End of the Innocence (26 page)

“It is like days away from being autotuned,” Kyle said, using my laptop. “And once that happens, it is going to go viral.”

I shuddered at the thought of a video like that being passed around about me.

“The Internet sucks, man,” was all I could add to the conversation.

“Not everyone,” he said, showing me the comments of support for Kelly as well. They were few compared to the haters, but there were some. “It’s just easier to be a bastard when no one knows who you are.”

“Tell me about it,” I agreed, remembering how vicious we could be when the person we were ridiculing wasn’t around. I’d seen this kind of thing before, but never on this scale. Someone had caught Billy Jackson making out with a girl who definitely wasn’t his girlfriend at an away game and had sent the clip to everyone in their phone. Of course, one of those people posted it on Facebook, where Billy’s girlfriend saw it. That got ugly, but it was nowhere near this.

“It’s just this town,” Kyle said, closing the laptop in frustration. “It’s like the world starts and ends here, and there is no way to get Kelly to see past that.”

“But it is the beginning and the end for some,” I tried to explain. “Some people have lived in Foster for generations; to them, this is the entire world. They are born here, go to school here, fall in love, and die here. Not everyone thinks it’s a bad place.”

He just stared at me for a long time. “Is that how you feel?”

All I saw was that stupid robot from
Lost in Space
throwing his arms up screaming, “Danger, Brad Greymark, danger!”

“Well, no, I can’t wait to get out of here, but I understand their point of view,” I answered carefully.

“Then explain them to me,” he stated plainly. I wasn’t sure if he was mad or not.

I took a deep breath and plunged in. “To some people, the world changes too fast, Kyle. There is a black president and gay people getting married and people wearing dresses made out of meat, and those people don’t get it. Places like this are safe to them, and they like that. I’m not saying it’s all right, but I am saying they just aren’t ready for change. Here they can change more at their own speed.”

He thought about it for a moment.

“Tough,” was all he said in return. I laughed, but I got the impression he wasn’t making a joke. “I mean it. Life doesn’t wait until people catch up. What’s wrong is wrong, and if people can’t wrap their minds around it, then they can go to hell. We didn’t wait until everyone was ready to pass civil rights. We did it because the way human beings were being treated was wrong. And places like this, they aren’t safe, they’re ignorant. They are little hidey holes of bigots and hatred, and the people who hide here know they would be laughed right out of a real city.” His face grew redder as he went on. “I’m sick of it. I’m sick of these people acting like monsters and then having the audacity to call other people immoral.”

This was pretty angry, even for Kyle. There was something else in play here. “What happened?” I asked, digging right under his tirade.

He shook his head. “I’m just tired.”

I moved closer to him. “Kyle, what happened?”

“They want to send him away,” he finally admitted, breaking down.

“Who?” I asked, worried.

“They want to send Kelly away to some straight camp,” he said as he started to cry. “His parents want to send him to some brainwashing camp where they are going to try to pray the gay out of him.” He was shaking now. “He’ll die in there, Brad. He already hates himself enough. One of those places will just….”

And that was all he was able to say for the rest of the night.

I held him long after he had cried himself out and fallen into a fitful sleep. I stared up at my ceiling and began to think as he curled up next to me on my bed. I had hated myself too once I figured out I was gay, which was the main reason I tried so hard to hide it. It was only after seeing how fearless Kyle was about it that I found the strength to follow his lead. That day I kissed him in front of everyone wasn’t so much about defending him as it was about saving me from a life of self-loathing. I could see that same self-loathing in Mr. Parker when no one else was around. The way he talked about being single and lonely, even though he tried to laugh it off as a joke. There was a sadness in his eyes that made me so very glad I had escaped that fate.

Kelly didn’t have a Kyle, and, if his parents had their way, he never would.

I hated seeing Kyle so upset, and I was really scared for him because I had a feeling that Kelly’s life was about to get worse, and Kyle was going to take that personally. I didn’t know what to say to him because I knew if I tried to bring up the possibility that Kelly might not be able to be rescued, Kyle would think I wasn’t behind him. I didn’t know how to help him or Kelly, and that was driving me nuts. I couldn’t do anything about it.

