Authors: Cliff Hicks
The kid beneath him was gasping, spurting his last breaths as the life drained from his eyes. Bob had seen a lot of people die. He’d watched old men and women as their bodies collapsed. He’d seen young children damaged by any number of technological things. He’d even watched as people barely old enough to vote lay down their lives defending freedom, justice, democracy or even just the price of oil. Bob had spent a lot of time watching people die. Sometimes it seemed like it was all he had ever been doing. But as Bob gazed down at the student, just a few weeks shy of his twentieth birthday, it occurred to him that he never really understood why people died. And, for a brief moment in time, he felt a twinge of regret. “Sorry, kid,” Bob said, just before the student died, “we all gotta go sometime.”
He hovered there in a moment of New York silence, which was eventually interrupted by the spirit of the kid sitting bolt upright, gasping for breath. He glanced around, his eyes flashing with panic, before he turned around to look at the ground beneath him. “Aw, crap,” he said. “I’m dead, ain’t I?”
“Aren’t you,” Bob corrected.
“Aren’t I?” the kid asked, sounding perplexed.
Bob felt his wit fading out of him. He knew he was going to have to get this kid’s headphones off of him, but Bob actually felt like he needed to do this kid a favor in return. Maybe it was all the times he’d been rough around the edges to people he picked up, but he felt like since he was asking something from this kid, he should offer something back in exchange. There wasn’t a whole lot Bob could really do for the kid – he was dead after all – but Bob could think of a few things he might be able to do to smooth the kid’s path a bit. “You are, kid. You’re dead. But I’ve got a deal to make you…” Bob said, as he grabbed the student’s hand and helped his ghost to his feet. “D’ya like virgins?”
“Virgins?”
“Virgins,” Bob said as he gestured with his hand. “Women who’ve never had a man teach them the ways of love and all that. That the kind of thing you want out of your Heaven?”
The student, whose name was Tommy, frowned a little bit. This clearly was not a conversation he had ever expected to have. “Not… no, not exactly?”
“Well,” Bob said, as he put a hand on the kid’s shoulder, starting to walk down the street with him, “what did you have in mind for Heaven?”
Tommy scratched his head a little bit. “Y’know, I hadn’t thought about it, really. I dunno. Isn’t all this stuff sort of predetermined?”
Bob laughed a little bit, reaching his chubby hand up to ruffle the kid’s hair. “Aren’t you just the cutest. Nah, kid, Heaven’s a big place, and there’s a little something for everyone there. And I can help you get to the place in Heaven you’ll be happiest. But I gotta know what you’re looking for. You one of those guys who wants to be telling everyone what to do all the time?” Bob didn’t think that was the kind of person Tommy was at all, but he hoped by throwing something wild out there, it would get the kid talking.
“
God, no,” Tommy said, shaking his head. Behind them there was the commotion of an ambulance pulling up, and the hustle and bustle of paramedics dashing out towards Tommy’s already lifeless corpse. “I, uh… I sort of suspected I’d meet a nice girl in Heaven, I guess, someone who liked me for me, and I could sit around drawing the world around me. I wasn’t all that good at meeting girls when I was alive, so I guess I just wanted to find the perfect girl for me in the afterlife.”
Bob frowned a little bit, scrunching his face up. “Y’know kid, just because I’m a Cherubim doesn’t make me Cupid.” In front of them, a portal of white opened and the two turned their course slightly and started walking towards it. “Still, I suppose I can see what I can do… if you can see fit to give up those headphones.”
Tommy shrugged, fishing his iPod out of his pocket, winding the earphones around it, holding it out to him as they reached the doorway of blinding light. “Sure thing. I mean, what am I gonna need it for in Heaven?”
“That’s the spirit, kid,” Bob said, as the two set foot into Heaven. “And if you change your mind about the virgin thing any time until I drop you off, you lemme know.”
“Uh, okay…”
*
*
*
*
*
A
s the three angels reached the first major corridor, James looked over at Randall and snapped his fingers. “Randall, give me the picture and follow my lead. Get ready to play ‘good cop,’” James said as he took the picture from Randall’s outstretched hand. When someone new was brought to their cellblock, Randall had taken a picture of them, even though there wasn’t a protocol for him to do so, and it was a stroke of luck that he had, otherwise they would’ve had no way of identifying Jake. They only had the one, though, so they had brought it with them. “You there!” he boomed, threateningly at one of the two angels standing guard.
James stormed over at him with a heavy stance, and for just a minute, Randall wondered what James had done during all of the time between arriving in Heaven three thousand years ago and his being assigned to their wing about two celestial years ago. “What’s your name you slouching layabout?”
Inside the guard sighed resignedly but outside he snapped to attention. He was really getting tired of these surprise inspections. Three celestial years standing guard here and not one person had asked a question of him that wasn’t along the lines of “you playing cards tonight?” Not one single person asking serious questions of him in all that time, and now, two in one week. “Adams, sir!” When had their sleepy little wing become such a matter of concern, he wondered. “Can I help you, sir?” Adams didn’t actually know if these three angels were his superiors, but they were certainly acting like it, and that was more than enough for him. His mother had often told him that he should trust people in charge, because they inevitably knew what to do better than he did. And being a dutiful son, he’d taken the lesson to heart. (Perhaps too well.)
Randall walked over and put his hand on James’ shoulder quietly. “Easy there, James. Adams here is just doing his job, isn’t that right Adams?” He smiled a bit patronizingly at the angel. It was the kind of smile an elderly man would give a young boy in a candy store, and somehow it put Adams at ease a little. He liked being told he was doing the right thing. It made him more comfortable in his complacency.
