Duchess (23 page)

“Katie?” Her mom turned her head to face her daughter.

“I’m right here.”

“Come.” Her mother patted the empty space on the bed next to her.

“No, I want you to be comfortable.”

“Then you’d better…” Her mother paused for a minute as those few words took her breath. “Come lie down.”

Katie knew her mother would keep arguing if she refused again, and a big part of her needed to curl up next to her mommy. She settled down on top of the simple quilt and placed her head next to her mother’s. Shirley reached over and rubbed Katie’s arm like she had when Katie was a child.

“Mommy, don’t go,” was all Katie could say before the tears started all over again.

“I don’t want to, Katie Bug.” Katie could feel her mother’s tears mix with her own.

“I’m so sorry, Mom. I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have ignored everything you wanted. I shouldn’t have dragged you to all those concerts and chemo treatments. I should have spent more time with you. I should have done more.” She couldn’t stop the sobs from racking her body.

“Shh.” Her mother continued to rub her arm. “You did nothing wrong, Katie.” She paused before speaking again. “I loved … every minute with you.”

“But there should have been more. Time went by too fast.”

“I wouldn’t change a thing.” Another pause. “I loved watching you perform …You belong on stage.”

“No, I don’t. That was all Duchess, not me.”

“Of course it was you.” Her mother pushed a lock of Katie’s hair back behind her ear. “You are talented. I believe in you …
You
need to believe in you.”

“I messed up everything, Mom. Chase knows my secret.” Katie waited for her mother’s reaction.

“Good.”

“Good? How can this be good?”

“He had to find out before you two get married.”

Katie had almost allowed herself to hope for that outcome, but it was a shattered dream.

“It would never work. He won’t even speak to me anymore. I messed it all up.”

“Yes, you said that already.”

“It’s true.”

“It doesn’t have to be. You have control over what happens next. Are you going to let him walk away?”

Katie thought of his strong arms holding her, and she wished he was here by her side. But what could she do?

“I just want to lie here with you. I don’t want to think about anything else. Please?”

Her mother caressed the side of Katie’s face gently, and Katie closed her eyes. She felt the warmth of her mother’s body next to hers and drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chase woke up tangled up in his sheets. He’d slept fitfully, with nightmares of war plaguing him all night. Only instead of being shot at by enemy soldiers, it was Duchess and Katie who held the guns. His hand went instinctively to his chest where he’d been shot in his dream. Yep, just what he thought—the bullet had gone right to his heart. That awful “Fish ’n Chips” song had been playing like a broken record in his mind. Images of Duchess in her gaudy red dress had become distorted in his dreams, making her the devil, but it was Katie’s face that had haunted his dreams the most. She always started out as Katie, then morphed into Duchess, and then became the devil monster of his nightmares.

Even in his dreams, he couldn’t understand how the two could be one person. He couldn’t deny that he’d fallen for Katie, but how could he really love someone when he didn’t know a whole side of them? Only he did know the other side of her, didn’t he? She was
Duchess
. The pop sensation who didn’t care who she offended as long as she was always in the headlines and sold records. The diva whose costumes and wigs got more ridiculous every performance. Duchess was brash, outspoken, rude, and loud—nothing like Katie. Confusion ruled his mind with an iron fist.

He sat up and pulled on his leg. The foam was still gone from the fire by the beach with Katie. He couldn’t stop the smile that came unbidden to his face when he remembered the horrified scream she’d let out when he’d taken the leg off. It had been hilarious …well, until she’d laughed at his fake leg. He should have stuck with his instincts never to see her again. It would have saved him a lot of pain.

Looking over at the small end table by his bed, he saw his cell phone. He’d picked it up to dial Katie at least ten times the night before, only to put it down each time. He wasn’t sure why he’d wanted to call, so he finally turned off the phone. He knew he’d made the right decision—it was best to make a clean break. Like ripping off a bandage. It needed to be done quickly.

He’d just finished showering when he heard pounding on his door. He took his time toweling off and putting on his clothes, hoping whoever it was would leave. If anything, the knocking grew more persistent.

