Ember (3 page)

Roxie

I’ve spent the last week with the girls at Cole’s house, and it has been real good for me. Not just because of the still present need for alcohol, but for me. I’ve missed these girls, especially Lacey, and being around them as the normal, sober me makes me so happy.

If I hadn’t fucked things up with Mason, I would be the happiest I’ve ever been, but the pain in my heart for him brings me down. It prevents me from reaching the highest point, and I need to fix that.

I’m so glad Lacey thought to have Ria and Paige here, too. I need as many people around me as possible because I’m no fool. I need the support and the last two days have been really hard. The craving is still there; it’s not going to go away just because I’ve been to rehab. The real work is when you’ve left rehab and have to return back to reality.

I’ve been feeling really sick lately, too, and I’m trying to hide it because I don’t want to add yet another reason to fuss over me. Lacey knows something is up, though. I can’t get anything pass her.

Another heave ripples through me and I close my eyes as another round of vomit spills into the toilet.

“Roxie? Is that you?” I hear Lacey from the other side of the door.

“Yes,” I quickly manage to say before another round leaves my stomach.

I hear her trying to open the door but, thankfully, it’s locked.

“Rox, let me in,” she begs me but I don’t move. I want to be alone. “Roxie!”

I just know she’s standing there with her hands on her hips as she frowns at the door. Then I hear another set of footsteps.

“What’s up?” I hear Crystal.

“Roxie’s in the bathroom,” Lacey replies.

“Ok,” Crystal laughs.

“No, she’s being sick.” Lacey snaps. “And she won’t let me in.”

There’s a knock on the bathroom door again. “Roxie?” It’s Crystal.

I sigh and flush the toilet.
See what I mean? More fussing.

“I’m coming!” I shout as the knocking continues.

I quickly rinse out my mouth and get a look at my reflection.
Ouch, I don’t look so good.

As soon as I open the door, Lacey storms pass me.  “Why wouldn’t you let me in?” She demands and I hate the look of suspicion in her eyes.

“Because I don’t want anyone to see me sick.” Does anyone want to be seen like that?

“Is that it?” Crystal asks.

I place my hands on my hip. “Why? You think I’m hiding a bottle or two in here? Go ahead, take a look.” I hold out my arms wide.

She frowns. “Of course not.”

“We’re just worried,” Lacey adds.

“Yeah babe, that’s, like, the third time this week I’ve heard you throwing up.” Crystal looks at me, concern clear on her face.

I run my hands through my knotty bed-head hair. “Yeah, I think I’m just coming down with something.”

They both nod their heads and I see the sympathy they have for me. As much as I know they care about me, I’m starting to get a little annoyed at seeing that look.

“Ok, well, I’m making breakfast.” Lacey walks out.

“I’ll be down soon,” I let her know as I make my way to my room.

While I’m alone, I think about the lies I’m still telling my friends and it makes me feel like shit. I shouldn’t be lying. That’s how everything started but as much as I know they all love me, I’m scared they won’t agree with what I’m doing.

When I make my way downstairs, I smile at the breakfast Lacey has laid out for me.

“I see you went all out,” I laugh.

“Hey!” she shouts. “Don’t laugh at my toast.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I mock as I spread some jam on a piece.

After I’ve eaten, I notice that Lacey is acting a little weird. It’s making me feel on edge.

“Is Lacey ok?” I lean over and ask Paige.

Her eyes widen for just a second, but I see it. “Erm...what?”

“Is she ok?” I repeat.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t she be?” Paige quickly gets up and practically runs out of the kitchen.

Now I
know
something is up. I don’t like it.

Just then, I hear a faint noise but it’s loud enough for me to know what it is. I leave my chair at the kitchen table and walk into the living room. The sound is louder here, so I know for sure I heard the sound of an engine. Not just any engine, either. I would know the loud and raw sound of the tour bus anywhere.

