Authors: Kerry Wilkinson
‘Dave . . .’
‘Jess, you’re awake . . .’ She felt him move before she saw him, almost as if her brain was telling her something was happening before her eyes could register what it was. Her
head was spinning as the constable’s hand touched her shoulder. ‘You should lie back down,’ he said. ‘I’ll get someone.’
‘No, stay.’
Jessica’s memory was hazy but she felt a need to have someone close by.
‘Okay, okay, but you have to at least sit.’
After he pointed it out, Jessica realised she was still on her hands and knees on a bed, but it was only then she realised her arms were aching. She felt her colleague’s hands on the upper
part of her back as she turned herself over and relaxed against the headrest.
‘Am I at yours?’ she asked, her words grating on her throat.
The constable didn’t answer immediately but she knew her voice hadn’t sounded right. She felt him pressing a glass into her hands. ‘Drink,’ he said gently.
Jessica first sipped the liquid but as it eased the pain in her throat, she drank more quickly, taking large gulps until she was coughing again.
‘Slowly,’ she heard his voice saying.
As her spluttering slowly evaporated, Jessica felt his warm hand on her forehead, pushing hair away from her face. ‘You should sleep,’ he said, his words soft and calming.
Jessica felt something familiar in his words but her mind wasn’t alert enough to process them. She slid down under the bed sheets and felt someone rearranging the covers around her. As
they moved to draw away, she gripped their hand, holding tight before closing her eyes and allowing the tiredness to envelop her.
Jessica jolted awake as another cough ripped from her stomach. Her body contorted involuntarily into a sitting position as she struggled to catch her breath before, finally,
her chest calmed. She opened her eyes gradually but the room felt darker than she remembered.
Her thoughts were sluggish as she tried to recall where she was. The silhouette of Rowlands swarmed into view, although he didn’t look quite right. Usually he had spiky hair but the shape
of him was wrong. Jessica tried to work out how much wine she had drunk because she couldn’t remember being this tipsy for a while. She giggled unwillingly. ‘You look like a
twat,’ she croaked.
She expected something barbed in return but instead she realised she was holding the man’s hand. ‘Jess . . .’ he said soothingly, gripping her more tightly.
‘Dave?’
‘How are you feeling?’
‘I . . . I don’t know. How much did I drink? Am I at yours?’ Her final words sent a wave of déjà vu rushing through her and then she remembered how the rest of
the conversation went. He would tell her to ‘drink’, she would cough and then he would say ‘slowly’.
Then she remembered a woman’s voice saying the exact same words.
Jessica flipped herself upwards until she was sitting rigidly; her eyes were wide. ‘Adam.’
She could feel one of Rowlands’s hands gripping hers even tighter, the other on her back. ‘Jess, you should rest,’ he said.
Jessica wanted to move quickly but her body was betraying her. She thought she was swinging her legs over the edge of the bed but only her top half moved. ‘Adam . . .’ she moaned,
unable to stop herself crying. She squeezed her friend’s hand as hard as she could, until she heard him squeal. ‘Where’s Adam?’ she implored.
She felt his other hand move from her back onto her face, sweeping away a strand of matted hair. Her eyes tried to focus on the man who was with her. Rowlands’s voice was restful.
‘Relax, Jess. You’ve got to focus on yourself.’
Jessica could feel tears on her cheeks, itching as they rolled down her face. Memories of what had happened fell on her in one go as, instead of recalling things bit by bit, the whole terrifying
night flashed into her mind.
‘Oh God. There was a fire. There . . . Adam . . .’ The room swam into view, everything becoming visible. She could see the pale walls, the white bed linen, a closed door at the foot
of her bed and Rowlands’s concerned face staring into hers. Jessica tried to speak but her throat felt hoarse. ‘Is he . . . ?’
The constable’s hand brushed tears away from her face before finally saying the words she had been crying for. ‘He’s alive, Jess.’
It was the greatest sentence Jessica had ever heard. It surged through her, the pain in her throat and stomach dissolving into a grin she didn’t want to fight, no matter how much her head
was hurting.
‘He’s alive?’
Rowlands’s hand left her face and, although the second one twitched, she continued to hold it as tightly as she could manage. ‘Yes, he’s alive but you have to think about
getting yourself better first. He’s got doctors and nurses and all sorts of people around him.’
