Ever So Madly (15 page)

Chapter Thirty-Two

Madden

I shuddered in her grasp, and I knew I was scaring her with how I was acting, but it was hard to get out of my mind that anything could be real after all that I’d gone through.

I laid my forehead against hers. “Nothing.”

She cupped my face with her hands, shivering in the cold water. “I don’t believe you, Madden, and I hate saying that.”

I closed my eyes. “I need you,” I said again.

“You have me.”

“That’s not what … never mind.” My breathing came in heavy gasps, uncontrolled. “Let’s go inside.”

“Madden…” She tilted my head up. “Tell me what’s in your head.”

“Let’s get you inside and warm first. You’re shivering.” I could feel her shaking in my arms. But there was more to it than that. I didn’t know if I could handle her turning me down. It wasn’t even about a release at this point. I would have given anything to be as close to her as possible. I wanted to be under her skin, filling every inch of her mind, and buried inside her. It had been so long since I’d been able to touch her I didn’t care if this was all inside our minds. I wanted to touch every inch of her again.

“Okay…” I could read the disappointment on her face.

“J…”

She turned away from me. I grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to me.

“Tell me what’s wrong?”

She looked at me, and her eyes had turned hard. “When you won’t tell me what’s wrong?”

My lips parted, and I swallowed a few times, not sure what to think of her turning it back on me. She lifted her arm, which I still grasped and roughly twisted it out of my grip with surprising force. She must have had combat training, which made sense when I thought about it further. The stubborn streak I had seen before showed itself, and I knew there was more to that path. I didn’t think I would ever be able to make her do something she didn’t want to do. It was handy knowledge I filed away.

I carried her inside and laid her across the fainting couch. She leaned closer to the fire in the hearth, still shivering. I guessed her work. I stripped off my wet clothes as I walked deeper into the house. They weren’t real, so I could cast them off with no fear of actually losing them. When I was yanked back to reality I would have them again. I searched the closet in vain. There were blankets, but not a towel to be found.

I wrapped one of the blankets around my waist and gathered the rest, wondering if this was her oversight in the program or a basic flaw. The places our minds wander when we don’t want to deal with what’s in front of us. Coming up behind her, I draped one over her shoulders before I took a seat on the hearth in front of her.

“Thank you,” she said in a whisper. Her elbows rested on her knees as she stared into the flames.

I took another blanket and draped it over the both of us. “It’s cold.”

“I guess when I chose the atmosphere I wasn’t thinking straight. I thought this would be…” she trailed off, rubbing her hands up her arms.

“You wanted it to be cool so we’d have more of a reason to be close.”

She looked up at me through her lashes. Right there she looked so small and innocent. Not the powerful woman I knew. I pulled her into my arms and wrapped up around her.

“Yes,” she said into my chest.

I adjusted the blankets, and even though she was light years away I felt her, really felt her, for the first time. She was here with me as much as I was with her, and everything I’d been through to get here was worth it and I’d do it a hundred times over.

I slid a finger under her chin, tilting her mouth up to mind. She welcomed the kiss, parting her soft lips as soon as they touched mine. This wasn’t a clash or a battle, it was a joining. Her fingers slid into the hair at the back of my neck, and she held us together, not just physically. I needed it as badly as she needed to hold me at that moment.

When we parted, both breathing hard, she rested her forehead to mine, still clinging on to me.

“What are we going to do?” she asked.

“We have this, and we have it as long as we want it.”

“Is this enough for you?” Her lower lip quivered as she spoke, and my heart broke all over again.

“Hours with you will never be a waste.” I wouldn’t say it, but there had to be another way. There had to be something I could do to get back to her.

“Let’s not waste anymore time.” The look in her eyes told me everything.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“On your knees.”

I dropped down in front of her, letting the blanket slip off of me as I did.

She stood and started to peel off her wet clothes. When I tried to help she shook her head, and I dropped my arms back to my sides.

