Authors: Kerry Wilkinson
As the faint light from the street lamps outside dribbled into the room, Jessica could still hear the beeping of the smoke alarm through the floor. Her eyes were desperate to close but she
fought it by focusing on the noise.
She reached up and grabbed the curtain, heaving herself gradually to her feet. When she was nearly standing, she heard a crack and suddenly found herself falling. Things seemed to happen in slow
motion as she collapsed onto her back, the curtain and rail landing on top of her. For a moment, Jessica struggled to comprehend what had happened. Thoughts seemed to flood her head but figuring
out what they were telling her was hurting.
She rolled back towards the bed, shaking herself free of the curtain and only then realising she had pulled it down. Jessica lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. She could feel the weight of
her phone in her hand and shone it upwards, trying to count to ten and calm her thoughts. When she reached five, she twisted her body around until she was on her knees, using the corner of the bed
to raise herself up.
Even with small breaths, the air instantly felt harder to digest. She knew she had to stay low, so she crouched and stepped across to the window. As she turned, she peered towards Adam. He was
spread-eagled on his back, his eyes closed, one arm hanging limply off the bed. She knew she would have been in tears at any other time but her throat was so raw that it felt as if there was no
moisture in her system at all.
Jessica pressed herself against the window, the glass cool against her skin. She let the phone drop onto the window sill. Her eyes again felt heavy, as if willing her to sleep, but she put a
finger and thumb above and below each eye, physically pulling them apart. Jessica coughed heavily, huge heaves of thick phlegm rolling up her windpipe into her mouth before she spat it onto the
floor. Her throat was still sore as she pressed her thumb onto the button of the window’s locking mechanism.
Usually, she would have been able to push it in and twist the handle. As she tried, Jessica felt a slow sense of panic flowing through her as she realised the button wasn’t giving way.
With the tip of her thumb, Jessica could feel the outline of a small keyhole and recalled that Adam made a point of locking all the windows when they weren’t at home. She remembered him
telling her the previous weekend just before they left the house that he was going to check everything was locked. She’d sat in the car complaining about the length of time he was taking but
now wished she had gone with him.
Jessica fell to her knees, partly through exhaustion but also because she knew she had to stay low. She reached onto the sill, fumbling for her phone and pulling it towards her. She shone the
light along the length of the frame, hoping to see the key somewhere nearby. She could picture what it looked like. It had been a silver colour at some point but was now faded to a scuffed grey and
was barely larger than the fingernail on her big toe.
Just in case she had somehow swept past it, Jessica ran her hand the full length of the sill but there was nothing there. She sank down until she was sitting directly under the window facing the
rest of the room. A thought ran through her head that she could smash the window if she could find something heavy enough but the part of her brain still thinking rationally remembered a locksmith
once telling her how hard it was to get through double-glazing.
She closed her mouth and tried inhaling steadily through her nose. As she shone the light upwards, she could see there was a greater amount of smoke drifting around the top of the room. Jessica
couldn’t resist shining the light back to Adam’s body. He hadn’t moved since she had tried to rouse him but she crawled back across to the bed and pulled herself near to him,
placing her ear close to his mouth. She was hoping to hear him breathing but there was nothing. Her mind drifted back to primary school where her class had been taught how to take a pulse. She had
been at the back punching Peter Jenkinson hard on the shoulder to see if she could bruise him. He would grimace and then punch her back. Jessica wished she had paid attention. Even through the
police training, taking a pulse was something she had never mastered.
Jessica shone the light back down to his chest and felt her heart skip as she watched his chest rise a tiny amount before falling again. She rolled onto her back, resting her head next to
Adam’s and trying to think where he might have left the key. It had to be in the room because it didn’t fit any other window. She knew what Adam was like and leaving the key near to the
lock so he didn’t lose it was something he would do.
