Authors: Kerry Wilkinson
Jessica put her palms on either side and pressed down into areas of the mattress which felt firmer. She moved back onto the floor, ignoring the pain in her back, and untucked the sheet, running
her hand along the edge of the mattress before finding a small hole. Jessica could just about squeeze her hand in, rummaging between springs and soft sponge-like material before her fingers touched
the edge of something solid.
Jessica withdrew her hand, re-adjusted the way she was sitting and then tried reaching in again. This time her arm slid in more comfortably and her fingers closed around the object. As Jessica
withdrew the book, small dots of fluff followed it out of the hole, dropping onto the floor.
In her teens, Jessica had kept her diary underneath the carpet which sat under her bed. As far as she knew, no one had ever found it and she burned the contents shortly before turning eighteen.
Back then she had found her writings embarrassing and childlike but now she suspected they would be funny.
Jessica wasn’t expecting a humorous read from Molly’s diary but, as she scanned from the most recent entry backwards, she did find the solution to at least one of the cases she
wasn’t supposed to be working on.
Jessica knew there was no good way to contact Cole that night, so she reluctantly left it until the following morning. As he refused to answer her call on his mobile, there was
only one thing for it. She had never heard the chief inspector swear in the entire time she had known him and he had raised his voice fewer than half-a-dozen times. After telling the operator she
was his wife and being put through, the DCI broke the habit of a lifetime by both swearing and shouting at Jessica in the same sentence.
If she hadn’t had something so serious to tell him, she would have felt strangely proud.
It was only because of the content of what she had that he didn’t threaten any further disciplinary measure. Jessica told her supervisor everything she had found – and said she would
bring him the proof, assuming she was allowed on the premises.
Reluctantly, he not only agreed to that but, with her standing firm, he said she could take part in the questioning if Reynolds agreed.
Jessica knew he would.
After driving to the station and talking Cole, Reynolds, Cornish and Rowlands through what she had discovered, Jessica allowed them to take Molly’s diary. She wanted to make the arrest but
the chief inspector gave her the choice of either sitting in on the interview – with special emphasis on ‘sitting in’, not ‘taking part’ – or simply going back
to her flat to rest.
Jessica took the interview option, although everyone was aware the chances of her sitting quietly were slim.
Within a couple of hours, the suspect had been arrested, brought to the station and had spoken to a solicitor. Jessica was waiting in the interview room, as Reynolds made sure the recording
equipment was working.
‘Are you going to be all right?’ he asked.
‘Definitely.’
‘Jess, I’m serious.’
‘Me too. I’m fine.’
‘You know you shouldn’t be here.’
‘None of us would be here doing this if it wasn’t for me.’ Jessica wasn’t trying to brag but she wanted to make a point.
‘If you’re sure.’ They sat in silence for a few moments before the inspector added, ‘Dave’s been missing you, by the way.’
‘Rowlands?’
‘Yeah, who else?’
‘What’s up with him?’
‘Something about him breaking up with his girlfriend.’
‘Chloe?’
‘I don’t know. What you kids get up to is your own business. I try to stay out of it all. He’s spent the last few days moping around though.’
Jessica didn’t have time to reply before there was a knock at the door and it swung open. A solicitor in a smart suit entered first, followed by his client. They sat in the chairs opposite
the officers, as Reynolds announced everyone’s name. The inspector had given up any hope of keeping Jessica quiet and allowed her to take her usual seat. As she pointed out, she knew the case
better than anyone anyway.
After the announcements had been made, Jessica stared at the person in front of her. ‘How are you doing, Aidan?’ she asked. ‘Long time, no see.’
‘I don’t know why I’m here,’ the tutor said, looking to his solicitor for guidance.
Jessica knew she couldn’t specifically talk about Ryan’s drawings because she shouldn’t have had them in the first place.
She realised her mistake at the college. She suspected that, after they had asked the tutor about Ryan, Aidan had sketched them himself as a way of deflecting their investigation. He knew they
could never be used as evidence.
Instead, Jessica mentioned the other reason they had brought in the teacher. ‘Sienna Todd.’