I see Lacey run out of the kitchen and down the hall towards the front door, quickly followed by Crystal. Paige and Ria appear beside me as I watch the tour bus pull up outside. My insides are shivering but my body feels hot. 

Cole leaves the bus first and runs towards Lacey, spinning her around in his arms. The scene brings a smile to my face. I watch as Booker and Tate climb down the steps, but I don’t miss the way Crystal looks at Booker over Tate’s shoulder, though.
Interesting.
But all my thoughts disapper when the man I have been hurting for strolls off the bus with the swagger of a man who hasn’t a worry in the world, but I see through it. I see through the lie and see how bad I damaged him. His arms look a little bigger; hopefully, he’s worked his frustrations in the gym rather than with other women. I know it’s wrong of me to hope he hasn’t been with anyone else, but this is the man I love. I don’t want him with anyone but me.

He wears a tight white shirt with those black jeans I love so much. He doesn’t remove his sunglasses, though, and I think I know why.
I’m so sorry, Mason.

“Where is she then?” Tate shouts.

“Roxie!” Cole spots me in the window. “Come here!”

I smile back, but it falls when I see Mason freeze when he notices me. He may be wearing sunglasses, but I still feel the harshness of his stare.

Booker walks up to him and whispers something in Mason’s ear. His gaze stays on mine as he shakes his head in reply to whatever Booker said. My heart sinks when he turns and walks away.

Roxie

“You ok?” Paige quietly asks from beside me.

All I manage is a nod in reply because I’m too busy watching Mason disappear around the back of the house.

“Well, don’t you look a lot fucking better?” I hear Booker shout, and I immediately smile. Booker always manages to do that.

I turn and see him walking into the room, followed by everyone else. Booker quickly makes his way over to me and crushes me in his arms.

“Thanks,” I say against his chest, but I’m able to look up at him and give him a quick smile.

Tate appears at our side and takes me from Booker, while also messing up my hair like an annoying big brother. After giving Lacey all of his attention, Cole makes his way over to me with his signature handsome smile.

“How’re you doing, Rox?”

“I’m better,” I whisper.

“Good.” He kisses me on the forehead. “Go to Mason,” he whispers.

I shake my head. “I can’t,” I whisper back.

“Of course you can.” Cole doesn’t let me argue back because he returns to Lacey.

What is Cole thinking? I can’t find Mason and it’s obvious he doesn’t want to see me. If he did he would be here rather than hiding outside.

“What’s up?” Crystal asks.

I look up at her and I can feel the tears threatening to come. She takes one look at me and understands.

“Come on, chick, let’s get a fresh drink.” She doesn’t give anyone time to respond as she wraps her arm around my shoulder and leads me out of the room.

We don’t stop until we reach the kitchen. She gives me a slight smile before bringing me a cold glass of water and I eagerly take a drink. I try my best to cancel the thought of wanting alcohol rather than water, but I’m not completely successful.

“He didn’t even come inside,” I say as I slam the glass on the side.

“He might not know that you’re here,” she suggests, but we both know that he does. I give her the look that tells her so, and she loudly sighs. “Ok, so he does know, but he might be scared to see you.”

“He’s not scared, he just doesn’t want to see me, and I don’t blame him.”

“Don’t talk crap, babe,” Cole walks in. “He does, he’s just a little worried right now.”

“Give him some time,” Tate says as he cuddles me.

I see that some of their attention turns to the window and I know, before I even take a look, that Mason is in the back garden. When I peek through the glass doors I see him slowly walking towards the pool area. His head is down, hands in his pockets. He looks miserable and I fucking did that to him.

I look back at Lacey and she gives me a nod of encouragement because we both know that I need to do this. It’s just going to be hard.

I take a deep breath, mentally putting on my big girl pants before walking outside. He’s now leaning against the wall, head up to the sky, and I start to become really fucking nervous.

He must hear me approach him because he looks over and gives me a tight smile. I hate that this is how it has become between us and it’s all my fault.

“Hi,” I greet him.