Although he would have left it close, he definitely wouldn’t have left it within sight. She remembered telling him about a case where someone had used a hook to steal car keys through a
letterbox and he had made a point of keeping things out of sight ever since then.
Jessica could still hear beeping from below her, knowing fire engines would arrive without sirens at this time of the morning. She closed her eyes, fighting the tiredness but trying to picture
the layout of the room. Adam slept closest to the window, which meant the key would almost certainly be somewhere in that half of the room.
She slid onto the floor, opening her eyes and lying as flat as she could comfortably manage. She doubted he would have left the key in the wardrobe at the foot of the bed and, if it wasn’t
on the window sill, the only other place it was likely to be was the bedside table next to him. As Jessica pressed her palms into the carpet, she could feel the heat from underneath. It was almost
too hot to touch but Jessica’s aching limbs wouldn’t allow her to move any quicker.
Slowly, she edged along the side of the bed until she could reach out and touch the cabinet. Somewhere along the line she had dropped her phone but she wasn’t sure she had the energy to
find it. Her eyes felt painful and she could not force them to stay open.
Jessica ran her hands across the front of the wooden bedside table and fumbled the top drawer open without opening her eyes. She reached inside, pulling out socks and underwear, letting them
drop to the floor and listening for the clang of a key.
As she removed the final item, Jessica smoothed her hand along the inside of the drawer but could not feel anything metallic. She shuffled back to the floor, pushing the items of clothing around
and groping underneath in case she had accidentally pulled out the key already.
Feeling like giving up, Jessica returned to the cabinet, opening the next drawer and reaching inside to feel metallic bottles that must have been deodorant cans. She forced her eyelids apart but
her head was heavy and the rush of air seemed as if it was stabbing her in the eyes. With her phone lost, there was barely enough light from the window to see the contents of the drawer but Jessica
fumbled for each item one at a time, taking out the toiletries and dropping them onto the floor.
As the final one fell, the rush she had felt moments ago disappeared, almost as if it had a physical presence which had been taken away. Jessica’s mouth was parched and she wanted to cry
so much that her stomach ached. She rested her forehead on the top of the cabinet, reaching in the drawer and tracing along the edges. There was nothing at the front but as she reached towards the
back left corner, her fingers felt something cool.
She tried to tell herself to stay calm but, in her rush to pull the key forward, Jessica could only shunt it further into the drawer. She could feel her entire arm shaking with anticipation and
frustration and settled herself to try again, this time taking the small object between her thumb and forefinger and moving it into her palm.
For a moment, Jessica wanted to relax and enjoy the success of the moment but the warmth of the floor was telling her she had to keep going. She used the bed to help pull herself up and felt her
foot touch her phone. Bending down, she picked it up and staggered back to the window, dropping the phone and key on the sill.
Under her breath, she mumbled ‘concentrate’ but instantly wished she hadn’t as it launched her into another coughing fit. Jessica could feel the pressure through her chest.
Part of something was coming up her windpipe each time she coughed. Again, she rested her forehead against the glass, allowing its coldness to keep her alert. For the first time since she had woken
up, a chill went through her.
Jessica picked up the key and reached up to the window lock. She tried pushing it in, but couldn’t make her fingers obey as the metal scratched either side of the hole, instead of sliding
into the centre. She stopped, closing her eyes and counting to ten.
As she reached the final number, she opened her eyes as wide as they could go, and the blue rotating lights of the fire engines appeared at the bottom of their small front garden. Jessica
thought she could see people moving but her vision was hazy around the edges. Focusing all her effort on the lock, she pushed the key in and turned it, before wrenching the handle up and shoving
the window outwards.
The tears she had been desperate to cry finally erupted as Jessica gulped in the clear night air. It was cold and hurt her throat but she had never felt anything as refreshing in her life. She
leant out of the window, drinking in the oxygen, tears streaming down her face.
The ground below her was a mix of bright blue and a dim orange and she could hear voices. Their words all blended into one but someone appeared to be shouting towards her. She tried to respond
but the combination of the pain and dryness of her mouth along with the clean air meant she could do little more than cough.
