He grabbed her hands and held them tight, speaking with a fervent urgency. “Listen to me Jennifer. I’m not a hero. I really
am
the bad guy. I know you don’t want to believe it, but it’s true. I’ve changed since I met you. And you
are
good for me, but I can’t stop being what I am. It’s simply not possible. Please, I’m begging you. Do not ask me to reveal that which I cannot. It would be the ruin of us both. As bad as I am, there are others who are worse, if not downright evil, those with whom I have no choice but to associate with.”
“I’m sorry, Dorian. I’ll stop asking. Maybe someday you’ll trust me enough to know I’ll never think of you as a bad guy. You’re a good man, whether you think so or not.”
Her words didn’t seem to comfort him at all. Instead, his face seemed to crumble under the weight of something so terrible she couldn’t even begin to comprehend it.
“I want you to know that whatever I do from now on, I have my reasons.”
She felt a chill run up her spine.
What the hell was going on here?
She got out of bed and stood facing him. He tilted his head to one side and kissed her with an almost desperate tenderness.
“I’ve got to go,” he said huskily, his head down.
She walked him to the door.
He seemed reluctant to leave. She watched him look up at the sky. He pulled her to him and held her so tight it almost hurt and kissed the top of her head.
“Goodnight,
Jennifer.”
She watched from the doorway until his car disappeared from sight and went back into the lonely apartment
, knowing something was very wrong. She just didn’t know what.
Chapter 28
Jennifer couldn’t believe she’d slept until a few minutes past noon. Whipping the covers off, she flew out of bed.
Before she even put coffee on, she checked her e-mail. He usually sent her a short note then. There was nothing. Maybe he was still asleep, she thought. They’d certainly had quite the workout last night between the sky-diving and the all night love-making. She felt a wave of exhaustion. That dizzy feeling she’d been having intermittently came over her again. It lasted only a minute or two and was gone.
She went to the Red Market Salon and had her hair, nails and make-up done. She wanted to look gorgeous for him tonight. Although, he constantly told her she was a “natural beauty” and didn’t need make up. Still, once in a while, she’d like to look a little more sophisticated and dress like some of the other women in Miami did. It was so different from the clothing from LL Bean and jeans she’d worn in Maine. She didn’t overdo it. The stylist kept her make-up to a minimum and touched up her hair with a light trim and a slight curl at the ends. She wore a simple black dress and heels.
Once home, she had nothing to do but wait for him to text her.
When 8 o’clock rolled around, there was no text.
Maybe he’s
caught up in a meeting or something
, she thought. I’ll wait. And she did, until 9:00 pm. She stared at her cell phone, wandering through the apartment and repeatedly going to the window to see if he was parked outside. He wasn’t.
Finally, she dialed his number. The call went directly to voice-mail.
“You’ve reached Dorian Taylor. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”
She paused, not knowing what to say for a moment.
“Hi, it’s me. Where are you? Is everything okay? Please call me back.”
She went over and over the previous night in her head. There was something off, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was. She felt an uneasiness she couldn’t shake.
By ten o’clock, she was frantic. She called Julie hoping she or Ian knew something about Dorian’s whereabouts.
Julie picked up right away. “Hey
, girl. What’s up? You never call me when you’re with Mr. Wonderful.”
“That’s just it Julie. I’m not. I haven’t heard from him at all and he’s not returning my calls. Is Ian there? Does he know where he is? I’m getting worried now.” She was
rushing through her words.
“Whoa, Jen. Slow down. He’s right here. Hold on. I’ll ask him.”
Jennifer heard muffled voices but she couldn’t hear what was being said.
“Jen?”
“Yeah I’m still here.”
“Ian doesn’t know anything. He just got a text from Dorian telling him to be at his office within the hour. Maybe it’s something to do with that software project. Anyway, Ian is leaving now. I’ll call you back as soon as he finds out and tells me what’s going on.”
“Okay. Thanks Julie.”
“Try to stay calm. You know he’s okay because he texted Ian.”
He’d managed to find time to text Ian, but not me!
She felt a knot in the pit of her stomach.
Midnight rolled around and still she sat on the couch, all dressed up, her cell phone clutched in her hand. She jumped when it rang.
Finally!
She thought. But it wasn’t Dorian. It was Julie.
She sounded as if she were guarding her words. “Sorry to call so late, Jen. I just wanted to let you know, I haven’t found out anything. Ian is being very close mouthed about something. I drilled him, but no luck. He says he can’t discuss Dorian’s affairs
. I know he signed a non-disclosure so . . .” Her words trailed away.
Julie didn’t sound very convincing. She probably really didn’t know what was going on, but Jennifer was sure she was thinking exactly what she was. Dorian Taylor had dumped her.
“He’s breaking up with me isn’t he Julie?” Her voice broke. Tears fell silently down her cheeks.
There was an awful silence on the other end. Julie was obviously at a loss for words. “I really don’t know Jen. Ian says he’s never been happier. Why would he give that up, give you up? I’m just as confused as you are. Maybe there’s another explanation. After all, it’s only been one night. See if he e-mails you tomorrow.” A long
, painful pause ensued. “Do you want me to come over and spend the night?”
