Emma's Deliverance (15 page)

“
I can’t. I do love you, but I can’t. I’m sorry. Forgive me, but I just can’t marry you.”

Jason looked at her with unbelieving eyes. Eyes that filled with tears and he looked at her for an explanation.

“I thought, well, I thought you would say yes. You just said you wanted to be with me forever. What does that mean if not marriage? Is it too soon? Too sudden? Maybe you really don’t feel the same way I do. I’m sorry too. I’m stunned. I don’t know what to say right now. I thought with all my heart you would be happy. I was certain you would say yes.” Jason stood up and turned and walked towards the door.

“
Please don’t leave like this. We should talk,” she begged.

Jason opened the door then turned to face her.
“I’ll call you tomorrow. I don’t know what to say right now. I feel bad. Maybe I’m rushing you. I’m sorry.” With that, he walked out the door locking it behind him. Emma ran to the door. It was over. She just knew it. Why didn’t she just say yes?

Chapter Twenty

Several weeks went by. Jason called numerous times, but Emma always found an excuse to not spend time with him. One afternoon when he called, Emma had said she thought they should take some time apart. Jason told her that he had hoped she would miss him enough to realize how important their relationship was. Emma wanted things to be the way they were without any more talk of marriage. There was no winning on either side.

Emma spent time with her parents and would baby sit Louie as often as she could. Jody was never concerned about leaving him with Emma even though Dr. Williams had warned Jody to be careful. One evening Jody and Ryan shared with Emma that Louie was going to become a big brother soon. Emma was delighted.

“Oh Jody, I’m so happy for you. I know how important having more children is to you and Ryan. You’re so lucky to have such a wonderful family. I wish it was meant to be for me, but my life doesn’t seem to be my own anymore. It’s getting worse and I can’t stop it. I pretend it isn’t real, but that doesn’t make it go away. I see him again all the time now. Why does it have to be this way? I didn’t tell you, but after Thanksgiving I killed him.”

“
What?” Jody shot back. “What are you talking about.” She  looked frightened, as if she thought Emma was serious.

“
Jody. Silly Jody. I didn’t really kill anyone. I mean I killed the stranger in my mind. I didn’t see him die, but I imagined in my mind that he had died. I even went to his funeral. I saw the whole thing in my mind. After that, I didn’t see him for almost two months. It was amazing. I thought I was rid of him. It didn’t last though. He rose from the grave on the same night that Jason proposed to me.”

“
Jason proposed? Why didn’t you say something? We have to get planning. Mom must be overjoyed. When? What month? I’m your Matron of Honor, right? What are the colors?”

Jody went on and on until Emma couldn
’t stand it any longer. “I said, no.”

Emma was crying and Jody looked confused.
“What do you mean you said no? Why in the world would you say no? You’re kidding, right? You’re so in love with Jason. I don’t get it. Come on, say you’re just kidding.”

“
I can’t marry anyone. At least not while I’m having these delusions. I’ve gone back to see Dr. Williams. He said it will take years and I might always see this idiot. He said I might even see others. What the hell, Jody? He said there might be others. How can I expect Jason to deal with all of this?”

“
This is a bunch of crap, Emma. This sounds way too clinical to me. Dr. Williams doesn’t know you like we do. Who cares if you have an overactive imagination? I know what moves you. I know what brings you to tears and I know what you need more than that dumb doctor. Everyone needs someone. Do you understand what I’m saying? You need Jason and he needs you. This is stupid. You’re being silly,” she said with tears in her eyes.

“
What do you mean? What’s silly? I’m not silly. I’m scared to death. My life is screwed and I can’t change it. I wouldn’t call that silly,” Emma said defensively. “I have to live like this and there isn’t anything I can do about it. I had to give up my beloved and hurt him so much.”

Jody obviously was having trouble finding the right words to tell Emma what a fool she was for turning down Jason
’s proposal, but she didn’t let that stop her. “Emma, I think you should reconsider Jason’s proposal.”

“
Why? It will only hurt him in the end,” Emma cried.

“
What end?” Jody asked. “You sound like your life is soon to be over. For God’s sake, Sister, get a life here. Wake up. Okay, you have problems, I’ll grant you that, but we all do. Yours is medical. If Jason only had one leg would you still love him? Or would you not marry him because of that?”

“
That’s not the same thing. Why do you say mine is medical? I’m crazy. Call it like it is, okay, Sister?”

