Enchanted Frost (Frost Series #8) (A YA Romantic Fantasy Adventure) (3 page)

          And
how long would it take for him to make it, I wondered, terror seizing hold of
my body. Would I wait for hours? Years? Centuries? The vast expanse of time
before me felt terrifying – how long would I wait in this perpetual limbo, not
knowing when the pain would end? It was the not-knowing that was worse, even,
than the heartbreak. For how could I ever return to my normal life? How could I
ever sit down on my throne and rule this land, all the while feeling his
absence, feeling the possibility of obliteration of my mind and heart and body
with a single word from his beautiful, perfect lips?

          I
was angry, too, amid all the pain. Amid my own crippling guilt. Angry that the
punishment far more than outweighed the crime. Yes, I had doubts in my own mind
about Kian – but I had stayed faithful to him, hadn’t I? I had chosen him; I
had stood by him. And now Kian was condemning me to a pain more serious than
any he could have suffered by my hands. Kian had never been in danger of losing
me – not as now I was in danger of losing him. He had as good as killed me.

         
How
dare he?
Half of my mind was self-righteous, furious.
How dare he hurt
you in this way?

           
But
the other half whispered poisonous, snake-like secrets into my ear.
Because
you deserve it. You flightly, feeble girl. You deserve whatever you get. You
deserve this pain. If he never comes back, never answers your call, leaves you
waiting for him for the rest of eternity – it’s more than you deserve.

          I
couldn’t do my job; I couldn’t even breathe. How could I ever withstand this
agony?

          At
last, on the third day of my illness, and on the sixth day since I had read
Kian’s fatal letter and fainted upon the marble floor of the Throne Room, I
heard a knock on the door of my room.

          “Hello?”
I moaned. “Please, go away. I don’t want to see anybody.”

          “Please,
your Highness,” it was Silvertree, looking worried. “Someone’s here to see
you.”

          “Is
it...?” I hardly dared to hope. My heart leaped within my chest.

          “It’s
not the King, your Highness,” said Silvertree. “I’m sorry.” She looked down and
blushed. “But it’s someone you’ll want to see.”

          “I
told my mother not to…”

          “Not
your mother.” Silvertree shot me a small smile.

          “My
father, then?” I was getting tired of this game.

          “No!”
A booming, familiar voice rang out across my bedroom. “I’ve come to bring you
back to life, my Queen.”

          Even
now, Logan’s voice had the power to soften the blow, to ameliorate the effects
of my pain. As he strode in, his face spreading into a smile, I felt a strange
sense of relief. Whenever I was lonely or heartbroken as a child, it was Logan
who would fix it, Logan who would take away whatever worried me. And here he
was again – attending at the worst moment of my life.

          “Logan!”
I hurriedly wiped away my tears, ashamed at my appearance. I hadn’t combed my
hair in days; I was still in my nightgown.

          “Breena…”
His eyes were so full of love and devotion, even now.
At least one of you
hasn’t left me,
I couldn’t help but think through the pain.

          “I
thought you were in the mortal world,” I said. “Getting food.”

          “I
was,” Logan said. “But we’ve just wrapped up a run.” He grinned. “Nearly all
the food has gone into the larders and pantries of Winter and Summer Fey. But I
did save you
one
thing.”

          I
gasped as he produced a package from his back: my favorite Fajita Mix Pack from
World Mart. Not something I’d ever expected to see here, in the land of Fairy.
The gaudy yellow plastic packaging contrasted with the splendor of the palace –
my mahogany bed, the silk sheets, the fire roaring in the fireplace. But I
couldn’t help but laugh.

          “When
I heard the, uh, bad news,” Logan said. “I thought maybe I could do something
to cheer you up. The same thing that cheered you up in sixth grade, when
Clariss ruined your Environmental Club and you were depressed for weeks. I
figured if your favorite Fajita Mix worked once, it would work again…”

          “I
never thought I’d eat one of those again,” I said, half-smiling.