“Yes sir!” Adams barked out. He was standing straight up, at attention, or some vague approximation of it he thought, having never been in the military. (Not for lack of trying, mind you.) “What assistance can I provide you with, sir?” It was odd that there was a trio of them, Adams thought to himself, especially since the last inspection had just been one man, a much more common occurrence at the sub-block entrances, if his fellow guards were to be believed. He’d never been inspected before this week, but that didn’t mean he and his partner never saw people. They just mostly came and went alone. Very rare was it that anyone moved in groups through this door, so rare in fact that Adams couldn’t think of the last time he’d seen it. The wards were brought in through a different set of entrances, which were eventually sealed up behind them. So when people came through these tunnel entrances, it was invariably one at a time. Still, he realized, questions only drove people mad. And he couldn’t afford a car to drive back in.
James clenched his face up a bit, scowling at Adams before he thrust a picture into his face. “Seen this man?” He held the picture so close to Adams’ face, Adams was forced to lean his head back to be able to focus on the image. Adams recognized the face immediately though. He was unlikely to forget the man who’d come barging through, checking up on him a few days ago.
“Yes sir, I have,” Adams said with a nod. “The supervisor was through here early this week.”
“Supervisor?” Shelly asked, leaning over Randall’s shoulder to poke her head in the conversation. There wasn’t much in the way of identification in Heaven, but still, it had never occurred to the three angels that Jake would have simply walked out and pretended like he owned the place. It was, Shelly thought to herself, brilliant in its simplicity, but ballsy as all get out. “Did he say he was a supervisor?”
Adams felt his heart drop just a little bit. He thought back and realized the man hadn’t actually
said
he was a supervisor. Not in so many words. Not specifically. But he certainly
felt
like a supervisor. But, now that he thought about it, neither had these three. In fact, the three in front of him hadn’t stated any actual purpose at all, just strolled up and started asking questions. It hadn’t occurred to Adams that anyone would be anything except what they seemed in Heaven, but now that someone had mentioned it… “No, ma’am, he didn’t, but I don’t believe you three have identified yourselves either. Do we have some sort of problem here?” Adams felt himself getting a little bolder, perhaps his sense of self-preservation kicking in, refusing to admit the mistake was his by catching them in theirs.
The guard started to wonder if maybe these three were someplace they weren’t supposed to be, and if maybe he should tell someone about this conversation, but he also didn’t want to get too hotheaded, in case he was wrong. Most importantly, though, Adams didn’t want to rock any boats, or be noticed. He’d have been perfectly happy, he thought to himself, if the three would’ve simply turned around and walked back the way they came so he could forget the whole thing. He doubted they would, but still it was nice to be optimistic about these kinds of things every once in a while, he figured. This was Heaven, after all.
Randall waved his hand dismissively and laughed a little bit. “We’re not checking up on
you
, Adams,” he chuckled. This confused Adams, which was plain to see by looking at him and the quizzical look on his face. (Adams’ partner, who had remained impassive and inscrutable the entire time, continued to be so. Sometimes Adams wondered if he fell asleep standing up with his eyes open.) “We’re checking up on the supervisor. He’s not supposed to identify himself when he conducts inspections, otherwise there’s a chance that fine young men like yourselves would let someone
else
know he’s wandering around conducting inspections. And that sort of takes the
surprise
out of surprise inspections, if you know what I mean.”
Adams’ eyes rolled up a little as he thought back, replaying his encounter with Jake in his head. “No sir, he never did identify himself.” He paused and then nodded to himself, as if it took him a minute to replay the entire encounter in his head. Randall wondered if the guy, who was certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed, was actually walking through the entire encounter step-by-step in his head while they waited. It certainly looked that way to him, he thought to himself, as Adams stood there with that not-so-bright look on his face, before speaking again. It was as though something had clicked in Adams’ head, and he’d come to a conclusion, after a long and laborious thought process.
“
Although I do have to say, sir, he didn’t seem to be wandering. He seemed to know exactly where he was going. Man walked with confidence in his stride. Reminded me of my R.O.T.C. instructor back on Earth.” He leaned in and whispered a bit conspiratorially at Randall. “Truth be told, sir, I think that man you’ve got a picture of there would’ve been insulted if you called him wandering. He most certainly had a purpose, wouldn’t you say so Chris?” Adams looked at his partner, who was still staring straight forward. Eventually, the other angel nodded, saying absolutely nothing. Adams blinked, then turned his attention back to Randall. “So there you go, sir. If you’re asking me if I thought he did a good job checking up on us, I would say he did a fine job indeed, sir.”
Adams actually wasn’t sure what a good or bad job of checking up on someone would be like, but he felt that based on the fact that they hadn’t been pulled from duty, the supervisor’s report about them must have been at least satisfactory, and he could do the man the courtesy of returning the favor. People who were being checked up on had a solemn duty to stick it to those who were checking up on them. It was in the code, or it would be if such a code existed, Adams was certain.
James let the frown fade from his face and tried to look mostly impassive, while trying to keep some of his imposing presence, as he tucked the picture away inside the folds of his robe. “And which way would that be, Adams?” James kept a steady look at Adams while he awaited his answer, and Adams repeated the heavily concentrating look of a man who is struggling to lodge something complex from the deepest recesses of his brain, most likely through the use of a cotton swab jammed a bit too deeply in the ear canal.