Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Zombies (21 page)

In 1966, the
New England Journal of Medicine
published reports about the linked relationship between starvation and brain damage:

During the early stages of hunger, irritability and emotional lability are the rule, but later profound and continuing apathy occurs. In the most advanced stages of inanition, defects of memory, confusion, hallucinations, delusions, and intellectual deficits become evident.
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In addition to having a zombie emergency kit filled with essential gear, maintaining a positive attitude in a catastrophic
undead outbreak is just as vital to your survival. Depression and despair already cause negative side effects in tens of millions of people worldwide. In a zombie pandemic, these same mental obstacles will often be the difference between life and death.

This established mental survival kit for wilderness adventure can be easily modified for use in an undead disaster:

1.
Learn and adapt.
As we’ve seen, anyone who tells you they know exactly how zombies will behave and exactly how to survive them will likely be the first to get eaten. You must be ready and eager to learn from your changing situation and adapt your strategies as needed.

2.
Do what it takes.
When the dead rise, you may have to do things you never imagined, from eating disgusting foods to living in horrid conditions. You need to embrace your new reality unflinchingly and forget about your old home, room, clothes, and other comforts of a world that doesn’t exist anymore.

3.
Stay positive.
Nothing will turn out the way you hope in a zombie survival situation. Failure will be the new norm. If you allow negative thoughts to enter the equation, they’ll eat your brain faster than any zombie horde, leaving you exposed to mortal danger on all sides.

4.
Visualize success.
No matter what, you must not lose sight of your ultimate objective of establishing a safe and stable life over the long term. Your family and friends may all be gone, but believing in the possibility of a brighter future is the only way to make that future happen.

Ultimately, your survival depends on a combination of luck, circumstance, preparation, and mental ability. If luck and circumstance go your way and you’ve done what is needed to
be physically prepared, don’t risk getting killed by zombies or hostile humans because your head’s not in the right place.

Christopher McCandless was twenty-four when he died in rural Alaska. He had safe shelter, fire, and plenty of drinking water. It was the middle of summer, so the dangers of hypothermia did not exist. But he made the single mistake of thinking he was trapped on the wrong side of a raging river, not knowing there was a rope bridge just around the bend.

That error led to another, as it’s theorized that McCandless improperly used a book on native plants to scavenge food, not realizing that the poisonous wild sweet pea is easily mistaken for the nutritious wild potato plant. He ate the wrong one, which made him violently ill and eventually led to death by starvation.

In a zombie outbreak, as in many extreme disaster situations, all it takes is one wrong decision to spell certain doom. A single mistake can find you being eaten by an undead horde, attacked and killed by hostile humans, or simply left on your own to perish slowly. Even a sprained ankle can result in deadly complications, meaning that every decision, no matter how small, is life or death. But you won’t be the one who makes a silly mistake, because you have a better chance of surviving a zombie outbreak than most, right?

According to several extensive studies done between 1976 and 2002, people have an uncontrollable tendency to believe they are superior to their peers in everything from disaster preparedness to popularity. In fact, this widespread defect in perception even has a name: the Wobegon Effect.

The Wobegon Effect is named after a fictitious town created by radio personality Garrison Keillor, because in Lake Wobegon, “all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.” But research psychologist Kim Orleans points out that in reality, at least half of all people are below average in any measurable category. Unfortunately, that’s not how we see it:

85% of high school students surveyed think they’re in the top 50% in ability to get along with others, and 25% of those say they’re in the top 1%. What that means is there are a lot of kids feeling a lot more confident about things than they should.

And this phenomenon doesn’t change as we grow older. A recent study of graduate students at Stanford’s business school revealed that 87 percent think they’re in the top 50 percent of academic performance. Sixty-eight percent of professors at the University of Nebraska believe they are in the top 25 percent of teaching ability. Ninety percent of drivers of all ages say they’re safer than average, and 75 percent of senior citizens think they look younger than their fellow seniors.

People across the board think they’re less likely than others to have heart disease, get fired, be divorced, or be killed in a natural or man-made disaster. In short, we think we’re smarter, tougher, and better prepared than our neighbors.

To combat your own Wobegon Effect in a zombie outbreak, careful preparation is essential. And when you feel that everything is going according to plan, expect the worst just around the next corner.

Z
ombie survival over the longer term requires adjusting to a world without the modern conveniences we take for granted. With no power grid, there is no instant access to heat and light at the flip of a switch. Recharging electronic devices such as phones and radios will prove impossible for many. Those few who have battery- or gas-powered generators will enjoy an advantage for a short period of time, but very soon batteries will die, fuel will become scarce, and the world will be plunged into a darkness it hasn’t experienced in hundreds of years.

