Eighteen Kisses (17 page)

‘So? It’s on a few people’s phones.’

‘What?’

‘Calum sent it to us when none of us would believe he’d slept with Kayla. That’s her, and she’s wearing his jersey. I honestly thought he was making it up, but that’s definitely his. And I doubt he would have gone to the trouble of stealing that picture from her.’

I hated to admit it, but I had a feeling he was telling the truth. I could ask the others, but I pretty much knew they would corroborate what Andrew said.

I was back at square one and still no closer to helping the girl who haunted my dreams.

Whenever we’re in the same city, Hannah and I always get ready to go out together. It’s like a ritual. I go over to her house, or she comes over to mine, and we gossip as we listen to music and apply eye shadow and try to decide which top to wear. Right now I was at hers, watching as she stood on her bed, singing along to the Rolling Stones. I was wearing my new black dress, even though I felt like putting on my pyjamas and going back to bed. I still wasn’t feeling great – in fact I felt terrible. But I had to admit there was a possibility that Hannah was right – that forcing myself to go out and be sociable might actually make things better. So I was going to try it. I still hadn’t heard from Nick. I wasn’t proud of it, but I’d sent him one last text, asking him to talk to me. I’d regretted it immediately. I knew deep down that he probably wasn’t going to answer. I hadn’t told Hannah. I couldn’t deal with the disapproving glances that would follow that sort of confession.

‘So, who’s coming out tonight?’ I asked.

‘Ross,’ said Hannah. ‘And Sophie says she hates karaoke, but I reckon we’ll get around her. That’s it, I think, just the four of us. Not that many people were up for it.’

‘Yeah, how come your mum’s letting you go?’ I said. She was usually pretty strict, not that it ever actually stopped Hannah.

‘I told her you were broken-hearted and needed a distraction.’

‘Stop using my situation to feed your karaoke habit.’

Hazel had told me I could bring some friends to karaoke night in Rage for free. It was so nice of her. She hardly even knew me.

‘I dunno what I should sing,’ said Hannah. ‘Should I go for a classic or sing something a bit more out there?’ Hannah took karaoke way too seriously. She’d been attending musical theatre classes since she was four and had a very good voice. Although it wasn’t her first love, she wanted to be one of those actors who could also sing well if required.

‘Oh, I asked Dillon if he wanted to come,’ I said. I had kind of done it without thinking. He’d asked me what I was doing that evening and I’d invited him along. I told him he should definitely try to make it. Initially I’d been kind of embarrassed – it sounded like I really wanted him to go – but then I thought,
Why not?
It’s not like anything was going to happen and I didn’t have Nick around any more to get jealous about it.

‘Dillon?’ said Hannah.

‘Yeah, well, we did work together. He said he’s going to check with his friends and he might drop along later. I dunno if he will … he might.’

‘Oh my god,’ said Hannah.

‘What?’

‘You like him.’

‘What? No I don’t.’

‘You DO! You like Dillon!’

‘We’re just friends.’

‘You like Dillon. You’re right though. He is cute, especially since he cut his hair.’

‘I didn’t say he was cute, Hannah.’

‘How long have you liked him for? Why didn’t I spot this before? I suppose I wasn’t looking out for it. But now that you’ve got rid of that other tool … Are you going to kiss him? Or is it too soon?’

‘Hannah, I don’t even know if he likes me. I don’t know if I like him!’

‘Aha! You
do
like him!’

‘I didn’t say that!’ My cheeks turned red.

‘I knew it! Aww! That’s so cute. Dillon and Jacki, Jacki and Dillon. Jacki –’

I picked up the cushion from her desk chair and threw it at her.

‘OK!’ she said. ‘I’ll stop. He is cute though.’

‘Yeah,’ I said, admitting it to myself for the very first time. ‘He is.’

Rage had become one of my new favourite places. I just loved everything about it. I was happy to be there now; we’d even managed to drag Sophie along. Karaoke was due to begin in a few minutes and I was starting to feel a bit better. We were sitting at a table near the stage and already the place was packed. Hannah flicked through the list of songs. I knew this was exactly the kind of thing that Colin would love. I wished he was here, and I was tempted to text
him, but I couldn’t face the thought of another person ignoring me. I just didn’t think I’d be able to handle it. I’d been so horrible to him after Nick had left me at the theatre that night, I wasn’t sure what to say to make it better.