He doesn’t say it in return, just nods his head instead. “How was rehab?”

God, this feels so wrong and awkward.

“It was great for me, and thank you for doing that. It meant a lot.” I wish I could have him wrap his strong arms around me and hold me tight. I wish that I had the courage to tell him how hard rehab really was, and how hard it still is. But seeing him just makes the whole struggle worth it.

Mason smiles and I don’t like it. It doesn’t look like the sincere smile that I love. “It was the least I could do after bringing you into this life full of shits.”

My body freezes. “What? No, Mason.”

He breaks away from the wall and shoves his hands back into his pockets. “Yes, Roxie.”

“Mason, you can’t think like that. This was all because of me, everything falls onto me.” I step closer but stop when I see Mason frown. “If I hadn’t slept with Joe, then-“

“Shut up!” Mason cuts me off. “I don’t want to hear this, Roxie.”

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly, not thinking that he can hear me.

Mason pauses next to me and looks me over. I watch as his eyes look at every part of me and finish on my lips and then my eyes. I catch sight of his hand reaching up and, for just a second, I think he was going to touch me.

“I don’t blame you for what you did. I can’t blame you, Rox. I took you into my world knowing about the kind of people that take advantage, and I didn’t see you falling.”

I can’t speak. The sadness in his voice has struck me.

“That one time was your mistake, true, but you were already falling by that time, and he dragged you further down.”

A tear falls down my cheek and Mason surprises me by wiping it away.

“I’m so sorry,” I say again.

“You don’t need to be. I was mad at you, but after sorting through my shit, I realized you weren’t to blame.”

“I miss you.” We both freeze at my words. I wasn’t supposed to say them, they just fell out.

“Rox,” he begins.

“No, it’s ok.” I look down at the floor in shame.
I can’t believe I just embarrassed myself like that.

“I love you, Rox, but I can’t. Not after everything that’s happened.”

“I know,” I sniffle.

I continue to look down at the ground while I feel Mason’s gaze on me. I think to myself that maybe I should come clean with my last remaining secret, but then I hear him walk away, and I don’t want to shout for him to come back. I’ve already made too much of a fool of myself for one day.

When I know for certain he’s gone, I sink down onto the nearest seat and breathe a huge sigh. At least the first meeting after everything that happened is over and done with now.

I hear more footsteps and look up to see Lacey and Paige walking towards me.

“What happened?” Lacey quickly asks.

“You ok?” Paige looks me over, both of them checking if I’m all together.

I just nod my head and swipe away the latest tears.

“Yeah, just so strange.” I answer sadly.

“What do you mean?” Paige sits next to me.

“We used to be so close and now it feels like we’re strangers. It hurts.”

They both hold me as more teas fall, and we stay like that until I feel ready to go back inside and face everyone. Thankfully, I don’t see Mason for the rest of the day.

Mason

The hardest thing I have done this week is walking away from Roxie. Not the late night gigs. Not the long time spent on the tour bus. Not reading about Roxie on the internet and being asked about her by paparazzi, and not even seeing Joe walk around the place with a fucking smirk on his face when he spots me looking. No, the hardest was seeing Roxie looking so beautiful and healthy and having to walk away.

It may have been hard, but it was something I had to do. Everything I told her was true. Since Cole spoke those true words before the gig last week, I’ve been playing them in my mind over and over, and I realized I was wrong in placing the blame on Roxie.

Like I told her, she was already starting to fall before she slept with Joe, and Joe being the man he is took advantage and dragged her down with him.

I take one last look behind me and my heart honestly drops when I see her sitting on a chair, head in her hands, and her body slightly shaking from crying. My jaw tightens and my fists clench as I physically fight with myself to go back, but I know I shouldn’t.

Yes, I’ve realized she’s not to blame. She was ill and wasn’t herself. I know she’s the same old Roxie now, but she still broke my heart.

Thankfully, Lacey and Roxie’s cousin, Paige, come out to join her and I leave. I can’t stay here. I can’t be around Roxie yet. It’s too fucking hard.

