“Eliza? Of course, I would understand if you
didn’t feel like it was appropriate, yet.” She said softly casting her eyes to
the work of preparing the waffles.
“Oh no! We’ll definitely stop by. Ren’s looking
forward to meeting you too.” I said, struggling to mask my brimming remorse.
Guilt settled over my shoulders like a cloak. I
wondered how long I would have to shoulder such a burden, then miserably
acknowledged that deceit would likely be a permanent resident in my new life.
Jane left shortly after breakfast. Weekends were
the busiest time of the week at Viva. It was a relief to be alone. I felt like
a revolver in Russian roulette, the barrel spinning out of control, the bullet
inside me waiting to fire…again.
* * *
At five o’clock I was evaluating my appearance one
last time in the mirror when a hum ignited my sensory system. I ran to the
door. Ren’s steady jaunt echoed through the stairwell. I stood in the doorway, ready
to greet him as he rounded the corner of the landing.
“Hey there.” I chimed.
“Hi Eliza.” He said cheerfully. With his cheeks
flushed and hair tousled from the walk, he was so heartbreakingly attractive I
had to remind myself that hope for a redux of last night wasn’t worth it.
“Come on in. I’m just going to grab my coat.” I
said, turning quickly toward the coat rack. The nearer he got, the harder it
was to resist the urge to touch him.
“So, what do you have in mind tonight? Do I need
to bring anything special?” I asked.
Ren’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “A warm coat.
It’s getting chilly out there.” He stated purposefully elusive as he followed
me into the living room.
“Alright, then I’m ready.” I said, walking briskly
toward the door.
We tramped down the stairs in silence. Stepping
out to the street, the crisp evening air greeted us.
“Ren, before we head out, I need to talk to you
about something.” I said and tugged his shirtsleeve to pull him toward a bench
against the building.
“Sure.” He conceded easily.
“You know Jane was surprised to see you last
night. I’m not supposed to have guys in the house when she’s not home.” I said
quickly, heat rising to my cheeks.
“What I mean is… I’m alone a lot in the evenings
because of Jane’s work. It’s ok because she trusts me. If she didn’t trust me,
well, our life together just wouldn’t work.” I blushed deeper at this comment
realizing that if Jane knew what I’d really done there would be no trust at all
left between us.
“What she came home to last night was definitely
something that would shake her trust in me.” I said, the words choking up in my
throat. The conversation was making me increasingly uncomfortable.
Ren’s eyebrow shot up with amusement. “I can
understand why Jane might be concerned to find you alone with me.” He said with
a sly grin.
I quickly shifted my eyes from his face to the
ground and stared at my hands dancing around each other.
“That’s not really what I have to tell you. This
morning, I was nervous because I knew Jane was going to be mad. I lied to her
last night and lying is just something we don’t do. I was so upset that I
wished she would forget all about last night and… she did.” The words tumbled
from my mouth.
Ren’s flirtatious grin fell. “What do you mean?”
He asked cautiously.
“Just what I said, I was upset... Then this
feeling kind of took over. It was a little like the day on the dock but not
quite as… intentional. Before I even figured out what was happening, it was
already done. Jane’s memory of last night was gone.” I confessed.
Regardless of the degree of intention, the
troubling factor in the scenario was clearly that intent existed at all. The
possibility of destroying Jane’s memory crossed my mind and with intent,
however small, I attacked her.
Ren looked concerned.
“I feel terrible about it! I mean, yes, I guess I
willed it to happen but I didn’t know it would happen. I feel like a thief.” I
stammered.
Shame burned my chest and throat. I stared blankly
at the ground, unable to meet Ren’s gaze.
He spoke quietly, mindful of several passersby on
the street.
“Eliza, that’s incredible! Mind manipulation is
one of the most difficult skills to master. Many never accomplish it over a
lifetime!” He said breathlessly.
I lifted my eyes from the ground astonished by his
reaction.
“I don’t want to do this again, Ren. At least, not
like this. I could have hurt Jane today and I couldn’t live with myself if I’d
hurt her. What can I do to stay more in control?” I asked.
