Evelyn David - Sullivan Investigations 02 - Murder Takes the Cake (13 page)

***

She’d considered getting into the casket with Martha and pulling down the lid. She considered it for about two seconds. Okay, maybe not that long. She just couldn’t do it.

JJ chose the empty one set up in the room next to Martha
‘s; its designated occupant in the cooler downstairs. It was a nice one–mahogany with a deep burgundy satin interior. Pretty comfortable inside, if you didn’t think about where you were. She couldn’t bring herself to close the lid. What if she couldn’t get it open again? What if it was airtight?

The voices were getting louder.

She shut her eyes. If the robbers came too near the casket, she’d play dead–slow her breath. Her Audrey Hepburn outfit was perfect for a funeral. Her plan should work. After all, whoever looked that closely at strangers in caskets?

Right. Besides Edgar. Old people liked to look at the bodies. She wasn
‘t sure what that was all about, but maybe it was one of those need-to-make-sure-it’s-not-me things. Chances were the robbers weren’t like Edgar. Besides, she only needed to buy a few minutes. Jeff and the police would arrive any time now. Unless that traffic jam was–

“
I thought you said there were empty ones up here?”

She didn
‘t hear the reply to the male voice but there must have been one since the same voice followed a few seconds later with, “Well, this is your thing. Hurry up. How about the fancy one over there? It’ll be easiest to get out the door.”

JJ Jarrett. Screen test–Take One! She felt rather than heard the robber walk across the plush carpet to stand by her casket.

“Geez, women don’t go anywhere without their purses!”

Before she could process what he
‘d said, the lid on the casket was down and she was moving.

***

“You’ll show the photo to JJ and Edgar and then call me?”

Mac turned and leaned into the passenger window of Rachel
‘s Jeep. It was almost 6 A.M. and they’d been driving all night. His only clear thought was that he’d grab a couple of hours of sleep, then head into the office. He rubbed the back of his neck. It had more knots than a Boy Scout earning a merit badge in sailing.

“
Mac? Did you hear me?”

“
Yes.” Keep it short and simple. He was too tired for civil conversation and he didn’t like being second-guessed. There had been a lot of second-guessing going on during the drive back to D.C.

“
And you won’t sneak off to Landon without me?”

“
No.” It was getting harder and harder to keep the irritation out of his voice. Maybe she’d figure it was just exhaustion. A quick glance at Rachel’s face told him he hadn’t been completely successful. A second glance confirmed he hadn’t even been moderately successful.

“
I know the area and the people.”

“
Yes, you’ve told me…repeatedly.” Mac looked pointedly at his watch.

“
You don’t have to be snippy.” Rachel sat up a little straighter in the driver’s seat. She ran her hand through her hair, then twisted the curls into bun and secured them with a hairclip from the console. “I’m just trying to help Bridget.”

Mac took a deep breath, and then let it out. He was digging deep for the patience he
‘d lost about 200 miles earlier.

“
I’m sure she appreciates it. But last I looked, I’m the ex-cop and you’re….”

“
Not.” Rachel snapped. “I get it. But I think I bring a perspective and expertise that you don’t have. At least not in this case.”

“
And that expertise would be?” Mac decided patience was an over-rated virtue.

Rachel ticked off her assets on her fingers.
“I know the area, I know the people, and I’m a woman.”

He wouldn
‘t go down that road.

“
What the hell does being a woman matter?” Or maybe he would. He couldn’t seem to stop himself.

“
I could relate to Ilene Merrell and you couldn’t because you’re a man. She told me about the farm because–”

“
You’re making a huge assumption.” Mac exploded. He didn’t even try to temper his remarks. It was about time all these amateurs butted out. “You think because Ilene Merrell makes an off-hand remark about a farm in Virginia, that it’s automatically the one in Landon where Scott Crager died. Hell, the guy could have died from natural causes and you and Bridget are both seeing murder where it’s just death from natural causes. Even your old boyfriend the sheriff doesn’t buy murder.”

“
I think it’s reasonable to assume….” Rachel began, but Mac waved her off.

“
Didn’t your mother ever tell you, when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me?”

If looks could kill, Mac was pretty sure that at that moment, his death wouldn
‘t be from natural causes. He should have kept his responses simple. Yes. No. Maybe. See you tomorrow.

Rachel twisted the ignition key and the engine roared to life.
“I don’t know if my assumptions are reasonable or not. But I don’t need them to know a jackass when I see one.”

The ending to this trip was going to hell a lot faster than his exhausted mind could fathom.

Mac reached through the window and grabbed her sleeve. “Rachel.” His voice softened. “Please, wait.”

She faced him, but her expression was grim.

“Come on. You’re tired. I’m tired. Let’s back up a little and try again. Ms. Brenner, thank you for driving to Boston with me. I enjoyed the company…sort of.”