          “We’ve
come a long way since then, haven’t we, Bree?” Logan sat down at my bedside and
patted my hand. “And from the looks of it, you need something to eat – you look
gaunt. Your Highness, your kingdom’s not going to get ruled from this bed…”

          “I
know…” I moaned, but I couldn’t face Logan. Not after my pain. Not now.

          “Someone’s
got to make sure you get back on your feet,” said Logan. “And it might as well
be me.” He started. “As your friend, Bree, I am. Nothing more.”

          I
paused for a moment, hesitating. How would Kian feel, knowing Logan was here?
But Kian was gone – given up on me, on us. And Logan was the only friend I had
left, the one I could always rely on…

          “Let’s
go for a walk, Bree.”

          “I
took his hand.”

Chapter 3

Breena

I
t
was the first time I had seen sunlight in days. It took my eyes a while to
adjust to the balmy golden glow that engulfed the gardens and orchards of the
Summer Court. On an ordinary day – a day during which my heart had not broken
itself as it did every moment of my being – I would have marvelled in the
beauty of that sunshine. I would have gasped at the orange and golden glimmers
that set into sunset relief the crimson and red flowers and the intoxicatingly
delicious fruits of the garden. I would have inhaled the sweet, crisp smell of
apples and dewberries, oranges and quinces, and nameless fairy fruits which
exuded a bright and delirium-inducing odor from their vines. I would have
reminded myself how lucky I was to be living in Feyland; I would have gasped in
surprise – because no matter how much time I spent here, among these fruits,
within these walls, I never truly got used to Feyland. It was never really
real. It was just a dream – an illusion – a midsummer night’s spectacle – a
figment of my imagination.

          But
now it seemed all too real. With my heartbreak had come another break, too: the
loss of my illusions about Feyland. It no longer seemed as beautiful to me as
it had once did, nor as stunning; it no longer called to me with that soft,
repeated cry of “come home!” “come home!” Instead, I felt like a stranger here.
Without Kian to anchor me to this strange world, I missed the simpler pleasures
of the mortal realm. Nachos on a Sunday afternoon. Television. Even the
Internet. But most of all I missed the world I had lost – the world where the
stakes were lower, where my breath was calmer, where decisions about matters of
the heart might cause a night of tears of even a few weeks of pain, but where
this level of heartbreak was impossible. Or at least, that was what I’d hoped.
I no longer savored Feyland; instead, I missed the world I’d left behind. How
easy everything was, when we weren’t facing death and battles around every
corner; when bloodshed was something I saw on television, and not on the steps
of my own palace.

          I
had seen men die; I had even killed some of them. I had run my sword through
banshees’ chests and cut off the heads of pixies. And right now, I wanted to
forget all of that, all of the mess and stench that people who never understood
anything at all called heroism. I wanted to forget the person I had become,
forget this crown and this throne. I wanted to go home.

          Logan
took my hand, wiping away my tears with the side of his hand. His gestures were
careful, even jerky. It was clear that he feared going too far, lingering too
long. He was trying hard – so very hard – to remain friendly without breaking
any boundaries, pushing too hard against the resistance that at this point, I
knew, I was hardly bothering to give. I didn’t have the energy to fight off my
feelings for him any longer; and yet I couldn’t bring myself to do anything
about it. Sadness had gripped hold of my limbs and my mind. What did it matter
if I stopped pushing Logan away now? I’d already lost Kian. I’d already lost
everything that mattered.

          “What
are you thinking about, Breena?” Logan turned towards me. “You’re so
distracted…”

          “I
know,” I apologized. “I haven’t really been coping so well with – everything
that’s been happening lately.” The familiar tears stung at my eyes and the lump
in my throat rose higher. I wanted to forget the pain – even for a moment – but
I knew I couldn’t. All I wanted was to obliterate thought…

          “Look
at me, Breena.” Logan took my hands and pressed them against his chest. “Your
hands are so cold, Breena.” He began to rub them. “How are you so cold?”

