Authors: Jessica Gaffney
Eli had been sleeping for hours when Maggie closed her book and shut off the light. She let her head sink deep into the feather pillow. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to deal with the normal routine of falling asleep.
Then there was the issue of the door. She wanted it open enough to hear Eli but not too wide where she could be caught by surprise. She disliked it shut for the same reason. Then there was the pocket door leading to the bathroom. The light from her electric toothbrush bounced off the mirror and shone in her eyes. She needed that door closed enough that the light would be blocked but not too far because the heat would rattle the door in the jam every time it turned on or off.
Doors, they were another nemesis to her sleep. She slid her arm under her pillow and found one of many foam ear plugs she used to secure sleep. They blocked out any noise that startled her. She inserted just one and tipped her head to the side, leaving the other side pressed into her pillow. After a brief prayer of thanks, she slid into her first sleep of the night.
The dream came forth like a face in the mist. This time Maggie was running on a dirt road in the middle of the forest. There were no sounds, just an eerie fog that rose up from the ground. She looked around for the dog. She called for Vala, but no panic had set in. She wondered where the dog had gone, when the shot of a rifle rang through the air. As she turned to look, the ground began to shake and rumble, to her surprise a bulldozer stormed up the dirt road. Maggie jumped into a ditch and watched as it drove by. She couldn’t make out the driver. She could only hear the evil laugh that pierced the still air. It wasn’t human.
Her feet slid down the wet, gravel embankment as the bulldozer tapered off into the mist. “Eemp. Eeeemp eeeeemp,” came a quiet whimper. “Vala! Vala!” Maggie cried out. She ran toward the whimper, but it kept moving ahead. The faster she ran, the faster it moved. There was no hiding her position, the snap of twigs and the crunch of gravel beneath her swift feet broke through the silent night. “Vala,” she panted. Her got more and more labored with every step. Maggie realized she was alone.
The whine continued as she searched for the dog. “Vala. Vala is that you?”
The broken limbs and pine cones littered the ground and her tired legs trudged on. A second shot boomed in the distance. Maggie realized Eli was missing. Where was her boy? Her heart raced as fear griped her.
Again, she heard the rumbled of a truck roaring up the road and Maggie turned to see who was approaching. Behind her, at the top of the embankment was a figure. Her heart dropped.
Maggie woke up to the touch of Vala’s tongue licking her hand.
Rustling out of bed, she clutched her wet shirt. She looked at the time and tossed her wet clothes into the already full hamper. With her pulse already racing she ran a hot shower.
As the steam gathered, Maggie let the water drench her hair. The curtain squeaked along the rod as she stared down at Eli’s bath toys. She smiled at the wonder of her child, and recalled how she once wished she had more.
Maggie stayed in the shower until the bathroom was filled with steam. The heat from the fireplace never reached this part of the house and the warm air was essential to drying off. She wrapped the towel around her and leaned over the counter. She was careful not to look herself in the eye; instead she stared at the scar below her breast. She twisted to the side hoping one day it would not repulse another man. But that day was a long way off, or so she thought.
Maggie felt a sense of dread whenever she thought of being with a man. She ran a comb through her thick, curly, black hair and pulled out the knots. She clutched the framed scripture Claire had bought her for her 33
rd
birthday. “
For I know the plans I have for,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
The Bible verse gave her a sense of hope. Perhaps if she prayed more the guilt over her past would go away. Then again God hates sin, and she was a sinner.
She read the verse a few times and breathed out. Just a few more minutes and her nervous system would be back to normal. And if she timed it right, she could go back to sleep before the sun came up. The nightmares rarely returned once she went back to sleep.
Eli sprang out of bed like a fireman ready for duty. He yanked his door open and rushed into the kitchen, as if the day were getting away from him. Maggie smiled. No matter what had happened during the course of the night, that little boy was the light of her morning.
She put a plate of toasted waffles on the table and waited for him to take a seat. As if on cue, he poured too much syrup on his food, then wiped his hands on his corduroys; at this rate, he may even end up with a mustache before leaving for school. Getting out the door before seven thirty was always a chore, especially in Colorado, hat, gloves, coat, boots, sneakers, lunch, batman book bag, and homework, were just about as much as Maggie could handle. But the view of the mountains made it worth the effort.
Eli stared up at Pikes Peak. “Look mom. I think it’s gonna snow today.”
She dipped her head down below the visor. “It might,” she sighed hopefully.
The mountains had been covered with snow for months now. The thirty minute ride down the mountain was just as breathtaking as the day she laid eyes on the small city. There were hilltop mansions and cabins built into the steep cliffs. Some people had driveways half a mile long, some of them were even heated to prevent ice from forming. It would be hard to get homeowners insurance if the fire rescue couldn’t get to your house because of the snow.
Maggie viewed some of the larger homes on the mountain side, thinking they may afford her more security. She opted for a smaller home in a planned community so Eli could make friends and blend in. And he had.
As she dropped him off at school and watched him walk inside, she felt a tug on her heart.. Even after all this time, leaving him seemed like a mistake.
Maggie pulled to the head of the car line and made a right. She liked to take the scenic route through the campus before heading back to Cascade. The eighteen acre campus was nestled at the foot of the mountains. The school was over 80 years old.