Her face, which had shown the hint of a smile midway though his peace offering, turned back to stone at his final words.

“Come on. You used to have a sense of humor.” Mac knew he was running the risk of making things worse. He’d called her unreasonable and now he’d tacked on humorless. The odds of him spending Thanksgiving with her were pitiful and he could probably forget about a date to Bridget’s wedding.

Rachel shook her head, turned away to stare through the windshield at his apartment building. She finally spoke without looking at him.
“You used to have some manners.”

That was true. He was sure he did have manners. He was too tired to figure out where he put them. Too late for that anyway. Keep it simple.
“I’m sorry.”

A car drove down the block, the lights washing over them as it passed. It was starting to snow again.

Rachel continued to stare straight ahead.

He
‘d been in interrogations with accused murderers that had been less tense.

He leaned in the window.
“Rachel?”

She sighed, turned to face him.
“Why in the world am I involved with you?”

He shrugged. It was a mystery to him too.
“You’re after my money? Or maybe my dog?”

She smiled and leaned forward.

Later he replayed that moment over and over in his mind, like some naïve teenager on his first date. Some detective he was. He should have seen it coming; prepared for it.

It was soft, and slightly off center, and over before he really comprehended it had happened.

Rachel Brenner had kissed him.

***

Yes, jerk-off there’s a damn good reason why women don’t go anywhere without their purses, JJ fumed as she used the pen light and small tool kit from her purse to remove the latch from the moving casket. Luckily, the idiot who shut the lid hadn’t bothered to do a good job. Part of the material from the casket interior had prevented the latch from fully engaging.

She couldn
‘t hear much from the outside, some muffled voices and doors slamming. The casket she was trapped inside was still rolling. Something banged against the side of the casket and JJ felt her small world tilt. Idiots.

Her forehead and knees hit the lid as
the box tumbled off the gurney and rolled to one side, the force of the fall springing the lid ajar. The opened lid was all that kept the casket from turning completely upside down.

JJ couldn
‘t keep from groaning. Her head hurt and sometime during the fall she’d bitten her lip and banged her newly healed ribs. She could feel asphalt under her right side, the left side still in the casket. There was an opening on either end of the casket, but the v-shaped space was too small for her to crawl through. Two pairs of expensive athletic sneakers appeared in her view–near the opening at her head.

“
Dude, this is no good. It’s all scratched up now.”

“
Doesn’t matter, I can’t steal any more of them. It was just supposed to be the one.”

Sean O
‘Herlihy! JJ groaned again. She’d know that ‘Dude’s’ voice anywhere.

“
Did you hear that?”

“
Hear what?”

“
Dude, I swear the body in the casket groaned.”

“
You picked out a casket with someone in it? What, are you wacked? We have to get it back inside.”

“
Didn’t you hear what I said? That dead body made a noise. I’m not touching it again. You’re the one who wants to join that gang. Pay me the fifty bucks you owe me and I’m out of here.”

“
Come on! At least help me get it back on the gurney.”

“
No. Give me my money.”

“
I’ll pay you extra. Just help me lift it up.”

“
Dude, that could be a real vampire in there, not like one of those wannabes in that gang you’re trying to join.”

JJ smiled as one pair of the sneakers got closer.

“I don’t really believe in that kind of stuff, I just like their parties.”

“
Admit it, Dude, you like the girls who hang with them.”

“
So? A couple of them are cool. Come on. I’ll protect you from any undead.”

JJ couldn
‘t help herself. This was too good to pass up. She snaked one hand out from under the lid and grabbed an ankle.

It was several minutes after the two sets of screams had faded into the distance before she was able to stop laughing.

She hoped Jeff and Whiskey showed up soon. She needed a trip to the bathroom in the worst way.

Chapter 11

He entered the diner, glanced around and located her.

“Hi Sean.” JJ pointed to a spot on the other side of the diner booth. “Have a seat.”

“
Hi.” The teen slid in, his too loose jeans twisting like a straightjacket around his hips and legs.

JJ hid her grin behind the plastic covered menu while he untangled himself.

“Why did you want to eat here? This place sucks big time.”

“
I didn’t figure any of your friends would be here–easy enough to talk privately.”

Sean looked her straight in the eyes for the first time.
“Huh?”

A waitress instantly appeared, a stubby pencil hovered over a worn order book.

“What’ll it be?”

“
A western omelet, with extra salsa, home fries, whole wheat toast, side order of bacon, and a large orange juice.” JJ handed the menu to the waitress, then nodded to the dazed teenager. “He’s paying.”

“
I am?” Sean fumbled for his wallet and checked his cash.

“
What are you having?” The waitress tapped the order pad. “I gotta get the order in before the cook goes on break.”

“
Uh, a toasted bagel.” The teen’s voice cracked.