Ren furrowed his brow thoughtfully.
“You said that it felt somewhat like the sensation
on the dock when you beckoned the water, right?” He clarified.
“Recognizing that feeling will help. Also, I have
something for you. Something that will help you.” He said waggling his brows
suggestively.
“But I need to take you somewhere to give it to
you. Are you ready to go now?” He asked, his gaze intense.
Remembering the purpose for halting our progress,
I shook my head. “No…not yet. Jane wants to meet you.” I added morosely.
Ren sat back looking puzzled then laughed, “Am I
that unmemorable or are you just that good?”
I scowled back at him.
Ren rested his hand on my forearm, tickling my
nerve endings.
“It’s going to be alright, Eliza. You’re a good
person. As long as your heart and mind are good, your actions will not cause
lasting harm to anyone.” He assured me.
I bristled at his words. But what if I’m selfish
and cowardly? What if when cornered, I push back unfairly? I thought. I
couldn’t in good conscience argue that what I’d done to Jane had been fair or
right.
“Lasting harm. That makes me feel a whole lot
better. Thanks.” I laughed sarcastically.
Ren stood abruptly and pulled me to my feet.
“Enough wallowing for one night. So we’re going to ‘meet’ Jane then? Show me
the way.” He grinned encouragingly.
I took a deep breath before leading him in the
direction of Viva.
* * *
At the restaurant, Ren marveled at Jane’s amnesia
as I had earlier in the day. He charmed her… again. As we left that evening
Jane winked and gave me a covert thumbs up sign.
Seeing Jane in her natural environment eased my
concerns. She didn’t seem to be suffering from any lasting effects of the mind
manipulation. In fact, she seemed perfect, brilliant and charming as usual.
Though the sense of guilt lingered, it began to fade into curiosity and
amazement. My mind wandered reviewing the event, recalling and capturing every
detail for future study. Engrossed in thought, I followed Ren as he led me
through town.
“Do you think that some minds are easier to
manipulate than others? Like, do you think that maybe Jane was already wishing
that last night didn’t happen and I just fulfilled her wish?” I asked,
hopefully.
Ren paused deliberating over his response.
“There are people who beg for others to tell them
what to do both consciously and unconsciously. Then there are circumstances
when people, whole lots of them, are so desperate because of poverty,
starvation, or pain that they long for direction and become prey.”
He turned to me abruptly, “Eliza, what you can do
is fantastic but it is a gift that must be used wisely, something you already
know. Some of the most evil acts our kind has inflicted upon others through the
centuries have been a consequence of mind manipulation.”
“But as long as our intentions are good, it
shouldn’t be too much of a concern, right?” I asked alarmed.
“Right. But if we’re making it our business to
interfere with another person’s mind we should inspect our intentions. Don’t
you think?” He challenged me gently. Though his eyes lit with a playful twinkle
once again.
“Of course, that goes without saying.” I muttered
defensively.
“Can you manipulate minds?” I asked cautiously.
“Nope. Don’t have the foggiest idea as to how to
pull that off.” He conceded with a shrug.
“And exactly why do you think you’re my pharos
again?” I asked sarcastically.
Ren sighed. “It
would
be more convenient if my strengths
were the same as yours but that’s not how this works. We all have our own bag
of tricks. Besides, maybe we’ve been lumped together so that you can teach me a
few things.” He said and paused.
Oblivious to our surroundings, I suddenly found
myself standing next to a shiny black coupe. Ren opened the passenger door.
“Hop in.” He said, his lips curved in a half grin.
I sank into the cold leather seat.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” I
asked.
“Just up the hill, it’s a spot I think you’ll
like.” He responded vaguely.
We snaked up the hillside through narrow streets
before escaping town and heading north. As we crept out of town, the road grew
narrow and rough. The ambient light of town faded behind us as we forged into
the deeply wooded hills.
