“You ain't s'posed to tell stuff like that,” Franky objected.
“This year's different,” Joe reasoned. “We might oughta know that he thought on us. 'Cause he ain't thinkin' on it now.”
There was a sound logic to that I appreciated. What George might or might not do in the next couple of days I could not predict. But his kids should all know that he cared, regardless of his behavior, that he'd had them in mind before being knocked flat through no fault of his own.
“Pa likes lotsa gravy,” Rorey remarked quietly. “On his potatoes and his sweet potatoes and his meat too, at Christmastime.”
“I thought we'd have you all over here, if you want,” I told her and the rest. “You can help me make plenty of gravy.”
Lizbeth nodded, but far from happily. She looked as if she was simply resigning herself to do what she'd have to do, no more or less.
But Joe nodded too, more brightly. “I'll get Pa over here,” he promised. “Maybe then we can go home.”
“I don't want to go home.” It was Willy who said it. His words put a hush over all of us. I could see his brothers and sisters all turn to look at him, just as surprised as I was to hear something none of us had expected any of them to say. I wanted to assure him somehow that he'd change his mind. But I couldn't tell him a thing. He'd been over there, he'd seen his father's despair. But more than that, he knew the emptiness of that house without Wilametta. And even when George came to himself, which he surely would soon, that part wouldn't change.
“We'll go home after Christmas,” Joe solemnly declared again. “Mr. Wortham's talking to Pa about that right now.”
Samuel had gone to see George, all right, but there was no telling what he might accomplish. He'd taken cinnamon oatmeal and baked apples over there for George and young Sam. I was hoping that they'd both be back with him, but I didn't want to say so, in case it didn't happen.
Suddenly Lizbeth sniffed and looked at me. “I have to go home before Christmas,” she said with tears in her eyes. “'Cause I know what Mama made for Pa, and I'm the only one knows where it is.”
Baby Emma, who'd napped right after breakfast, started to cry, and Lizbeth went to pick her up. The big boys went back to cracking nuts, and the smaller children turned their attention to the paper again. The silence was as hard as it'd been before. I just sat there, cutting out an angel and praying. For George and for all of us.
SIXTEEN
Samuel
The snow was beginning to melt, leaving a few bare brown patches of ground dotting the timber. Nothing moved around me, and nothing made a sound except for an occasional sliver of ice falling from a tree limb. I had ample time to think about what I might say to George, to encourage him toward getting his family together again.
But when I came in sight of the Hammonds' porch, all the words I'd planned slipped away from me. George had been so miserable, lashing out at everybody. I knocked on the door, barely hoping for anything better.
I expected young Sam to answer. But it was George, looking haggard. It was a wonder he came to the door at all, as tired as he looked.
“What are you doin' here?”
“Came to talk a minute, if it's all right.” Strangely enough, the usually messy Hammond home looked far neater than the last time I'd seen it. “Where's Sam?” I stepped past George to get inside.
“He took Teddy 'while ago an' went to talk to Buzz Felder at the lumber mill. Wantin' to see if Buzz'll use him again afore long.”
Sam had helped Mr. Felder off and on before, and the little money he'd managed to make had been a real boon to the family. He was surely thinking of them now too, riding the almost seven miles on that old horse. And he'd left George alone to do it. Maybe George was doing better. At least he was standing before me, looking right at me, answering my question. That was a sight better than yesterday.
“Why's ever'body think they gotta talk to me, anyway?” he asked. “Barrett Post was by here a while ago, snoopin' around.”
“Neighbors are supposed to care. We're just trying to be good neighbors. Are you hungry? Juli sent you some breakfast.”
I set the food on the table, but he didn't pay any attention. “My boy Sam ain't a neighbor,” he mumbled. “But he give me a earful this mornin', he did. Said he was gonna see 'bout his work, an' I could jus' sit here an' rot if I wanted to.”
