Ex-girl to the Next Girl (15 page)

Chapter
25

I
was so scared to meet up with Darius—I don't know why I was nervous. I changed my clothes three times. I wanted to be completely covered. I didn't want his wife to get the wrong impression. I didn't need her thinking I was trying to get with Darius. All I wanted him to do was take care of his child and possibly be a part of his life.

 

 

We dropped Kayden off with my mother. She questioned what I was doing. I told her I was just spending a few hours with Kevin alone. I didn't want her to try to talk me out of meeting up with Darius. We drove down Interstate 95 to Silver Spring, Maryland. The trees were green and the ride was taking forever. We were meeting him after a church service at a Chinese buffet near the church where he was the visiting pastor. I had tried to block all of the memories of him out of my head. I explained everything to Kevin as best I could. He was excited to meet his father, and full of questions.

I had forgot what he looked like, and every black man I saw with a suit on, I wondered if it was him. Darius approached us. He looked different—his waist had expanded a few inches. I hadn't seen Darius since that night, but I could see the resemblance with him and Kevin. His wife was an older woman with gold-framed glasses and short hair.

“Hello, Kim,” he said.

“Hi.”

“Let me introduce you to my wife, Jocelyn.”

“Nice to meet you,” she said.

“This is your father, Kevin,” I said as I nudged him toward Darius.

“My father,” he said, confused and creeping back toward me.

“Yes, your father.” He gave him a hug.

“Are you ready to eat?” We all went to the buffet and then came back to a table and sat down.

“So what sports do you like?” Darius asked Kevin.

“I like all kinds of sports. I like baseball and I really like basketball. My mom said I have to go to college first, but when I finish college then I can get drafted by the NBA.” Darius's wife laughed and joined in the conversation.

“So, Kevin, do you like school?” she asked while nibbling on General Tso's chicken.

“Yeah, it's okay. I hate my teacher, though—she is mean. She is not like my teacher before, Ms. Ellerbe. She was nice. She used to let us color, but this teacher makes us read all this reading.” They listened intently as Kevin chattered on about school, his dog I won't let him have, and his baby brother, Kayden.

“So, are you married, Kim?” Jocelyn asked.

“No, never married,” I said, smiling slightly uncomfortably. I still didn't want the woman to think I was after her man.

After dinner they walked us to the car so we all could finish talking. When it was time to leave, Darius said that he was moving to Maryland and that he would like to start a relationship with Kevin. “When can we get him?”

“Let's move slow—this is all so new to us. I want you to be able to bond, but I want to be able to talk to him about what's going on.”

“I understand,” he said. “When you are ready let us know.”

“I will.”

“Well, it was a pleasure,” Jocelyn said as I went to shake her hand, but she hugged me.

“Oh, what about the paternity test?” I asked as they walked away.

“It's not necessary—he looks just like his sisters. I can't wait to introduce them,” Jocelyn said. “Again, it was a pleasure meeting you. Darius, I'll be in the ladies' room.”

Darius said okay, and when she walked away, he looked at Kevin, then at me, and said, “Kimberly, we didn't know each other back then. I used to do so many drugs. I have been clean for about seven years. I found God, and I just changed my life. What I'm saying is, if I hurt you, I am so sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” I said as I grabbed Kevin's hand and walked away. “I'll call you.” On the way home, Kevin dozed off from the ride. I cried one more time. I was relieved Kevin had his father.

 

 

It was Sunday, and Andrew wanted to take me to the movies. We had been e-mailing and talking on the phone. He was constantly out of town. I told him I would try to call him back and let him know. Kevin would be staying with Ryan, and I did want to get out of the house. So I called Malik's sister, Nadia, because she said she would watch Kayden for me. I scrolled through my cell phone phonebook and dialed her number. She picked the phone up.

“Hey, how are you, Nadia? It's me Kim.”

“Hey, girl. How are you? How's my little nephew?”

“He's fine. I'm fine. Um, I was wondering if you could watch him for a few hours.”

“Sure, I can. Come to my mother's house. That's where I'll be.”

“All right—see you around four.”

I dropped Kevin off at Karen's house—he was happy to see Ryan.

“What time are you coming to get him?”

“Early—before noon. Why?”

“Because I got somewhere to go in the morning.”

“Where?” I asked.

“None of your business.”

“Since it is none of my business, I might come back tonight. I'm only going to the movies. I'll be back.”

“Just make sure you pick him up.”

“I will,” I said. I had just saved Karen's ass—now she was back to getting smart. She is one of those people who are only nice when she needs you.

“Just call me and let me know what you're going to do.”

 

 

I pulled up to Ms. Gloria's apartment. I saw Nadia's Oldsmobile station wagon.

“Hey, baby, you look great,” she said as she came out and grabbed Kayden out of my arms. Nadia came over with a green t-shirt that read “Free Pedro,” blue Diesel jeans, and long braids. I sat on the brown tweed sofa. Nadia's daughters were screaming and chasing each other around the living room.

“So how are you taking everything?” Nadia asked as she sat next to me, reaching for my hand to hold.

“Taking what?” I asked, confused and snatching my hand away from her.

“Malik getting married to that skank? I know you was mad. I would have been, because I was mad for you,” she said, standing and putting her hand on her hip.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, staring at her.

“You don't know, do you?” she asked, realizing she gave up a little too much information. She looked over at me and said, “I thought you knew. Oh, I'm so, so sorry.”