“Carter Chase! I know you’re in there!” Amber’s voice echoed in the hallway, and he knew if he didn’t let her in, the neighbors would start complaining.

Pulling the chain to the side, he opened the door, letting her in. “What’s with the noise? I’ve cleared buildings in Iraq, and I think our grenades were quieter than you.”

“Ha ha. Very funny,” she said. “I’ve been trying to call you all night. Where have you been?”

“I was doing this thing called sleeping. You ought to try it sometime, or at least lay off the coffee. You look terrible.”

“Thanks for your expert advice, because if anyone knows about looking terrible, it’s definitely you.”

“Ouch. Okay, I guess I deserved that one.” He went into the kitchen and pulled the pot out of the coffee maker. Getting out two mugs, he filled them up.

“I thought you said I should lay off the coffee.”

“You’re right. Maybe I should drink both.” He reached for her cup, but she smacked his hand away, brought the coffee to her mouth, took a sip, and sighed.

“It’s been a long night.”

He waited for Amber to say something else, but she just sat down at his small kitchen table and stared into her coffee. He noticed the makeup streaked down her face and the tired look around her eyes. Her hands shook slightly as she lifted the mug up to her lips again.

“Amber, what’s wrong?” He couldn’t keep the concern from his voice.

“It’s Shirley. She doesn’t have much longer.” Her voice quavered, and he sat down in the chair next to her.

“Did she ….I mean, is she…?” He didn’t what to ask.

“Katie called me late last night. Apparently, the hospice nurse told her to gather the family. I went right away.” She fell silent for a moment. “We all knew this moment could come, but I guess I’m just not as prepared as I thought. Shirley was always so full of life. I wish you could have met her when I did. She was the perfect mom—always there for her children. She used to ‘pop’ in on David and me whenever we were in his room. She made us keep the door open and then would just happen by with some homemade cookies. And then a little while later, she’d bring milk. Then it would be something else.”

Amber chuckled quietly. “We never knew when she was going to show up. It definitely kept us on our best behavior. That’s the kind of mom I want to be.” She twisted the ring on her finger without seeming to realize it. “When I heard that she and Katie had moved to L.A., I was excited to see them again. Shirley instantly made me feel like family again. The way she just jumped into helping at the charity, well, you saw what she was like.”

Chase nodded. He remembered first meeting Shirley there. He’d thought she was just another volunteer, but he’d soon learned she was special.

“I knew she only moved here to help Katie with her career. And it seemed to work—they weren’t here too long before Katie became Duchess’s manager. I mean, it wasn’t her dream, but it’s been amazing for them. Did you know Duchess paid all Shirley’s medical bills? Katie has worked her bottom off for Duchess, and she’s treated them pretty nicely, you know?”

He didn’t say anything right away. Amber must not know their secret, and he wasn’t going to be the one to tell her.

“Katie’s taking it hard. I’ve never seen her so devastated. Not even when David died. That girl is as stoic as they come, usually. But last night …”

She trailed off, and Chase couldn’t help but think about what he said to Katie the night before. That her mother was going to die despite all her efforts. Then she went home to have his words confirmed. He fidgeted with his hands.

“She wants to see you.” Amber’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Katie? I don’t think that’s a good idea. Tell her I’ll finish the concert from here.”

Amber looked at him strangely for a moment before speaking. “Not Katie—Shirley. She begged me to bring you to see her. She actually threatened me bodily harm if I didn’t.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t want to intrude.” The thought of stumbling into Katie was more than he could stand.

“Nonsense. Besides, Shirley told me that if you gave me any lip, I’m to take your leg off and beat you over the head with it.”

He could actually hear Shirley’s voice telling Amber to do just that, and he couldn’t help the snort that escaped. He would miss Shirley. He supposed it was only right that he told her that himself.

Amber drove him over to the mansion and gave his hand a quick pat before he trudged up to the house. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door. Part of him expected Katie to answer. Did he
want
her to answer? The door opened, and he frowned as Maria let him in. The house was quiet, and Katie was nowhere to be seen.