Today the campus had nine buildings and a state of the art performance center. Eli loved the small classrooms, and their jungle gym. But even with all the hype, she didn’t quite fit in with the other families. There was a glass wall separating their unit of two from other families, and no matter how hard she tried, Maggie just couldn’t blend in to normal life.
Maggie waved to Henry at the security station. He seemed sweet but she knew the school only had security for political reasons. They weren’t actual cops with authority. Not that cops were the final authority, in her experience that was lawyers. Still, it was reassuring that the school tried to protect the children; she’d seen what happened at other schools. This one had a strict policy on who could pick up the child at the end of the day and they also personally delivered each Kindergartner to the car. Parents were not allowed on campus until school was officially over.
Dr. Gibbons was the only suitable choice for Maggie. She’d been going on and off as need be, after the first full year of biweekly visits. Her sessions were expensive, but Dr. Gibbons helped her keep a grasp on reality. In their work, Maggie discovered she had a lot of untying to do. Her memories were discombobulated and her reactions were severe and harsh, as they should be.
Right now Maggie was coping well. She had taken major strides in putting her life back together. But the work was far from over.
The doctor opened the door and greeted Maggie. Some weeks Maggie enjoyed the small talk, but other times she voiced her concerns as soon as the doctor sat down.
“Do you have anything pressing for today, or shall we start with your chart?”
“Go ahead.”
“How was your anxiety?”
“The same.”
“Meaning?”
“Things are normal. I’m learning to control it in some instances and ignore it in others.”
“That’s wonderful Maggie. It’s what we’ve been working toward.”
Maggie felt her lips curl up. Feeling proud was something she was not accustomed too.
“And how are the nightmares?”
Maggie bit her lip and looked away, “They keep coming.”
“Any new details?”
After asking Maggie that question for months, she finally had something to report. “A truck appeared. A bulldozer actually and there is the evil laugh. Like a demon.”
Dr. Gibbons clicked her pen. “What does that mean to you?”
“That’s someone is hiding something from me.”
“Okay. Is that something you can handle?”
Maggie huffed. “I have handled it; so why am I dreaming about it?”
“There could be a number of possibilities, but the reason you identify with the most is what’s important. Can you tell me when it appears in the dream?”
She thought about it. “It’s after I’ve fallen. Right as I’m calling for Vala.”
“And, has Eli appeared in the dream yet?” The doctor asked, studying Maggie’s body language and facial expressions.
“No, but I can tell I am looking for him. It’s more in a curious way, not in a concerned manner.”
“And why do you think that is?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it means I am not afraid.”
“Could it mean anything else?”
Maggie started to thump her leg on the floor. “Maggie, are you afraid that it means something that it obviously can’t.”
She took a tissue. “I think I’m afraid that Eli will become like his father.”
“But you know that fear is not real. You are raising a wonderful boy and Jack is not here to hurt him.”
Maggie had days when she wanted to scream. She didn’t care what the facts were Jack was still here because he was in her mind. And she wanted him out.
The session ended too soon, as most of them did. She didn’t mind the doctor’s suggestions, because it drew her out of the lonely levels of fear that often isolated her. The adage of you have nothing to fear but fear itself, was ringing true.
A quick prayer and two songs into her playlist, Maggie was ready for work. The kennel was a small house with a few outdoor buildings behind it. From the unmarked mailbox you’d never know the place existed, and that was how Klaus wanted it. His dogs were not for everyone and neither was he.
It was beautiful here. The air blew softly with a pickled gray sky. Maggie zipped up her coat and stuck her keys deep into her fitted jeans. Real women, Colorado women, didn’t carry purses. Make-up was minimal, which suited her just fine, and most of your wardrobe consisted of long sweaters, boots and rugged yoga gear, not that she participated.
Eli’s six hour school day, was a four hour work day, the drive to school from Klaus’s was over 45 minutes. It wasn’t much time, but it was worth it. Papers were piling up and the desk looked like something you’d find on a “Hoarder’s R Us” TV show.
She unlocked the office door and entered the wood paneled room. She removed the archaic clipboard from the wall and penciled in her hours. A quick survey of the room revealed Klaus had been cooking. He prepared all the food for his dogs, a weekly chore that took up the entire morning. The phone rang and she let it go to voicemail.
Turning on the computer, she reminded herself that Klaus needed to update things around here. It’s not like he was hurting for money. His security dogs ranged from five thousand to over twenty. He was the best trainer in the state, according to the Denver Police and the DEA. It also made Cascade the perfect place for her and Eli to settle down. Not that they did much of that.
Maggie was notorious for keeping to herself. And in this small town she preferred to use Colorado Springs as her base. Eli went to school down the mountain, and she accomplished other errands in that town, putting a forty mile distance between her and the city, should anyone come looking for them.
This was the West, the untamed part of America. Though the Springs was a melting pot, her county was mostly locals, and the town’s geography was not conducive for smartphone’s and other modern essentials. That was something Maggie embraced. It would make it easier for her live under the radar. She had deleted all her social media and web-based content, not even her mother knew where she was.