As Jessica struggled to keep herself conscious, she felt a noise somewhere close by and realised a ladder had appeared next to where she was resting. Everything within her was telling her to
allow herself to sleep but she could hear metallic vibrations of footsteps climbing the rungs. She felt an arm on her and someone telling her she was fine but, when she attempted to open her eyes,
she could see only vague grey shapes.
Jessica felt a sensation of being lifted but wasn’t aware of whether she was awake. She felt a sense of weightlessness, as if she was floating, but she couldn’t decide what was real
and what was in her mind. All of a sudden, there was a damp sensation on her back, quickly replaced by someone covering her with what she thought was a blanket. Jessica forced her eyes open but
felt dazed by the blue light. Her feet felt warm and, as she tried to sit up, she realised she was half-lying on the lawn at the front of their house. Someone was supporting her and she could hear
voices and a vehicle screeching to a halt.
She looked up at the house, taking large gulps of air as she realised someone must have carried her down the ladder. Jessica didn’t know if she had been asleep but whoever was sitting next
to her was stroking her back and holding a bottle of water close to her lips.
Jessica felt someone kneel nearby but the person with the water simply said, ‘There’s one more’.
At first it didn’t register what they had said but Jessica’s mind slowly started to put together what was going on. The person who had knelt close to her was wearing a green colour
and was likely a paramedic. ‘Adam,’ Jessica croaked.
‘It’s all right,’ a female said as they continued to stroke her back. ‘Drink.’ Jessica did as she was told, the liquid rushing down her throat and making her cough
painfully. ‘Slowly,’ the person said. Jessica had no idea who they were but she could sense the concern in their voice. She tried sipping the fluid and it felt much better the second
time, easing the ache that was throbbing through her body.
‘Adam,’ Jessica tried again. She could tell she had said it more clearly the second time. She wanted the woman to tell her everything was fine but her eyes closed involuntarily and
Jessica rested her head against the paramedic.
She wanted to be able to respond to the words she heard shouted but her body refused to let her move.
Instead, the anguished cries from someone nearby of ‘he’s not breathing’ sent her off into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Once a week when Jessica was a child, her mum would shoo everyone out of the kitchen and thoroughly bleach everything. Because you couldn’t get to the living room without
going through the kitchen – and she wasn’t allowed past – she would have to choose where to spend an hour while everything dried out. She would usually opt for her bedroom but the
smell would drift through the house wherever she was. Whenever she heard anyone talking about cleaning, she could almost sense the aroma from when she was a child, its pungency as strong as
ever.
Jessica knew she was awake as she breathed in the smell of disinfectant. For a moment, she thought she was a child again, sitting in her room as her mum mopped and dusted below. She knew she was
lying somewhere comfortable but her eyelids seemed to have weights attached. Wherever she was, everything felt peaceful. Wondering if she would be able to fall asleep again, Jessica allowed her
airways to relax, breathing in the scent that made her think of home.
And then she started coughing.
At first it was a slight tickle at the back of her throat but then it shook her entire body. She could feel the heave starting somewhere in her stomach, pains shooting through her chest as she
sat up, a thick liquid being pushed upwards into her mouth. She opened her eyes, dazzled by the bright lights, but with an overwhelming sensation that she was going to be sick. She was trying to
stop her body from trembling and instinctively found herself rolling over until she was on her hands and knees. The softness of the surface told her she was on a bed but it felt unfamiliar. Someone
nearby was saying her name and, although she tried to swallow it, the pain was too much as Jessica spat the mucus towards the floor.
Her mouth felt disgusting; the smell of disinfectant, which once was comforting, now made her feel nauseous. Her vision began to drift into focus, the white of the lights overhead fading into
the colour of the room as shapes began to form. Jessica blinked furiously and the outline of Rowlands filtered into view.