Etiquette and Vitriol (12 page)

SERGE:
Not really.

OTTO:
I HATE MY BODY!!! My skin is so stretched out of whack it's all different textures! Everything shakes!! I'm afraid to let people see my feet! I have the ugliest feet in the world! I have no nail on my pinkie toe! I'M A FREAK!! I hate the smell of me! My teeth are rotting in my mouth! I have to put antiperspirant on ALL over my body because there's no telling where some new fold of flesh is going to POP up, spontaneously! I wish I could hope for a change, but at this point I consider it a triumph just getting through the day! I HATE ALL OF YOU VERY MUCH!! I don't mean that! Now none of you are ever going to like
me— YES I DO MEAN IT! None of you are ever going to like me anyway! I gave up on you, Mother, a long time ago! And at this point, Serge, I realize, yes, that YOU are NEVER GOING TO LOVE ME AGAIN! WELL FUCK YOU! That's all I can say! Because I'm never going to love you again either! And THANK GOD! I AM SICK OF YOU! I AM TIRED OF WEARING THIS UNREQUITED LOVE, LIKE A YOKE AROUND MY NECK! I HOPE YOU DIE! . . .

(With great dignity)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom, because I FEEL SICK!

(Amanda points, indicating the powder room. Otto exits, grandly and shuts the door behind him.)

AMANDA:
He's unbelievably loquacious.

BEA:
You have no idea.

SERGE:
I hope he leaves soon.

(There is a gunshot from behind the powder-room door. Amanda, Serge, and Bea rush to the door and open it. Amanda screams in terror and the three of them stand, frozen, horrified, in the powder-room doorway. Ford stands where he was, eating Otto's discarded groceries. The lights fade, slowly, to darkness.)

END OF PLAY

Pterodactyls
premiered at the Vineyard Theatre (Douglas Aibel, Artistic Director; John Nakagawa, Managing Director), in New York City, in October 1993. It was directed by David Warren; the scene design was by James Youmans; the costume design was by Teresa Snider-Stein; the lighting design was by Donald Holder; the sound design was by Brian Hallas; the fight director was Rick Sordelet; the production stage manager was Karen Loftus. The cast was as follows:

TODD DUNCAN
, 23.
EMMA DUNCAN
, 20. Todd's sister.
TOMMY MCKORCKLE
, 22. Emma's fiancé.
GRACE DUNCAN
, 45-50. Todd and Emma's mother.
ARTHUR DUNCAN
, 45-50. Todd and Emma's father.

 

The elegant living room of the Duncan family
of Main Line, Philadelphia.

 

ACT I

Is It Any Wonder I Can't Remember a Thing?

Summer

ACT II

SCENE
1:
An Appropriate Gift

Autumn

SCENE
2:
A Walk in the Park

Winter

Pterodactyls
is a play about, among other things, systems of denial and the price they carry in the world today. As such, most of the characters have a specific method of denial (memory loss, alcoholism, abstraction, etc.) and, as a group, the Duncan family lives in a grand mechanism of denial: farce. Drawing freely from theatrical worlds suggested by Philip Barry and Kaufman and Hart, the Duncans muddle along, never noticing a threat until it's too late. This is not to suggest that the actors can perform even the silliest-seeming moments with anything less than the strongest commitment. No matter how manic or absurd the action, it is based in real need. If it is not, the moments when a darker truth pokes through will fall flat. And the ending, when all efforts to maintain a bright facade have passed, will seem to come from nowhere. We were very blessed in the original production with actors who instinctively understood this juxtaposition of broad comedy and utter despair. What matters is that these conflicting spirits not become muddy. The hard-edged humor should not be softened, nor the rage diluted to achieve a homogenous texture. The texture is not intended to be homogenous. It should be disturbing, and even shocking when harsh reality intrudes.

It is also very important that the character of Todd, who has no comically exaggerated denial mechanism,
not
be portrayed
as “better” than the others. His actions are, objectively, amoral. He may be our way into the play, but he must not be interpreted as superior in any way. That approach would instill an atmosphere of righteousness and throw the play out of balance. Only when Todd is sufficiently cruel will we feel for those he victimizes. Mind you, his cruelty need not be overt; I simply want to indicate that Todd is no more heroic than the other characters.

The stage is dark. A pool of light comes up on Todd Duncan. Dressed casually, in clothes obviously much, much too big for him, he stands at an easel on which is propped a map of the earth. He carries a pointer. He addresses the audience
.

TODD:
In the beginning, there were dinosaurs. Lots of dinosaurs. And they were big. They were very, very large—in comparison to man they were. They were huge. And there were many different kinds. There were ceratops and stegosauruses. There was the tyrannosaurus and the pterodactyl. And they lived, not in harmony, roaming the earth at will, raping, as it were, the planet and pillaging without regard. And, and um . . . uh . . .
(He loses his place and quickly checks his pockets for notes)
Um, I seem to have forgotten my notes. I'm sorry. I thought I left them in my pocket. Maybe I wasn't supposed to wear this. Maybe I left them on the table. Maybe I—oh well, it doesn't matter now. I don't have them. That's the point. I think I remember most of it.—Maybe I left them—it doesn't matter.