Aidan seemed instantly defensive. He shuffled backwards in his seat, crossing his arms. ‘What about her? I thought it was a suicide?’
Jessica opened a cardboard wallet and took out the photocopies they had made of Molly’s diary. ‘I’m just going to read you a few things and you can say if they sound familiar.
I’ll go from the earliest entry, if only to give your solicitor the full picture. Is there anything you’d like to say first?’
Aidan said nothing, staring at Jessica with his mouth open. She could tell he was terrified.
‘Okay, well, if you’re sitting comfortably then I’ll begin,’ Jessica said, then started to read.
‘
I know there’s something that Si isn’t telling me. She’s been weird ever since that time she told her dad she was staying over at mine but really didn’t. I
keep wanting to ask her what’s going on but don’t want to fall out. At first I thought it was because Rebecca was telling people that Si fucked two lads in the college toilets. I
don’t know why Si puts up with it. It’s not as if being a virgin is anything to be ashamed of. Everyone thinks she sleeps around. If only they knew.
’
Jessica looked up at Aidan. ‘Anything to say?’ She glanced across at the man’s solicitor and, from the nervous look on his face, she knew that he must have a good idea where
things were going.
‘Nothing?’ she continued. ‘All right then, how about this from five days later.
‘
Oh my God. I can’t believe it. I feel like crying. Si told me tonight that she’s not a virgin any longer. She didn’t want to say who but it’s definitely a boy.
I can’t even think about it. Some of the lads are going around school saying horrible things but it can’t be any of them. Si told me she was only stringing them along. I wish she would
tell me the truth but maybe it’s my fault for not telling her how I felt sooner?
’
Aidan still wasn’t reacting and Jessica knew she was going to have to read everything she had. ‘This next one’s around eight weeks later,’ she said.
‘
Today I’ve spent most of the day in my bedroom with Si. Usually that would be brilliant but I finally found out why she’s been feeling ill all week.
’
Jessica raised her eyes. ‘Just for your benefit, this next sentence is in capital letters,’ she said.
‘
SHE’S FUCKING PREGNANT. As in there’s a baby inside of her. It’s a good job Mum and Dad were out because there’s no way they wouldn’t have heard. Si went
through almost a whole box of tissues. She didn’t want to say who the father is but she didn’t want her dad finding out either. She spent the whole day stressing. I was trying to say it
was going to be all right but we both knew that was bollocks. I don’t know what she’s going to do.
’
Jessica took a breath and brought out another sheet from the wallet. ‘I’m skipping through a bit here but you’ll get the gist. Anyway . . .
‘
I didn’t think she was going to do it but Si eventually told her dad about being pregnant today. She asked me to be there with her, partly because she thought he might shout a
bit less. Fat chance! He was horrible to her. He called her a slut and a slag and said she was a whore just like her mum. He screamed at her to tell him the name of the boy but she wouldn’t.
I think he might have killed whoever it was if she had. Eventually, he just said he’d pay to make it go away. I felt really bad because Si was going to go to the clinic without telling him
but I thought she would feel better if she told her dad. I didn’t know he would react like that. Si said she was all right but I don’t know how she could have been. I thought it was
just a jab or something but there are these sit-down interview things. I’ve told her I’ll go with her wherever she wants.
’
Aidan was white as Jessica finished reading. He was staring at the back of the sheets of paper she was reading from, as if he could somehow see the words. ‘Just a couple more,’
Jessica said.
‘
I don’t know what I thought an abortion was but I didn’t think it would be like that. It’s really messy and poor Si just cried and cried. I don’t think it was
the procedure itself, more the fact she had to go through everything with just me. Her dad was somewhere else on business and she said the father refused to come. I asked her who it was, expecting
her to say nothing like always. I actually felt guilty when she told me because it felt like I’d taken advantage of her when we were sat in the waiting room. She just said, “It’s
Aidan.” At first I was like, “Aidan who” but then it dawned on me that she meant our tutor.
’
Jessica heard a small sob come from the man but she didn’t want to interrupt the flow.
