Ecstasy's Promise (Historical Romance) (20 page)

Victoria squeezed her hand. She liked the new Clarissa. "I think Dan needs someone to look after him," Victoria said. "Sometimes I think he does not eat properly, and I know he does not get a lot of sleep."

"That is what I think, too. It has taken a long time for me to see Dan's worth. For so many years I have been in love with Edward, but at last I know it is futile. Edward told me once that he was incapable of loving any woman, and now I know that to be true."

"You do not think he loves this woman he is to marry?" Victoria asked.

"No, I do not. I can almost feel sorry for her, knowing the years of heartache ahead of her. But Edward has broken so many hearts, why should one more make any difference?" Clarissa said bitterly.

Victoria felt overwhelming jealousy toward Edward's unknown bride-to-be. "Why do you suppose
there is so much mystery concerning the woman Edward is to marry?"

Clarissa shook her head. "I have not figured that out yet. But I can tell you this, Dan knows who she is because when I try to question him about her, he quickly changes the subject."

Victoria frowned and rested her head on the back of the couch. "It all seems so strange to me, but there are many things I do not understand about Edward Hanover." She pressed her fingertips against her throbbing temples. "I thought when I first met you and Edward at the picnic that you were more than just friends."

Clarissa sighed. "If I had my way we would have been. Victoria, since you brought up the picnic, there is something I have wanted to say to you for a long time, but could not gather up the courage until now."

"What is it?"

"When I first met you I did not want to like you. You were so beautiful and spoke so correctly, I thought you were other than what you appeared to be. I felt so clumsy and ugly beside you."

Victoria leaned forward. "Surely that cannot be the truth. You are very lovely."

"Thank you for that, but compared to you I am only passingly pretty."

Victoria smiled. "I think you have just given me what we in Georgia call a left-handed compliment."

Clarissa looked at her with a hurt expression on her face. "In case you do not recognize it, in my own way I am trying to apologize to you for the horrible way I treated you at the picnic. I have never been
good at saying I was sorry, but if you will accept my apology, I would like very much to be your friend."

Victoria laughed. "I not only accept your apology, but your offer of friendship as well."

"I have watched you for some time now, and have heard what other people have had to say about you, mostly Dan. I think if one were considered to be your friend, that person could also be considered to be very lucky," Clarissa told her.

Victoria took Clarissa's hand and squeezed it. "I must say, for one who claims she does not know how to say she is sorry, you do it very elegantly. I have a feeling that you and I are going to be very good friends, Clarissa."

"I am glad you feel that way because I could use a friend just now. You are a very unusual person, Victoria Lee Farraday. I think if I told you something in confidence, you would never betray my trust."

"I have never in my life betrayed a confidence, Clarissa."

"Can I talk to you now? I want to tell you something I have not told another living soul. It is something I did, and it has been tearing me apart inside."

"Are you sure you want to discuss it with me?"

Tears came to Clarissa's eyes. "I have to tell someone or I will just die."

Victoria removed her handkerchief from her pocket and handed it to Clarissa. "What has upset your

Clarissa wiped the tears from her eyes and looked toward the kitchen door where her mother was
visiting with Mammaw. She moved closer to Victoria and lowered her voice. "It is about Edward. It happened the day of the picnic. Even now when I think about what I did I am filled with shame."

Victoria had a feeling of dread. "Are you sure you want me to hear this?"

"Yes, please listen to me. That day I told Edward that I loved him." Her voice trailed off.

"Clarissa, I know you must feel badly for having Edward know you love him, but you need not be ashamed."

"You do not understand! I threw myself at Edward that day. I told him I would do anything for him. Do you understand what I am telling you? Anything!"

Victoria remembered the day of the picnic. Edward and Clarissa had both disappeared for most of the afternoon. She did not want to hear that they had made love on the same day Edward had first kissed her.

"You do not hate me, do you?" Clarissa asked in a voice filled with misery.

Victoria felt as though she could hardly breathe. She did not want to hear any more. She could not bear the thought of Edward making love to anyone; yet her heart went out to Clarissa. No wonder she felt so badly. She was obviously carrying around a great deal of guilt, especially now that Edward was going to be married.

"Of course I do not hate you, Clarissa, but I do feel very sorry for what you are going through."

"Oh, Victoria, I just knew you would understand. You cannot imagine how devastating it was when he
threw my love right back in my face."

"H-he did not . . . take advantage of you?"

Fresh tears washed down Clarissa's face as she twisted the handkerchief nervously in her hands. "He told me he had been with many women, and I would not like to be just one of many."

"You are not serious. How could he be so cruel?"

Clarissa took a deep breath. "He told me that day he had no heart, and I believe him. He is just not capable of loving a woman."

Victoria felt anger at Edward. He had been very cruel to Clarissa. The least he could have done would have been to let her down gently.

"The way I see it, Clarissa, you are well rid of him."

"Don't I know it. It was hard for me to face at the time, but he really did me a favor by turning down
my proposition. I am not defending Edward, but he has always had women throwing themselves at him.
I was always determined I would never be one of them, but as you see, my good intentions went for
naught. He is handsome, wealthy, and he always gets
his way in everything. That day I told him I hoped
someone would hurt him as badly as he had hurt me,
but I did not mean it. In spite of everything, I wish him great happiness. I really do."

"You are very forgiving, Clarissa."

"Not usually; but in Edward's case I guess I am. What is hard for me is having to face him after the fool I made of myself."