Jessica thought about what she was being told and then realised what the constable hadn’t said. ‘Is he awake?’
Dave’s voice faltered. ‘He’s . . . no. Not at the moment. But he’s breathing on his own and they say he’s going to be all right.’
Jessica didn’t know how to reply. She still felt cloudy. ‘What time is it?’
Rowlands tried to withdraw his hand from hers but she wouldn’t let him, even though it felt clammy. ‘Jess . . .’ he cooed. She released him and, even though her eyes had closed
again, she could sense him looking at a watch. When he took her hand again, there was less sweat and she knew he must have wiped it. ‘It’s five o’clock,’ he said.
‘In the morning?’
‘No, in the evening. You’ve slept all day.’
‘Oh . . . I’m tired . . .’ Jessica found herself giggling but didn’t know why. The laughter dissolved into a mix of tears and coughs. She didn’t know if she was
happy or distraught.
‘I want to get up,’ she said, managing to move her legs in the direction she wanted second time around. She heard the constable stuttering and saying something about getting someone
but she continued to hold his hand, putting her other one on his shoulder and using his body to pull herself up. He let go of her hand but used both of his to steady her hips. It was only as he
held her that she realised she was wearing a gown, which she presumed must mean she was in hospital. It seemed silly that she could have missed it but it hadn’t registered that was where she
was.
The material felt thin against her body and the way Rowlands held her felt slightly unnatural at first, until he pulled her towards him into a hug. His hands were on her back as she clung to his
neck, at first loosely and then with all the strength she could manage. She heard him whisper her name.
Her sense of time felt warped and she didn’t know how long it was before she finally released his neck. He let go of her body, allowing her to use his upper arm to support her weight.
‘I love him so much,’ Jessica said, trying not to cry.
‘I know you do. He’s going to be fine.’
‘I want to see him.’
‘Jess, you shouldn’t . . . just wait and I’ll get someone.’
‘No . . .’ Jessica held his hand again, desperate not to be on her own.
‘Okay, okay. But let’s tidy you up a bit.’
She felt him tugging her gown, straightening it around her shoulders and then tightening it at the back after she had reluctantly let him go.
‘Have you been here all day?’ she asked.
‘I got a sandwich earlier but . . . yes.’
‘That’s nice.’
She saw him shrug. ‘It’s you,’ he replied delicately.
Jessica didn’t know exactly what he meant but figured it was because her mind still wasn’t functioning fully. He started to laugh.
‘What?’
‘You gobbed on my shoe earlier. When you first woke up. I was panicking and thinking I should get a nurse. You started coughing and I wanted to help, then you just spat this black mucus
stuff onto my foot.’
Jessica began laughing herself but it soon gave way to another cough. She waved her colleague away, not wanting to sputter anything else on to him. As he stepped backwards, she knew her mind was
still playing tricks as someone she knew couldn’t be Rowlands whispered that he loved her.
‘If you didn’t want to marry me, all you had to do was say.’ Jessica squeezed Adam’s hand, willing him to smile at her. It certainly looked as if he was
trying but he motioned for the oxygen mask and took a deep breath.
‘I love you,’ he whispered hoarsely.
‘So you should. And next time, leave the key for the window next to the bloody window.’
Adam’s eyes crinkled but he again didn’t smile as she was willing him to. ‘What happened?’ he asked.
Jessica wanted to continue making jokes, knowing that, if she stopped, the tears that had felt close since she woke would return. ‘There was a fire, that’s all we know. People are
looking into it.’
‘Your people?’
‘Yes.’
‘So someone did this to us?’
Jessica closed her eyes to stop herself crying. ‘To me.’
She felt Adam’s hand twitch in hers, as if he were trying to console her, but there was no strength to his grip. ‘Who?’
Jessica didn’t want to say but she could hear the pleading in his voice. ‘I don’t know. Probably the same person who has been in the news for the other fires.’
Adam took another breath from the oxygen, before Jessica took the mask and did the same herself. It felt dry on her throat but nothing except water seemed to offer any relief – and that
only lasted for as long as she was drinking.
‘What happened with the window?’ he asked.
Jessica didn’t want to think about it too much but, in trying to make her joke before, she had already told him half of it. The nurse had told her she couldn’t spend too long with
Adam because he needed to rest.
