Emily (46 page)

She hesitated and then said softly, ‘My whole heart tells me that I want to be in England again, in the country where I was born. It has such a strong pull for me and although I could settle here if – if I had to, my dearest wish would be to return home.’

‘If you had to? You can go wherever you want, Emily. You are free! Are you thinking of Joe? Of Meg?’

She shook her head. ‘No. I’d miss them of course, and Ralph too, but – most of all, and please forgive me for being so forward and presumptuous, but I’ve thought long and hard over this whilst you have been away.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Mr Clavell said that we must take our happiness whilst we can. I want, Philip, to be wherever you are.’

He was by her side in an instant, kneeling down and grasping her hand and showering it with kisses. ‘Emily! Emily, I am lost for words. You can’t imagine how I have been waiting to declare my love for you, and you – I cannot believe that you feel the same way!’

‘But I always have.’ She smiled at him. ‘Since we first met. ‘But –’. Her smile faded. ‘I knew that I was spoiled, that no man would want me for his wife after what happened with Hugo Purnell, but I have buried my pride. Philip, if you will have me as your mistress, your
housekeeper
, I will serve you well and love you more than any wife could.’

He rocked back on his heels. ‘How can you speak of such a thing! That is
not
what I want!’ He drew away from her and paced the floor, running his fingers through his hair in a way which she remembered so well. ‘I want you to be my wife! I don’t want to hide you away like Mary Edwards has been hidden away all these years.’ Through his flash of anger he suddenly realized that he had not yet told her the news of Roger Francis’s death.

‘It was her choice,’ she said appeasingly. ‘She told me that Mr Francis had wanted to marry her, that he was willing to leave the country if she would go with him.’

‘These strong women,’ he muttered. ‘But I will not have you hidden away,’ he said firmly and drew her towards him. ‘I want you as my wife, to bear my name and my children. I have no obstacles in my way, no estate to lose, no loss of face. In fact,’ and he felt a shiver of doubt run through him, ‘it seems that if you agree to marry me, you may well be marrying a poor man in comparison to the riches that are in front of you.’

‘It is not a matter of riches, Philip,’ she said quietly. ‘It is what I am, what I have been.’

‘What you have been is in the past and was not of your making.’ He kissed her gently, regretting his outburst. ‘And what you are is the same as always in spite of the humiliations and privations you have endured. You are still the pure, gentle woman I have always known.’

Meg and Joe were married by the Reverend Fowler in his tiny wooden church. Joe gave his name as
Joseph Hawkins and Meg as Margaret Johnson. Philip gave the bride away and Mr Clavell and Emily were witnesses. After the ceremony Ralph was baptized with Ralph Clavell and Emily as godparents.

‘So you knew all the time that Ralph belonged to that poor woman who threw herself overboard?’ Meg said to Clavell as they sat in the Reverend Fowler’s house, where they had been invited to tea.

‘I did.’ He stroked the little boy’s head. ‘But I reckoned that he stood a better chance with you than he did in an orphanage or workhouse.’

‘Thank you,’ she said softly. ‘You have no idea the difference he’s made to my life.’

He nodded. ‘I can imagine, my dear. My wife and I were not able to have children and they were sadly missed.’

‘I haven’t told Joe yet,’ she whispered. ‘I wanted to wait until after ’wedding, but’, she put her head down and looked quite bashful, ‘I’m going to have a babby. I never thought that I would – it’s like a miracle!’

Emily joined them. She looked very happy. ‘I have made up my mind,’ she said. ‘I’m going home to England.’

‘Oh, Emily.’ Meg was distressed. ‘I’ll miss you so much.’

‘But you and Joe have each other and Ralph. You can build a life together. You love this country, it has so much to offer you, whilst I – I must go home to try to remember who I am.’

‘And Mr Linton?’ Meg asked. ‘What about him?’

‘He’s been talking to Joe, they’ve been discussing
the sale of Creek Farm. Joe wants to buy it, but he has to sell the gold to do so.’

‘I didn’t mean that, as you well know,’ Meg said bluntly and Clavell smiled and moved away. ‘I mean about him and you. You know how he cares for you, how he has always cared. Everybody can see it, why can’t you?’

Emily smiled and glanced across the room to where Philip was in earnest conversation with the parson. He looked up and caught her gaze; he ceased talking and it was as if there were a tenuous thread linking them and drawing them together.