“
It’s still medical,” Jody shot back. “You’re sick because of what happened to you as a child. My God, you saw your mother being murdered. Some sick bastard killed your whole family because he wanted to rob your house and he thought no one was home. Your mom got up and he heard her and killed her and you saw it happen. That would damage anyone’s mind. You can’t help it that you see this creature all the time. I’m no doctor, but I believe that if you face what happened I think you’ll get well. I know it sounds too simple, but I believe you have to help yourself. Mom has a lot of the answers in her closet. She saved all the newspaper clippings, she knows the whole story. You don’t remember anything, but she could tell you everything. Did you know that your parent’s lawyer put some stuff in a box for you? There are pictures, and mementos, even some of your stuffed animals. Even your mom’s jewelry is in that box. All this is in storage. You need to see the box that has all of newspaper clippings and you need to see some pictures, too. They’re in her closet on the top shelf. Mom hasn’t given it to you because good old Dr. Williams said not to, but she saved it. No one wants you to know because it is very ugly and awful. The crime scene was gruesome and that is why you freak out at the sight of blood. Go see Mom, Emma. Tell her she has to help you get through this. Call me crazy, but I think that if you face the truth it will set you free. I’ve thought about this for a long time. Mom and I argue over it all the time. She only wants to protect you, but it’s doing more harm than good.”

“
You’re not being fair, Jody. What can I do? How could learning the truth set me free? I don’t want to remember what happened. I don’t want to see the newspaper clippings. It was horrific. I have to forget about the past. I’m pretending the man isn’t there just like Dr. Williams said I should do. When I see the man I ignore him no matter what he says or does. I recognize that I see him, but that he only exists in my mind. That is all I can do. How can I help myself further than that?” she said sobbing.

“
Well, you can start by getting Jason back in your life and accepting his proposal. That’s what you can do. Also, you get over to the folks and talk with Mom. Trust me Emma. I love you. You know I would never do anything to hurt you. Ever. Do what I say and the rest will fall into place. If Jason is willing to trust in your love then what’s the problem? Go for it. He loves you, right? You love him, right? Well, marry him, get on with your life and do the best you can. Remember, the rest will fall into place. Dr. Williams is wrong about you not having children. I mean, what a jerk. We trust you so much when it comes to Louie and we are counting on you taking care of him when the baby comes so why would we do that? Surely we wouldn’t jeopardize Louie’s well being or safety just to make you feel better.”

“
I know you trust me, but what if I get worse?”

“
Stop it. Just stop it. It’s all crap, just crap. They don’t know you like I do. No one does. I’ve seen you through everything. All of your nightmares and getting you back to sleep at night. Sleeping in your little bed with you all night and when we got older all the talks we had. Nope, no one knows you like I do. I know you’re not as sick as they say you are. You’re capable of great things and one of them is having a good life. You want to know just how much we trust you. In our will, if something, God forbid, happens to us, we put you as guardian for Louie. That’s how much we trust you,” she said as she held out her arms to her sister and Emma fell into them. They both cried and blew their noses and cried some more.

Emma knew Jody was right. She trusted Jody more than she did her foster mother. She had a right to a good life. Why shouldn
’t she be with the man she loved? Why the hell not?

Chapter Twenty-One

Emma put on her coat and gloves and went down to her car. It was Sunday and she was going to church, afterwards she would go to her parent’s house. There was something she needed to do and they held the keys. She called Jason and asked him to come over for dinner that evening. Jason seemed delighted and told her not to cook, that he would bring Chinese. Emma felt that this was going to be a turning point in their relationship. She could only hope that too much time hadn’t come between them. As she pulled into the parking lot of the church she saw Jody and Ryan getting out of their car. Emma pulled up to them and rolled down the window.

“
Hey, where’s the apple of my eye?”

“
He spent the night at Mom and Dad’s. We’re getting a little alone time in before little Sophie gets here,” Jody said watching Emma’s expression to the news.

“
Oh my, you guys, it’s a girl? Sophie? How cute is that? Oh Jody, I’m so happy for you. How perfect this is.” Emma started to cry then wiped her eyes and smiled from ear to ear.

“Thanks,” Jody replied grinning.

“Burr, It’s cold,” Emma said. “Go on in you guys and I’ll see you inside in a minute.” She didn’t want them to wait out in the cold for her to park her car. She pulled around the parking lot looking for a space and then she saw a man sitting in a car. He was just sitting in his car and staring at her. Emma pulled into a space and got out of her car not looking his way. She started walking towards the church steps without looking back. She knew it was the stranger, but she thought that if she didn’t acknowledge him he would go away, but he got out of his car and walked over to where Emma was walking and stood in her way.

“
Who did you tell about me, you little whore? I see how your boyfriend comes over and spends the night. You’re a whore just like your mother. I told you not to talk to anyone about me. I’ll kill you if you do it again. You think that ignoring me will make me go away? Think again,” he said barely above a whisper.