I couldn't picture Sam Hammond saying such a thing. He'd been fearing for George and what he might do, and before this had hardly left him alone because of it. He'd labored, that was for sure, trying to pull his father out of the gloomy pit he was in. But George wouldn't be pulled, not even to talk to his children. And maybe young Sam had had enough.
“He's pretty tired,” I said quickly. “And hit pretty hard himself lately.”
“Angry, that's what he is. Blamin' me that his mama's gone. But it don't matter.”
I'd been worried that the boy might blame himself. “It's not either of your faults,” I told George. “I hope you both realize that.”
“Don't matter whose fault it is. She's gone and there ain't nothin' to be done about it.”
He sounded so hopeless. Why couldn't he see all the life that was going on, with or without him? “You're wrong. There's an awful lot that has to be done. You've got nine other kids besides Sam that are wondering about the future, probably even more than he is. You have to tell them something. You got your house looking nice. You ought to bring them home and get things as normal for them as you can.”
He turned his face away, shaking his head angrily. “Sam done the house up. An' I don't need you tellin' me what to do. There ain't nothin' for 'em here. Don't you understand that yet? And you ain't got no business in on it.”
“Yes. I do. As long as we're seeing to your kids the way we are, I have every right to come and question you.” I knew I was just angering him worse, but I couldn't help it. It needed to be said. “They need their father, George, and you need to take a look at your own responsibilities.”
“I am lookin'! That's the problem! You an' me may be throwed out in the snow soon as Albert gets here. He didn't draw up them papers legal. He told me he didn't. Said he wanted to wait an' see what you done. And now both places is his, an' he can do what he wants with us. We ain't got nothin'!”
“He knows what Emma wanted.”
“That don't matter. Not if he still figgers we been usin' her. That's what he thought last time I seen him, leastways 'bout me.”
I didn't know how Albert felt. But I expected him to honor his aunt's intentions, though I couldn't know that for sure, one way or the other. “That doesn't change what I'm telling you about your kids, George. It's bad enough not having their motherâ”
“Shut up! What's the use bringin' 'em back here? Better for 'em to get used to bein' someplace elseâ”
“Even if that's true, they still need their father. Especially now.”
“I ain't got nowhere to go.” He looked absolutely broken and somehow terribly small. “Me an' Wila used to talk 'bout this, what we'd do when Emma was gone. Maybe go t' her sister's place, but Fedora ain't gonna have me around even for a visit without Wilametta. I knows her to be that much a shrew. Chloe might be the one to change her mind an' take maybe two or three of the kids. Don't know what the rest of us'd do, though, even if we was here.”
He sat down, shaking his head.
“You aren't split up. You don't have to be. And about Albertâ”
“He ain't gonna listen to me. Nor care nothin' for m' needs, neither.”
“Maybe not. But God can make a way.”
“Where would you go, Wortham, if he sold Emma's place?”
“I don't know. I'll cross that bridge if we ever get there. What you need to do right now is think of your kids and quit borrowing worry over things that haven't even happened yet.”
He was staring at me with a frown. “Any of 'em sick?”
“No. Lonesome for you. Missing their mother. Needing you to be strong and be a father to them. When do you want me to bring them home?”
He didn't answer. He got up and walked across the room to the fire, and I followed him.
“Julia and I would like to have you all for Christmas,” I told him, my patience wearing thin. “I'll bring you the children this afternoon, and then I'll be back to walk you all over to our place Christmas morning.”
“I didn't say to bring 'em today.”
“I don't care what you said. This has gone on long enough.”
“You ain'tâ”
“I'm sorry for you, George. I am. But you have to go right on being a father. I can't do it for you.”
He threw a log into the fire so roughly that coals and charred pieces of wood scattered down across the hearth. “Why not? You ain't got but two! You might could take on at least a couple more.”
His words stunned me. Automatically I reached for the broom hanging next to the ash shovel, swept up the smoldering pieces, and threw them back into the fire. I could barely speak to answer him. “They need their own father.”
