Emerge (12 page)

Dane coughs and shoots Tate a look, which I sure hope he doesn’t think was subtle. Tate awkwardly answers. “He had to work tonight.”

“Oh, where does he work?” Neither answer me before my cell phone dings and I race to it, elated. It’s not from Evan though, rather Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn: Thought you’d get a kick out of your crazy boy

The picture that follows gives me a kick square in the gut. Why would she send this to me? She’s got to be drunk, thinking this would be funny. It’s anything but. The sting moves throughout my body, starting at my toes and working up, tears threatening to spill. My sweet, classy Evan appears to be taking a shot from between the smashed boobs of a well-endowed blonde. Her barely there tank top is pulled down to “hold” his drink and his face is all up in that. His hands are braced on both her hips, just below the edges of a skirt riding ridiculously high as she lies back on a table.

How thoughtful of my friend Kaitlyn to capture this moment for me. Gritting my teeth, I try to remind myself that Evan can do whatever he wants; we’d discussed this at length. I have no right to be upset or jealous. The “spread your wings and fly” plan was mine. I just never thought he’d fly so far so fast. And I didn’t think I’d have to see it.

Shaking my head as though that’s going to erase the image, I snap loudly at everyone. “Let’s play some trivia!”

Turns out Dane is a really good guitarist and has a broad range of musical knowledge. I don’t stump him via iPod and he doesn’t trip me up via his strings. Bennett and Tate are barely even playing, and are either shameless, or have forgotten Dane and I are in the room. Despite the brick in my gut and the many times I find my mind wandering back to the picture, I’m actually having a pretty good time. Dane is great company, keeping me laughing and guessing. His talent and obvious passion for music is infectious, and his competitive streak, matched only by mine, is hilarious.

“Okay, Maestro, let’s see if there’s a song you can’t play,” I tease him.

He waits calmly, no remark.

Think, Laney, a song where you feel the guitar
… “How about ‘The Cave’ by Mumford and Sons?”

I think I’ve got him, but he jumps right into it. He plays flawlessly, even singing along. It’s amazing, beautiful, and I can’t deny how it captivates me. He winks when he’s done and holds my eyes, waiting for me to speak.

“That was amazing, Dane.” I clear my throat to continue in more than a raspy whisper. “You’re very good, and I, sir, am impressed. Let me guess, you’re in a band?”

“Nope, no band.”

“And no college?”

“No college.”

“So what do you do?”

He laughs softly. “Nothing important.”

“Bullshit, Dane, you—” Tate starts but Dane cuts him off fiercely.

“I answered her, bro.”

 I don’t pry further and the night, which really was fun, soon comes to a close.

Chapter 16

Nightmare

~Evan~

W
hen the team sets out to initiate the freshmen, they’re not playing around. Last night was so insane I barely remember most of it. Looking around slowly, I shield my eyes from the light creeping through the blinds. It takes a minute to realize I’d actually made it to my own room somehow.

Groggily sitting up, despite the cracked-out drummer in my head, I try to remember how I got home. After about the fourth or fifth tequila shot via the chest of a Bulldog Babe, everything gets a little fuzzy. I’ve never been a big drinker, but when the upperclassmen on your college football team summon you to an initiation party, you go. I just hope I didn’t make too big of a fool of myself.

I amble up to go use the bathroom and stop cold.
No, no, no…..please say I’m still drunk and this isn’t happening.

Kaitlyn Michaels, Laney’s best friend, is standing just across the room in panties and
my
t-shirt. I look down at myself quickly, only underwear. Oh fucking hell, this has to be a nightmare. Why is she here? What happened? This couldn’t be worse. Laney will never buy the drunk excuse or forgive me. I’m pretty sure screwing friends wasn’t part of our deal.

I swallow down the bile, slowly looking up, gagging again when I meet Kaitlyn’s too-bright smile. She looks way too fucking happy and my gut coils. I might really throw up if this shit doesn’t start making sense real quick. Did I sleep with Kaitlyn? Surely not, you couldn’t get me that drunk, right?

She must see the question in my face because she clears her throat, beckoning my eyes to meet hers once again. “Relax, Evan, nothing happened. I’m an old friend; I just made sure you got home safe.”

Trying to wake up, I shake my head. “Then why are we in our underwear? And why are you still here?”

“I wasn’t gonna sleep in tight party clothes and you took your own stuff off. And thank you, but I didn’t think you’d want me driving back alone that late, so I crashed. You’re welcome, by the way,” she huffs and crosses her arms across her chest.

Oh, now she’s acting pissed and offended. Is she insane??? Laney will kill us both! This would be the worst betrayal possible—me and Kaitlyn. God help us if she ever finds out. We’ll both lose her forever. Yes, Kaitlyn got me home safe and I appreciate that, but shit—call me a cab, don’t spend the night in my room! I’d rather die in a ditch than lose Laney.

“Don’t get mad, Kaitlyn. I’m not trying to be mean, this is just weird and a lot to take in. I really do appreciate you looking out for me. And I’m glad nothing happened.” I go to grab water, my throat dry and tight. I turn back to Kaitlyn, full desperation in my voice. “I don’t think we should mention this to Laney. We didn’t really do anything wrong, but it’d be hard for her to understand. Right?”

“Of course, Evan,” she snips as she gathers her things. “I won’t tell Laney. I don’t see why not, though, aren’t you guys just friends now? That’s what I was being, a good friend.”

“You’re right, you were. Thanks, I mean it.” I pause to see what else she’s going to say, but after too long an awkward silence, I speak up. “So, I’m gonna go take a shower. Thanks again. Guess I’ll see ya around?”

She smiles and walks to the door, but there’s still a defensive air coming off her. “Yeah, Evan, I’ll see ya around.”