‘I do see it,’ she said softly. ‘At last. And it is because I care about him that I must protect him from himself.’

Emily had said a tearful farewell to Meg and Joe and she had waved and waved from the ship until the figures on the harbour side were no more than dark specks. Around her waist and beneath her shift she had small bags of gold hidden away. Joe and Benne had cracked open the rock and splintered out several small nuggets. Now she and Philip were taking them to England to be sold.

As she’d stood on the veranda for the last time, a flock of budgerigars flew over, filling the sky with their noisome chatter. She looked up and watched them as like a green and yellow cloud they whirled and spun above them. There would be nothing like these in England, but oh, how she longed to hear the song of the blackbird and the song thrush, to see the bright flash of a kingfisher by the dykes and hear the hoot of a tawny owl from a deep wood.

‘Meg,’ she said, ‘do you remember the Lark?’

Meg looked puzzled for a moment, then her face cleared. ‘When we were in Kingston Street gaol, you mean?’

‘Yes,’ Emily nodded. ‘How beautifully she sang, even though in such a terrible place.’ She took hold
of Meg’s hand and said softly, ‘Whenever I hear the skylark’s song I’ll always think of you, Meg.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘I shall miss you so much, my dearest friend.’

‘And I’ll never forget you.’ Meg hugged her and wept. ‘You made my life worth living.’

‘Come on, no more tears,’ Joe said gruffly. ‘When you’ve sold ’gold, Emily, you’ll be able to afford to come back and see us.’

She wiped her eyes. Of course. Joe had trusted them with the gold so that they could get the best possible price in England, whilst Mr Clavell was making other discreet enquiries about selling it in Sydney and Melbourne. But she hadn’t quite grasped the notion that she might no longer be poor.

The sea voyage was rough for the first few weeks and they passed through hurricane-force winds and violent storms of lightning and thunder. Yet, as Emily clung to her cot in the cabin which she shared with an officer’s wife, she thought that nothing could ever be so bad again as the journey coming out from England, when she and the other women prisoners had been locked in the forbidding, frightening darkness below decks. When they’d thought that their last hours on earth had come.

When the weather cleared she came up on deck and watched the schools of whales and threw crusts of bread to the albatross and petrels which followed in the ship’s wake. Philip took her ashore in the Canary Islands, where they bought fresh fruit and vegetables to take back on board and she walked in
the hot sunshine with a newly purchased parasol over her head and Philip’s arm protectively on hers.

Philip had told her of Roger Francis’s death and it was this above all that had made up her mind that she wanted to return to England. ‘I want to see Mary Edwards,’ she had told him. ‘She’s my kinswoman after all and will be so lost without Mr Francis. If I can be of comfort to her in any way, I will, and I’d also like to see Sam and try to bring them together at last.’

He had nodded and a smile played around his lips and she thought that he was humouring her, but she had worried over Sam quite considerably and wondered what would happen to him without Mr Francis’s protection. They are fond of him at the farm I do believe, she had pondered. But there could come a time when he might not be needed there and would have to look for other employment.

Philip had taken orders to sail on this ship, a slender, four-masted American clipper built for carrying cargo at top speed. ‘I need to earn my living,’ he had told her. ‘I don’t want to live only on my father’s allowance.’

She was puzzled. She had always thought that he was rich, but then he had been compared with her. His family had money, Ginny had told her so. Ginny! How lovely it would be to see her again. But then her mind clouded. What if she should meet Hugo Purnell? She suddenly felt sick. He might have dropped the charges against her, but to be confronted by his arrogant face and overbearing
manner would remind her of the torment he had put her through.

Philip called for her to escort her to supper and commented later, as they strolled the deck, on her quiet demeanour. ‘You’re not sorry about going back to England?’ he asked. ‘Are you missing Joe and Meg already?’

She shook her head. ‘I do miss them and little Ralph. No, it’s just that, it’s just that – well going back and starting life over again I realize might be difficult. I want to see Mary and Sam and Ginny, but –’, still she hesitated. Then she blurted out, ‘I’m so afraid of meeting Hugo Purnell again!’