‘What are you going to sing?’ Hannah asked me. ‘I’m torn between a few.’

‘I dunno,’ I said. ‘There are so many classics.’

‘It’s all right for you guys,’ said Sophie. ‘You’re the only ones who can sing.’

‘Er, speak for yourself,’ said Ross. Ross liked singing, but he hadn’t got a note in his head.

‘Ah, come on, Soph, it’s only a bit of fun,’ said Hannah. ‘You have to sing something.’

Sophie reluctantly took the song list off her.

I looked up and saw Dillon coming through the doorway. I watched him as he walked through the crowd. He was wearing his blue check shirt, the same one he’d worn on our first day in
Electric
.

‘Hey, guys,’ he said when he’d arrived at our table. ‘Mark and the others couldn’t make it.’ He sat down on the stool beside me. ‘God, I hate karaoke,’ he added.

‘Finally,’ said Sophie, ‘somebody who agrees with me!’

‘How come you’re here then?’ I asked, laughing.

‘Um … because you said you would be.’

I blushed. I didn’t think any of the others had heard him. I tried to come up with something clever to say back, to distract me from how I was feeling, but the words wouldn’t come and I ended up looking at the floor. Not a very smooth move, but I wasn’t quite ready to suggest to Dillon that I had feelings for him. It would mean a final closure on
everything I’d had with Nick. And as much as I hated him for what he’d done to me and really wanted to let go, I wasn’t able to do that just yet.

Hannah kicked me under the table, then winked. Oh good. Someone
had
heard what Dillon said.

I kicked her back and tried to look angry, but even though I was confused, I couldn’t help smiling.

‘We need some really bad singing,’ said Dillon, who had noticed Hannah’s antics. He picked up the song list. I realized he had deliberately moved things on to make me feel less awkward. He went up and added his name to the list.

About fifteen minutes later, he was nervously approaching the mic. The intro to Thin Lizzy’s ‘Old Town’ came on, and I cheered. ‘This one’s for Jacki,’ he said. His voice was actually not bad, and when he smiled at me I couldn’t help but feel so much better.

‘I’m just going out to get some air,’ I said to Hannah several songs later. The weird sickness I’d been feeling all week had come over me again and I needed some space.

I stepped into Rage’s outside terraced area, its ceiling covered in hundreds of tiny twinkling fairy lights, and was surprised to see Dillon already leaning against the balcony.

‘Hi, Jacki,’ he said. ‘Are you not gonna sing? I suppose I can’t blame you. It’d be hard to beat my performance.’

I laughed despite how I felt. ‘You’d think. I’m actually not feeling that great so I came out for the air.’

‘Well, I’m glad you’re here anyway.’

I shivered in the cold. Dillon saw and moved towards me, taking off his coat. ‘Here, put this on.’

‘No, it’s OK. I …’ Dillon’s hand brushed against my neck as he pulled his coat tightly round me. The touch sent my heart beating faster. He moved slowly closer to me. I didn’t move away. Then he leaned forward and kissed me. His lips met mine and for a moment it felt amazing – breathtaking and electric. But, just as quickly as it had happened, I realized what I was doing and pulled back.

‘What’s wrong. Are you OK?’ Dillon asked, looking worried. ‘I’m sorry, I just … I thought you wanted to –’

‘No, it’s not you, I promise.’ I shook my head sadly. ‘Listen, Dillon, I like you, I really do. But I don’t think I can do anything about it at the moment. This is going to sound like an excuse, but I swear it’s not. I just have to be honest – I’m not entirely over Nick. I like you, but I don’t think I can get into anything right now. I don’t think it would be fair to you, I’m just such a mess. I know I shouldn’t be with Nick, and I hate him so much, but I can’t let go of all the feelings I have for him. I wish they would just disappear.’

I didn’t want anything I had with Dillon to be tainted by this sadness. I was still waiting for my heart to catch up with my head.

‘Do you … do you ever think you’ll be over him?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, of course, I mean … I know I will. Sophie has this theory. She reckons you count up the number of days you went out with a person, and then divide it by three, and that’s the amount of time it’ll take you to get over them.’

‘How long were you going out with Nick for?’ he asked.

‘Um … two hundred and fifty-two days,’ I said, doing the calculations quickly in my head.

‘Right. I’m going to look you up in eighty-four days so,’ he said with a laugh.