“
Go to hell,” Emma snarled. “You are dead to me. I don’t see you or hear you. You are dead to me.”

Emma walked around him and continued on her way to the steps. She heard him call out to her to keep her mouth shut. She heard him call her ugly names, but she never turned around. She stopped for a moment at the top of the stairs to the church and closed her eyes.
He isn’t real. He isn’t real. He’s a coward, too. He only bothers me when I’m by myself.
Emma turned towards him and smiled. She laughed out loud then looked around to make sure no one could hear her. “You’re a coward, you are a pathetic coward.” With that she walked into the church. If he shouted back, she never heard him. She looked up at the altar and whispered, “Help me God. Help me to be strong and keep my sanity. Please be with me and don’t let him win.”

Emma sat down next to Marilyn and Howard and reached out her arms for Louie. He cheerfully climbed onto her lap and hugged her tightly. She closed her eyes and whispered in Louie
’s ear, “Someday, I will have a beautiful little one just like you.”

After church Emma went over to the house. She sat down at the table in the kitchen. She could smell the roast in the oven and it made her hungry. Marilyn and Howard came in with Louie.

“Hi, Honey, are you staying for dinner?” Marilyn asked. “Jody and Ryan will be here in an hour. They had some shopping to do.”

“I can't,
I’m having dinner with Jason.”

“That’s fine. By the way, isn’t it just wonderful news about the baby?”

“
It is very wonderful, Mom, but I need your help right now. I want to see all the newspaper clippings from the murders. I want you to tell me about everything you know and I mean everything.”

“
What? Oh not today. Why do you want to re-hash all of that?” Marilyn said sounding very alarmed.

“
I need to find out what happened. Step by step until I understand exactly how it happened. Will you help me?” she asked with tears in her eyes.

“
I had hoped this day would never come. I have always wanted to protect you—to shield you from that terrible night. I guess deep down I’ve always been glad you couldn’t remember what happened, but I see the pain in your eyes and you have a right to know what happened if that is what you want.”

“It is,” Emma said
nodding her head.

Marilyn
turned to Howard. “Take Louie to the den and give him some graham crackers. Give him some juice, too, his little cup is on the counter.” She pointed to the sink. She took a deep breath and turned to face Emma. “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

She took Emma into her bedroom and walked over to the closet. She pulled down a box from the top shelve and blew off the dust. The box was taped and it looked as if it hadn
’t been opened since it had been sealed many years ago. She carried it over to a table and opened it up. She reached in and pulled out a stack of newspaper clippings and handed them to Emma.

“
Do you want me to stay with you while you read them?”

“
Thanks, Mom, but I think I better do this by myself, okay?”

“
Of course. Just let me know when you’re finished and I’ll put them back. Oh, before you start reading, there are some pictures in the box of your parents and your brother. You might want to look at them first. There are a few police reports that I was able to find back when you first came to live with us. There’s even a picture of the house your family lived in,” she said as she walked out and quietly shut the door.

Emma
stared at the clippings for several minutes then carefully set them down and looked in the box for the pictures. The first picture was of her mother. She was surprised to see how much she looked liked her. They shared reddish blonde hair and the same green eyes. She looked short compared to Emma’s father who was standing next to her mother in the picture. It was their wedding picture. Emma held it to her chest. The tears released like a flood gate that had been abruptly opened and she had to stop for a moment until she’d regained her composure.

She set the picture down on the table and began to look once again in the box that held her past. She picked out another picture where she and her brother were sitting at a table together. In front of her was a cake that read,
Happy Birthday, Emma.
There were three candles on the cake. Her brother had the sweetest smile as he looked at his little sister. He had been five years old in that picture. There were odds and ends of pictures in the box and Emma gathered them all together in a neat stack. She turned her attention to the newspaper clippings. The very first one showed a tiny little girl with such a dirty face. She had blank eyes and no expression, whatsoever. One by one Emma began to read about a very tragic event that she had no memory of.

The first few articles told about the Taylor family. Paul Taylor was an attorney with a small firm in Clayton County and his wife, Amelia was a homemaker. They had two children. The article went on to read how they were murdered one by one in their sleep. All but her mother. She was found away from her bed. It was assumed the youngest child had awakened unaware that there was an intruder in the house. A noise or perhaps something as simple as a thirst for water may have brought the child into the parent
’s room that dreadful night. The small child must have become frightened by the presence of this madman and slipped into the master closet, unaware. She watched in silence as he bludgeoned her mother to death. There was a picture of Amelia and again, Emma held the clipping close to her heart. She didn’t remember her. Marilyn had become the only mother she knew. Other articles told of a man hunt and the capture of a man by the name of Henry Dalton. He was a twice-convicted burglar and had other criminal offensives on his record. He was charged, convicted and sentenced for the murder of three people. Another clipping showed a picture of Dalton. Emma was stunned. She was confused and suddenly frightened. Pictures came flooding across her mind. She could see the bodies of her parents and all the blood. She stood up and some of the clippings fell to the floor.

