Enchanting Wilder (42 page)

As Declan crawls into bed beside me, wrapping his arms around me, breathing me in, I know what I have to do.

My choice is clear.

But, before I can do that, I turn in Declan’s arms, pulling him close to me, tugging at his pants. He groans, his hands moving to my hips.

His skilled fingertips travel between us, skimming my skin so light it sends shivers all over my body. Fireworks erupt inside me, igniting with abandon.

My back arches when his hand finally meets my breast, tugging my hardened skin with the tips of his fingers.

Declan’s teeth scrape my shoulder as his mouth makes its way down my neck. Using his own personal touch, he marks me forever. I revel in the pain and pleasure, hoping he leaves bruises—scars. I don’t ever want to forget this moment. I’ll pull this memory out on days when I need it most.

“Make love to me, Declan,” I plead, panting with want in his ear.
Please, love me goodbye,
I say to myself.

And he does. Every stroke, every touch, every kiss, is branded in my mind and on my body forever.

By the time we’re a pulsating, vivacious mess of pleasure, I will myself not to cry.

I’ll miss him.

I’ll miss us.

God, I hope I’m making the right decision.

I feel her absence immediately. I don’t have to reach for her to know she’s gone, but I do it anyway in hopes I’m wrong. Instead of my hand meeting her warm, soft body on the other side of the bed, there’s a note on her pillowcase. I quickly open the folded paper and run my fingers over the ink, willing myself to stay calm.

I should have seen this coming…

Declan,

By now you’ve realized I’m gone and I’m sorry for that. Before you get too angry at me, I want you to know I’m going to be okay—at least—I think I will be. Eventually.

This is probably out of left field and I wish I could have stayed with you. I just…I know I wouldn’t have gone if I had allowed myself to see your smile one last time. Or the way your dimple presents itself just before you wake up. Or the way you stretch your limbs before you open your eyes and, without a doubt, grab my side and pull me close. I couldn’t do it. I would have stayed. I don’t have enough willpower in the world. So, instead of giving you a proper goodbye like you deserve, I stepped out in the dark of the night like a thief.

You’re a freight train, Declan. I can’t fault you for it. I can only blame myself for loving the ride so much. But, when you do eventually decide to leave me for bigger and better things, and I know you will, I’ll sit and wait on the tracks for you. So desperately waiting, because I know when the train does come back, I’ll be taken as its prisoner again—willing and able. Because of how I feel about you, I refuse to look for a way off. Day in and day out, I’ll sit and wait. Hoping and praying every train that comes by is yours.

And Declan, I’ll revel in our destruction. I rejoice in what you’ve helped me become—what we’ve become together. God, I enjoyed our ride.

I need to let you be who you truly are and you have to let me do the same.

This is me getting off your train and setting you free.

What I am inside, I can’t be with you around.

You’re an angel—you’re my angel, Declan. You have relationships upstairs to keep and missions I can’t be a part of. Taking over Beneath would mean nothing but trouble for you. I’m only holding you back.

I know you’re probably pissed at me right now, scowling at the paper, willing it to set fire. Don’t be mad, though. Keep this. Remind yourself of the good I see in you. In the sacrifice I’m making because I know of the greatness you already have. Keep this as a constant reminder of the honest-to-God love I feel for you. Because I do, Declan. I love you so much. As I’m writing these words, my walls are being built up, brick by brick. I’ll never love anyone again the way I have loved you. I have to let you go.

With everything I am, the good and the bad,

McKenna

A hot tear rolls down my face as I crumple the paper in my shaky hands. When I realize what I did, I quickly iron out the wrinkles and smooth the paper over the sheets.

How could she do this? How could she do this
to us
? Everything we’ve overcome.

Broken and alone, I rub my hand down my face, cleaning the traces of her exit away.

I quickly throw the covers off me and make my way to the bathroom, getting dressed in a flurry of fabric.

Mind dirty with every possibility of where she could be, I hope and pray she hasn’t made her way to Beneath yet. It takes demon blood to open the gate, and being a half-angel won’t get her in. My only hope is she’s out there somewhere, looking to drain some poor bastard.

I race through the main house, passing mom, dad, Abigail and Cole. I don’t have time to talk to them.

Like a mad man on a mission, I bang loudly on Kai’s door with my fists. “Kai! I need to talk to you!”

I knock and knock and knock but nothing. The other side of his door is dead silent.

“What the hell’s going on?” Wood opens his door, rubbing his eyes. His pajama bottoms hang low on his hips and he hikes them up.

I turn to him wild-eyed, pulling at my hair. “She’s gone.”

He immediately stands up straighter. “McKenna?” he asks. “Why?”

“She’s going to Beneath to take over. She wants to leave us behind.” I shake my head, pacing the door. “We have to find her.”

“Calm down, brother,” Wood says.

Calm down? How can I calm down? She may think it’s a simple acceptance and she’ll be ruler. It’s not. Her becoming the new Maker means The Leaders will officially know of her true identity. The Leaders may all be Strix, but they’re also angels, like Sally. If McKenna, who was under their rule, turns to the darkness, that’ll cause an all-out war between angels and demons. She’s about to tip the already wishy-washy scales, and the favor won’t be in her court. They won’t be in anyone’s court.

