“Hey, Jen. I thought we’d go somewhere inside today.”
“Sounds good. God, it’s hot out! Hard to believe it’s November. I’m not really all that hungry.”
“I was thinking salads and a liquid lunch. I don’t have to go back to work today. The new boss is awesome. He gave us the afternoon off. You really should think about coming back to work. It’s not healthy for you to lock yourself away from the world and think about him non-stop.”
“Okay on the salad, but I’m not drinking. I’ll just get a sweet tea. I’ve been drinking too much lately. I want to get a job, but not in the legal field. I think I’m going to work with animals. I have a lot of decisions to make now that he’s . . .”
She couldn’t even finish the sentence. Tears welled up in her eyes.
“Animals? You know what, Jen. I think that’s great. You should do what you want to do with your life. If that’s what will make you happy, I say go for it.”
Julie drove to the posh, dimly lit restaurant.
When they’re drinks came, Julie held her up her glass and toasted to “New beginnings.”
“I owe you an apology, Julie.”
“Oh, why’s that?”
“We always talk about Dorian and me. I never ask you how things are going with Ian.”
Julie shrugged. “No prob. Ian is a pretty straightforward guy. Dorian on the other hand is, well, hard to figure out. I think Ian may just be the one. He’s nice, decent and really attentive to me. He actually
listens
to what I have to say, unlike most guys who are just interested in my body.”
“Do you love him Julie?” Jen asked seriously.
Julie didn’t hesitate. “Yes. I think I do.”
“Has he ever told you he loved you?”
Julie balked at the question. She looked guilty. “Yes, he’s told me he loved me.” She sighed and put down her drink. “Look, Jen. As far as I’m concerned Dorian Taylor made the biggest mistake of his life when he let you go. He doesn’t know what he’s giving up. And if he
does
know then he’s an even bigger fool.”
“Do you think he ever loved me Julie or was I a plaything to him? Was it just a fling? I know I’m not the most sophisticated girl in the world and Miami is a totally different world than I’ve ever known, but how could I have been so wrong about him?” Her voice cracked with emotion.
Julie answered quietly. “I don’t know, Jen. I thought he loved you, I really did. From what Ian told me about how happy Dorian was I don’t get it either. I’m at a loss as to why he just broke up with you without even telling you he was going to. She looked down, toying with her napkin. “Unless there’s more to it than we know. Maybe he
had
to do it for some reason.”
Jennifer thought of what he’d said just before he’d walked out that door and out of her life.
“Listen to me, Jennifer. Whatever I do now, I have my reasons
.” Now that she had time to think about it and heard what Julie just said, she thought he might’ve been trying to warn her about something, but what? And he’d sounded miserable when he’d told her he wasn’t a hero, that he was a bad guy surrounded by those who were just as bad if not downright evil.
She’d been so blinded by anger and hurt, she hadn’t thought about it and as usual she was clueless when it came to hidden subtext. Unless someone spoke plain, it took her a while to figure things out and even then, she could be dense.
She wasn’t chastising herself for it. It was the way she was and always had been. Still, she didn’t dare hope he’d come back to her because if he didn’t, she’d be more devastated than she already was. Hope was dangerous.
An overwhelming dizziness and nausea struck her out of no-where. She felt the color drain from her face and beads of sweat br
oke out all over her body.
“Jen? Are you alright?”
She shook her head. “No. I… don’t feel so good. Please take me home, Julie.”
“Okay. Let’s get out of here.” Julie got up quickly.
“I can’t get up Julie!”
Julie helped her, wrapping her arm around her waist
, trying to hold her up. Her legs trembled; she couldn’t feel them at all. The last thing she remembered was going down toward the floor and Julie’s voice coming as if from a great distance yelling for help.
When she awoke everything was blurry. She saw Julie’s face. It was a mask of concern and fear.
“Where am I?”
“You’re in the emergency room at Miami Central.” Julie said. “You fainted.”
Jennifer groaned. “I fainted in front of all those people. Good God, how embarrassing.”
“Who cares about those people? They’re just strangers. What’s more important is how you feel Jen.”
“I feel funny. My whole body hurts like I have the flu or something.”
“Is it possible you might be pregnant? Did Dorian use any protection?”
Jennifer stared at Julie, dumbfounded. Dorian had never used a condom.
Thankfully, she’d been on birth control as a matter of precaution for a few years now. Why hadn’t he
used protection? What if she’d caught a sexually transmitted disease from him? The thought made her sick because it meant he had little regard for her safety. And yet, it didn’t make sense. He was safety conscious about everything else.
“Um . . . yeah, he did,” Jennifer lied. “Besides, I’m on birth control.” Why the hell did she think she still had to defend him? She’d just lied to her best friend.
A young female doctor entered the room, interrupting their conversation. She had a warm, soothing smile.
The doctor checked her vital signs and took a seat by Jennifer’s bed. She was writing on a chart, her smile replaced with a deep frown. From the small bandage on her arm, Jennifer knew they’d already taken blood. She hoped the doctor was signing her discharge papers. She hated hospitals with good reason. Jennifer had spent so much time in them toward the end of her mother’s life, they gave her the creeps.
“Do I have the flu?” she asked the doctor, whose name tag read Dr. Ellen Jacobs.
The doctor looked up, a sympathetic look on her face. Jennifer
recognized
that look. Her heart felt as if it would explode.
“We’d like to keep you here and run some tests.”
“What kind of tests?” Julie asked.
Jennifer said nothing.
