“I really appreciate that.”
“You’re welcome. Are you going to be living in London indefinitely?”
“No. I intend to return after—you know.”
He nodded. “Well, your job will be waiting for you if you decide to come back.”
I was moved by the gesture. There were thousands of applications that were submitted every day. That was the most generous offer I had ever received. “Thank you so much, sir. That means a lot to me.”
“Of course.
And you have my condolences, Jared. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this.”
“Thank you.”
“So, when do you leave?”
“
If you’re sure it’s okay, I’ll leave tomorrow.”
“I wish you well.”
“I actually have another favor to ask.”
“What is it?”
“Could you keep my situation to yourself and not tell the rest of the office? At least until after I’m gone. I just don’t want people to pity me.”
“Of course.
I won’t say anything. I completely understand. Real men don’t want people’s pity or remorse. You’re above that, Jared.”
I nodded.
“Yeah.”
My boss stood up and extended his hand. I shook it.
“Good luck, Jared.”
“
Thank you, sir. You too.”
“And Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.”
I left the office and closed the door behind me. I walked by Ethan’s office on the way back to mine. He hadn’t spoken to me since he saw me at the house. I’m surprised he hadn’t threatened me or questioned me. Elisa hadn’t called me either. I wondered if she had given up. She said she never would.
When the work day was over, I waited for everyone to leave before I packed my desk in a box then left the office. I wanted to be discreet about my departure, especially to Ethan. If he knew I was leaving, he would question me or tell Elisa about my plans to leave. I had to keep it a secret if I was really going to escape.
When I got back to the apartment
, Layla was still there.
“How was your last day?”
“It was okay.”
“So, you
wanna go out to celebrate?”
“To celebrate what?”
She shrugged. “Your last night here?”
“I guess.”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Somewhere quiet.
That café was fine.”
She rolled her eyes. “You know how to live it up, huh?”
I laughed. “I’m just too depressed to be happy.”
She looked at me with saddened eyes. “I know.”
After I showered, we left the apartment and grabbed coffee at the café. We sat by the window while I picked at my deli sandwich. I wasn’t hungry. I hadn’t been hungry in a long time. Layla stared at me for a while without saying anything. She respected my silence.
“How long will you be in London?” I asked.
“Just a few days. Then I have to get back to work.”
I nodded. “Well, at least I’ll have one friend while I’m there.”
“And I’m always a phone call away.” She placed her hand on top of mine and caressed my knuckles. I didn’t mind her affection. Her touch didn’t ignite me like Elisa’s did. It was more of a dull ache. I didn’t think I would ever feel that intense heat again. With Elisa, I felt so hot I thought I would explode. In comparison, Layla felt like a sister. It was amazing how much Elisa had captured my heart. She had it the moment I saw her. I was drawn to her like the flowers lean toward the sun.
The door of the café opened and I felt my heart fall when I saw Ethan. He was staring right at me, a look of pure rage on his face. I knew this wasn’t going to be good. I quickly pulled my hand away. I knew this looked bad.
Ethan marched toward me, his arms swinging at his sides. I knew he was going to yell and scream at me in the middle of the café. I had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.
When his fist collided with my face
, I fell back into my chair. I was not expecting him to hit me, especially in a public place.
“You’re such a piece of shit!” He punched me again.
I held up my hand. “What the hell is your problem?”
“So you fuck my sister after you dump her, break her heart again, then fuck with this tramp a few days later?” He threw another punch at me but I grabbed it and pushed him back. I was sick of Ethan’s bullshit. I rose from
the chair and stared him down. I had been taking my boxing and self-defense classes for a long time and was eager to use them. Everyone in the café moved away from us. I saw the cashier pick up the phone, probably calling the cops.
“I’m sick of your bullshit, Ethan. I didn’t fuck your sister then just leave. Why don’t yo
u ask her what happened? She tricked me—
tricked me
. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt her. And not that it’s any of your business, but I’m not sleeping with this woman. She’s just my friend.”
“Liar,” Ethan said as he threw another punch.
