Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Zombies (18 page)

Human starvation is a three-tiered process. Initially, blood glucose levels are maintained by the liver, but because there is only enough stored glycogen to last a few hours, the second stage of starvation is quickly reached. Put another way, the feeling of hunger you get after time passes from your last meal is your body telling you it’s reached the second phase of starvation and will literally begin to eat itself if not given more food. This is when a person’s fat percentage comes into play.

The body begins to convert its fat reserves into fatty acids and glycerol to support muscle and brain function. Once the fat runs out, the third stage of starvation begins, and there is a switch to proteins as the major energy source. Muscles, the largest source of protein in the body, are rapidly depleted.

Needless to say, once your muscles are being eaten from
within, you’re in big trouble. In fact, starvation-related death is often caused by heart failure, because the heart—a muscle—is broken down to the point of collapse.

Therefore, individuals with higher levels of body fat can last longer without food, because they remain in the second stage of starvation for more time than their skinny counterparts. What’s more, those who fit into the obese category have a substantially increased life expectancy because of their ability to supply energy to the body by using up ample stores of fat.

Of course, if you’re being chased by zombies, it doesn’t hurt to be able to run fast and for long distances. But if you’re locked in a safe place and forced to stay put even after food supplies have been depleted, you’re better off packing a few extra pounds.

So what will you eat when the food runs out? The arrival of zombies will most likely give rise to a host of new staple proteins in the human food supply.

Columbia University estimates that there were 175 million rats in the United States in 2002, most of which lived in cities. That number continues to rise rapidly. In 2004,
National Geographic
estimated that there were more than 75 million feral cats nationwide. Today, for every human born in the United States, there are 45 cats born. An estimated 4.1 million human births each year equates to more than 184 million new cats.

In World War II, the Nazi siege of Leningrad resulted in food supplies being almost completely cut off from the city. Rations were quickly lowered to just a third of the daily
amount needed by an adult. The city’s population of dogs, cats, horses, rats, and crows disappeared within months as they became the main course on many dinner tables. Reports of cannibalism began to appear. Thousands died of starvation, upward of 75,000 in just sixty days. The frozen earth meant that their bodies could not be buried, so corpses accumulated in the city’s streets, parks, and other open areas.

When civilization breaks down, the convenience of the corner burger joint and the well-stocked supermarket will quickly become a thing of the past. Will rat sandwiches and kitty pot pie be the new quintessential American foods? Or when the dead rise, will the only long-term alternative be to eat one another?

If you’re planning ahead, one option to stave off hunger in the early days of the outbreak is a prepackaged meal plan. They offer an assortment of sealed, ready-to-eat food items that never spoil and can be stored virtually anywhere. A month’s supply, which includes breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack, comes in a single smallish box that will fit in any closet. What’s more, it’s surprisingly light and can be carried by virtually anyone, male or female, large or small.

For disaster survival, consider ordering a single month, then canceling your account with no penalty. Buy it, store it, and forget about it. When the dead rise, you’ll have at least
two months of rationed food to keep you going while you worry about more pressing concerns.

Additionally, Emergency Ration Bars (ER Bars) are a useful meal substitute. Similar to those approved for use by the U.S. Coast Guard, they offer a disaster victim the right blend of required calories and nutrients to survive for three days. Packaged to store safely for five years, even in extreme temperatures and conditions, the ER Bar comes in either 2,400- or 3,600-calorie bricks. They even make bars specially formulated for your dog or cat.

With no tropical oils, nuts, or cholesterol, allergic reactions are not a concern, and unlike most other premade survival meals, the ER Bar doesn’t require any water, heating, or other preparative measures before eating. Furthermore, each is enriched with 100 percent of your recommended daily vitamins and minerals.

Whatever your situation, don’t count on looting needed food from the local mega-mart. An extensive analysis of injuries occurring in large crowds over the last three years found that from Boston to Beijing, people of all ages and walks of life actively participated in the deaths of their fellow man to accomplish their own often trivial objectives.

Innocent bystanders were trampled to death in Angola in March 2009 so that a mob could get a better view of the visiting pope. One month later, in the Ivory Coast, twenty-two people were killed in a stampede of soccer fans upset about their team’s loss. In 2006, 346 pilgrims were crushed to death on the last day of their trip to Mecca. The list goes on and on.

But perhaps the most telling example is that of Jdimytai Damour, a 270-pound Walmart worker who died on November 28, 2008, after being trampled by suburban Long Island shoppers looking to take advantage of early holiday discounts. Even the paramedics who unsuccessfully attempted to revive Damour were jostled by the aggressive crowd.