He stopped and looked down at her. A breeze ruffled her hair beneath her bonnet and he moved a wisp from her cheek with gentle fingers. ‘I have an absolute pardon in my pocket. Hugo Purnell is in gaol and has withdrawn his evidence against you. He’s probably still there, for although I removed his debt to me on condition he withdrew the charges, he still owed money all over town.’

‘He’s in gaol?’ she breathed. ‘A gentleman such as him!’

He admonished her. ‘He is not a gentleman, Emily! Your brother Joe is more of a gentleman than Purnell.’

She gazed at him. ‘And the money he owed you, was that the money that was stolen from me when I was bringing it from Mrs Purnell?’ When he affirmed it, she said softly, ‘So I am truly in your debt?’

‘Indeed you are, Emily!’ And as they were alone on the deck, he bent and kissed her, his lips
lingering gently on her cheek. ‘However will you repay me?’

Her voice was only a whisper as she replied, ‘I have told you already that I will love you as much as a wife would, is that not repayment enough?’

‘No. It is not! Not without a gold ring on your finger and a ceremony in church.’ Then he added seriously, ‘But perhaps we should wait until the gold is valued. When you are very rich you will have eligible men queuing up at your door.’

‘Now you are teasing me,’ she smiled.

‘Indeed I am not. There are many matters which you will have to consider after we arrive in England. Matters which I am not at liberty to discuss as they were told to me in confidence.’ He kissed her hand, holding it against his lips. ‘You will need to be very sure of your love for me before making any kind of decision.’

She need never know, for he wanted her love not her gratitude, how he had spent his time in England working for her release; of the statement gathered from Alice, who swore that Emily’s child had been stillborn, and that the damaged painting was merely a product from a street artist and not of great value as Purnell had claimed. And of the sworn statement from Mrs Anderson that her niece had been seduced and abandoned by Purnell and that she too had been threatened violence by him if she didn’t keep her silence. And finally from Mary Edwards, who affirmed that Deborah Purnell had told her that she had been forcibly medicated by her husband and locked in her room. All of this he had gathered to give proof of Purnell’s
unreliability, his lies and treacherous behaviour.

They docked in Portsmouth and after staying overnight in an inn to enable Emily to recover from the voyage and buy some warmer clothes, they took a coach to London, where they stayed several days to sell the gold and open bank accounts in the names of Ralph Clavell, Joe Hawkins and Emily. Her eyes opened wide as she saw the amount that was deposited. It was more money than she had ever dreamed existed and as they were ushered out of the bank by the effusive banker, she felt as if she was living in a dream.

‘So what do you want to do now, Emily?’ Philip was amused at her air of bewilderment. ‘Buy new gowns and bonnets? Buy a fine carriage to take you back to Holderness?’

‘I must write straight away to Joe and Meg to tell them,’ she said breathlessly, ‘and I would like to buy something for Mary and for Sam. I wonder what he would like? I can get something pretty for Mary, a shawl or maybe a piece of jewellery. But for Sam? A new suit of clothes – but no, he wouldn’t know when to wear it. A stout walking stick perhaps or some leather boots, yes, those he would appreciate.’

Philip burst out laughing. ‘Oh Emily, you are beyond price. Something for you, I said!’

‘I don’t need anything more.’ She took hold of his hand. ‘I have everything that I ever wanted.’

They travelled by train to Leeds and then hurried from one station to another to catch the train to Hull. It was a tiring, dirty and noisy journey, yet Emily was thrilled as she gazed out of the window
and saw the countryside rushing by. She had been delighted when Philip had suggested that they travel by train rather than coach; until he added that for propriety’s sake, railway travel would be more appropriate than the coach.

‘We shall not have the opportunity to be alone on the train,’ he said gravely. ‘We are back in England again, Emily, with all its prejudices and hypocrisies and I have your reputation to think of now that we are travelling north.’

‘But my reputation is shattered.’ There was a note of bitterness in her voice. ‘It was gone for ever even before I was transported!’

‘It will be rebuilt,’ he said quietly, ‘now that you are back home again with a pardon in your possession.’

But where is home? She had pondered this as with a great rush of steam their journey had begun. Do I do as Mary Edwards has done and set up a little shop to occupy me? Or do I buy a house in the country and act out a lady’s life? But no, she sighed. Perhaps not. Who would visit me when they know my reputation? That once I was a servant and a convicted prisoner. And will Philip’s parents ever accept me, or will they disown their son?