Effortless With You (25 page)

“Justin, our families, and, now, you.” She assesses me out of the corner of her eye while she refocuses on her nail polish. “Justin, of course, was the first to know. In fact, I think he knew I was a lesbian from the start. He actually helped me realize it.” She giggles. “Don’t tell him I said this but, seriously, if making out with a guy like Justin doesn’t do it for you, no guy would.” I smile back. I can’t imagine a better test.

“I had to be honest with Justin. We’d grown so close. It was hard at first but he wanted to be my protector.”

“From what?”

“Oh, come on, Lucy. Our school is a deadly judgmental social system. If I came out at the wrong time, they’d eat me alive. I wasn’t strong enough before.” She stands up, ready to walk again. “But I am now. Maybe I can even change things?” She forces a laugh. “A lesbian head cheerleader and class president—I’ll be big news!”

“When do you plan on sharing your relationship with everyone?” I ask gently. I shy away from the traditional
coming out of the closet
phrase. It sounds too cliché.

“Well, it’s still pretty fresh with Trish. I don’t really want to drag her into it yet. Maybe after winter break at the Snow Ball?” she lifts her eyebrows mischievously.

“Wow,” I imagine Jennifer and her mystery girl entering through the grand archway of the country club’s ballroom. “That would definitely make an impression.”

“Exactly.”

We walk a bit longer, fantasizing about people’s reactions. I point out my house a block away. “Do you want a ride home?” I offer.

She pulls out her phone. “No. I’m good. Justin will come get me.” After texting him, she turns to me. “Justin really is a good guy. Give him a break. He just needs to figure out how to be around a girl that isn’t me. He wants to be your friend.”

“Only if you do me a favor?” We sit down on my front step, waiting for Justin.

“Sure.”

“Will you please lecture him about being consistent?” I groan. “I don’t think I can take any more of his oscillation.”

She laughs. “Oh, trust me. After listening to your little brawl, I’ve got a lot of pointers for him.”

We hear the clanking sound of Justin’s truck before it turns the corner. Jennifer laughs, “That’s so Justin. That drive should have been at least five minutes. I bet he was waiting down the street.”

The truck sputters loudly. “Why doesn’t he buy himself something nice?”

“Because he’s Justin.” She rolls her eyes dramatically. “He thinks the whole BMW for your sweet sixteen is absurd. He loves driving a clunker for stories to tell his kids.” The truck sputters to a stop in the driveway. She shakes her head. “I can’t believe I let him take me to prom in that thing.”

“Thanks for walking me home.” I help her up off the stairs.

“No problem. Thanks for listening. We should hang out, okay?” She smiles genuinely before nodding toward Justin. “I’m sure I’ll see you soon.” I wave as she walks away. She stops briefly to greet Justin before crawling into his truck. Justin continues up the walk toward me. I lean against the porch rail, waiting with my heart on guard.

“Lucy,” he begins. His tone is neutral. “I was out of line.” He stands next to me with his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry for how I behaved, both tonight and this past week.” His bold green eyes look down at me tenderly.

Jennifer gives me thumbs-up from the car. I sigh. “It’s okay,” is all I can manage.

He shakes his head. “No. Trust me. It’s not. For me to act that way after all you’ve been through …”

“The fainting, heartbreak, tornado, or assault?” I try to ease the mood.

He sighs, and my eyes rest on his lips. My knees go weak so I lock them.

“I guess all of it.” He shakes his head. “What I’m trying to say is this. I really do want to be friends, okay?”

“Alright.” We stare at each other for a moment. My home phone rings inside. I motion toward the door. “I should probably go. That’s probably Matt’s dad. My folks are going to have a lot of questions.”

“Good luck with that.” Justin nods while stepping away. “I’ll see you soon then, okay?”

“Yup.”

He climbs back into his truck. He leans over in the cab and gives Jennifer a hug. Jennifer waves as they pull out of the driveway.

I yawn. I feel like I’ve lived through a weird, confusing dream. I push open the front door. The kitchen door muffles Dad’s harsh voice. I fight back another yawn before pushing the door open. My parents’ eyes are wide with worry.