I grabbed his first then hit him on the arm, making him retract it with a groan. I punched him across the face, making his nose bleed, then stepped back, waiting for him to hit me again. When he aimed for my face, I grabbed him arm, pinned it behind his back, then kicked his knees from under him, sending him to the floor. I pressed my knees again his back. “Elisa is the one who broke my heart—not the other way around.” I pulled his arm back so it would hurt. “I’m tired of being threatened by you all the time. How would you feel if my sister threatened to hurt Elisa for all the shit she’s done to me?” Ethan said nothing. “I didn’t want to be at the house the other day. She came to my apartment in the middle of the night and I had to drag her home. She begged me to stay with her. I set my alarm to leave before everyone woke up, but she disabled it so I would have to spend time with the kids.” I released his hands and stepped away, knowing he wouldn’t fight me again. “She and I are done. Don’t worry. You’ll never have to see me again.” I grabbed Layla by the arm then led her to the front door. I needed to get away before I hit him again.
“I’m sorry about that,” I said as I guided her up the street.
She used her sleeve to wipe my nose. I was still bleeding. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“That was uncalled for.”
“He’s always been that way with Elisa. I understand it but it’s really pissing me off. She is the one who broke my heart—not the other way around. And it pisses me off that my sister doesn’t do shit about it.”
“Talk to her.”
“I shouldn’t have to.”
When we got back to the apartment, I cleaned myself up and finished packing all my essentials. I was leaving for airport late that evening. The flight was eight hours so we would land by the next night in their time zone.
I picked up my phone and called Alex. “Can you come over?”
“Uh, sure. Hi, by the way.”
“Yeah whatever.
Can you come by?”
“I’m on my way.”
I hung up.
“Who’s that?”
Layla asked.
“My friend Alex.”
“Are you going to say goodbye?”
“I have something to give him.”
“Oh.”
A few minutes later
, Alex arrived.
When he walked in
, his eyes widened. “What the fuck is going on? Are you moving?”
“Yeah.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m telling you now.”
“Where are you going?”
“London.”
“What the fuck?”
“Just shut up.”
“Is this because of Elisa?”
“What do you think?”
“You’re insane.”
“I don’t refute that.”
Layla came over and shook Alex’s hand. “Hi. I’m Layla.”
“Uh,” he stumbled as he looked at her. “Hi. I’m Alex.
” He looked at her for a long moment before he turned back to me.
I grabbed two envelopes sitting on the count
er. “I need you to give these to Sadie.”
He looked at them.
“And Elisa?”
“Sadie will give it to her.”
“You aren’t going to tell your sister you’re moving?” he asked incredulously.
“What do you think the letter is for?”
“That’s cowardly.”
“She’ll try to stop me if I tell her beforehand. I’m about to leave for the airport and I’m turning my phone off. No matter how fast you get that to her
, it will be too late. I’ll already be gone.”
He was quiet for a moment. “When are you coming back?”
“A year or two.”
“She ruined you.”
“Yeah.”
He sighed. “I don’t suppose I can change your mind?”
I smiled. “No.”
“Well, I’ll miss you, man.”
“Yeah. I’ll miss you too.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him for a second. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
“Yeah,” he said as he pulled away.
“Take care.”
He nodded. I could tell how upset he was just by looking at him. I was glad I didn’t have to see the same look on Sadie and Elisa’s faces.
“Well, this is it,” I said. I grabbed a few bags and Layla grabbed the rest. We walked out the door then shut it. I slid the key underneath. I stared at the closed door for a moment. I’ll never set foot in that apartment again. “Okay.”
Layla
smiled at me, trying to assuage my fear.
We walked down to the street and hailed a cab. Alex watched us climb inside. He stayed on the sidewalk until we started to pull away. I held up a hand and waved. He nodded back. The car drove down the road and took us to JFK airport.
I pulled out my phone then turned it off. It would only be a matter of time before it started to ring like crazy. Layla grabbed my hand and squeezed it, understanding how hard this was for me.