‘
I’ve always found him a little creepy. It’s the way he looks at some of the girls. Sometimes you’ll see him watching them leave or whatever. I know he’s always
had something for Si. I think she probably knew too. It turns out that, on the night she told her dad she was at mine, she was actually at his. Si didn’t want to say because he’s
married. She feels really bad about it. She reckoned there were pictures of his wife in the living room and everything. I really don’t know why she went through with it. Apparently
Aidan’s wife was on a work trip or something but I don’t know why she chose to lose her virginity to him. I said that she should tell someone but she didn’t want to. I think
she’s in love with him. Either that or she thinks she is.
’
Aidan’s solicitor interrupted. ‘What are you hoping to achieve through all of this?’
Jessica looked at Aidan, ignoring the other man. ‘Do you want to tell him or shall I?’ Aidan said nothing but reached for a tissue from the table.
‘Fine,’ Jessica said.
‘
I didn’t know if I would be able to write this down but I figured maybe someone will read it one day. I know I should go and tell people but I have no proof. I’ve been
hoping Si told someone else what was going on but, if she did, no one else is saying it. I don’t know how to even write this because it somehow doesn’t seem real. Maybe I’m hoping
that, by writing it, it helps me to figure out what happened. I know I’m going to re-read these next few words over and over but . . . Si is dead. It sounds like she killed herself but I
don’t know. She said she was going to the cinema with Rebecca but then I don’t know what happened. They’re saying she slit her wrists. I can’t believe it. I’ve just
read the last sentence over and over and I still can’t believe it. My phone rang earlier and I thought it might be her, even though she’s gone. She told me Aidan was going to leave his
wife for her but then she seemed really upset yesterday and didn’t want to talk about it. She was avoiding me this morning but I think it was because she knew I would ask about things. I
don’t know what to do. I’ve already told the officers I don’t know anything. I think they’ll be back but, if I tell them something then, it will seem suspicious. I just want
to cry. I wish Si was here.
’
Jessica’s throat was feeling dry. She took two long sips from a cup of water on the table, carefully watching Aidan. His solicitor had been furiously making notes throughout the previous
entry but the tutor seemed largely unmoved. The earlier tears had stopped but still stained his face as he continued to stare at the photocopies Jessica was reading from.
‘A couple more,’ she said.
‘
I went to see Aidan today. I told him that I knew about him and Si. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so scared. He asked me what I was going to do. I said I wanted him
to tell the headteacher and if he didn’t, then I would. He asked if I could leave him over the weekend because he’d have to tell his wife. I thought it sounded fair
enough.
’
Jessica shuffled onto the final page. She flipped it around to show both men. ‘I could read this out for the tape but I won’t. As you can both see, the “c” word has been
written over and over in capital letters. I’ll continue from the next page.
‘
I went to see Aidan again today. He lied about talking to his wife. He said that I had no proof and that, if I thought about going to the head or the police or anyone else then he
would “fucking do me”. He said that he would make sure no university would take me and that he would spread rumours through the school. At first I thought he wasn’t serious and
tried to say I’d tell the police anyway but he grabbed my arm and spat in my face. He told me not to mess with him and kept going on about how I have no proof. The thing is that he’s
right. All I’ve got is Si’s word and she’s not here. I miss her so much. I started writing a poem about her last night but couldn’t finish. Mum and Dad have invited me out
with them for lunch tomorrow but I can’t stand it. It’s not them, I just don’t know what to do. I wish there was someone I could talk to.
’
Jessica put the pages down and looked up, waiting until Aidan caught her eye. ‘Molly North killed herself the next day,’ she said quietly. A fury was raging inside of her but she
kept her tone calm. ‘Are you proud of yourself?’
Before Aidan could speak, his solicitor cut in. ‘This is ridiculous. How are you ever going to convince a court those words you’ve just been reading aren’t something
you’ve made up? What are you even going to charge him with? As far as I can tell, from everything you’ve described, no criminal offence has taken place.’
Jessica didn’t want to speak, partly because her throat was hurting but also because she didn’t know if she could stop herself from saying something she would regret. Taking the
hint, Reynolds cut in and spoke to say he was ending the interview. Aidan and his solicitor looked on, each as confused as the other.