‘We were trapped in the bedroom. The smoke alarm woke me up. The hall was full of it. I managed to open the window and a fire guy helped us both out. But you’d put the key in one of
your drawers so I had to go looking for it.’
‘Sorry.’
Jessica smiled. ‘The only reason I know where to find it is because I know how your mind works. It’s probably a good job I didn’t go hunting under the mattress on your side of
the bed, isn’t it?’
He still didn’t smile.
‘What about Grandma’s house?’
Jessica had forced Rowlands to give her the story. He said he had been called by Reynolds after someone had alerted the station that she was in trouble. Apparently, Cole, Reynolds, himself and
everyone who was on duty and not otherwise occupied converged on her house.
‘I’m sorry, it’s almost all gone. Everything on the bottom floor was burned. The back bedroom collapsed. We might be able to salvage some things from our front bedroom but we
won’t know about smoke damage until we get to see it.’
Adam said nothing for a few moments. Jessica passed him the oxygen but he waved her away. ‘What about the attic?’
‘I . . . I don’t know. Why?’
‘It’s where all the pictures of Nan are.’
Jessica smiled and stroked his face. ‘I love you too,’ she said, finally returning his declaration.
Adam reached out towards the glass of water. She helped him to hold it as he sipped slowly. She wondered how he knew that was the right way to drink, flashing back to the moment she had gulped
and ended up coughing.
‘Am I allowed to leave?’ he asked.
‘Maybe in a day or two? Didn’t the doctor tell you?’
‘Yes but I want you to tell me.’
‘Why?’
‘Your voice is all husky and sexy.’
Jessica slapped him gently on the wrist. ‘Are you really coming on to me now?’
Adam took a deep breath from the mask before replying. ‘Always.’
Jessica couldn’t do anything but laugh. ‘The oxygen mask doesn’t do it for me, sorry.’
‘So can I leave?’
Jessica rolled her eyes but kept holding his hand. ‘Not yet. You weren’t breathing when they took you out of the room but they managed to get you going again fairly quickly. I
don’t know what happened.’
‘Where were you?’
‘I don’t know. An ambulance I think. They say there’s no lasting damage but that’s probably because you had such a stupid pea brain before, there wasn’t anything
left to harm.’
Adam finally broke into a smile.
‘See, I knew I could crack you.’
She felt his hand twitching again. ‘What happens now?’
‘Now? Now you get better.’
‘Where are we going to live?’
Jessica realised that, in all that had happened, it hadn’t crossed her mind.
‘Just get some sleep and leave the worrying to me.’
‘Jess, I . . .’
She leant in, kissing him on the forehead and whispering softly in his ear. ‘Sleep.’
Jessica made her way back to the small side room she had been offered. Rowlands was waiting with a carrier bag, which he held towards her. ‘Chloe says you can have these.
She reckons you’re about the same size.’
Jessica didn’t want to seem ungrateful but she did have a peek inside before accepting it. She had met the constable’s girlfriend a few times and some of her clothes were more
revealing than she herself might ever choose to wear. She was relieved to find a sensible-looking pair of jeans, a vest top and a jumper.
‘Thanks. I’m going to go back to the house tomorrow to see what’s left. I’ll need some work stuff too.’ She noticed Rowlands narrowing his eyes.
‘What?’
‘Jess, you can’t go back to work straight after this. Even if you did, there’s no way you can work on the case. Not now. You’re a victim, a witness. You can’t
investigate it too.’
It was another thought that hadn’t registered. ‘Jack’s not going to stop me,’ she said aggressively.
Rowlands put a hand on her wrist and gently eased her into the seat next to him. ‘It’s not as if it’s his decision. That’s just it. I don’t think he’ll let
you come back for a while but, even when he does, you’ll be on other things. It’s not about him stopping you. It’s just what’s allowed.’
Jessica knew he was right but it didn’t change the fact that, of anything she had ever worked on, this was the most important case she needed to solve herself.
‘They tried to kill me,’ she said.
‘I know.’
‘Burn me. Burn Adam.’
‘Jess, I know.’ She felt his hand grip her more tightly and realised she was shaking with a mixture of fear and fury. Rowlands raised himself up and reached into his pocket. ‘I
found it on your lawn,’ he said, handing over her phone. ‘I don’t know if you dropped it but I knew it was yours because of the way it’s scuffed.’