If everyday citizens are killing one another just to get a better price on a flat-screen television, imagine what ugly behaviors will surface when actual survival is at stake. The findings suggest that “inadvertent human violence” may well be a greater cause of death and destruction than any flesh-eating zombie or lunatic with a shotgun in the coming undead pandemic.

Personally, I’ve been slow to appreciate the full importance of fire in zombie survival. I live in a warm climate so I don’t need fire for heat, I don’t like hot drinks, and I even prefer my food cold. I’m the guy eating leftover pizza straight from the fridge or soup out of the can without heating it up.

I also strongly feel that attracting attention is the last thing you want to do in an undead world, and so the need for any fire must be weighed against the risks of detection by zombies or other hostile humans. But there’s no question that mankind’s ability to control fire separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom and is at the root of our impressive evolutionary and technological advance.

Richard Wrangham is a professor of biological anthropology
at Harvard University and author of
Catching Fire: How Cooking Made Us Human.
He argues that humans are so intimately tied to our diet of cooked food that it affects every aspect of our lives, both mentally and physically. Like cows eating grass or fleas sucking blood, we have adapted to eating cooked foods as our signature diet. It is woven into the fabric of what makes us human:

It is easy to forget what life would have been like without fire. The nights would be cold, dark, and dangerous, forcing us to wait helplessly for the sun. All our food would be raw. No wonder we find comfort by a hearth.
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From cooking to warmth to water purification, anyone serious about surviving future natural disasters, social unrest, or a full-scale zombie pandemic should own a reliable fire kit. Like every other modern convenience in a zombie pandemic, gas burners, matches, and butane lighters will likely be a dwindling resource. For long-term fire needs, consider an artificial flint stick and metal striker that can be purchased for just a few dollars and will create great sparks on command. Or choose any of the dozen of other reliable survival fire-starting products available through a quick web search.

T
here’s a lot we still don’t know about zombies and cannot know until the dead rise. However, when taking a hard look at the specific makeup of the modern zombie, one key ingredient is as obvious as the nose on your face: people.

People make zombies. No matter what else is in the mix, without people, there can be no walking dead trying to hunt and kill other people. This seems like a simple concept, but it’s too often overlooked when developing survival strategies for a zombie outbreak. The best advice for increasing your odds of staying alive, and the first thing to consider when developing a survival plan, is to keep away from people. Without people, there can be no zombies.

Therefore, banding together in large groups may be a bad idea. Finding refuge in any densely populated area such as a government camp, a city building, or a military base is inviting death. In fact, the classic cinematic image of a horde of zombies attacking a few people in an abandoned farmhouse presents exactly the wrong impression.

An abandoned farmhouse has two major advantages built right into its name: (1) it’s abandoned, meaning no people, and (2) it’s a farmhouse, meaning it is probably on a large plot of open land that provides good visibility and further decreases the likelihood of any other people being around. Not to mention
the potential for growing food and access to an independent water supply. Unfortunately, abandoned farmhouses don’t grow on trees. Necessity and geography will cause all of us to come into contact with other people sooner or later.

My neighbor Jim is a really nice guy. He, his wife, and their young son are all as friendly as can be. Jim knows that I hide my house key under the rock behind the overgrown spruce bush and not in the plastic key holder shaped like a frog that sits by the front door. He even knows that I keep an empty key holder in plain sight in hopes that an assailant will check there, assume that the extra key has been removed, and give up searching. Better to point them in the direction you want them to look, rather than just let them look anywhere. I consider Jim a trusted friend.

But if a widespread zombie outbreak was quickly followed by a complete breakdown of our modern way of life, what would happen then? Would communities band together, providing support for one another in their time of need? Would neighbor help neighbor when food is running low and undead cannibals are roaming the streets? Would the spirit of cooperation rule the day? Would Jim resist the urge to take my last reserves of water for the good of his own family? The answer is a resounding no.

In speaking with dozens of disaster-response experts across the globe, I got the same basic response over and over
again. Mass panic would lead to civil unrest on a global scale. Those few who had enough food and water would barricade themselves in their homes, only to be attacked by hostile humans desperate to save their own skin. Death would come knocking long before zombies ever did.

James Rush, team leader for the National Bioterrorism Hospital Preparedness Program, echoed these grim predictions:

Cities would be extremely dangerous places, with widespread looting and violence. And the corresponding hospital systems that service those areas would be instantly overloaded and unable to cope.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a senior official in the U.S. Department of Homeland Security confirmed his belief that rampant mob mentality would quickly lead to the breakdown of law and order. National Guard troops would be sent into urban areas to quiet the population, but their efforts would only lead to more bloodshed. Front-line personnel, such as police and medical first responders, would risk constant ambush for their vehicles, weapons, and supplies. In short, it would be a complete and total nightmare.