Ever After (The Christmas Cottage - Book 2) (15 page)

But it was all for the best.  She would have given him her heart and all that she had if he had just given her another couple of hours.  She’d never criticized him for his choice of timing when he’d first told her he loved her and yet he was trying to tell her when she should say it.  There was no way she was going to tolerate that.

Stopping right in front of him Ava noticed a small glimmer of hope in his eyes.  “You’re right,” she said finally.  “Geography won’t change anything.”  And with that she lifted up her suitcase, grabbed her purse and keys and opened the door.  “Please lock up when you leave,” was all she said as she walked out the door, slamming it closed behind her.

****

How she made the drive in one piece, she’d never know.

How she made it through the mind-numbingly boring interview, she’d never know.

How she was going to survive the heartbreak of losing Brian, well, Ava didn’t think that she could.  All of her previous relationships combined had never led to pain like this.  As she pulled up to her parent’s home in
Asheville she gave herself a moment to contemplate whether to stay there or go on to the cottage.  Indecision warred within her and the cottage won out if for no other reason than for her to finally face the one thing that was holding up her whole entire life.

With the car parked just off to the side of it
, Ava considered the small house.  There was nothing to it.  It was cute, sure, but it wasn’t something so disarmingly charming that she should be thinking about it so much.  Taking a deep breath she got out of the car and went to let herself in.  Funny how with all of her planning last year, she’d never actually come here herself.  All of her planning and her binder full of ideas were all based on a place she had built up in her mind.

Stepping inside she looked around.  It was a one-room floor plan.  There was a tiny kitchen area, a sitting area in front of the fireplace and a bed.  Her shoulders slumped in disappointment.  This was it?  This was the place where all of her hopes and dreams were based on?  It was a room!  Sure, when it was all decorated she was sure it was charming
, but in the light of day in November?  It was still just a room.

Ava turned around and immediately walked back out, locking the door behind her.  She drove back down the hill to her parent’s house and settled in there.  She felt restless and couldn’t seem to relax.  Knowing that she needed some answers that she was finally ready to hear, she reached for the phone and dialed.

At the sound of her mother’s voice, Ava nearly began to cry.  “Mom?” she said shakily.

“Ava?  Are you okay, sweetheart? What’s the matter?  You sound upset?”  She told her mother what had happened and how confused she was at the moment.  “Oh, Ava, you always seemed to make more out of that house than anyone else.”

“But the stories…grandma used to always talk of all of the happily-ever-after’s that happened because of the cottage.  Was it all a lie?”

“No, it wasn’t all a lie, Ava; it was a bit embellished, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for starters, not everyone in the family got married there and not everyone had a long-lasting or happy marriage.”

“Then why would grandma tell me all of those stories?”

“Because you loved them!  There wasn’t a book written that kept your attention the way that a story about that cottage did,” she said and Ava could hear the smile in her voice.  “The two of you would sit for hours and she would spin a yarn about distant relatives and friends who stayed there and honestly, most of that never happened.  She created a lot of that purely for your entertainment.”

It was if her entire world was crumbling around her.  “I can’t believe that she lied!” Ava sobbed.  “I’ve ruined two relationships over those stories and now you’re telling me that it was all for nothing!  Oh, God, what a fool I am!”

“No, no, sweetheart, you’re not a fool!  You believe in love and you believe in fairytales and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“It is when I’m basing all of that on a bunch of made up stories!”

“Ava,” her mother said sternly, “
there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a long lasting marriage to a man who loves you unconditionally.  That is every woman’s dream!  Your only fault is believing that you weren’t worthy of that love until you had your time in the cottage.  Don’t you see?  You don’t need the cottage for you to have true love; all you need is to open your heart and trust your feelings with the man that you love.”

“I think it’s too late for that,” she admitted sadly.  “I think that I made Brian wait too long and then I walked out on him because of my pride and ego and I don’t think he’ll be willing to forgive me.”

“If he loves you like he claims he does, Ava, then he’ll forgive you.”

“I hope you’re right, mom,” she sighed.  “But for now, I think I’m going to take a few days to be alone and try and come to grips with some things about myself.”

“Oh, I hate to think about you all by yourself up there.”

“No, really, I think it’s for the best.  It’s time that I grew up and faced the person that I really am.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the person that you are, Ava.  You’re a pretty amazing woman.”

“Thanks, mom, but you’re supposed to say that,” she said, feeling better than she had all day.

“Doesn’t make it any less true.”

Ava hoped that in time she’d be able to believe that.

****

The weekend turned into a week.  Ava had decided that she really needed the time to get her head on straight and to decide what it was that she wanted to do with her life.  It was time to stop procrastinating and start taking action.  She’d called the bookstore and told them that she needed some personal time and luckily, her boss wasn’t upset by it.  He did get upset when she gave her two week’s notice.

Next she finally went through all of her job offers and decided on one.  For so long Ava had thought that she needed to move away in order to start fresh when really all she needed was to give herself a break mentally and then her fresh start could happen anywhere. 

By the time she got home the following weekend her answering machine was blinking that it was full of messages.  Most of them from Lacey.

“Ava?  Ava, honey where are you? We’re worried.  Give me a call.”

That was the first one.  By her fifth message, she was a little less sympathetic.

“Ava, come on…you’ve clearly turned off your cell phone and enough is enough.  Ean and I want to talk to you.  Call us.”  It wasn’t a request.

The twelfth one pretty much said it all. 

“Okay so clearly you’re still off pouting or whatever.  I’m not going to call you again.  When you’re ready to talk, give me a call.”

