She blew out a breath. “I can’t… I just can’t touch you right now. I’m sorry.”
Sorry I was so weak. Sorry you had to do that, to take a life, to keep me safe
. She couldn’t contain it any longer, and she broke down in tears.
She heard him swearing again, but this time he picked her up and cradled her in his arms, his hold infinitely gentle. Yet she couldn’t stop seeing him—feeling him—kill Ernst Baer. A monster, yes, but a living person all the same. Heather didn’t see Jack as bad or evil for doing what had to be done, but she ached that he’d had to do it at all. That kind of toll on one’s soul left a mark. No wonder he had wounds that went deep.
And when he’d asked her for help, had begged her to pull from Ernst, she’d been unable to assist him. Forcing him to turn to that darkness once again.
Disgusted with herself, heartsick at what Jack had been forced to do, she sobbed her heart out as he walked them through the woods, cradling her in his arms, with only the whisper of wind and the moonlight for company.
JACK KNEW HE’D blown any chance of a future with her, letting her see him at his worst, but he hadn’t had a choice. Watch Ernst kill Heather, or show her his inner monster? He’d rather she was alive to hate him than dead because of his gentle side.
He cleared his throat. They still had to leave Drei-Gewalten, and more enemies than friends surrounded them. “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he muttered but refused to let her go. “I had to take a chance that you could hurt him. Because the thought of you in that bastard’s arms with nothing to defend yourself with…” He didn’t know what else to say.
She didn’t answer, but he knew she was listening. She felt too light. The woman needed to eat more. All this stress couldn’t be helping her any.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. Always apologizing. “We’re not out of danger yet. I think we can trust Jan to take care of the trouble the Baers have put the town through, but you and I need to blow this place in case I’m wrong. Let’s get to that stupid gate and leave.”
“But Ida…” she croaked.
Good. She was with him, finally breaking out of that state of shock. He wondered if she’d ever seen anyone killed before. If she had, it probably hadn’t been at her own hands. Just how much of what he’d sensed when killing Ernst had she experienced?
He set her down and coughed to hide his discomfort, missing her already. “We’ll check on her quickly. But we need to move. There are still others in the woods looking for me, and by now, they’ve probably found Klaus’s body. I did my best to hide him, but I was pressed for time.”
She flinched at mention of more death, and he wished he could have made it easier for her. But truth was truth, and he couldn’t sugarcoat it now. They spent the next few hours walking in silence, each wrapped up in their own feelings. He would have given his left arm to know what she thought, if the violence had killed her affection for him, or if she just needed time to process everything. Kitty would have been more than valuable right now, using her empathy to ease Heather’s fears.
“Why didn’t you let me know you could do that? Be another person?” Heather asked softly.
He shrugged. “I’ve always kept that part of myself secret. No one knows. Well, one or two people.” He’d been unable to avoid letting a few of his teammates see him shift when they’d been in trouble. “Now you know too. Owen doesn’t.”
She studied him. “Really?”
“Really.” He blew out a breath. “I’d appreciate it if you’d just forget all about it.” He plucked at the tight waistband of Klaus’s clothes. “Christ, Klaus’s jeans are way too tight.”
Heather shocked him by grinning. “Wow. Those look like high-waters.”
“The problem with shifting. It’s hard to have the right clothes, and if I stay in another form too long, it gets tiring.”
She studied him, nibbling her lower lip. “You must be exhausted.”
He felt ready to drop, but not until he took her to safety. “Yeah. We need to get the hell out of here, so we can both get a good night’s sleep.” He wondered if she’d remember their time here as a nightmare, or if she’d recall their intimacy as a good thing. He couldn’t forget making love to her under the tree, right by the Source and feeling so close to her.
A funny feeling made his eyes burn and turned his stomach sour. They were nearly done with this mission. Time to go home. Back to his lonely life and empty house.
“Fuck,” he muttered and saw her glance at his face, her expression curiously guarded. “Okay. Here’s the plan. We’ll be in town in less than an hour. But this is how I thought we’d get around everyone…”
Jan
and Heather entered the town and passed the curious stares of the townsfolk. They went immediately to Ida’s place, only to find the woman in deep discussion with several council members.