When we arrived at the airport, we checked in and got our luggage on board. I stared at my ticket while we waited for the flight
attendant to usher us onto the plane. It said it was a one way flight. That made my heart accelerate. I was really doing this.
When our flight was called
, I didn’t move.
“Come on,”
Layla said as she grabbed my hand. “It’s okay.”
I took a deep breath. This was harder than I thought it was going to be. I could just go back to Elisa and give her another chance, but I knew that would be a mistake. I would miss my sister’s wedding but I felt like she didn’t care about me anyway. My dad wouldn’t know anything until it was too late.
I finally rose to my feet. “Okay.”
“You’re going to be alright, Jared.”
I said nothing. I turned to the counter and handed my ticket to the clerk.
“Have a wonderful flight, Mr. Montague.”
I nodded then boarded the plane.
17
London
was beautiful—freezing—but beautiful. My mother was ecstatic that I decided to move there spontaneously. It was so different from New York that I couldn’t even describe it. Even though the citizens still spoke English, I could barely understand them most of the time. Their accents could be so thick.
Layla
showed me a few of the tourist spots as well as the better pubs she had been to. Even though nothing reminded me of Elisa, I still thought of her. Just an ad on the side of the cab was enough to make me think about her. If anything, I always thought of her until something distracted me. When the distraction was gone, my thoughts returned to her.
The biggest issue I had with London was the streets. The cars drove on the opposite side of the road and there were a lot of smaller one way streets. I almost got hit by car
s a few times. Layla didn’t introduce me to her family but she introduced me to a few friends she had in the city. They were nice—difficult to understand—but nice.
Layla
didn’t stay with me at my mom’s house. She stayed with her uncle a few streets away. I didn’t want my mom to assume that Layla was anything more than a friend. I wasn’t sure why Layla was so nice to me. I knew she was attracted to me and was interested in me, but I was an emotional wreck with a bunch of baggage. She would always be second best and she understood that. The revelation reminded me of myself. I was the same way with Elisa.
We went to the theatre one night and watched a play.
Layla held my hand while we watched the show but I didn’t pull away. As long as she didn’t try to kiss me or seduce me, I was fine with it. And I wasn’t sure what her affection even meant—friendly or romantic. I assumed it was friendly since I was in so much pain. I wish I could just forget about Elisa and fall for Layla. I could tell the girl wouldn’t hurt me. She was a bit obsessed with me, really.
I still hadn’t turned on my phone because I didn’t want to deal with all the questions, emotions, and utter turmoil. My sister realized I was with our mom so she called her a few times. Every time my mom tried to get me on the phone
, I left the townhouse. I knew my sister was pissed at me because of what I wrote in her letter. I basically told her she cared more about Ethan than me, and she didn’t give a shit about me whatsoever. She let her boyfriend disrespect me on a daily basis when her sister-in-law turned out to be the heartbreaker. I was pissed at Sadie. I didn’t care how mad she was. That’s how I really felt—like I didn’t matter.
I had dinner with my mom almost every evening. My mom’s boyfriend hadn’t come around yet. I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved or not. If I liked the g
uy, it would be a betrayal to my father, but if I didn’t like the guy, it would cause me trouble since he was my boss in a way.
I
stabbed my broccoli with my fork while I ate at the kitchen table. I hadn’t seen my mom in seven years so it was difficult to become accustomed to her presence again.
“So, how are you liking it?” she asked.
“It’s beautiful.”
She smiled. “Now you know why I moved here. Americans are a bunch of rude idiots.”
“Mom, you’re American.”
“Yep.”
I smiled. “Well, at least you realize it.”
“But don’t tell anyone that
you’re American.”
“They are going to figure it out by my accent.”
“Then speak in a British one.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not doing that.”
“It will happen eventually.”
I chewed my broccoli and ignored her comment.
“So why are you here, Jared?”
“I—I just wanted to leave the city.”
“I thought you loved it there.”
“I did.”
“And what changed?”
I shrugged. “I just didn’t like it anymore.”
“Does this have anything to do with a girl?”