In between there were random sales calls and a couple from her friend and co-worker Julianne but none of them were from Brian and that hurt.  Not that she expected him to call; she’d pretty much made a grand statement when she’d walked out of here a week ago and he’d told her exactly where he stood.  He couldn’t wait anymore for her and so she really shouldn’t be surprised that he hadn’t called.

Only, she was.

If he loved her like he said he did, why would he give up so easily? 
Easily
?  She snorted with disgust at that thought.  The man waited eight months to come and see her and then pretty much kept showing up in her life until she was ready for him.  If anything, she was surprised that he hadn’t given up sooner.  If the tables were turned Ava was certain that she wouldn’t wait around that long for any man to return her affections. 

Sadly she went about the task of unpacking and mentally making notes of what needed to get done in the week ahead. 
She had a week left at the bookstore before she started her new job and with her new job, she realized, she would need a new wardrobe.

Sighing with resignation, she reached for her phone and smiled when Lacey answered.

“So I need to go and do a major wardrobe rehab for my new job.  Are you up for a shopping spree?”

****

All Lacey wanted to do was grill Ava on what had happened with Brian.  In the last week she only heard things second hand from her mother-in-law and through Ean, who had seen and talked to Brian.  Only one thing was clear, Ava had left Brian and was gone.  According to Ean Brian was taking it pretty hard but was determined to get through it.

Typical guy.

When Ava had called, Lacey took it as a lifeline and rather than harp on what had happened, she decided to take her cues from Ava before opening her mouth.  Right now they were on their third store and all Ava wanted to talk about was the new job and Olivia.

“I still can’t believe you didn’t bring her,” Ava chastised.  “I mean, all girls love to shop; we’d be teaching her important life skills.”

“Well, I don’t think she’d be too interested in them right now; she is definitely cutting a tooth and not happy about it.  If I fall asleep in one of the dressing room stalls, please make sure I’m covered and not just slouched there in my underwear.” 

They laughed and shopped and it wasn’t until they stopped for coffee that Lacey had had enough.  “Okay, fabulous new job, your very excited about it, blah, blah, blah.  How are you doing?  Have you talked to Brian?”

Ava wanted to be annoyed that she would even ask but had to commend her for her self control in waiting so long to do so.  “No, I haven’t and I don’t plan to.”

“What?  Why?”

“I did a lot of soul searching this last week and I have to tell you, I don’t like the person that I’ve been.”

“Oh, Ava, there’s nothing wrong with you!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, mom said the same thing and I didn’t believe her either,” she said as she waved Lacey off.  “Brian deserves someone who can be open and honest with their feelings.  Clearly I have issues.  He deserves more; he deserves better.”  It hurt her to even say the words.

“But you love him!” Lacey cried.  “I know that you do!  Go and talk to him; I’m sure the two of you can work this out.”

Ava looked at her friend and smiled sadly.  “In a perfect world, sure.  But I’m being realistic for the first time in my life and I’m trying hard to not be selfish anymore.  Brian gave me everything that he was and I held myself back.  I’m not proud of myself for doing that and I realize now how much I must have hurt him.”

“We all make mistakes, Ava; no one in a relationship ever gets off without getting hurt a time or two.”

“This was different; this was, I don’t know.  I can’t quite forgive myself for behaving the way that I did.”

“But Brian would forgive you,” Lacey reminded her.

“I don’t deserve his forgiveness and like I said, he deserves more.”  Maybe if she said it enough she’d believe it and it would stop hurting.

“I’m not going to change your mind am I?” Lacey asked sadly.

“Afraid not.”

“Maybe I can,” a masculine voice said from behind her.  Ava turned around and looked up at Mason.

“Mason, hi.  How are you?”  Ava was giving serious thought to never coming back to this coffee house again.  “Care to join us?  Is Melissa with you?”  She was rambling and she knew it so she instantly shut up.  Pulling up a chair beside her, he sat down and stared at her.  “So…what’s new?”

Lacey looked between the two of them and made an excuse that she needed to go and call Ean to check on Olivia and left them alone.

“What’s going on, Ava?”

“What do you mean?”

Mason sighed with irritation.  “I always hated when you answered a question with a question.  I ran into Brian a couple of days ago and he said that you two broke up.  I thought that things were going well.”

“They were,” she said.  “And then they weren’t.”

He nodded.  “I can understand that.  Are you doing okay?”

“Honestly?  Not really.  I’m trying to be
, but it’s a lot harder than I thought it would be.”

“Why?  Seems to me you were the one who walked away so you got what you wanted.  Why shouldn’t you be okay?”

“Is that what he told you? That I walked away?”  Again he nodded.  “Typical guy.  He started an argument to force me to tell him how I feel and when I didn’t fall in line with his demands he gave me an ultimatum; I just chose the less desired option.”

“Fancy talk for saying that you walked away,” Mason stated. 

“Don’t get that lawyer tone with me, Mason, I hate that,” she snapped.  “We were going away for the weekend and I had it all planned out to tell him how I felt about him over a romantic dinner, but he couldn’t wait.  He wanted to force me to say it right then and there and you know I don’t like being forced to do or say anything.”

“I thought you might’ve outgrown that,” he said with a grin as he lifted his coffee to his lips.

“Ha, ha, very funny.  It was his tone and I had fought with Ean and Lacey about it and I guess it all felt very familiar like when everyone was ganging up on me about our wedding.  I just snapped.  At the time, walking away seemed like the thing to do.”

“And now?”

“Now?  I don’t know; I know that Brian deserves someone who won’t walk away from him.  He gives so completely and so honestly and knows how to really show his love and…” her eyes filled with tears at the thought of all the ways Brian had shown her how much he loved her.  “And I just want him to find someone who can do the same for him so that he can be happy.”