“I want you to watch.” First she freed her breasts, and if I hadn’t already been hard the sight of her still nipples peaked from the cold would have done me in. I wanted to touch so bad, but I made myself wait.

“It’s hard to be patient, isn’t it?”

I nodded.

“But you’re a good boy, you can wait.” Her power was back, and it did things to me.

“I am.”

She played, taking her time to strip off her bottoms, but leaving her panties in place. There were a tease in themselves. Black and all lace, giving me a preview of the skin hiding underneath. I couldn’t help myself. I grabbed her by the back of her thighs and pressed my face into her. She squirmed but didn’t fight me too much. Instead, she tugged at my hair until I looked up at her.

“Now, you don’t get the rest of your show.”

I curled the tips of my fingers into the top of her panties. “I’ll make my own show.”

She didn’t stop me so I slid the lace down her thighs, and when I put a hand on her stomach to push her, she took the hint and sat back on the chaise. I brushed my lips along the inside of her thigh as I parted her legs.

“I should make you wait for this.” Her head fell back as she spread herself wide open for me. I looked up at her as I skimmed my tongue along her slit. Her body tensed, and I knew she was putty in my hands.

“Make me wait. You letting me be here is enough of a reward.” I dipped my tongue between her lips to emphasize my point.

She shook. “You can spend all day down there if you like it so much.”

It didn’t take all day. I had her shaking and screaming my name in a matter of minutes. As soon as she finished she tugged me over her, a sated look in her eyes.

“I thought you said you were making me wait.”

“If you don’t fuck me right now you will be waiting a long time.”

I slid a hand between us to position myself. “Shouldn’t I be begging?”

She bit my lip. “Are you trying to make me come again?”

“Always.”

“Good, because I expect you to ask for your orgasm.” She dug her nails into my ass, mixing my pain with my pleasure.

I shook with need. “Please.”

“The way you say that word.” She lifted her hips forcing my tip inside.

“Please,” I said again as I entered her.

She arched into me, and I tried to go slow, I really did, but something in me snapped. I fucked her into the chaise. My hips slapped into her skin, and I stretched her wide to accommodate my girth. There was no holding back now. Her nails dug into my shoulders, but she wasn’t fighting me, rather she was urging me on, lifting her hips to meet my strokes, and telling me she needed more. She brushed her lips along the base of my neck, before turning her head to bite my shoulder. Her breathing started to hitch, and I knew she was close to losing it again. Between her nails, teeth, and impending release I lost myself.

She fell asleep with me still inside her. We were both emotionally drained. She needed it. But I wouldn’t let myself sleep. Every fucking minute that passed felt like one less I would get with her. I wanted to take in as many of them as I could.

I was screwed. I knew I’d never feel this way about anyone again. This was a once in a lifetime kind of love, and I was going to let it destroy me. Because some things were worth losing your soul over.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Jocelynn

I gasped, bolting up. My head was spinning as I reached out for Madden. Had I fallen asleep? I tore my bed apart searching for him, but he wasn’t there.

“He’s not here.” The cold voice of reality spoke.

I whipped around to find Jacob staring back at me. I dropped my face to the bed, balling my hands into fists. “How long was I there?”

“Three hours maybe. It’s good for a first time. I’ve seen people reject it much faster. A lot of people’s brains don’t like the simulated reality. Did he not tell you the first time wouldn’t last? ”

I looked up at him, knitting my brow. “How do you know?”

He ignored my question and went on. “You must have written the program well.”

“I followed your parameters.” I searched around for my comm, finding it on the floor. “What did I miss?”

He came over to take a seat on the edge of the bed. “All your morning meetings. I was told to bring you this.”

He set a gold tied folder on the bed next to me. I didn’t pick it up, instead sending a message to Mad.

J: Are you okay?

I stared at the comm waiting for it to be read.

M: I’m fine. We rejected the program?

J: Yeah. I guess we did.