          “I…I
don’t know…” I sniffled. But deep down I felt sure what the reason was. Kian
was leaving me – and with it my life-force was leaving me. My body, responding
to the loss of his magic, was shutting down; it was stopping to work. I no
longer wanted to survive without him.

          “Listen
to me, Breena,” Logan’s eyes were full of pain. The puppy-dog look I had come
to associate with him was now darker, more severe. Filled with a self-assurance
I had never seen in him before. “Whatever happened – it wasn’t your fault. I’m
not going to lie that a part of me, a sick, irrational, part of me, was glad that
he’s out of the way. But I need you to know, Breena.
You never led me on.
You never were anything less than honest with me.
As much as it hurts me to
admit it – I led myself on, much more than you led me on. I wanted to believe
you were interested in me; I wanted to take every sign of friendship you showed
me as proof that maybe you felt something more, something real…” He sighed.

          “Why
are you telling me this?” My voice began to waver. I didn’t think I could stand
the pain another second.

          “Because,”
Logan said, looking down. “Kian had no right to do what he did. If anyone was
to blame for what made him jealous, it was me, not you. I screwed up, Breena,
bad. Whenever you tried to push me away, to tell me that you’d chosen Kian over
me – I didn’t listen. I pushed your boundaries – and I’m so, so sorry for
that.” He looked down sheepishly. “And I’ll tell him that, too. If that’s what
you want.” He smiled half-heartedly. “If he needs to know that it wasn’t your
fault…”

          I
shook my head. “He’s gone,” I said. “I don’t know where he is, where he went. I
don’t know anything at all. All I know is that…he’s done with me.” I started
crying again, great racking sobs. I saw jealousy spread across Logan’s face,
but he struggled to keep it down, to focus instead on comforting me.

          “I
wouldn’t be so sure of that,” said Logan. “He loves you, Breena. And let me
tell you – nobody that falls in love with you can ever really let you go.” A
flicker of darkness appeared upon his face. “No matter how much we might try
to. I can guarantee that Kian is thinking of you right now, missing you…”

          “You
really think so?” I felt terrible, talking about Kian to Logan, knowing how
much it was hurting him. But right now I needed a friend – any friend – anyone
I could talk to. And I knew there was nobody else in all of Feyland I could
trust.

          “You’re
a lot of men’s weak spot,” Logan said. “Now, please let me try to cheer you up.
We’ve got a lot of work to do, putting Feyland back together, and it’s simply
not going to happen if their Emperor is gone and their Empress is catatonic…”

          “I’m
not catatonic,” I murmured.

          “Yes,”
said Logan. “Yes, you are. And you need to not be. I know you, Breena. You’re
strong. You can beat this. Even heartbreak, which believe me, I know from
experience is the worst thing that can ever happen to you – you
can
recover
from this. You can move on, stay focused, stay in control. I did.”

          His
look made me ashamed. This pain that I was feeling now – was it the same pain
that Logan had been feeling for so many years? Pain I had inflicted. Now I knew
what it was like to be waiting for somebody else, hoping against hope, and yet
knowing deep down in my heart that it was over, that we were through. Now I
could understand for the first time the depth of what I had put Logan through.

          “Logan…”
I whispered, choking on my tears. “I’m so sorry – so, so sorry.”

          He
leaned in and kissed me on the forehead.

          “Never
you mind…” he said. “Let’s forget all about it, okay? I’d rather just move on –
and so can you, Breena. We’ve hurt each other, now. And we can either dwell on
it or we can move ahead – the way I hope to do. The kingdom needs us now. Not
as lovers but as friends. As allies. As
best
friends.” He took my hand.
“Can we do it, Breena? I know it will be hard for both of us, but I really think
we’re what Feyland needs right now.
This
is what Feyland needs right
now.”