I couldn’t tell if he was serious. He kissed me on the cheek. ‘Goodbye, Jacki,’ he said. And I felt my heart crumble just a little.

I wandered back into the club alone. I seemed to be making a habit of it these days. Hannah was on stage belting out ‘I Love Rock ’n’ Roll’ at the top of her voice, complete with Britney-inspired dance moves that got more than one wolf-whistle from the crowd. I smiled and cheered her on as best I could, but the sick feeling had returned and I was starting to feel quite dizzy.

I looked up at Hannah, body-rolling against the mic, and willed myself to feel better. I didn’t have time for this. Ten days had already passed by and I still had nothing real to show Matt – no hard evidence that would put an end to Kayla’s case. Although I was certain I knew where her body was, I still didn’t have a name to give him. There were people I didn’t trust – Calum and Andrew especially – but I was wary of jumping to conclusions. I decided I should talk to them both again, try to figure out if they were hiding something.

I wanted to forget about what Matt Lawlor’s detective sergeant had said about me, but I couldn’t seem to let it go. Maybe a tiny part of me agreed with him. Just because I’d solved one murder didn’t automatically mean I’d be able to
solve another. Matt had so much faith in me, I didn’t want to let him down. And I wanted to prove Detective Sergeant Lonergan wrong. I’d tried to earn his respect, but the only way I was going to do that was by getting results. He was right: I didn’t have anything to show yet. But I’d stood in the place where Kayla was buried and I was going to get justice for her. No matter how long it took.

I knew that communicating with spirits could be draining, but I was doing what Ger had said – I was imagining a white light around me, protecting me. And I was wearing the bracelet, even though I wanted to rip it off my arm every time I saw it. I was shielding myself in every possible way, yet I still felt awful. My vision was blurry and I tried to focus, but big black patches appeared in front of my eyes. I blinked in the hope that they would go away, but they just got bigger, and soon I could see hardly anything but blackness. I took a deep breath and visualized the white light again, so bright that it hurt to look at it.

Eventually my sight went back to normal. I was still nauseous though, and my whole body was sore. I can safely say I’d never felt this bad before. Even last summer, I hadn’t felt this weak.

Hannah sang the last line and I painfully forced myself to clap along with everyone else, then stood up and made my way over to the bar. I needed a drink of water. I could hardly walk straight and kept accidentally bumping into people. I could hear them sighing and tutting as I stumbled away. Maybe the white light wasn’t working because I was exhausted. I hadn’t got much sleep this week and my emotions were all over the place. I thought maybe it was
more than that though. I had so little energy left – I could barely function. This wasn’t heartbreak or fatigue, this was something else. Kayla was probably trying to give me a sign; maybe she was even here. I’d have to figure out what she was trying to tell me, but first I’d have to concentrate on not collapsing.

I tried to catch the barman’s attention. Some guy was giving an impassioned, but tuneless rendition of a Bon Jovi song now, and the crowd had started to talk again.

‘Are you OK?’ asked a girl standing next to me.

‘Yeah,’ I said self-consciously. ‘Why?’

She didn’t answer, just glanced away awkwardly. I must have looked really bad. I abandoned the bar and headed for the bathroom. I hurried through the crowd and pushed open the door. There was a queue, but I managed to squeeze up to the sinks. I looked in the mirror and almost didn’t recognize myself. My skin was so pale, my lips were practically blue and my eyes were all bloodshot. This was definitely not normal. I could see a group of girls in the reflection, whispering and staring at me. I rushed into a cubicle and locked the door. I felt so faint, I was afraid I was going to collapse. I no longer thought it was Kayla giving me a sign – she surely wouldn’t do this to me. I was way too sick. Had someone spiked my drink? I didn’t think so as I had got my own.

Ger’s words flashed through my mind, ‘Don’t trust everybody you meet through this kind of work,’ and it began to dawn on me that maybe I was being psychically attacked. I concentrated hard on doing everything Ger had told me to protect myself, but ten minutes passed and I still
didn’t feel any better. I was getting weaker and weaker by the second. I was too tired to even move, so I took out my phone to call somebody. Then I realized that I didn’t have anybody to call. If I told Hannah or Sophie or even Matt, they’d all tell me to go to the hospital. I couldn’t blame them – that was the normal reaction to something like this. I started to panic, but I tried not to cry. I had to calm down. I wondered who was doing this to me. I was so angry, but I didn’t have a clue who was behind it.