A promising technology for the coming plague is solar power. Portable solar generators offer a noise-free, maintenance-free alternative designed to last a lifetime. And most can be wheeled to any location, recharging your essential survival gear.

With that said, I’m a firm believer that zombie-survival advice should be practical. Recommendations that don’t easily translate to the real world are worthless. And with a price in the thousands and potential cartage concerns if traveling by foot, solar generators aren’t right for everyone. But I personally rely on solar as a backup power source, and it has served me well in past times of need.

When it comes to solar power for zombie survival, one small town on the edge of the Mojave Desert has taken a major step toward keeping the lights on when the dead rise. Nipton, California, is almost completely powered by an eighty-kilowatt solar installation, guaranteeing that as the rest of the world is plunged into the dark ages, Nipton will still have all the comforts of modern life.

Nipton’s solar power means easy refrigeration, water purification and pumping, tool recharging, weapons manufacturing, and enhanced food production and procurement. Furthermore, the town’s isolated location and rugged population of just 250 makes it arguably the most ideal location for zombie survival in the whole United States.

One potential danger facing Nipton is the unwanted attention that electric lights can attract, signaling desperate humans and zombies from great distances in every direction. But the natural defenses of the expansive open landscape and a heavily armed population skilled in wilderness survival suggest that Nipton is an example of the kind of community that will make it through the worst of the coming zombie plague.

When a 9.0-magnitude earthquake and resulting tsunami hit Japan in March 2011, the Tokyo Electric Power Company had
a disaster plan for its Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant that included one fax machine and a single medical stretcher.
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Though more than seven thousand local residents worked either directly at the site or in other related operations, there were just fifty safety suits on hand. What resulted was the worst nuclear catastrophe in almost three decades, affecting the surrounding area and national economy worse than the natural disaster itself.

Several months earlier and some eight thousand miles away, millions of people took part in the Great California Shake Out, an event designed to raise awareness about basic disaster-survival skills. Still, while experts guarantee that a massive earthquake will hit the West Coast of the United States in the relatively near future, most residents have done little or nothing to prepare.

Secretary of the California Emergency Management Agency Matthew Bettenhausen said that it’s selfish and irresponsible for people not to prepare for the worst, as a large-scale crisis of any type will likely overwhelm the state. Writer and star of
Shaun of the Dead
Simon Pegg echoes Bettenhausen’s dire warning, stating that preparation is essential to survival in a zombie outbreak.
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When the dead walk the earth, who perishes and who stays alive will largely be determined by how well they prepared before disaster struck. Look around you right now. Do you have the ready tools, skills, and mental fortitude to survive over the long term if civilization collapses this instant? If not, you might want to think about making some changes or risk starving to death, dying of exposure, or being eaten alive by what used to be your best friend.

Recommended by disaster experts for use in the aftermath of everything from a devastating hurricane to a large-scale terrorist attack, a seventy-two-hour emergency kit, or bug-out bag (BOB), is a light and portable kit containing all of the essential items needed to survive for three days. When death comes knocking on your door, your BOB is meant to ensure that you don’t become a casualty in your own home or have to flee empty-handed.

On May 16, 2011, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued their official zombie outbreak preparedness guidelines, emphasizing the importance of having a well-stocked emergency kit. With a focus on the basics of food, water, and shelter, the CDC lists items that should be included in your BOB:

Water (one gallon per person per day)

Food (stock up on nonperishable items that you eat regularly)

Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)

Tools and supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery-powered radio, etc.)

Sanitation and hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)

Clothing and bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)

Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate, to name a few)

First-aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)

If things get really bad, you may not need your passport or driver’s license anymore. The tent poles of modern civilization, like national border security and traffic laws, may already be out the window. But the CDC list does a good job of covering the basics.

Other useful items include water purification tablets, a reliable fire starter, and weapons just in case.
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Though seventy-two hours of self-sufficiency is thought to be enough in more common catastrophes, a zombie outbreak that results in complete societal collapse will likely rule out the possibility of any rescue within three days, three months, or even three years. A BOB for zombie survival should therefore hold enough reserves for at least a week, buying enough time to scavenge for other resources or begin to move from one safe place to another.

The trick is to strike a balance between your bag’s form and its function. Too much gear packed inside makes it impossible to wear for long periods while accomplishing basic daily tasks. Too little, and your BOB is rendered useless in many situations.

What’s more, a bedroom closet full of weapons, water, and other essentials does little good when zombies attack you at your work across town or swarm your car stuck in rush-hour traffic. You probably don’t plan to carry a BOB with you at all times in anticipation of the coming plague, but consider having several stashed in various locations just in case.