End of the Innocence (28 page)

“Here, I’ll help,” Kelly said, taking Kyle’s other arm. We walked him slowly to my car. Once we were out of earshot, Kelly said, “Thanks for being here, Kyle. I didn’t know what to say to that guy.”

Kyle nodded to him and then winced. “Ouch. No problem, I told you. I’m on your side in this. You are not alone, Kelly.”

Kelly looked over Kyle at me and shook his head with a smile, which pretty much said it all. I couldn’t believe I was dating Kyle either. We got him in the car and closed the door. I turned to Kelly. “You going to be able to handle them?” I asked, gesturing back toward his house.

“I don’t know, man,” he replied, looking down at his feet. “I wasn’t even sure I liked guys, and now I’m outed to the whole town. I can’t blame them for not handling it when I’m just as fucked up about it as they are.”

“It gets better,” I said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Not all at once and not in huge leaps, but slowly, it does. Trust me.”

He looked at Kyle and back to me. “It’s easier with someone.”

I gave him a smile, but I knew it had no meaning. “You have us.”

He didn’t return the smile. “Yeah, thanks.” He put his arms around himself. “Damn, it’s cold out here! Get him home!” he said, pointing at Kyle, and ran back into the house.

There was something very wrong with him, but I couldn’t put my finger on it yet.

K
YLE

B
RAD
dropped me off at home and took off back to work.

He had wanted to call Mr. Parker and tell him he was taking the day off, but I told him not to worry. I was sore, but there was nothing broken. All I needed was some rest, and it wouldn’t matter if he was hovering over me watching me sleep or not.

My mom was off to her job at Better Buy, which was a godsend.

I took a long, hot shower and curled up in my bed, trying to find a position that didn’t hurt so much, and fell asleep.

I had a dream that Kelly and I were falling from an airplane, hurtling toward the ground at terminal velocity. He was looking back up at me with his hand outstretched, begging me to save him. I was reaching out as far as I could, trying to force my arm to get longer to grab his hand.

As the seconds turned to minutes, the dots below us began to grow into houses, and I realized we were going to crash into Foster. I don’t know how, but I forced myself to bridge the gap between Kelly and me; the space between our hands grew smaller and smaller. I could almost feel my fingertips brush his when something grabbed my other hand and pulled me back. I looked up and saw Brad clutching me close when he pulled the ripcord on his parachute. As the two of us slowed our descent, I saw Kelly fall away from me. His screaming rang in my ears like church bells.

I buried my face into Brad when he hit the ground.

The ground came up and hit me in the face when I fell out of bed. My covers were tangled around my feet, and I screamed in panic as the terror of falling hit me full force. Because life sucks, I fell on the bruised side of my face, which sent ice picks of pain through the side of my head.

For a long time, until the pain settled and the dream faded a little, I clung to the security of a solid floor underneath me, feeling about as wiped out as I ever had in my life.

The sound of someone pounding on my front door made me jump out of my skin.

I untangled my legs and stood, every motion hurting and making me nauseated. I hobbled toward the front door, trying not to moan with each step. I didn’t even get halfway there when the pounding came again. The hammering was loud and obnoxious, like the heroes do on crime shows where the police are trying to scare the criminals into opening the door. I half expected to find the cast of a CBS procedural drama glaring at me from the other side.

Instead I came bruised face to face with Robbie and Jennifer.

“Oh my God,” Robbie said, rushing in, not touching me, but hovering his hands over my bruises. “Oh my fucking God!” he exclaimed again.

I stared at Jennifer, who looked tired and sad. “My dad told me what happened,” she explained as she closed the door. To Robbie, she snapped, “He’s not dying, you queen. Stop trying for the Oscar and give the boy some space.”

Robbie took a step back and gave her a disgusted stare. “If I was going to win anything, it would be a Tony. When I do, I will be sure to thank the bitch I used to know in Podunk, Texas.” Back to me he said, “So some Bible thumper did this?”

“Robbie, help me get him to the couch,” Jennifer ordered curtly. I knew I was really hurting when I didn’t tell both of them I could cross the five-mile wide living room on my own.