“Maybe they think so. I dunno. They'd be better off someplace else. You know that. I ain't never had much to give 'em.”
He was serious, and I could scarcely believe it. “You giving up, George? What are you going to do?”
“Don't much matter to you, that I can see. If you don't want 'em all, you'll send 'em where you have to send 'em.”
“No. Georgeâ”
“Shut up an' go home, will you? I'm tired a' talkin'.”
He was ashen-faced, standing and staring at me. And it was no wonder his boys hadn't wanted to leave him alone. I couldn't go, not while I was seeing what I saw in his eyes. A dark and dead determination.
“Georgeâ”
“I said shut up.”
“They need you.”
“You can say that. But I can't give 'em nothin'. I can't do it.”
“You have to.”
“Who says? God? Well, he makes mistakes, no matter what anybody says! He done this to me, an' what he wants now, I don't 'specially care! I can't make it without Wila!”
I wondered when Sam would be back, or when somebody else would be by. I didn't want to stay here, but this was the first time George had been really alone since Juli'd found him in the barn that morning. If I left, it might be one of his boys finding him after a while. Dead. In this frame of mind, he was capable of anything. Why had Sam left? Didn't he know the kind of shape his father was in?
“George, I want you to come to the house with me.”
“Chloe's most likely to take Lizbeth an' the baby. I know her.”
“They'll all want to stay together,” I said. “And with you.”
He was looking off toward the kitchen. “What did you say 'bout Christmas?”
I certainly hadn't expected that change of subject. “I said we want you all to come over.”
“Wilametta was knittin'â” He stopped and shook his head. “IâI got sticks a' candy for the kids. Why don't you take 'em over to 'em?”
“Give them the candy yourself. Please. Christmas morning. And if Wila made them something, they'll treasure it, George, sad as that's going to be. You could have your own Christmas right here and then come over for dinner.”
“No,” he said, his face tightening. “You take 'em the candy. I can't do that, Wortham. I know good and well I can't.”
“You can. It's your job. A man does what needs to be done. But if you don't want to do it here, then bring everything with you when you come. It'll mean a lot to them, George. Don't make them feel abandoned. You've got to care.”
“Did you come over here to tell me that? Is that why you come?”
“Yes. And to make sure you had breakfast. And let you know the little ones ask about you. They want to come, but Lizbeth won't, not without your word. She's trying to obey what you said in sending them over there, but they'd be glad, I know they would, if you'd tell her to come home.”
“I can't,” he said. “I just can't. But I see where you're right about Christmas. I gotta give 'em that much, don't I? Wila'd want that much.”
“George, they want their father back.”
He was looking away. “They can come. They can come for now, if you say that's best, but I'll have 'em all back to you Christmas Day, Wortham. You gotta help me.”
“I'll help you. But I won't help you tear your family apart.”
He nodded. “That's 'bout what I'd expect you to say. Can't expect no differ'nt.”
He wouldn't say anything else. But at least I'd gotten that much of a promise out of him. Christmas. But what he'd do after that, I didn't know.
SEVENTEEN
Julia
Back in November, Emma had made out a list of everything she could think of that we might need for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and some stock-up. She'd even insisted on giving us money to cover part of it, though that had bothered Samuel. “I'm eatin' here too,” she'd said. “Ain't no more'n my duty.”
So now we had every ingredient for her sugar cookies, and her handwritten recipe was stuck up right in the front of her little box like she'd moved it there special to make it easier for me to find. I had kids mixing the color into a bowl of sugar and other kids helping me measure and stir the big bowl of batter. I'd tripled the batch, because there were so many of us and because I thought it would be proper to give some to the Posts and the Muellers, as a thanks for being so helpful. And to the pastor. I thought we should give some to the pastor too, or a loaf of nut bread or something.
In between measuring ingredients, I thought of Samuel over at the Hammonds and wondered what the future would hold for all these kids. Would it be just our little family again soon? Or would we stay molded together like this? So much of that was up to George.