This is going to be a long night.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Dad is livid. He keeps asking me to recount what Zach did and how I reacted. He writes it all down. I try to emphasize that Zach was drunk and confused. Dad keeps throwing around the terms “attempted rape” and “assault.” He relays my story to the cops, the principal, really anyone who will listen while I sit humiliated at our kitchen table. Zach’s parents refuse to believe it. Zach has assured them that I'd thrown myself at him in desperation.

Dad spends all Sunday orchestrating phone calls with Mr. Johnson, the police, our school principal, and Zach’s parents. But none of his work gets him anywhere. Other than Zach’s clear underage drinking, Zach’s actions are lost in a grey area.

None of the conversations make me feel any better. I don’t know if I want Zach arrested. Yes, he was an ass but I didn’t think he’d really rape me. Dad laughs when I say that. I’m apparently naïve. That’s when I quit. Dad has what he needs from me. I can’t do this any longer.

I escape to my room and pour myself back into the world of
Pride and Prejudice
. I finish the book at sunset. I'm not ready to surface to reality so I go straight from my bed to my computer where I open a blank document to begin my essay.

I write about the themes of love and social forces. It seems I can’t escape them if I try. So, I don’t. I pour myself into my essay, allowing it to speak the words I so desperately want to hear.

My fingers hit save just before midnight. I’ll drive the finished essay into school tomorrow. I'm not expecting a changed grade. I just want Mr. Taden to know I finally tried.

I sleep fitfully. My dreams tangle Mr. Darcy and myself in the tornado. I swear to him that I will find his Lizzy and tell her that he survived. I can’t remember why Mr. Darcy can’t find her himself, but the urgency all weighs on me. My search throws me into a panic, and Zach is always my obstacle. Occasionally I catch glimpses of Marissa making out with Mr. Collins in an attempt to aggravate Lizzy. I search the countryside for her but Lizzy can’t be found. I return to Mr. Darcy with no news of his Lizzy. He shakes his head and laughs at me. “Lucy, you’re funny,” he says with Justin’s voice.

The change in Mr. Darcy’s voice jolts me awake. My heart eagerly anticipates what he’ll say next. I remain still and hold my breath, hoping to hear him speak again. A few moments pass before I realize I’m in my bedroom, alone. I rub my face. This isn’t the way to start the day. I need to guard my heart. I am already swooning, and Justin hasn’t even made an appearance.

The grandfather clock downstairs chimes six times. I can sleep more or get up to meet the guys at the seven a.m. start time. I swing my legs out of bed. Justin will just have to deal with me painting today. Dad’s footsteps shuffle loudly below in the kitchen. I wonder if he slept at all.

When I push open the kitchen door, Dad sits at the table with a cup of coffee and a case of bed head worse than Eric’s. “Hey, Dad,” I try to say casually. I cross in front of him to the fridge, flinging my backpack on top of the counter along the way.

“Hi, honey,” his voice is still filled with concern. The swinging door squeaks and Mom walks in.

Mom had been unusually quiet the day before. She let Dad do his thing and me do mine. She offered us silent support as she distracted Eric most of the day. That night, when she saw me she just held me and let me cry. She knew exactly what I needed. I love her for it. It's yet another moment of miraculous mothering all because I am willing to receive it. I smile at her while wondering what other moments she offered but I pushed away.

I quietly make a few turkey sandwiches and stuff a bag of chips in my backpack. Dad eyes me questionably as I cross the kitchen and grab his keys off the hook. “Lucy, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

My heart sinks. I knew this would happen. “Dad, I’m ready, though. Look.” I point to my painting clothes and my packed bag like a toddler.

“I’m not comfortable with it.”

I groan. “Zach’s not going to be there, Dad. None of those guys are friends with him.”

“I know but still. It’s too soon. Don’t you think?”

I bite my lower lip, trying to control my brewing temper. “Dad, seriously, there’s no reason for me to stay home. I made a commitment to this job.” I eye him and Mom. “Actually, you made a commitment for me to this job,” I add for emphasis.