She ran out
of the room and down the stairs. “Mom, it isn’t him. It’s not the same man. I told them, didn’t I? I remember now, I told them there were two men in the house that night. That’s what I said, right? I told them there were two men in the house,” she cried. “I remember, I remember everything. The picture in the paper isn’t the man that killed my mother. There were two of them. I remember. For God’s sake, Mom, I remember. The man I keep seeing isn’t Henry Dalton. It isn’t him.”

“
Emma, calm down. Yes, you did say there were two men. Honey, the police said there was no evidence of two men and it was never proven there were two men in the house that night. You hadn’t spoken a word to anyone and then when you finally said something you were living with us. You told me there were two men, but you didn’t remember anything else. No one believed you. You said it was from your dreams and no one believed you. Henry Dalton swore he was there alone. He had no reason to say he was alone when he wasn’t. Oh, my God, maybe he was protecting his son? They had thought at one time that Henry Dalton’s son was involved somehow, but there weren’t any of his fingerprints in the house and it appeared this was the job of one person,” Marilyn exclaimed.

“
He’s real, Mom, I know he’s real. The man I keep seeing has to be Dalton’s son. He’s after me. He said he would kill my family all over again if I told anyone about him,” she confessed.

“
Emma, whose real, sweetie?” Howard chimed in, handing Louie to Jody who had just walked in the house.

Marilyn ran into the kitchen and grabbed the phone.

Emma ran after her. “Who are you calling? Are you calling Dr. Williams? I don’t want to talk with him right now. I want Jason,” she said crying.

“
Right on,” Jody said sounding excited. “She’s finally come to her senses.”

“
I know it’s been a long time,” Marilyn said, “but we need to talk to the police. If Emma remembered two men that night then they need to re-open the case. We need to reach the detectives that were on the case.”

“
Mom,” Jody said, “Those detectives are probably retired by now. Just call the police station and they’ll send someone out to talk to us. Emma, where are you going?”

Emma stormed out the door and the whole family was right behind her calling after her to wait. Emma didn
’t stop. She wanted to go home. It was all coming back to her. She could hear the screams of her mother. That must have been what woke her up that night.

Emma remembered the blood and then the quiet of the house as all her family lay dead. She could hear the two men rummaging through drawers and one of them opened the closet door. She remembered crawling further back in the closet as the man grabbed boxes off the shelves looking for anything of value unaware the child was hiding right there. She was remembering everything. She was only three years old when it happened, but she was remembering everything.
She could see her father lying bludgeoned to death in his bed. There were two men in the house that night. Of that she was positive. They should have believed her. Perhaps they would have caught him, too. She wanted Jason at this very moment. She picked up her cell phone and called him. She wanted to tell him everything. How she had remembered, but mainly she wanted to tell him that she loved him. That if he would still have her then she wanted to marry him. Jody was right. She did deserve a happy life and she wanted a life with him.

Jason
’s voice mail came on. Emma had hoped Jason would answer, but a message would have to do. “Jason. It’s Emma. Please call me as soon as you get this message. No, don’t call me. Just come over to my place as quickly as you can. It’s an emergency. I’m okay, but I need you.”

Jody
was the first one to catch up with her. “Emma, come back in the house for a little while.” She took Emma’s hand and led her back towards the house. “You’re right, you need Jason, but I don’t think you should drive right now. Call Jason again and see if you can reach him. Either have him pick you up here or I’ll drive you home. You are way too excited to be driving.”

“
Jody, honestly, I’m fine to drive. All I want is to go home and digest this a little and wait for Jason to come over.”

“
Are you sure?” Howard asked.

“
Yes, Dad, I’ll be fine. Let me do it my way, please. I’m begging you. Just let me do this my own way.”

Marilyn motioned for her husband to come closer. She whispered in his ear that she hadn
’t called the police. She asked him to not let Emma leave until they could sit down and talk about this. She feared the pictures and clippings might have triggered a reaction, but was this really a memory? Howard ran back inside the house, picked up the phone and called the police. Marilyn tried to stop him, but he was too determined.

Emma drove to her apartment and ran upstairs. Alone in her living room she sank to the floor and closed her eyes. It was true. She remembered it all. The
phone rang and she grabbed it before it could ring again. “Jason?” she cried.