Victoria took Clarissa's hand and looked into her eyes. "You listen to me. Your worst crime was in
loving Edward. You must not be ashamed. The next
time you see him do not hang your head or act ashamed. You look him right in the eye and act as though nothing happened. Do not give him the satisfaction of knowing you still care."

"If only I could."

"You can, Clarissa. I know you have a great deal of pride."

A smile brightened Clarissa's face. "I will do it, Victoria. I promise you I will." She hugged Victoria tightly. "How can I ever thank you? You have helped me a great deal."

"My grandmother would say you have already thanked me by giving me your friendship and trust."

"Your grandmother is a very wise woman, Victoria, and so is her granddaughter."

Victoria frowned. "I am not always so wise, Clarissa. You would be surprised if you knew how foolish I can be at times."

"You are lucky, Victoria. You have the love of your Paul. You were never susceptible to Edward's charms as so many of us were."

Victoria felt her heart contract. If Clarissa only knew.

"Tell me, have you heard from Paul?"

"No, and I am becoming very apprehensive."

"You will hear some word of him before long. I would like to see you happy. You deserve to be."

"What about you and Dan? Do you think you will have a future together?"

"Dan is wonderful. He is all the things that Edward is not. Each day I seem to love him a little bit more, and Edward a little less."

"Do you think he returns your love?"

Clarissa knew that Dan had some deep feelings for Victoria. She had seen it in his eyes and heard it in his voice when he spoke of her. She knew Victoria was totally unaware of it, and would be upset if she ever found out.

"He does not love me yet, but he will. I can promise you that, Victoria."

"I hope so. I think you and Dan would be very good for one another."

"You are right, of course. Now, if I can just convince the good doctor of it."

Victoria laughed. "I'll bet he does not stand a chance."

They both laughed, feeling a close bond of friendship forming.

"Clarissa, happiness is such a fleeting thing. If Dan is what you want, I say go after him. Although I wonder if anyone is ever completely happy."

Clarissa thought for a moment. "I suppose one gives up some things and acquires others in their place. That is the way of life." They both were lost in thought for a while; then they both broke out in girlish laughter.

"Would you listen to us? We sound like the two old wise women of the world," Clarissa said.

Mrs. Patterson and Victoria's grandmother came into the room looking puzzled. "What is all the laughter about?" Mrs. Patterson asked.

"We were just solving the problems of the world," Victoria told her with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Well, can you solve the problem of how I am to get into town, get my shopping done, and get back home in time for the evening meal?" Mrs. Patterson
asked good-naturedly.

Victoria and Clarissa hugged each other as Mrs. Patterson hurried her daughter toward the door.

Victoria and her grandmother waved good-bye to them from the front porch and watched until they were out of sight.

As they walked into the house together, Alice smiled at her granddaughter. "You and Clarissa seem to have overcome your differences and that pleases me."

"Yes, Clarissa is a very nice person. She is not as callous as she would have people believe."

"I have known her all her life. Her greatest fault is that she speaks truthfully, but oftentimes without tact."

"Grandmother, did you know Edward Hanover is going to be married?"

"Yes, I had heard rumors to that effect."

Victoria bit her lower lip to stop its trembling, a her grandmother watched her intently. "Clarissa, says he does not love the woman he is to marry.'

"Clarissa could not possibly know that. Edward is as capable of loving a woman as any other man maybe even more so."

"You think he loves her?"

"I think the woman who wins Edward's heart will know great love."

Victoria felt as though her heart had just broken into a million pieces. She felt a need to be alone. She was afraid she would break down completely if she did not get away quickly. She brushed past her grandmother and ran up the stairs to her bedroom.

Alice Anderson watched her with a troubled frown on her face. Later, as she passed Victoria's bedroom, she heard her crying broken-heartedly. She paused at the door, wondering if she should go in and comfort her. No, she would not interfere. Unless Victoria came to her for comfort and advice, there was nothing she could do. She wondered why young people suffered so needlessly. Maybe insight only came with age. Oh, my dearest child, she thought, if I told you Edward loved you, you would never believe me. She sighed deeply. Wisdom and age could both be a burden sometimes.

Late that afternoon, Victoria decided to go for a ride on Rebel. The house was so hot, she thought if she could ride down by the river it might be cooler there. She would take her sketching pad. Maybe she could find some relief for her aching heart and lose herself for a while in her drawing.

She was surprised when her grandmother agreed that it would do her no harm to ride Rebel. She quickly dressed in her trousers, grabbed her sketchpad, and rode off.

It felt wonderful to be on Rebel's back again. She had not ridden him since the day of her accident. She sensed that her black stallion was enjoying himself also. He pranced about and tossed his shiny mane.

Victoria found her favorite spot. It was a small embankment that rose from the Wolf River. There was a big mesquite tree that offered her some protection from the scorching sun. She leaned back against the tree trunk, her sketchpad on her knee. A lone hawk flew overhead and she watched it until it
was out of sight. Rebel grazed nearby, dragging his reins along as he ate the green grass that grew along
the riverbank.

The river was very low and muddy. Victoria wished that she had brought something to drink with her. When would she learn not to ride out in Texas without a canteen of water? She heard the
sound of hoof beats in the distance and regretted that
her solitude was about to be interrupted.

The intruder followed the river. Victoria hoped
whoever it was would not discover her presence. She
watched as the rider rounded the small bend and drew in her breath when she recognized Edward
Hanover. Her pulse raced wildly. Maybe he had not
spotted her. She knew that was not the case,
however, when Edward drew even with her, checked
his horse, and looked up at her. He removed his
wide-brimmed black hat, wiped his forehead on his
sleeve, and moved forward in the saddle. "Sure it hot today."