But I knew some guys who could.

K
YLE

T
HAT
Monday I woke up to my mom telling me I had a guest.

It was still before ten in the morning, which meant she was no more alive than I was. She stumbled off to her room while I headed off to the front door. I have to admit I wasn’t that shocked to see Robbie standing there, cigarette in hand.

“You know my kind can’t enter unless invited, so come on,” he said, putting it out. I stepped aside and let him enter. “I’m going to admit, I really thought I had you figured out.” He sat down on the couch. “I really thought you’d be back the next day, wanting to talk and to work it out. But here it is a week later and nothing.” He pulled a pack of smokes out of his pocket. “Okay to smoke in here or what?”

I sighed and sat down across from him. “Everyone else does, help yourself.”

He tapped the pack against his wrist, a motion I didn’t understand but had seen real smokers do all my life. “So, either you are stubborn as hell, or it’s something else.”

“It’s something else,” I replied without a pause.

“Oh, share with the rest of the class, then,” he said, lighting up.

“I didn’t come back because I didn’t do anything wrong. But more than that, I didn’t come back because I don’t know if I want to or not. Still don’t, in fact.” I said it as calmly as possible, but there was no way to keep my anger out of my voice.

“You didn’t do anything wrong?” he asked, almost choking on the words. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope,” I answered curtly.

“And here I thought you were smart,” he snarked as he flicked his ashes into one of Mom’s already overloaded trays.

“And here I thought you weren’t a bigot.” I mimicked his tone and inflection the best I could.

I was pretty sure if I had slapped him, I would have received almost the same look from him.

“Excuse me?” he asked, one eyebrow arching up as far as it could go.

“You heard me.” I sighed and stood up. “We done?”

He tossed the cigarette into the ashtray as he got up from the couch. “Oh no, ma’am. You do not get to say some shit like that and then ask if we’re done. I am a bigot?”

I was done.

“Yeah, you are a full-fledged bigot. Did I stutter?” This I did not need. I had enough on my plate with everything else. Sitting here yelling at Robbie was not my idea of entertainment.

“I am not the one who sat there saying people being beaten up and killed wasn’t my problem. I was not the one who refused to take a stand when asked.” He looked mad, but honestly, I had seen better attempts.

“And I am not the one who said a guy who got outed against his will, is being publicly mocked, and whose parents are thinking of sending to a straight camp deserved what he got because he wasn’t ready to admit he was gay yet. No, I believe it was you who thought just because this guy wasn’t waving a pride flag, everything he got was okay. If that was me or Brad or anyone you considered a ‘real’ gay, you would have been ready to stage a march down First Street in protest. Thinking that some people deserve to be targeted for violence because of their sexuality is being a bigot, Robbie.”

“He practically beat you up!” he roared back.

“Yes. Me,” I said, tapping my chest. “He almost beat
me
up.” I paused for a second before adding. “He had nothing to do with Riley.” I hadn’t wanted to say what I said, but something told me it was time.

“Fuck you,” he spat out.

“He wasn’t the one driving the car, he wasn’t the one who yelled faggot, he wasn’t the one who drove off,” I said, as calmly as possible. “You said you stayed here because leaving would diminish his death somehow. I say you stayed here because you are still looking to punish the town that let it happen.” I saw his eyes grow red, but he said nothing more. “Kelly didn’t do it. I know you want to think he is one of
those
guys, but he isn’t. I am not Riley, he is not the asshole who killed him, and you need to realize that straight people are not the enemy.”

We sat there staring at each other for what seemed like hours. Finally my mom opened her door and looked out at us. “Can you guys stop yelling, please?” She looked hungover, and I was grateful that was all she said; I’d heard a lot worse.

“I need to go, anyway,” Robbie said, grabbing his cigarettes. “Sorry about that,” he said to her. “Won’t happen again,” he said to me.

“Yeah. I don’t think it will,” I agreed. I opened the door and held it for him.

He stormed out without another word.

“Jesus, you two fight like the world is ending,” Mom commented before she tottered back into her room.