Two minutes later, I gingerly sat down on the couch and sighed. “I don’t think he knew much about the Bible, to be honest. He was there from the straight camp thing.” I closed my eyes and tried to find a place where pain didn’t exist. “Oh, he’d been a Marine too.”

“No he wasn’t,” Jennifer corrected me. “My dad ran a background check on him. He got kicked out after boot camp for fighting.” I looked over at her, and she added, “My brother is a Marine, and none of the ones I know act like that.”

“All the ones I know do,” Robbie said darkly.

“Get out,” I responded instantly. Both Jennifer and he gave me shocked looks. “I just got my ass kicked for standing up to one bigot. I’m sure as hell not going to let another one into my home!” I grated furiously. “That guy’s problem wasn’t that he believed in God or was straight or was a Marine or any of that. His problem was that he was a small-minded, hateful person who has issues. Period. Just him, not all Marines, not all religious people, and certainly not all straight people. So take that straight-hating bullshit and get out.”

Robbie jumped up. “I do not hate straight people!”

“Yes you do,” Jennifer interjected.

He looked down at Jennifer like she had turned into a cockroach.

“Don’t give me that look. You do hate straight people,” she repeated.

“I do not,” he argued.

“Sure you do,” she answered frankly. “How many times did you tell me that Brad and his friends were just pussy chasing douches, and that none of them were worth a thing? But once you found out Brad liked guys, he was okay suddenly. You think everyone in this town from my dad down to the guys I go to school with are homophobic assholes, and you have said that multiple times.”

“That guy beat him up!” Robbie countered, pointing at me. “A straight guy beat him up, and it was the same straight guy who wanted to take Kelly to a straight camp to ‘cure’ him! Straight people—”

“Straight people called the cops, a straight cop who threatened to kick that fake reverend’s ass for beating me,” I cut in. “So out of four straight people, that jackass was one who wasn’t on my side. In the diner it was Tony’s father making the scene. A straight woman, Tony, and half a dozen straight customers told him to go fuck off. So the ratio gets even worse if you want to add them.” I could see the growing realization on his face.

“There are more people on this planet who will be nice to you than won’t,” I said, ignoring my aching face. “The only difference is the ones who are loud and obnoxious are the only ones we tend to see. The hatred and seething fury gets all the press, while the quiet acceptance seems to fade into the background. Sure there are twenty news stories about how many people showed up to get their free chicken dinner because they don’t believe in gay rights, but how many people
didn’t
show up? How many people voiced their protest? How many people just simply decided never to shop there again?” I shook my head, which was a mistake, but I forced myself to go on. “All you’re doing is focusing on Riley’s death. You’ve forgotten his life. You forget that you have a place where people shop, spend money, and do so happily. You have a house that people don’t picket or try to burn down, and you drive a car that I haven’t seen defaced or had the tires slit. This is not a great town, but it is not filled with the hatred you seem to think it is.”

“What you don’t know…,” Robbie began to explain, but I cut him off.

“Do you know how many people showed up at the school board when they were threatening to kick Brad off the team? And do you know how many of those people showed up to protest what was happening? I didn’t see you in the audience, but I did see people I had never even talked to show up and argue that what they were doing was wrong. If this place was so bad, then wouldn’t Brad and me already have been beaten to death? Wouldn’t we have found burning crosses on our lawn?”

I paused for breath because I was pretty pissed now, and the hurting was interfering with me breathing enough to stay pissed.

“In fact, let’s go back to that. Why weren’t you there at that meeting?” I asked him. “Where was the big, bad advocate for gay rights when that went down?” He looked away from me but didn’t answer. “Well? Come on, Harvey Milk, where were you?”

He mumbled something, but neither Jennifer nor I could hear.

“Come again?”

“I showed up!” he screamed suddenly. “I did show up.”

“I didn’t see you,” I said, not believing him. “Why didn’t I see you?”

He sighed deeply as he sat down and began to search for a cigarette. “I left.”

Jennifer looked at him in confusion. “Wait, you were there? You said you didn’t go.”