“
What do you want to drink?”

Sean tapped the glass in front of him.
“Water’s fine,” then he quickly added, “Thank you.”

While the waitress headed back to the kitchen, Sean took off his black baseball cap and nervously ran his fingers through his black-tipped hair. He winced when his hand made contact with his newly-pierced ear. The lobe was as red as the undyed hair on his head.

“I was kinda surprised.…” Sean cleared his throat and took a sip of water. “I mean, it’s good to see you, but I’m sort of surprised you called.”

“
What time is your first class?” JJ smiled at the waitress who put a large glass of juice in front of her.

Sean looked nervously at his watch.
“8:40, but I could skip.…”

“
I wouldn’t want you to miss class. Education is the best deterrent to a life of crime, don’t you agree?” JJ intoned carefully, then smiled as the teen shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“
Uh, sure.”

“
Do you have any aspirin on you? I had a small accident last night. Hit my head.”

Confusion raced across the teen
‘s face as he tried to keep up with the rapidly changing topics for discussion.

“
Sorry, I don’t have any.”

The waitress slid the dishes on the table.
“You got everything?” she asked.

“
I’m good.” JJ turned to Sean. “How about you?”

“
Fine, thank you.” Sean sipped a little water.

“
What time is it?”

He took a quick glance at his watch.
“8:15.”

JJ slathered the salsa across the eggs and potatoes, then added a good measure of
Tabasco. She dug in and ate with relish.

“
Did you.…”

JJ held up a hand to halt any conversation. She pointed to the food to indicate that talk would have to wait until she finished.

Sean alternated between sipping water and checking his watch.

Finally, with the eggs, bacon, and potatoes gone, JJ slowly spread grape jelly on her toast, then dipped it in some salsa. With a satisfied smile, she finished off a half piece of toast, then eyed the uneaten bagel in front of Sean.
“You want that?”

Sean pushed the bagel across the table and JJ smothered it in cream cheese from the single-serving container on the edge of the plate. She dipped it in salsa and took a healthy bite. When she caught Sean checking his watch again, she put down the bagel and sat up straighter in the booth.

“So, here’s how it’s going down,” she began. “Where are you hiding the coffins?”

Sean, who was in mid-swallow, started coughing and sprayed water across the table. It landed on the remainder of the bagel.

JJ frowned and pushed the soggy mess towards the teen who seemed to be struggling for breath. He reached for his glass, which was empty. With a sigh, JJ handed over her water.

Several gulps later, when he
‘d finally stopped coughing, Sean frantically looked around the room.

“
Like I said, I don’t think anyone knows you here.” JJ smiled. “So where are the coffins and how many did you sell?”

“
How…how…how?” The boy couldn’t seem to finish his thought.

“
Next time you decide to lead a life of crime, don’t bring Barney Fife with you as your accomplice. The guy couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag if you gave him a map.”

“
Barney who? The dinosaur?”

JJ shook her head.
“High school kids have no sense of cultural history–you need to spend some quality time watching TV Land.”

“
TV Land? Wait, you were.…” Sean’s face was as red as his earlobe. “Oh, man! What were you doing in….Are you hurt? You said you hit your head.”

JJ waved him off.
“I’m fine. But you, my friend, are going to learn to paint.”

“
Paint?” His eyes glazed over as the topic changes came faster and faster.

“
Yep, in exchange for my not turning you into the cops, and more importantly, to your father, one, you will return the caskets to the funeral home pronto. Get at least one back today and then the rest this week. Don’t get caught. Two, you will paint my living room with two coats of paint, not dripping so much as a milliliter on my floor, and three you’ll give up smoking immediately. I can’t stand the stench and you, my friend, reek of tobacco.”

It didn
‘t seem possible, but Sean’s face got even redder.

“
But if I return the coffins…,” Sean began miserably, “my–”

“
Your new best friends might dump you?” JJ said, a hint of softness in her voice.

Sean sniffed and looked resolutely down at the table, refusing to make eye contact.

“Look, kid,” JJ’s voice got tougher. “You couldn’t move those caskets on E-bay if they were free and you offered to pay the shipping. If your brain wasn’t totally fogged over from tobacco you’d figure out those guys won’t be the ones visiting you on D Street when you get sent up for 3 to 5 years.”

“
D Street?”

JJ shook her head,
“The jail, idiot.”

All color drained from the teen
‘s face. He swiped his sleeve across his nose, and then quickly wiped his eyes, trying to stave off tears. “I don’t think my Dad would really.…”

“
He files an insurance claim; it’s out of his hands. Yep, you’re hip deep in alligators.”

“
Alligators?”

JJ shrugged.
“Sorry. I’m spending too much time with a certain elderly person. You’re in deep–”

“
I got it,” Sean interrupted. “And I’ll do it. All three things you said. And I’ll even watch that Barney show. Just don’t tell anyone.”