“Mason!” I hear Cole shout at me, but I carry on walking. It’s not long until he slams his hand down on my shoulder. “Where’re you going?”

“Home,” I simply reply.
Where else would I be going?

“What the fuck Mason?” I stop walking because it’s obvious I’m not getting anywhere fast just yet. Then I see Booker and Tate make their way over to us, and I just know they’re about to lecture me. These guys, my brothers, love the girls, and we protect them all.

“What the fuck did you say to her?” Booker shouts as he reaches me.

“It’s nothing to do with you,” I snap back.

“The fuck it is! That girl in there is crying her heart out. She doesn’t need this shit from you right now. She’s just come out of rehab, for fucks sake!”

Tate places a hand on Bookers arm and I know it’s a warning. Me and Booker like to wind each other up and Tate and Cole know how heated it can get.

Booker shrugs Tate’s hand off him.

“No, he has to hear this. That girl has been through some shit, and she doesn’t need
you
, the man she still loves, to hurt her like you are. Either take your woman and care for her, or end it and leave her the fuck alone.” Booker turns and storms off, Tate and Cole look at me as if expecting me to say anything back but why would I? Booker is speaking the truth.

“He’s right.” That’s all I say before I turn around and walk home. I could have borrowed one of Cole’s cars, but I need the walk.

By the time I have reached my house, I have finally come to a decision. It might not be the best idea but I need some relief. I go home and shower and without another thought, I pick up the phone and dial a number I haven’t called in a while.

Within twenty minutes, there’s a buzz on the phone, and I let her through both sets of gates. The security is intense here, but it’s necessary. Before we bought this land and built our houses, we had a lot of problems with fans and the press. Now, we can actually relax at home.

A knock on the door lets me know she’s here and when I open it, I see she’s wearing a coat and her blonde hair tied up. Not what I imagined.

“Hello, Natasha,” I greet her and smile.

“Mason.” She grins back with her blue eyes sparkling full of mischief. “Nice to be back.”

She steps inside, her heels clicking on my marble floor, and when the door shuts behind her, she opens her coat and reveals what she’s wearing underneath it. Or shall I say, what she
isn’t
wearing, because all I see is her black lace underwear decorating her slim frame. That’s a little more like it.

“Nice to have you,” I growl, and rip away her coat.

Natasha is an old friend of mine. Well, I say friend, but the truth is we just like to fuck. She doesn’t live far away, either, which is a bonus for nights like these.

When I’ve thrown her coat on the floor, I pick her up and carry her upstairs and she stars to giggle. I don’t take her to my bedroom, but to the room I take women into. I don’t let any woman into my bed, because that’s my space. There was a time when I thought I would bring Roxie out here and bring her to it...

I push all thoughts of Roxie to the back of my head as I slam the door behind me and throw Natasha down onto the bed. She continues to laugh as she bounces, and I pounce on her. I don’t waste any time in foreplay. I want to fuck. I need it rough and I need it hard.

Straddling Natasha, I reach over to the drawers beside the bed and take out a condom. As I lean over her, I give her a full show as I cover up. She groans, appreciating the sight of my already hard cock. I scoot down a little so my cock is in perfect position and enter Natasha with one hard thrust. I revel in her shocked gasp.

“Hold on,” I warn her, before I let go of all my frustration.

She screams and whimpers throughout, but I’m just glad when it’s over. I needed the release, that’s all. Natasha knows where she stands, which is good for me. There’s no hand holding, no kissing, and no cuddling. We fuck and leave it at that.

Because it’s late I let her stay over in the bed we just had sex on. Obviously she’s not coming into my room. Leaving Natasha in the bedroom, I head to my own and, for the rest of the night, I lie alone. I can’t get Roxie out of my mind, and I have a horrible feeling I just made the biggest mistake ever.

I have a strong urge to get Natasha out of my house, but I’m not a dick. I’ll wait until the morning.