He pulled out a smoke and lit it. “I lied. I went and even got into the building.” He took a long drag. “And then I turned around and left.”

“Why?” she asked.

He didn’t say anything for a long time as he nursed his cancer stick. Finally he ashed it and said, “Because I saw Tyler there and left. There was no way I could deal with him.”

“Why?” I asked again.

“Because I don’t like him,” he hissed at me in response.

“So you don’t like him? Why? What could he have done that was so bad that…?” I began to ask.

“He was there the night Riley died,” he answered over my question. “He was there and did nothing about it. He didn’t try to help me, he didn’t come to the funeral, and he certainly hasn’t talked to me since.” He flicked another ash. “You say this town isn’t as bad as I say it is. I say you haven’t lived here long enough for it to show you its true face.” He put out the cigarette and got up. “Anyway. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I do hate straight people, but unlike those ignorant homophobic assholes you hear about, I wasn’t born hating them. I learned the old-fashioned way.” He looked at Jennifer. “You coming or staying?”

She looked at me, and I waved her off. “It’s okay, I feel better than I look.”

Hesitantly she grabbed her purse and moved toward the door. “You have your phone? Call if you need anything.”

I smiled and regretted that too. “I will.”

“Oh, and Robbie,” I called out as he opened the door. He looked back at me. “I think it is important to note, the guy who beat me up, he isn’t from Foster.”

He gave a small laugh. “Kyle, they are all from Foster, if not physically, in spirit.” And he left.

I felt worse than I did when I woke up. I took an eon to stand up and then went back to bed, praying I could get at least a little rest before the next thing hit me.

B
RAD

T
HE
days leading up to Christmas were crazy.

Not only did the traffic in the store triple, but the amount of garbage that Kelly, and Kyle as well, had to deal with became almost overwhelming. One night a group of assholes dumped some kind of chemicals over Kelly’s front lawn so that the grass turned brown and died and spelled out the word FAG. His parents had to tear up most of the yard to get rid of it.

Another night someone kept calling for hours and hours asking if they could get their dick sucked. The Aimes finally took the phone off the hook. The number turned out to be a disposable cell phone and wasn’t traceable. Mr. Aimes changed their number and got it unlisted, but it just added to the general drama of the situation.

I wanted to help Kyle as much as possible, but Mr. Parker really needed me at the shop, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure what I could do. The one thing I had set into motion hadn’t done any good so far, and I was beginning to wonder what going back to school would be like for Kelly.

I was closing one night when Kelly knocked on the store’s front window.

Mr. Parker had received a phone call from someone, and he had left early, saying he needed to get over to the Better Buy before he “missed him.” I wasn’t sure who he was talking about, but the way he took off, it sounded like it was important. I had the radio turned up while I counted down the drawer when I heard knocking. I almost didn’t recognize Kelly from the way he was bundled up with a cap, scarf, and gloves. It was cold outside, but he looked like he was ready to ski.

Or he was trying hard to conceal his identity.

I unlocked the door and hurried him inside. “What are you doing out?” I asked, looking behind him to see if anyone had recognized him.

“I had to walk around,” he said, unwrapping himself. “I was going fucking crazy being locked up in the house.”

“Well, yeah,” I said, closing the blinds to the front windows. “I would have been climbing the walls by now.”

“I was climbing the walls a long time ago,” he said, tossing off his jacket. “I am way closer to losing my mind.”

Once I was sure no one could see in the shop, I gestured for him to take the stool behind the counter. “You want a Coke?” I asked, going in the back room. “Tyler keeps it stocked with the ones in the bottles. I think I’m addicted.”

“Sure,” he called back to me as I grabbed us two bottles. “So Tyler, huh? Sounds like you made a new friend.”

I walked back in and handed him one of the bottles. “That better not be a crack, because he is just a friend.”

He gave me a half smile. “Hey, I am just saying, for an old guy he still has it going on.”

I sighed as I went back to the money. “Tell me about it. But I got Kyle,” I said, meaning it. “But I can’t deny I enjoy the view around here sometimes.”

Kelly almost spit Coke through his nose as he laughed, “Dude! I am trying to drink here.”