M: Probably better you don’t miss a full day.

J: Yeah, I do need to get going. You should sleep.

M: I need it. I can barely keep my eyes open.

I clutched the phone to my hand trying to ignore the packet Jacob held under my nose.

J: Sleep well.

M: I’ll message you when I get up.

I ripped the packet from Jacob’s hand and tossed it across the room. It hit the far wall harder than I expected and exploded gold paper all over the surrounding floor. Jacob burst out laughing and lay back.

“You know how it will turn out if you don’t plan part of it.” He yawned and closed his eyes.

“I know.” I rubbed my wrists absentmindedly. “How annoying do you think the bands are?”

He shrugged one shoulder. “I’m sure if they were that bad they would have switched to something else two centuries ago.”

I got up and glanced in the mirror as I crossed to pick up the papers. I looked like I had lain abed all morning, which I had. The only trace of where I had been was the slight bruising on my neck. I brought my hand to the mark, tracing the pads of my fingers over where his lips had been. I hadn’t known any of this could transition through the nets, but I loved seeing it there. I wondered how many of my marks would be on him.

I didn’t linger in front of the mirror, bending to collect the sheets. They were plans for the hall and menus, and it was planned down to the sketches for the dress I would wear and how my makeup would look. I collected them, looking at every page as I put them back in order.

“You suggested it wasn’t already all planned.” I set the stack back on the bed next to him.

“That was this morning’s session. You still have a full afternoon which the Baron has invited Phillip to.”

I flopped back. “Do you think I can encourage him to kidnap me?”

Jacob raised a brow.

“Holy universe. Not for that reason.”

Jacob got up, glancing down at his comm. “I have a lunch … meeting. Sure we’ll go with that.”

“Enjoy your mid-afternoon drilling.”

“Do you have to be so crude? I haven’t drilled anyone since we were on Slade.” He flashed me a grin as he ducked out of the room.

Phillip made the afternoon manageable, making me laugh as he made faces behind the Baron’s back.

Madden worked the next four days, and it was painful to only be able to sneak in messages between our reversed schedules. But I couldn’t take the risk of missing any more meetings as the coronation approached. I didn’t want the Baron to look into what I was doing any closer than he was already watching me after things with Madden. At least I had Phillip to pass the time with, even if he would never be a passable substitute for Mad.

His first night into a day off came in sync with our state day of rest. I woke before either of the suns had peeked above the horizon. The city outside my window was still with predawn dew lingering. It would freeze soon, and everything would turn to ice. I had spent my nights talking to Madden, working on tweaking the program so we could spend the day in warmth. I was hoping he would be up for staying up late even though he’d worked the last five days in a row. The twelve hour days were hard on him, and he usually passed out soon after he walked in the door.

My comm blinked to life, and I ran across the room to grab it.

M: Ready?

J: You’re late.

M: Little bit.

M: Bad fucking day.

J: Want to tell me about it?

M: I don’t want to here. I want to hold you. Can we go?

J: Yeah, let me get the program loaded up and we can go.

M: Wait!

I got up as his messaged clicked through. I was about to put the micro disk into the spinal transmitter, but I paused.

J: Okay?

M: I’ve been working on a little something. It’s not as good as yours, but it’s a place my parents used to take me to and I wanted you to see it.

J: I don’t understand.

M: I wrote a program. Meet me there. I’m going in.

I was about to put my comm away and grab the transmitter when another message clicked through.

M: Wear a coat.

I grabbed my coat, sliding my arms into it before I pulled it tight around myself fastening the magnet connectors before I picked up the transmitter.

I set the disk aside and waited for the connector to turn green. Once he entered it would open to me. I’d been told more than once he had to go in first, and I figured out why. My brother had a hand in setting this thing up, and he didn’t want a record of my fears anywhere that could be traced. So Madden had to open the way, building the matrix in his mind before I could go in.

The tiny light clicked green. I swallowed and pressed it to the back of my neck.