“We have to find her,” I say in a panic.
I should have told her all of that.

I don’t think she knows what’ll happen if The Leaders find her. We didn’t give ourselves enough time to bring them to our side. Help them understand our plan.

“Get Kai and Candy. You guys need to pack your things. I’ll meet you in The Sting.”

Running back to the guest house, I load my duffle bag with random clothes and rush inside to tell mom, dad and the Sawyers what’s happening.

All agreeing it’s best to seek out McKenna, I give them a quick goodbye and head outside.

Wood, Kai and Candy are already waiting in the car. I throw my bag in the trunk and fall heavily into the driver’s seat. “Where were you, Kai?” I ask a little harsher than I intended. “I came to your room earlier and you didn’t answer.”

In the rearview mirror, Kai bites his lip. “Sorry, man. I was outside, walking around the house. I just needed to get some air. Candy and I have been trying to channel McKenna all morning. Unfortunately, she’s cut us off.”

I grit my teeth and start the ignition, the engine’s roar bouncing off the houses in the neighborhood. “Keep trying,” I say, shifting into second gear, my foot practically going through the floorboard as I push the clutch.

“Head to the entrance of Beneath, Declan,” Kai says. “It’s our best hope right now.”

I nod and take another look in the rearview mirror as I turn from the Sawyer’s street. McKenna could have left hours ago. If she did somehow find a demon to gain entrance, she’s long gone by now.

I really hope she wasn’t that lucky…or unlucky.

As I maneuver my way through the crowded, icy downtown streets of Summerson, the grey, dismal sky above us is an ominous irony to the events of this morning.

How could I not have seen this coming?

I could have helped her. Stayed by her side as she maneuvered her way through this new journey in her life. We could have gone to The Leaders as a team and helped them see her new way of ruling.

“Stop it,” Wood says, his eyebrows creased in worry.

I turn back to the road. “Stop what?”

“Tormenting yourself about what you could have done. If McKenna was going to leave, you couldn’t have stopped her and you know it.”

“I could have,” I say, but even I don’t believe the words myself. McKenna is the strongest person I know. Once she sets her mind to something, she’s going to do it no matter what anyone says.

“You couldn’t,” Candy says from the back seat. “I know she left without a goodbye, and I’m pissed, too. But, if she did it, she did it for good reason. You have to know that.”

I’m not so sure.

Making a right turn toward Gallows Hill, my eyes sting with the words she left me in the note.

I never got to tell her I loved her, too. Though I do, so damn much.

I pull to a stop at a red light and Kai gasps.

My eyes dart to the rearview mirror. “What is it?”

Kai struggles, his eyes closed, the wrinkles around his eyes more profound than I’ve ever seen them before. “I—I see her. She’s let me in.”

“What?” I swerve the car, pulling to the side of the road to park. “What do you see?”

Kai shakes his head, his hands grabbing at the jeans on his legs. “I can’t really tell. She keeps pulling to let me in, but someone’s blocking her.”

“Maker?” Wood and I ask in unison.

Kai gasps, his eyes opening with a snap. Unlike his normal brown color, the irises are completely white. “It’s…shit,” he curses for the first time. “I know who it is.”

“Who?” we all ask.

“It’s The Leaders. They have McKenna.”

I unbuckle my seat with lightning fast speed and hop out of the car. “Is she here?” I look to the cross in the middle of the park, there’s nothing there but snow and wilted, dead grass.

Candy and Wood lead Kai out of the car and into the park just away from the entrance to Beneath. “She is. I can’t see exactly where.”

“Push through, Kai,” I encourage. “You have a stronger link with her than any of us do.”

Kai sways to one side. “That’s it. Link hands with me.”

My eyes narrow and I think we’re all in shock, none of us move.

“Link hands with me, dammit. By myself, I can’t do much, but with each and every one of us, we can break the wall The Leaders have around her and find out where she is.”

I immediately grab for Wood’s hand, who takes quick hold of Candy. Candy grabs onto Kai, and I finish the link by taking hold of Kai, too. “What do we do?”

“Think of McKenna. Only McKenna. Think of your happiest memory and shove it inside our circle.”

The day after we decided to leave Summerson pops into my head. We’d just stopped at a hotel for the evening and I decided to take her to dinner alone without the rest of the group. I’d been itching to get away with her, and it seemed like the perfect opportunity. We were in the middle of dinner when she had spilled ketchup on her shirt, and the red in her cheeks matched the stain. With embarrassment all over her face, instead of making fun of her the way I would someone else, I simply wiped the red residue from her shirt and popped my finger in my mouth saying, “Tastes better that way anyway.”

McKenna blushed, bit her lip.

That was the exact moment I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I didn’t know I loved her at the time—that came later. Love is a hard thing to grasp, but I knew in that second she was the only one I wanted for the rest of my life.