Where was I? Oh, yes. It got cold. That's right, it got very, very cold and all the dinosaurs died. They all died. At once. It got cold and they died. And the land masses shifted and arranged themselves into the pattern we see now on the
map. Basically. I think. There weren't any divisions for countries or states or anything, and I'm sure California was bigger, but it resembled what's on the map. During the cold spell, which is generally referred to as “the ice age”—or maybe it was before the ice age, or after it—I can't remember—but life started spontaneously. In a lake. Here, I think.
(He indicates the Sea of Japan)
And amoebas multiplied and became fish—don't ask me how—which evolved into monkeys. And then one day, the monkeys stood up, erect, realized they had opposing thumbs and developed speech. Thus, Mankind was born. Here.
(He indicates Africa)

Some people liked Africa, so they stayed there and became black. Some people left, looking for something, and became Europeans. And the Europeans forgot about the Africans and made countries and Queen Elizabeth executed her own half-sister Mary Queen of Scots. Some Europeans were Jewish, but most were Christians of some kind, Jesus having been born some time prior—oops, I forgot that. I'm sorry. Jesus was born. And there were other religions too, but I can't remember much about them, so I'm sure they weren't very important. During the Renaissance people got very fat. Picasso sculpted
David
, Marco Polo invented pizza, Columbus discovered the New World and Gaetan Dugas discovered the Fountain of Youth. Europeans imported tea, to drink, and Africans, to do their work. Edison invented the telephone. Martha Graham invented modern dance. Hitler invented fascism and Rose Kennedy invented nepotism. Orson Wells made
Citizen Kane
and mothers loved their children, who rebelled, when the sun shined most of the time, except when it rained and there was a rhythm to our breathing. There was an order to the world. And I was born here.
(He indicates Philadelphia)
I give you this brief summary of events, this overview, so you'll have some perspective. I'm sure I got some of it wrong, I've lost my notes, but it's basically the idea. And I wanted you to have, I think, some sense of history.

(He picks up the easel and exits. The lights come up on the living room of the Duncan family. The decor suggests not just money, but breeding. There is a sofa, end tables, wingback chairs, fresh flowers and four exits. One to the outside world, one to the kitchen. French doors reveal a terrace and the yard beyond. Stairs lead to the second floor. Tommy is standing behind Emma, kissing her.)

EMMA:
I'm nervous.

TOMMY:
Don't be.

EMMA:
I don't feel well.

TOMMY:
You smell like wet feathers.

EMMA:
I can't breathe.

TOMMY:
Your neck tastes like licorice.

EMMA:
I'm going to suffocate.

TOMMY:
Your hair tastes like marzipan.

EMMA:
Don't eat my hair.

TOMMY:
Say that again.

EMMA:
Don't eat my hair.

TOMMY:
Your voice is like Mozart!

EMMA:
I feel like there's a brick behind my eyes.

TOMMY:
Your voice is Ravel.

EMMA:
Do you have a decongestant?

TOMMY:
It's Wagner!

EMMA:
Some VapoRub?

TOMMY:
You are the Venus vomited forth by the sea on the shell of a clam.

EMMA:
Ick.

TOMMY:
Have I upset you?

EMMA:
Oh no. Although I do find the use of the word “vomit” disturbing.

TOMMY:
I'm sorry.

EMMA:
In a romantic setting.

TOMMY:
I can't do anything right. I don't know why I try.

EMMA:
Do you have an antihistamine?

TOMMY:
I'm a dope.

EMMA:
Now I've depressed you.

TOMMY:
You haven't.

EMMA:
I have. I can tell.

TOMMY:
It's not you. It's not your fault. I get depressed a lot.

EMMA:
Do you have a Drixoral?

TOMMY:
Almost anything can set me off. If my coffee's too hot or too cold. If the sky is cloudy or the sun is too bright. Sometimes I just slip into an uncontrollable funk for no reason at all.

EMMA:
I never noticed.

TOMMY:
I've hidden it. I thought you'd find it unattractive.

EMMA:
How long does it last?

TOMMY:
A moment.

EMMA:
Oh.
(Pause)
How are you now?

TOMMY:
I'm fine.

EMMA:
That's good.

TOMMY:
But my tooth—

EMMA:
What?

TOMMY:
I've got a terrible toothache.

EMMA:
That's too bad.

TOMMY:
It's nothing.

EMMA:
Do you think there's something caught?

TOMMY:
I floss.

EMMA:
Just decay.

TOMMY:
I think it's a wisdom tooth.

EMMA:
I have some Darvon in my purse.

TOMMY:
Why?

EMMA:
I get leg cramps.

TOMMY:
I never noticed.

EMMA:
I suffer in silence. How's your toothache?

TOMMY:
Spreading down my arm.

EMMA:
I've lost sensation in my hip.

TOMMY:
From what?

EMMA:
I don't know.

TOMMY:
My hand is twitching, isn't it?

EMMA:
No.

TOMMY:
It's nerves.

EMMA:
It's not twitching.

TOMMY:
You just can't see it.

EMMA:
If it were twitching I could see it.