Authors: Rainbow Rowell
sweep her up in his arms. Like
some guy in the soap operas his
mom watched. He hung onto his
backpack to hold himself back …
It was kind of wonderful.
Eleanor
Park was just her height, but he
seemed taller.
Park
Eleanor’s eyelashes were the same
color as her freckles.
Eleanor
They talked about
The White
Album
on the way to school, but
just as an excuse to stare at each
other’s mouths. You’d think they
were lip-reading.
Maybe that’s why Park kept
laughing, even when they were
talking about ‘Helter Skelter’ –
which wasn’t the Beatles’ funniest
song, even before Charles Manson
got a hold of it.
CHAPTER 30
Park
‘Hey,’ Cal said, taking a bite out of
his Rib-a-Que sandwich. ‘You
should come to the basketball
game with us Thursday. And
don’t even try to tell me you don’t
like basketball, Spud.’
‘I don’t know …’
‘Kim’s going to be there.’
Park groaned. ‘Cal …’
‘Sitting next to me,’ Cal said.
‘Because we’re totally going out.’
‘Wait,
seriously?’
Park
covered his mouth to keep a
chunk of sandwich from flying
out. ‘Are we talking about the
same Kim?’
‘Is that so hard to believe?’ Cal
opened his carton of milk
completely and drank out of it like
a cup. ‘She wasn’t even into you,
you know. She was just bored,
and she thought you were
mysterious and quiet – like, “still
waters run deep.” I told her that
sometimes still waters just run
still.’
‘Thanks.’
‘But she’s totally into me now,
so you can hang out with us if you
want. The basketball games are a
blast. They sell nachos and
everything.’
‘I’ll think about it,’ Park said.
He wasn’t going to think about
it. He wasn’t going anywhere
without Eleanor. And she didn’t
seem like the basketball game
type.
Eleanor
‘Hey, girl,’ DeNice said after gym
class. They were in the locker
room, changing back into their
street clothes. ‘So I’ve been
thinking, you’ve got to go to
Sprite Nite with us this week.
Jonesy’s got his car fixed, and
he’s got this Thursday off. We are
going to do it right, right, right, all
through the night, night, night.’
‘You know I’m not allowed to
go out,’ Eleanor said.
‘I know that you’re not
allowed to go to your boyfriend’s
house either,’ DeNice said.
‘I heard that,’ Beebi said.
Eleanor should never have
told them about Park’s house, but
she’d been dying to tell
somebody
.
(This was how people ended up in
jail after committing the perfect
crime.) ‘Keep it down,’ she said.
‘God.’
‘You should come,’ Beebi
said. Her face was perfectly round,
with dimples so deep that when
she smiled she looked tufted, like
a cushion. ‘We have so much fun.
I’ll bet you’ve never even been
dancing before.’
‘I don’t know …’ Eleanor
said.
‘Is this about your man?’
DeNice asked. ‘Because he can
come, too. He don’t take up much
space.’
Beebi giggled, so Eleanor
giggled, too. She couldn’t imagine
Park dancing. He’d probably be
really good at it, if all the Top 40
music didn’t make his ears bleed.
He was good at everything.
Still … She couldn’t imagine
the two of them going out with
DeNice or Beebi. Or anybody.
Thinking about going out with
Park, in public, was kind of like
thinking about taking your helmet
off in space.
Park
His mom said that if they were
going to hang out every night after
school, which they definitely
were, they had to start doing
homework.
‘She’s probably right,’ Eleanor
said on the bus. ‘I’ve been faking
it in English all week.’
‘You were faking it today?
Seriously? It didn’t sound like it.’
‘We did Shakespeare last year
at my old school … But I can’t
fake it in math. I can’t even …
what’s the opposite of faking it?’
‘I can help you with your
math, you know. I’m already
through algebra.’
‘Gosh,
Wally,
that’d
be
dreamy.’
‘Or not,’ he said. ‘I could
not
help you with your math.’
Even her mean, smirky smile
made him crazy.
They tried to study in the living
room, but Josh wanted to watch
TV, so they took their stuff into
the kitchen.
His mom said it was okay; then
said she had stuff to do in the
garage. Whatever.
Eleanor moved her lips when
she read …
Park kicked her gently under
the table, and threw crumpled-up
pieces of paper into her hair. They
were almost never alone, and now
that they almost-practically were,
he felt kind of frantic for her
attention.
He flipped her algebra book
closed with his pen.
‘Seriously?’ She tried to open
it again.
‘No,’ he said, pulling it toward
him.
‘I thought we were studying.’
‘I know,’ he said, ‘I just …
we’re alone.’
‘Sort of …’
‘So we should be doing alone
things.’
‘You sound so creepy right
now …’
‘I meant talking.’ He wasn’t
sure what he meant. He looked
down at the table. Eleanor’s
algebra book was covered with
her handwriting, the lyrics to one
song wrapped and coiled around
the title of another. He saw his
name written in tiny cursive letters
– your own name always stands
out – and hidden in the chorus of
a Smiths song.
