‘When we were back at uni,’ Hugo continued, ‘we had this careers conference thing where some guy came in to talk to us about the future. It was all about how best we could
present ourselves to employers and so on.’
‘Stop—’ Rowlands interrupted before Chloe dug him in the ribs.
Hugo didn’t stop. ‘Afterwards Dave went down to the train station. There was this booth there where you could put your details in and it would print off business cards for you. When
he was done, Dave brought this pack of about five hundred back and showed us all. It had his name at the top with his phone number and one word at the bottom.’ He paused for dramatic effect
before revealing the moniker Rowlands had given himself. ‘It just said one thing. David Rowlands: Trendsetter.’