“
Good decision! So, like I said, here’s how it’s going down. The caskets go back, starting today. I’ll see you on Thursday morning, ready to paint, and you’d better not have any hint of eau de tobacco.”

“
Sure.” He finally met her eyes. “I really didn’t know what to do with friends anyway. I’ve never had any before. It will kind of be a relief to be back on my own.”

“
You don’t have to be on your own–just be your own person.” JJ waved over the waitress, who dropped the bill on the table in front of the teen.

Sean sighed.
“Yeah, like I know who that is.”

“
You’ll figure it out.” As JJ slid from the booth, she turned back and pointed at the bill. “Leave a good tip. Nobody should think that the new Sean O’Herlihy is cheap.”

***

He was old, old, old. There was a time when he could pull an all-nighter and not hear every bone in his body complain. There was a time when his muscles didn’t pop and creak like the percussion section of a high school band. And there was a time when a simple kiss from a woman didn’t leave him over-analyzing everything that had–and had not–been said in the previous 24 hours.

He had to focus. No, he had to find coffee. Then maybe, if all the cells in his brain hadn
‘t turned to mush from the lack of sleep and this idiotic lovesick flu that seemed to have struck him, he might be able to figure out what the hell he had to do next.

Pushing open the door to his office, he knew immediately what his first step had to be. Reaching up, he yanked the strip of jingle bells that heralded his arrival and tossed them in the garbage can.

“Unless you’re going to put in a security system in this office, those bells are going back up. I can’t work in the back room without some way to tell me if a burglar has snuck in. Or a crazy woman with a gun! You can hang those back up or put in a closed-circuit camera. The bells cost $1.99 at Home Depot. I can get figures for the camera system if you want.”

He stood in front of her. She was wearing a black sweater and black jeans. At least no camouflage.
“No suit today? I heard you had on a nice outfit yesterday. Impressed the heck out of Edgar.”

JJ didn
‘t bother looking up from the computer screen. Her fingers danced across the keyboard and he had no clue what she could be working on that early.

“
About the other day–”

“
I put your phone messages on your desk.” She still didn’t look up.

Her clothes weren
‘t important. And after everything that had happened to her, if the bells made her feel safer….He knew he was old, old, old because he picked up the stupid bells and rehung them without argument.

“
Any coffee ready?” He cringed at the plaintive whine in his voice.

She nodded.
“On the counter.”

He quickly poured himself a full cup, then returned to stand in front of her.
“I assume your premature ride in a coffin didn’t leave any lasting emotional scars?” Jeff had woken him up from what had turned out to be literally 40 winks to rant about the break-in at the funeral home. It had taken Mac at least ten minutes to comprehend that Jeff was saying JJ had hidden from the burglars in an unoccupied coffin, which they then had attempted to steal.

“
I’m fine.” JJ’s fingers continued their tarantella on the keyboard.

“
Can you describe the burglars?”

“
No.”

“
Nothing at all? Tall, short, fat, skinny, old, young, Black, White?”

JJ
‘s fingers paused, then started skipping again. “When I said I couldn’t describe the burglars, that, of course, meant I could give you their height, weight, age, and race.”

Mac took a sip of coffee and sighed. Maybe the caffeine would clear his brain because he was fairly certain something was going on, but he didn
‘t have a clue or even enough money to buy a vowel. He wandered over to the credenza behind JJ’s desk. With the grace of Lucille Ball playing a detective in an “I Love Lucy” episode, Mac dropped a pen on the floor and tried to pick it up while surreptitiously glancing at the screen.

“
Can I help you?” JJ hit save and immediately closed the window.

He
‘d only caught the words “two coats of paint.” What the hell was going on? If he asked if the office was being painted, he was busted. On the other hand, the idea of JJ spending more of his hard-earned money on interior design seemed crazy, but on the other hand, which he thought made him three-handed, she had managed to decorate the whole place for under $400 and some in-kind trades so maybe he should leave it to her to figure out, and on yet another hand.…

Mac abruptly moved across the room and shook all images of four-handed detectives from his brain.

He tried again. “You’re sure there was more than one burglar?”

“
Yes. As I explained to Jeff and then the cops, my eyes were closed since I was pretending to be dead. They closed the coffin so I couldn’t hear their voices, but when they dumped the casket upside down, the only thing I could see, before they ran off, were four big feet. So unless we’re talking about a weird monster who has four feet and steals coffins, I don’t think I have to go to detective school to assume there were two of them.”

Mac wasn
‘t quite sure how to proceed. JJ seemed completely unconcerned about her close encounter with two robbers.

“
What kinds of shoes were they wearing?”

“
Sneakers.”

“
Brand?”

“
Nike.”