“That’s true,” Dad says. “But that also means I have the ability to break the commitment.”

“Come on, Dad.” I whine. My hand flies to my mouth in surprise. I hate whining, it instantly discredits me. “I’ll call home during all of my breaks. I promise.”

Dad shakes his head. I look to Mom, hoping she’ll help.

“Charlie,” she says while crossing the room and resting her hand on his shoulder. “You know she’s right. Those guys are her friends.” I hold my breath. Mom rarely if ever presents an opinion contrary to Dad’s. “You can’t keep her locked inside forever.”

Dad looks down at Mom and I see them as a couple, not my parents. He gazes at her and she fixes his hair. He closes his eyes, enjoying the feeling. It is sweet but weird. I fidget with my backpack straps. I normally would have coughed or left the room but I hold out, hoping their moment would end in my favor.

Dad sighs, “Okay.” He turns to me. “Lucy, call home during every break. Also, what’s Justin’s number? I need another way of getting ahold of you if I need to.” He glances at the red phone tethered to the wall. “You never know, maybe I’ll get somewhere with the police today?” he grumbles.

“Sure. No problem.” I pull out my cell and write Justin’s number on the white board on the fridge. “I promise I’ll call. I’m going to be just fine. Trust me.” Dad squeezes Mom’s hand.

The doorbell rings. “UPS.” Dad stands up and pushes open the kitchen door. “Probably Eric’s birthday gift.”

Mom walks over to me and I hug her. “Thanks. I can’t stand to not be doing anything today.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I had to start my garden.” I look out the window at our unusually beautiful backyard. It is a constant reminder of how sad I’ve made her. She pulls away from me and I plaster a smile on my face. “We’ll be expecting your calls, do you understand?”

“I won’t forget.”

Squeak.
The kitchen door flies open. Dad walks back in shaking his head. Justin follows.

Justin hasn’t shaved this morning so his stubble is extra thick. His shirt hangs perfectly from his broad shoulders. He looks like he stepped out of a romantic comedy. I am completely caught off guard and mumble some sort of greeting. I glance at my parents, both dressed in robes, and I shift uncomfortably. The last thing I want is Justin to see my parents in pajamas. Somehow that’s worse than him seeing me in pajamas.

“Hey, I thought I’d stop over on the way to work and offer you a ride.”

Dad rolls his eyes at Mom and she smiles. I pretend I don’t notice.

“Sure. Is that okay, Dad?”

“Well,” he grunts, “It seems that I can’t keep you here or keep them away. So go.”

I glare at Dad. I expect that from Mom, not him.

Justin’s face slowly processes Dad’s words. He opens his mouth to re-explain his motives but I intervene. “Come on, Justin. Let’s go.” There’s no way I’m letting Justin’s sass ruin this for me. I open the swinging door. “I’ll call during breaks,” I emphasize as I hold the door open for Justin. We are not going down that road with my parents. Not today.

Justin raises his eyebrows at me. He clearly understands the awkwardness of the situation. I motion for him to walk through the door, urging him to drop it, for once. He smiles, turning back toward my parents. “Thank you, sir. I’ll have her back before dinner. I promise.” I groan. He couldn’t have made that sound more like a date if he tried. Dad glares daggers at Justin. Mom laughs as I grab Justin and pull him through the door.

I pull the door shut behind me. “Cut that out. They can still change their minds.”

Justin laughs as he steps onto the front porch. “It was too hard to resist. That room was thick with Daddy’s little girl sentiment.”

“Of course it was.” I heave myself into the passenger seat. “You’d feel the same way if it was your daughter.”

Justin laughs. “Oh, no, trust me. If it was my daughter, I wouldn’t have let another guy into the house. Let alone let you leave the house with him.” Justin pulls out of the driveway.

“Really?”

“Yup,” Justin smiles mischievously. “No guy can be trusted. Your dad knows that. Did you see his eyes? If looks could kill.”