All I could think was that to Kelly, the world was ending. I decided to get dressed and head over to make sure he was all right.

The weather had, apparently, determined that December had indeed arrived. Overnight, everything had been clamped down by the cold. Real cold. It always cracked me up when people automatically assumed Texas is always hotter than hell. They have obviously never been to North Texas around Christmas. The air was cold enough to sting my face when I walked out of the apartment building, but I knew the walk would warm me up, and Lord knew I needed time to get my thoughts back in order.

The windows on the cars and stores were all frosted over as I passed by. A small group of people from school shivered as they hung out in front of the Vine. Seeing them reminded me that Winter Break had started. I had a vague memory of thinking that my break was going to be like that, just days and days of hanging out with Brad. Now I was hoofing it across town to make sure the guy who tried to kick my ass a few months ago didn’t get sent off to straight camp.

What a difference a week makes.

Another car, some sort of sedan, had been parked next to Mr. Aimes’s comic attempt at a midlife crisis. On both sides, bright yellow letters proclaimed The Right Way. The
T
was a crucifix, which I guess was their attempt to be clever or something. I honestly thought I would have more time to prepare for this, but once again what I thought would happen had zero bearing on what was actually occurring.

I knocked on the door and steadied myself.

Mrs. Aimes answered the door and, from the look on her face, I was not who she had been expecting. “Oh,” she proclaimed, shocked. “Kyle, um….” She looked behind her back into the living room and then back to me. “This isn’t the best time, sweetie,” she tried to explain with her overly syrupy voice.

“I know,” I said, sounding as pathetic as I could manage. “But it was way too cold out here. I started out for a walk, and I need to get a ride home. Can I come inside and call my mom for a ride?” I widened my eyes to look as innocent as possible. If Kelly’s dad had opened the door, my performance would have never worked. He would have told me to freeze and slammed the door. “I promise I will stay in the hall.”

I tried to shiver, but it came off more like I was shaking.

“All right. Come in,” she said whispering. “But stay here, and keep it down.”

I nodded and she let me in. The house was stifling, so I took my coat off before I burst into flames. I could hear a male voice talking in the living room; it wasn’t Kelly or his dad. I pulled my phone out of my coat pocket and pretended to dial convincingly enough that Mrs. Aimes returned to the living room. I closed my phone and concentrated on the conversation.

“…teach and try to explain the scripture and how it affects your life.” The man sounded kindly, but his voice was so deep it carried a sense of authority that reminded me of coach Gunn. “We aren’t there to tell you what’s wrong with you, Kelly; we just want to fix what’s broken.”

“See?” I heard Kelly’s dad say. “This isn’t a punishment.”

My ass it wasn’t.

I took my phone and tossed it toward the living room. It hit the floor and bounced twice away from me. I pretended to run after it, stumbling into the living room, with what I hoped was a completely embarrassed look on my face. “Um, I’m sorry,” I said, picking my phone up. “Got away from me.”

Kelly’s dad looked accusingly at his wife. Kelly shook his head at me and hid a smile. The stranger in the room looked over at me and gave me a beaming smile. He was a huge rock of a man, over six feet tall and built like a cage fighter. He wore the short-sleeved black shirt of a reverend that only showed off the gun show he called his arms. He held a Bible in one of his huge paws, but it looked so small in comparison it seemed fake. I saw the trailing edge of a snake’s tail peeking past the end of his left sleeve. A couple of other marks might have been the
C
in USMC. If he ever decided to get out of the preaching business, he would clean up as a male stripper.

“Why, hello there,” he said, reaching out to help me up. “Are you a friend of Kelly’s?”

“He is not welcome here,” Mr. Aimes said, standing up. “This is the one who got him into all of this.”

“Dad, he didn’t…,” Kelly began to argue, but he stopped when his dad glared at him.

“Ah, so you’re the serpent in the Garden of Eden?” the preacher said to me jokingly. “I am Father Tim. You are?”

I resisted the urge to answer “A godless heathen” and instead opted for “Kyle.”

“Hello, Kyle,” he said, gesturing toward an empty chair. “Would you like to join us?”