I stay in the shower for way too long, trying to assess the situation. Nothing happened. Kaitlyn was just being a good friend. We agreed not to tell Laney and upset her over nothing. It’s all gonna be okay.

Yup, everything will be fine.

Chapter 17

Home Bittersweet Home

~Laney~

L
eaving ball on Monday, my phone rings and I know it’s Evan before I answer.

“Well hello, stranger.”

“Baby girl, how are you? I missed you.”

I tell him I’m good, I’ve missed him, too. He explains how he lost his phone and just got a new one today. All I want to do is ask him about the picture I saw. I want to tell him how bad it hurt me, how disgusting it was, but I don’t. Evan needs to enjoy college, be free, and have fun…whatever that means to him.

That doesn’t mean I can’t test the water though, and see if he’ll tell me on his own. “So, how was
your weekend?”

“Okay, I guess, had speed camp mostly, hung out for a while Saturday night, nothing much. What’d you do?”

Nope, he’s not going to tell me. The irony is not wasted on me. What took us years to build, a strong foundation that withstood any element, has just suffered its first crack. It took a fraction of the time.

“I did the Hall Crawl Friday night, it pretty much sucked. Saturday I swung a while then hung out and Sunday I did laundry.” All true.

We make plans to meet at home for the long Labor Day weekend coming up. I may be upset over the picture, but there’s no way I’m passing up a chance to see him. He’s still my best friend in the whole world, and I miss him.

B
ennett calls during my drive home Friday night begging me to come back a day early and go out with her. Apparently something called “The K” will be “kickin’” because of the long weekend. Tate can’t make it, but she “reaaallllyyyy” wants to go. She’s working on our fake IDs right now.

I told her I’ll see. I’m not sure when Evan’s heading back, and I’m not leaving one minute before he does. Also, I have yet to go to a college party, and I’ve never heard of “The K,” so I’m a bit hesitant. I tell her I’d call her the next day or so.

I get home before Evan since I have a way shorter drive, so I have lots of time to get settled in and catch up with my Dad. He’s such a good man. I’ve never understood why he never dated after my mother took off. Once I asked him if he was lonely and he had a simple answer: “Now how could I be lonely when I have you? I already have the most beautiful, wonderful girl in the world.”

He loved my mother with all he was. He tried to ignore for so long how she’d simply “checked out” on us long before she actually left, but I’d known for a while that she wasn’t in the room even when she was sitting right beside me. I couldn’t believe she’d actually left, I didn’t know moms actually did that, but she did. We haven’t heard from her since, and we’ve never left that house, so she simply doesn’t want to talk to us, cause we damn sure aren’t hard to find.

Since that day, it’s been just me and Dad; every meal, every holiday, just us. His parents are both gone and I have no idea about her parents; they, too, are ghosts. He got me into playing ball, something he knew well and could relate to me with. He taught me how to fish, how to cook simple things, and how to be strong and self-sufficient. I may have been burned by my mother, but between my father, Evan, and even Parker, I’m set. I struck gold with the men in my life.

After we ate the spaghetti I made, he headed off for guitar night, aka old men sitting in a shed drinking beer. One may pick up a guitar and strum at some point, ergo “guitar night.” He didn’t need to skip it just because I was home, Evan will be here soon.

While I wait, I make up a meatloaf and a pot of chili for Dad. He can freeze them both and they’ll last him at least a week of good eating. Then I wash all his bedding and clean the bathrooms, things he would never think of. I’ve gotta take care of my Daddy.

Finally, around ten, Evan appears at my door. I jump into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and smashing my face into his neck, ugly snapshots forgotten. God, I missed him so much.

He catches me and laughs, running his hands up and down my back. “I missed you, too, princess.” He kisses my hair and sighs.

I pull him to the couch; I just want to hold him. We stay there for hours, it’s as though my cheek can’t leave his chest and his hands never leave some part of me. It would be so much harder to leave him this time, now that I know how bad it can actually be and what he does while he’s gone. I wonder if he feels it, too.

Chapter 18

Remedy

~Evan ~

I
t feels so damn good to have her back in my arms. I’ve missed her more than I thought possible. She’s always been the part of every day that I get up for, that I look forward to. Life just doesn’t mean as much without her in it.

I knew it’d be hard; we’ve been together so long, the two sides of one coin. But there’s no way I could have possibly foreseen the exact magnitude of emptiness I’d feel. She looks the same, but there’s something different about her; a sadness in her eyes, a different air about her. I pray she hasn’t been half as miserable as me; I’d never want that for her. I always pray she’s accidentally woken up with a guy in her room…of course she hasn’t, my sweet girl…God, I’m a dick. The guilt is consuming me but I can’t tell her; I can’t risk losing her altogether.

College is okay so far. The football team is great. My roommate and new friends are cool, there’s always something to do, but she never leaves my mind. It’s always there—
what’s she doing, who’s she with, does she miss me, when can I see her again;
it always finds a way into my thoughts.

When I lost my phone, I went nuts making up scenarios in my mind. Last I knew, she was at that damn dorm tour thing, and then my phone was gone. Was she at a party doing shots, letting guys doing shots off her, like I was? The whole “do as I say, not as I do” shit is driving me insane.

I should have stepped outside the party and called her from Kaitlyn’s phone. I should have gone home. I should have never gone. I should have followed her to Southern. All those years, I’d never outright lied to Laney, and now I have. Omission is lying. I know it and so does she. There’s so much I can’t bring myself to tell her and the bigger the pile of secrets gets, the worse I feel.

Just a few months ago, we knew everything about each other. Nothing and nobody came between us. She was the first person I talked to each morning and the last sweet voice I heard before I went to sleep. When I planned my day, I knew she’d be in it. Everything now is tainted.