“Nadia, you talk too much,” Ms. Gloria yelled at her.

Thinking fast, I said, “Ms. Gloria, I know about Malik getting married. I heard all about that.”

“You did?” Ms. Gloria asked, surprised that I knew.

“Mmm. Yeah, and I feel okay as long as he's happy,” I said as I cracked a smile.

“Whew, for a moment there I thought you didn't know,” Nadia said, flicking her braids off her shoulder.

“We aren't together anymore, and I'm not thinking about your brother.”

“I know that's right. I wouldn't be thinking about him, either.”

“Well, I have to go. Here is Kayden's stuff,” I said as I got up to leave.

 

 

I walked out of the apartment. I made it right to the front door before I starting bawling. My whole chest became tight. I couldn't breathe. Tears streamed fast down my face. I thought I was over Malik, but I guess I'm not. I guess I still love Malik. I don't want to love him, but I love him—we had our family and we made a life together. I got in my car and drove off. My nose was dripping just as fast as my eyes. I could taste the salty taste in my mouth. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw my eyes were becoming red. I didn't know what to think. I tried to wipe my eyes dry. It wasn't working. I needed a tissue. I checked the glove box and under the seats. I had none. In the backseat was a box of diaper wipes. I took a few out and wiped my nose and eyes. I blew my nose into the soft, wet wipe.
It was okay when he was just dating that bitch, but he married her. He fucking married that bitch. She is his wife now. I was supposed to be his wife. I put all those years in with him, I gave him a son, and he went and married her. I just can't believe it. I wanted to call him, but I couldn't—he might be with her.
He had been helping me with Karen, and I thought we were getting along. I thought we were working on being friends. I was letting my son go with him and everything. He could have told me he got married. I would have still let him get the baby. I wanted him to be honest with me. I know he lived with her and had started a new life. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought Malik would come back to me. I thought he might get tired of her and just come running back. At first I would have made him beg, and then, after several months of trying to persuade me, I would have accepted his apology, but now that is not going to happen. He is married and that bitch probably thinks she won. But she didn't win shit. I looked back in the mirror—my eyes were officially red. My time alone had been ruined. Instead of meeting up with Andrew, I found myself in front of my mother's door. I ran in the front door, my neckline soaked with tears.

“What's the matter? Calm down!”

“Mommy, he married her. Malik is married!” I sobbed as my mother took me in her arms and guided me to the sofa. My mother couldn't say anything—she continued to hold me. Her hugging made me let everything out. Then she tried to wipe my face for me. I felt embarrassed. My mother wiping my face like I was a little girl, but I couldn't stop crying.

“Mom, he left me, then he married her. He was supposed to marry me.”

“It's going to be okay,” she said, patting my back.

“Mom, no, it's not okay. I feel awful,” I said as I tried to get myself together and sniffled through the stream of tears.

“Don't you do it, Kim. Don't you let that lowlife son of a bitch take your glory. Let that bitch have him. He's not worth it.”

“He was supposed to marry me, Mom. Not her. I am supposed to be his wife,” I cried.

“So what? He married her, but one thing is true—a leopard don't change its spots. What he did to you, he will do to her. You do dirt, you get dirt.”

“I know. I know. He's going to get his,” I said.

My mother got off the sofa and got me a paper towel from the kitchen. I felt so empty. I just sat there, frozen, on my mother's sofa. I was oblivious to the loud ringing of my cell phone. I looked at the phone—it was Andrew. I didn't answer. A few seconds later, my phone beeped, letting me know I had a message.

“Is that Malik?” my mother asked.

“No, my date,” I said, trying to regain my composure.

“Why didn't you answer?”

“Because I don't feel like talking to anyone or going anywhere.”

“I think you should go out. Your life does not end or begin with Malik. You don't have the children. You look nice—go out and have a good time. Kim, you will feel so much better. If you stay here, you are going to feel bad.”

“You're right, Mom. But I can't—I look and feel a mess. Look at my clothes.”

“All you have to do is go upstairs and wash your face with some cold water, and when you go outside, the air will make your eyes clear up.”

I took a deep breath and went upstairs to the bathroom and washed my face. Andrew called again and again. I pushed his calls to voice mail each time. My phone rang again. This time I answered.

“Where are you?” Andrew asked.

“I'm sorry—something came up,” I lied.

“So, do you still want to meet up?”

“Yes, I do. I could be there in, like, ten minutes. I looked down at my watch and corrected myself and said thirty minutes.

I met Andrew at the Loews Theater in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. It was just across the Benjamin Franklin Bridge, fifteen minutes away from Philly. It was easy to get to and nobody would see us. There was a mixed crowd—neither of us would feel out of place. When I arrived he was already there. I thought being with Andrew would make me feel better, but it didn't, I was questioning everything about him, my life, Malik, my kids. For some reason, Andrew looked like an extra-white boy today. And that upset me. He had on khakis and a red polo shirt with the collar semi-up. His brown curls looked lighter, close to blond and his complexion looked paler. I wanted him to be able to pass for at least a light Puerto Rican man. But he was who he was. It might have been all in my mind. He greeted me with a warm hug. I pulled back, because people would see us and think we were a couple. I turned around to see if anyone was watching. Nobody paid us any mind. He handed me my ticket and we walked toward the concession stand.