He felt himself grin.
‘What?’ Eleanor asked.
‘Nothing.’
‘What.’
He looked back at the book.
He was going to think about this
later, after she went home. He was
going to think about Eleanor
sitting in class, thinking about
him, carefully writing his name
someplace she thought only she
would see.
And
then
he
noticed
something else. Written just as
small, just as carefully, in all
lowercase letters. ‘i know your a
slut you smell like cum.’
‘
What
,’ Eleanor said, trying to
pull the book away. Park held
onto it. He felt the Bruce Banner
blood rushing to his face.
‘Why didn’t you tell me that
this was still happening?’
‘That
what
was
still
happening?’
He didn’t want to say it, he
didn’t want to point to it. He
didn’t want their eyes on those
words together.
‘This,’ he said, waving his
hand over the words.
She looked – and immediately
started scrubbing the bad writing
out with her pen. Her face was
skim milk, and her neck went red
and blotchy.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ he
said.
‘I didn’t know it was there.’
‘I thought this had stopped.’
‘Why would you think that?’
W h y
had
he thought that?
Because she was with him now?
‘I just … why didn’t you tell
me about this?’
‘Why would I tell you?’ she
asked.
‘It’s
gross
and
embarrassing.’
She was still scribbling. He put
his hand over her wrist. ‘Maybe I
could help.’
‘Help how?’ She shoved the
book toward him. ‘Do you want
to kick it?’
He clenched his teeth. She
took the book back and put it in
her bag.
‘Do you know who’s doing
it?’ he asked.
‘Are you going to kick
them
?’
‘Maybe …’
‘Well …’ she said, ‘I’ve
narrowed it down to people who
don’t like me …’
‘It couldn’t be just anyone. It
would have to be somebody who
could get to your books without
you knowing about it.’
Ten seconds ago, Eleanor had
looked mean as a cat. Now she
looked resigned, slumped over the
table with her fingertips at her
temples.
‘I don’t know …’ She shook
her head. ‘It seems like it always
happens on gym days.’
‘Do you leave your books in
the locker room?’
She rubbed her eyes with both
hands. ‘I feel like now you’re
intentionally asking me stupid
questions. You’re like the worst
detective ever.’
‘Who doesn’t like you in gym
class?’
‘Ha.’ She was still covering
her face. ‘Who doesn’t like me in
gym class.’
‘You
need
to
take
this
seriously,’ he said.
‘No,’
she
said
firmly,
squeezing her hands into fists,
‘this is exactly the sort of thing I
shouldn’t
take seriously. That’s
exactly what Tina and her
henchgirls want me to do. If they
think they’re getting to me?
They’ll never leave me alone.’
‘What does Tina have to do
with this?’
‘Tina is the queen of the
people in my gym class who don’t
like me.’
‘Tina would never do anything
this bad.’
Eleanor looked hard at him.
‘Are you kidding? Tina’s a
monster.
She’s
what
would
happen if the devil married the
wicked witch, and they rolled their
baby in a bowl of chopped evil.’
Park thought of the Tina who
sold him out in the garage and
made fun of people on the bus …
But then he thought of all the
times that Steve had gone after
Park, and Tina had pulled him
back.
‘I’ve known Tina since we
were kids,’ he said. ‘She’s not that
bad. We used to be friends.’
‘You don’t act like friends.’
‘Well, she’s dating Steve now.’
‘Why does that matter?’
Park couldn’t think of how to
answer.
‘Why
does
it
matter?’
Eleanor’s eyes were dark slits in
her face. If he lied to her about
this, she’d never forgive him.
‘None of it matters now,’ he
said. ‘It’s stupid … Tina and I
went together in the sixth grade.
Not that we ever went anywhere
or did anything.’
‘Tina? You went with
Tina
?’
‘It was the sixth grade. It was
nothing.’
‘But you were boyfriend and
girlfriend? Did you hold hands?’
‘I don’t remember.’
‘Did you kiss her?’
‘None of this matters.’
But it did. Because it was
making Eleanor look at him like
he was a stranger. It was making
him
feel
like a stranger. He knew
that Tina had a mean streak, but
he also knew that she wouldn’t go
this far.
What did he know about
Eleanor? Not much. It was like
she didn’t want him to know her
better. He felt everything for
Eleanor, but what did he really
know
?
‘You
always
write
in
lowercase letters …’ Saying this
out loud seemed like a good idea
only for as long as the words were
on his tongue, but he kept talking.
‘Did you write those things
yourself?’
Eleanor paled from pale to
ashen. It was like all the blood in
her body rushed to her heart, all at
once. Her speckled lips hung
open.
Then she snapped out of it.
She started stacking her books.
‘If I were going to write a note
to myself, calling myself a dirty
slut,’ she said it matter-of-factly,
‘you’re right, I might not use
capital letters. But I would
definitely use an apostrophe …
and probably a period. I’m a huge
fan of punctuation.’
‘What are you doing?’ he
asked.
She shook her head and stood
up. He couldn’t for the life of him