Ida stood when she saw Heather, and the women embraced. Ida subtly shook her head when Heather opened her mouth, so Heather remained mute, much to Jack’s relief. So far so good.
Ida nodded to him. “I see you brought her off the mountain. So she returned what the Source had lost?”
“She did.”
The council members chattered excitedly.
“Then I suppose we can take her name off our hit list?” Ida said wryly.
One of the council members flushed. “It’s not a hit list, Ida. You know that. But if we’d known she was a Stallbridge, of course we would have banned her from town.”
Jack idly asked, “Have you spoken with Mikhail?” On the off chance Mikhail hadn’t joined the others to hunt him, the man might have returned to town early. And what might that mean? Jan thought Mikhail was on his side, but who knew with these people?
Several of the members nodded.
Jack barked in Jan’s voice, “Because Ralf Baer has been murdering left and right,
hit list
is more appropriate than you know.” They tried questioning him, but he held up a hand. “Later. Right now, I want to get Heather out of town. I don’t want her harmed, and I’m sure you all agree the Baers have a large influence. Just because Ralf and his sons are down doesn’t mean all their followers will fall neatly in line.” The others nodded, and Jack was pleased not to have to fight their way out of town, especially since his skin itched from holding Klaus’s form for so long. “I’ll walk her to the gate.” He turned to Heather and said, “Best if you don’t visit for a while.”
Ida nodded. “Agreed. You’re more than welcome the next time.” She glared at several of the council, who nodded. “But it would be best if we settled the town’s glaring problems before dealing with outsiders again.”
“Damn right,” Jack swore. “Killing outsiders isn’t the best way of dealing with them.”
“Uh, yeah.” Heather cleared her throat. “I’d really just like to leave. Right now.”
Ida hugged her. “Best be going, you two.” She gave Jack a long look. “Hurry now. I think Gretchen is at the tea shop waiting on you, Jan.”
He heeded the warning. They left Ida’s house and made a beeline to the alley leading to the yellow gate. “Is there some kind of magical release?” he asked Heather in a low voice.
“No. Just push through before someone comes to stop us.” Heather seemed to be bursting with excitement, a nice change from the somber woman who’d looked at him with hurt in her eyes.
Not that Jack blamed her. He too wanted to leave, fast, before they were found out. Though things seemed to be better, and the promise for a real system of town law now existed, he didn’t want to stay to find out he’d been wrong about Jan and the others.
As they pushed open the gate, the sun shone brightly upon them. They took a deep breath and stepped into Grainau, directly into the oncoming path of two startled tourists.
“Where did you two come from?” an older woman asked. In English, thank God.
Jack turned to look behind him but saw nothing but a stone wall.
He shrugged, still dressed as Jan and wearing Jan’s face. “That’s a hard one to answer. Come on, girl. Time to get back home.”
“Yes, Jack.”
He winced hearing it, knowing he’d lost something precious he’d never thought to find.
Heather spent the next three months in Baltimore, finishing with some work in the area hospitals and finalizing her move back to Bend. She’d greeted Owen with enthusiasm when she’d first returned to Bend with Jack, but she could tell that her older brother hadn’t liked what he’d seen in her face. She’d been too heartbroken to tell him how badly she’d screwed up. Once again, it had been Owen who’d saved her, and by extension the family, by sending Jack.
Heather had been nothing but a tool, one that had almost gotten the man she loved killed.
She felt so ashamed, even now, that she hadn’t been strong enough to overcome her issues and hurt Ernst. He might have murdered Jack if Jack hadn’t been so strong. And Jack’s condemning silence on their return trip had just about killed her. Her heart ached for the man. She vibrated with sadness but was unable to heal herself this time.
God, she missed him so much. She could only hope that given enough time, he’d forgive and forget her failure to help when he’d needed it. That she could work her way back into his good graces and maybe get him to love her a little.
She glanced around her nearly empty apartment. All that remained was her large bed, which wouldn’t fit in the moving truck. She’d emptied everything out of the apartment except for a few changes of clothes, a couple of towels, some toiletries, and her bed.