Maria led him to Shirley’s room, and he pushed the door open. The large windows had been opened, and sunlight streamed into the spacious room. A king-sized four-poster bed stood as the focal point of the room. Shirley sat propped up on many pillows. He couldn’t help walking closer. He was almost to her bed when a movement in the corner drew his eyes.

Katie sat curled up in a light-blue wing chair. Her eyes fluttered open and locked on Chase. The lightning bolt through the heart took him by surprise. Katie sat up and tried to straighten her wrinkled T-shirt. Her face looked tired and tear-streaked, but still, her beauty took his breath away. How could she do that to him? She’d lied to him, she’d deceived him—he couldn’t let her in again. He turned to leave, but he stopped when he heard her voice.

“Chase.”

Just the sound of her saying his name melted something inside, but he couldn’t be fooled again, though he found himself turning to face her. She crossed the room and stood before him. Her hair was disheveled, and he could see remnants of red makeup still clinging to eyelids that matched her blood-shot eyes. She was close enough he could still smell the slight hint of Chanel No. 5. If he had thought it’d all been a dream, here was his proof. Katie was Duchess. He stood up taller, as if that could protect his heart.

“Don’t go.” Katie’s voice was small and brimming with emotions.

Looking down at his fingernails, he tried to remind himself why he couldn’t just fold her into his arms. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, and he raised his eyes to hers and did his best to glare.

“I just came to see Shirley.” He tried to keep any emotion out of his voice. He needed to say his good-byes and get far away from Katie.

She looked down for a moment, and when she looked back up, he could see tears forming. “She would like that.” She motioned to the chair she had vacated. “Go ahead.”

He looked at Shirley’s sleeping form. “Maybe I shouldn’t bother her.”

“Nonsense.” Katie put her hand on his arm and guided him over to the side of the bed. When she pulled away, coldness replaced the warmth of her touch. “She has insisted on seeing everyone she can. She wants to have one-on-one time with each person. She has a way of making us all feel like we matter.” Her voice cracked, and she looked away.

His heart broke for her. “Katie.” His hand reached up and touched her shoulder. She looked down at his touch, and then up at him, and he knew his heart was at risk. He dropped his hand and looked past her.

“Chase, I just want to say I’m sorry. I really am sorry I deceived you. I thought I was doing it all for the right reasons, though I’m not sure anymore. I … I never meant to hurt anyone.”

Chase looked up, but Katie was already leaving, and he didn’t stop her. When the door shut, he told himself it was for the best. He couldn’t trust her anymore.

“Hi, stranger.”

Chase looked down at Shirley’s breathless voice. She smiled up at him, and he could see the effort that small act took. Picking up her frail hand, he sat beside her.

“Hello, yourself.” He suddenly didn’t know what to say. What do you say to someone who’s dying? He should know the answer to this. It wasn’t like he was a stranger to death. He’d seen enough of it in Afghanistan, but this was different. He wasn’t sure why, but it was.

“Thank you for coming.” Shirley tried to squeeze his hand, but it felt like the brush of butterfly wings.

“Of course.”

“I’m going to miss you, you know.” Tears leaked out of the sides of her eyes, and Chase’s eyes followed suit.

He was struck by the knowledge that he wouldn’t see her smiling face again. Why this knowledge seemed new to him, he wasn’t sure, but even being prepared for the worst didn’t seem to soften the blow.

“What will we all do without you, Shirley? Who else is going to tell us veterans to quit pitying ourselves and to suck it up?”

“That’s your job now.”

“It won’t be the same.” His voice cracked as so many emotions boiled up inside.

“Change isn’t always bad. In fact, there’s much to be said for change.” She paused to breathe. “For instance, love can change a person, and that can be a good thing.”

Chase looked into her eyes and knew she could see right through him.

“Not always.”

“Chase, I know you were hurt in the past, but that was the past. Not every woman is like your ex-wife. You just have to open yourself up to love and let it lead you.”

He couldn’t stop the snort that escaped. “If you’d told me this two days ago, I would have agreed with you. But now … well, I think you may be wrong.”

“I know how you feel about Katie. Don’t let Duchess get in the way of that.”