“No. I need time alone to think. Thanks for the offer, though. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
In the dead silence of the apartment
she
came back. Ms. Prudinsky.
“What did you expect? He’s totally out of your league and you know it. You allowed yourself to become his whore. I told you so, didn’t I? And now, he’s done with you. I’m sure he’ll have no problem finding someone to take your place. Think about all he said and did last night. He was saying goodbye. Fucking coward couldn’t even tell you he was leaving. That’s the man you love!”
Jennifer put her head in her hands and cried. She went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Her face was a train wreck. The mascara had left dark black streaks on her face; the carefully applied blush and lipstick were blotchy and smudged. She looked pathetic;
was
pathetic.
Last night, Dorian had given her the greatest thrill of her life followed by the most passionate night with him yet. Was it all an illusion? Had she fooled herself into believing he felt the same way she did? At least she hadn’t made an idiot of herself by professing her love for him.
But she
did
love him with every fiber of her being. How would she ever get over him? The simple answer was she wouldn’t. She’d long for his touch, the sound of his voice, his sexy smile for the rest of her life. The sun rose and set on him. For her, that would never change. She didn’t understand. He’d admitted they were good together. Why was he letting her go?
“Whatever I do from now on, I have my reasons
,”
he’d said
.
“Yeah
, right, whatever,”
she muttered bitterly.
Staring at her face in the mirror, she got angry. It was better than the unbearable anguish which
was literally making her ill. “Damn you, Dorian Taylor! God
damn
you for making me fall in love with you!” She picked up the water glass on the counter and flung it at her reflection. It shattered into a million pieces, just like her heart.
She must’ve fallen asleep at some point and awoke in the same clothes. The night had passed. It was the following day. She took a shower, put her pajamas on and checked her e-mail. There was nothing from him. She lay on the couch all day. No-one called, not even Julie who was most likely at work.
At half past 8:00 pm she thought she’d surely die. There was no text from him. She dragged herself to the kitchen and brought a glass and a bottle of wine into the living room. Before she knew it, the bottle was empty. She wasn’t really much of a drinker, although she had been drinking more since coming to Miami.
She stared at her cell phone, willing it to ring. Finally, she snatched it up before she lost her alcohol fueled courage.
His phone rang only once before going straight to voicemail.
I’ll leave him a message he’ll never forget,
she thought.
“It seems you’ve broken up with me. Was it because I wouldn’t let you beat the
shit
out of me? You twisted
fuck
! How many lies have you told me? I’ll bet you’re
fucking
and
hitting
someone right now because that’s all you’re capable of. I
trusted
you, Dorian. Is that part of your sick games? To get a woman to trust you so you can crush them? Now, that’s pretty sadistic if you ask me. But, you told me you weren’t a sadist! You fucking lying coward! I guess I really am naïve and stupid. You couldn’t even break up with me face to face. You said you’d never hurt me, but you did, more than you’ll ever know. You’re a bastard, a fucking cruel . . . bastard!”
She heard the beep on the other end. She’d run out of time. Just as well because she was sobbing by the end of the message.
She was pissed at herself for crying. He’d hear the vulnerability and heartache in her voice.
She texted him instead of calling, that way he couldn’t hear her torment. She wrote
I hate you
in capital letters, hit the send button hard, flung the phone onto the coffee table, wrapped herself up in her mother’s afghan and sobbed her heart out.
Chapter 29
Dorian closed his eyes as he listened to Jennifer’s voice mail message. He rubbed his forehead as if he had a headache. She was in such pain and he was the cause of it. It was obvious that she was also very drunk. She was sweet, loving and totally free of any guile. Would she harden her heart to life and turn into someone different because of his actions? One thing was certain, she knew
exactly
what buttons to push to hurt him. And he deserved it.
He sighed as he read the large, angry letters on the text she’d sent.
I hate you!
Maybe it was best if she hated him. She deserved better than him. In his heart, he wanted only the best for her. Although, the thought of her lying in another man’s arms, kissing him, touching him, sharing her life with him was sheer agony.
Letting her go had been the hardest thing he’d ever done. Although she wasn’t physically with him, making some quirky remark or loving him like no one ever had, he hadn’t really let her go. He still smelled her scent, the feeling of her lips on his, saw her wide beautiful green eyes under those long delicate lashes as they gazed into his with such love. He felt her long, silky hair against his skin. Felt the way she’d comforted him with the touch of her hand on his.
He wondered if she’d watched the skydiving DVD yet. He thought of how she often didn’t “get things.” He found it charming and also a little frustrating. She might not notice anything out of the ordinary on that DVD for a while.
He remembered the first time their eyes met. He knew without a doubt that she was the one. She was everything to him and would be for all eternity. And what a long, lonely eternity it would be without her.
A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts and he was glad for it. He was sinking fast. He understood exactly how Jennifer felt because his own heart was breaking. He couldn’t even think straight.