Staring at the empty place, she felt her solitude creep over her and couldn’t help the tears that fell.
“Not more of this. Haven’t you cried enough?”
She gasped and whirled around to face her brother. “Owen?”
“Really, Heather. A little dramatic, even for you. All this weeping. You’re not a pretty crier.”
“Shut up.” She hastily wiped her tears, mortified to have been caught crying by him. Again. “I’m almost ready to go. But you didn’t have to come out here to bring me back.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. You’re returning with me because you can’t bear to be away from my angry, sullen partner anymore. Do you know how unbearable Jack has been since you broke his heart?”
She just stared at her brother, not sure how he could know so much about her relationship, such as it was, with Jack. She hadn’t said much about her lover, only that he’d helped her, and she’d let him down. With Jack’s help, she’d done what she had to for the Source. She’d explained in detail everything else about her trip. Her feelings for Jack and their interactions remained hers alone.
“Is Jack okay?” Was he dating anyone? She remembered Kitty all too clearly, the pretty redhead a temptation Heather could have done without. For all that she liked the woman, she didn’t care for the thought of Kitty and Jack being so close together all the time.
“No, he’s not. He’s a pain in my ass. He growls at everyone, more than usual. He thinks you hate him,” Owen said bluntly. Her brother came closer and tilted her chin up, so that he could stare into eyes that mirrored of his own. “Why did you refuse to see him before you left, honey? Did he hurt you?”
She burst into tears and let her brother hug her, comforted by his strength and needing the love. “I made such a mess of it, Owen. Jack is so wonderful, so heroic. He almost died because of me. I nearly killed him.”
“Oh for God’s sake. Owen, step aside.”
She blinked up at her brother, shocked to see him smirking down at her. Then Owen was ripped away from her, and Jack—big, wonderful, handsome Jack—was there. “What the fuck, Heather?”
“I’m out of here. And watch your mouth, Keiser.” Owen shut the door behind him, whistling as he did so.
“Jack?” She stroked his chest, his face, sure she must be dreaming. He was staring down at her with affection and a mean look that turned her on, as he always did.
“You left me without saying good-bye,” he said gruffly. “Treated me like shit after all I did for you. Never told me you loved me.” He stood stiffly in her arms.
“I love you so much, and I nearly got you killed.” She started crying again.
He patted her back and smoothed his hand over her hair until she calmed down. Then he pulled back to look at her while keeping her in his arms.
She apologized again with a hiccup. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to Ernst. That I couldn’t take from him. I’m not strong like that.”
He scowled. “You are one dumb blonde.”
“What?”
“Jesus. Don’t apologize for being who you are. Killing and hurting people isn’t something to be proud of. You’re a healer, and you do good. Don’t ever say you’re sorry for that. It’s my fault we were in that position. If I’d had my head out of my ass and could focus past my dick, we wouldn’t have been in that situation to begin with.” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking clearly. We shouldn’t have been naked under that tree after you fixed the problem, and that was my fault, which led to everything else. The Source—”
“Messed with our minds,” she finished, surprised. “So you’re not mad at me?”
“Fuck, no.”
That
was the Jack she knew and loved.
“I thought you were disgusted with me.” He quieted. “I mean, I ended Ernst while you were linked to me. I didn’t mean to drag you in with me. It’s nasty work, and I never wanted you to be a part of it. You’re too good for that.”
“No, I’m not.” She dragged his head down and kissed him, and the love she felt for him seeped out of her without trying, seeking and healing the emotional wounds left by her absence. “You really missed me.”
“Great detective work, Sherlock,” he snarled.
She smiled, a real grin she hadn’t used since they’d parted. “Neither of us was thinking that day in the clearing, Jack. The Source took us over. And if you want to place the blame where it belongs, it’s my fault for all of it. I should have taken Owen and his bazillion bodyguards with me from the beginning. Then we could have stormed Drei-Gewalten and fixed the problem without a fuss.”
“You think?” He just stared at her, running his hands through her hair. “Owen was wrong. You’re beautiful even when you’re crying. Your eyes are red, but even your sniffles are cute.”
He kissed her, and she felt his erection against her belly.