Ren squinted at the road, periodically scanning
the thick foliage flanking our path. My eyes flickered in the same direction
but I decided not to ask him what he was looking for. As we bumped along down
the road, I assessed the impenetrable darkness beyond the glass. Living in the
city, I rarely experienced true darkness and had never explored a dark wood,
that is, aside from my dreams. I shivered at an image now imbedded in the
fabric of my being, a dirt road beneath my feet, dense Southern woods around
me, and Shadows at my side.
“Is it far?” I whispered, struggling to harness my
increasing anxiety. Our headlights pressed forward.
“It’s just a few more meters up the road.” He said
quietly, distracted by navigation.
Several minutes later, the car slowed. Ren steered
us slowly down a single lane gravel path. Stones pelted the exterior of the
car, echoing violently in the cab.
“It’s so dark. You’ve been here before, right?” I
asked, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.
“Yes. There’s nothing to worry about Eliza. It’s
remote which is why, for us, it’s safe.” He conceded, with a stern gaze as if I
should understand why we needed solitude.
I turned my face to the road and peered out the
window into the night wondering what might be staring back from its depths. Ren
suddenly pulled the car to the side of the gravel path and stopped. He exhaled
audibly, revealing that the drive had also been taxing for him. He turned to
me.
“From here, we have to walk. It’s not far. Eliza,
do you trust me?” His voice was a husky whisper.
The heat rolling off his body stroked the surface
of my skin. The cab was still except for the sound of our breath.
“I’m just not all that used to deep dark forests,
that’s all.” I said with a weak laugh.
The key clicked in the ignition and the lights
vanished. I found myself floating in pure darkness. My only comfort the heat
and energy reaching to me from across the car.
“Let’s go then.” Ren’s voice lifted with
excitement.
As my eyes adjusted, I saw the blue light of the
moon streaming through the break in the trees above the road. The gravel path
glowed bright in the ethereal light. The sight awakened emotion in my heart.
Positive energy surged through me drawing me out of the car and into the
forest.
Ren opened my door. A pack was strapped to his
back and he carried an unlit lantern in his hand. Stepping from the car, I left
my anxiety behind as I entered the calm of the moonlit forest.
“I’ll light the lantern when we reach the
footpath. The moon should help until then.” Ren said peering upward.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I marveled at the
crystalline light, reflecting on the back of my hands. It was so much brighter
than it appeared in the city.
“That’s why we’re here.” Ren said his smile
sparkled ultraviolet.
He took my hand. When we touched my skin tingled
and my arm ached in response to the fingers that wrapped around mine, warm and
firm. It was the first time Ren had really touched me since our discussion the
night before and it felt strange, knowing that he wanted to be close to me,
knowing that he knew how much I wanted him, and knowing that our twined hands
meant only friendship, nothing more. But nonetheless, it felt good and I chose
to relish it rather than dwell on the loss of what could be. Ren pulled me
close to his side and guided me down the path. We tread softly, interpreting
the path in the shimmering light and merged with the forest, listening to the
hooting of owls, chirping crickets, and the crackling of small feet scampering
across the forest floor.
At the base of a narrow footpath, we paused and
Ren struck a match. The warm yellow light flickered eerily in the blue moon
forest. He held the match to the lantern and it sucked the flame greedily
transforming it into a torch. Standing in the glow of the lantern, the surge of
energy connecting me to the forest evaporated. I felt exposed, set apart from
the other creatures of the night. I quickly wound my arm around Ren’s.
My heart accelerated. Ren held the lantern ahead
of us and we plunged boldly down the footpath into the deep woods. As we
walked, I could feel the sinewy muscles of his chest shifting. Every cell in my
body reached for him, responding to something akin to gravity.
Branches cracked in the dark on the edges of the
path. I made the mistake of looking into the woods at my side and caught the
glassy glow of eyes peering at us from the dark. With a cry, I nearly leapt
from my skin.
“They have more to fear from us than we from them.
Believe me.” Ren whispered calmly.
Firmly planting my gaze on the path ahead, I
swallowed my fear. The path climbed sharply northward forcing me to study the
ground to avoid the gnarled roots and branches along the way. As the ground
began to level, I looked up to see the moonlight illuminating a grassy field.