“We found some abnormalities in the blood work. Could be nothing. Still, we should do further testing. At least another blood test and an MRI.”
“What exactly are you looking for?” Julie demanded. “She has the right to know why you’re keeping her here.”
Jennifer gazed out the window. She listened to the two of them as if they were talking about someone else. She didn’t need to be told what they were looking for, not with her family history.
Dr. Jacobs hesitated. “We’re testing for Leukemia, Lymphoma and germ based cancers. Those are the most likely types of the disease found in someone so young. But, don’t jump to conclusions. We don’t know anything yet. I didn’t want to scare you Jennifer, but since your sister insisted on knowing, I had to tell you.”
Neither Julie nor Jennifer corrected the doctor. Let them believe Julie was her sister. She’d be able to come and go without the whole “you’re not a relative” bullshit.
After the doctor left, Julie and Jennifer were silent. Jennifer stared at the clock ticking on the wall. It was the only sound in the room.
“You don’t have cancer, Jen. You’ve never been sick a day since I’ve known you. It’s impossible. That doctor’s a fucking idiot,” Julie said with angry conviction.
But Jennifer
knew
. Her greatest fear, the one she’d confided in only one person about, Dorian, was about to come true.
It took everything she had to keep her voice calm and even. “I’m not going to worry about it right now. Let’s wait and see what the tests say. Why don’t you go home and come back tomorrow? I’m sure we’ll know more than.”
“Jesus Christ, Jennifer! Aren’t you scared? Because you seem, well . . .”
“I’m fine. I just need to be alone. Thank you for all your help. I want you to know I love you like a sister, Julie. I really do.”
Julie had tears in her eyes. “I love you like a sister too. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”
“Yes, I’m sure. The best thing you can do for me is go home. Please.”
Julie finally left after much cajoling. The hospital staff moved Jennifer to a private room. She lay awake all night long, her mind swirling with fear, anger and sorrow. And of course, she thought of him.
The following day the doctor’s ran their tests until Jennifer was completely exhausted. Julie waited all day in the hospital room.
In the early evening hours, Dr. Jacobs came into the room.
Jennifer held her breath waiting to hear what she’d found. Were her words going to change her life forever? Or did she even have much of a life left to change?
Dr. Jacobs sat on the Jennifer’s bed. “I’m sorry. You have Lymphoma.”
Julie spoke vehemently. “But you caught it early right?”
Dr. Jacobs sighed. “Cancer in this age group often shows no symptoms until it’s advanced.”
“Just say it.” Jennifer’s eyes were clear, her words matter of fact.
“The cancer is in stage 4. That means . . .”
“I know what it means.” Jennifer held the doctor’s eyes until she finally looked away.
“There are treatments. We should begin chemo right away.” Dr. Jacobs touched Jennifer’s hand gently.
“How long?” Jennifer showed no emotion.
Julie looked shocked and upset at both the diagnosis and Jennifer’s lack of a reaction to it.
“With treatment a year or so. Without it
, probably 4 months. But there’s always hope. There are new drugs coming out all the time.”
“I won’t consent to chemo or any other treatment while I wait for some miracle cure that will never be.”
The doctor and Julie looked completely stunned.
“Jen, my God! Why would you refuse treatment? It could save your life or at least keep you alive longer. Maybe they’ll be a cure by then!”
“Alive? Really? Let me tell you about living on chemo and false hope. I watched my mother suffer more from the treatments than the illness. Chemo is poison running through your veins. She was weak, threw up all the time and lost her beautiful hair. Then they used radiation. She had black burns all over her skin. She could’ve had 6 good months instead of a few more months in living hell! Fuck that. I’m not going out that way. There will be no treatment. Give me whatever I need to stay comfortable and release me. Oh, and give me a call if you find that miracle cure.” Jennifer heard the sarcasm and hostility in her voice. She didn’t care.
“Very well,” Dr. Jacobs mumbled.
Julie said nothing for a few minutes. She walked to the window and looked out. “Are you going to tell Dorian?” She asked quietly her back turned away from her.
“No.
Why would I?”
“
Maybe he’ll come back if he knows.”
“I don’t want him to come back because he feels sorry for me. I don’t want anyone to know. Promise me you won’t tell anyone. People treat you differently when they know you have
cancer. I don’t want to spend my last days seeing the pity in their eyes.”
“What will you do now?” Julie turned around and walked back to the bed.
“I’m going home, back to Maine. Where I belong.”
Jennifer’s thoughts were beyond bitter. She’d been dealt a shitty hand all the way around. Even with such dire news, her thoughts drifted back to him.
What difference does it make if I cease to breathe, if my heart stops beating? It already had when he walked out of my life.
C
hapter 31
Dorian was in his office working out the final details of the plan to destroy the vampires of e.Vampire.com. Everything was coming together nicely. He slept only when he had no choice, when his limbs stiffened and the sleep of death was upon him.
He’d gone to every pre-dawn meeting at e.Vanpire.com. and attended the meeting at Global International as scheduled. They landed the account and he celebrated with the employees of Taylor and Van Ness.
Everything was as it had been before Jennifer had come into his life. Malachi seemed pleased with him. He tried not to flinch when the fiend occasionally stroked his hair and kissed his cheek.
He couldn’t risk letting Malachi see anything amiss. It seemed to be working. Malachi and the others became more relaxed around him, joking about the brutality they’d inflicted upon mortals during the intense BDSM sessions held at the Dark Island. He remained detached and cold, even managing to smile now and again at their tales.