My mom and I were never close and we weren’t going to start now. “No.”
“You’re a horrible liar. You make the same face your father makes.”
I averted my gaze. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay.”
I raised an eyebrow. That was it? She wasn’t going to pester me.
“What?”
“You’re not going to
try to pull it out of me?”
She shook her head. “You’re an adult. It’s none of my business unless you want it to be.”
“Thanks.”
“So, who’s that girl you’re always with?”
“My friend, Layla.”
“Is she from New York?”
“Yeah. She’s just helping me get settled.”
“That’s very nice of her.”
“Yeah.”
“And she’s going to leave?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm.”
“What?”
“You don’t like her? She’s very beautiful.”
“We’re just friends,” I said quickly.
“I can’t imagine what this other girl must have looked like
, then. She must have been truly exceptional.”
She was but I would never say that. There was an awkward silence that passed between us. My chewing became amplified in my ears.
“How’s work?”
“It’s good.”
“You like it?”
I shrugged. “It’s fine. It’s a job.”
“Roger says everyone loves you already.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“You must be a lot more charming at work than at home,” she said with a smile.
“I’m sorry. I’m just not myself lately.”
“I understand.”
I drank from my glass of water then returned it to the table.
“So, how’s Sadie?”
“She’s good.”
“Anything new with her?”
I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure if Sadie was planning on telling her that she was engaged. I kn
ew she didn’t want her there. “Uh, no.” I was pissed at my sister but I would still cover her ass.
“And your father?”
“Why do you ask if you don’t really care?” I snapped.
Her eyes widened. “I do care.”
I didn’t meet her gaze and continued to eat.
“Jared, our divorce was the greatest thing that happened to both of us. He and I are both happy. I still love and respect him.”
I knew my dad wasn’t happy. He was lonely. I spent as much time with him as I could but it was never enough. And he never moved on because he still loved my mom, for whatever reason.
I pushed my plate away. “I’m going to bed.”
“Jared?”
“What?” I placed my plate in the sink.
“I’m always here if you need to talk.”
“I know,
Mom.”
“Good night, baby.”
“Night.”
When I went into my bedroom
, I finally turned on my phone. My message box was full. I didn’t feel like listening to any of them. I was glad it couldn’t hold any more messages. I wished I could just delete them without listening to them.
I called
Layla. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“What time do you leave tomorrow?”
“In the morning.”
“Oh.”
“You sad to see me go?”
“Yeah,” I said with a smile.
“I’ll be back soon.”
“You can’t stay for Christmas?”
“No. The holidays are the busiest time of year for us.”
I laughed. “That makes sense.”
“We can still Skype.”
“I would like that.”
“Or you could you just come home with me.”
“You know I can’t do that.”
“Have you talked to anyone?”
“No. My message box is full so they must be eager to get a hold of me.”
“Yikes. That’s going to take a while to go through.”
“Yeah.”
“Has your mom talked to them?”
“Sadie calls every day.”
“And what does she say?”
“I don’t know. I always leave the house.”
“You can’t avoid her forever.”
“I know. I just want them to accept the fact that I’m staying.”
“It sounds like you’re afraid she’ll convince you to come home.”
“Maybe.”
She yawned. “Well, I should go to bed.”
“Me too.”
“Are you coming to the airport with me?”
“Yeah. I’ll go before work.”
“Okay. I’ll see you then.”
“Bye.”
I hung up then turned off my phone again. I stared at the ceiling
, unable to think about anything but Elisa. Did I make a mistake going there? If I was so in love with her, why shouldn’t I just be with her? Maybe I should give her another chance. But then the doubt came back. I had to stay strong. She would just hurt me over and over again. I had to stay strong.
Perhaps I was more depressed because Christmas was coming. I fantasized about waking up with Elisa in my arms then making love to her quietly. The kids would come to the door and demand to open gifts. We could sit under the tree, drinking hot cocoa as we watched their eyes light up in joy. When the tears burned my eyes, I closed them and started to count to a hundred. W
hen I reached the eighties, I fell asleep.