Ex-girl to the Next Girl (18 page)

“Are you okay, Ms. Clark?” I regained my composure.

“What is wrong with you two?” I said as I held my eye. We pulled them out of the classroom.

“Nothing, Ms. Clark. I'm sorry—are you okay? She likes Mannie and he was talking to me and she got in my face asking about him—he is
my
boyfriend,” Sharaya said.

“No, he's not. He likes
me
,” Natasha said.

Security came and they escorted me to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. I was a little dizzy and my face hurt.

Mrs. Meyers took over my class. I walked to the nurse's office. My head was ringing a little, but I felt okay.

The nurse saw my eye and she gasped and said, “Let me get an ice packet.” I had to get a look at my eye. “Did you get attacked?” she asked as she handed me the ice pack.

“No, they were fighting.”

“Miss Clark, are you okay?” Mr. Mitchell asked, running into the nurse's office.

“Yes, I'm fine.”

“No, you're not. Look at your eye. It is closed shut.”

I got off the nurse's table and looked at myself in the mirror. My right eye was sealed shut like a boxer's after losing a match.

“I can not have one of my teachers assaulted. I'm calling the police. They both will be arrested.”

“No, no, just suspend them. They didn't mean it. It was an accident. They were fighting over a boy.”

“What boy?”

“Mannie Turner.”

“He is getting suspended, too! Ms. Clark, take the rest of the day off. Call us tomorrow and tell us how you feel.”

I called Malik to see if he could come and get me. “Malik, can you pick me up from school?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, it is a long story. If you can't do it, I will call my aunt.”

“No, I'll be right there.”

I retrieved my things from the classroom. “I want you guys to finish reading chapter twenty-four and answer the study questions.”

Malik called my cell phone to let me know he was outside. As soon as he saw me, he said, “What happened to you?”

“I was trying to stop a fight.”

“You should have told me to bring you a piece of steak. You are still beautiful,” he said as he kissed my forehead and carried my belongings to the car. “Who popped you in your eye?”

“Two students fighting over a boy.”

“He must be something special,” he said.

“No, not really.” I didn't want to laugh. I just wanted to get home and try to stop my eye from swelling or blackening. Malik took me home and ran my bath water for me. I soaked and went to the pharmacy to get me some Tylenol. When I came out of the tub, he dried me off and held a cold compress on my head until I fell asleep.

M
alik asked if he could he watch Kayden. I was allowing Kayden to go because it was only overnight. If I was over him, I would let Kayden go, I told myself. And I was over Malik—I was going on with my life. I overpacked Kayden's baby bag. Malik told me to have him ready by three. When Malik rang my bell, Kayden would be ready to go. That way there would be no awkwardness, or long conversations. No
how's it going?
No time to stare and wonder
what if
. Just,
here is the baby, have a nice day.

 

 

Malik showed up exactly at three. He had on jeans and an olive green shirt and dark blue faded jeans. He actually looked handsome.

He smiled and I said, “Here is his milk, diapers, and snacks, and you need his car seat.”

I walked to my car and got the car seat. He put it in his car and I looked down at the shiny gold band on Malik's hand. It was official. I saw it with my own eyes—Malik was married. He was forever gone from my life. I had to be a big person and let it go. My life with Malik was over.

I had the entire house to myself for twenty-four hours. Kevin was with Karen for Ryan's sleepover for his birthday. The house was so quiet without the boys. I missed them, but I needed to be taking the opportunity to relax. I called and left a message for Andrew to see if he wanted to get together. Maybe we could do another movie. I sat around, doing nothing, finding things to do around the house. I couldn't stop wondering if my baby was okay. I called Malik's phone to check on Kayden, but he didn't answer. So I left him a message. “Malik, this is Kim. Make sure he eats and make sure he has enough to drink.” I tried to take a nap. I lay in the bed and pulled the covers over my head. I couldn't fall asleep, so I left Andrew another message. Then I went into the basement and put a load of laundry in. After that I decided I would drive to Wal-Mart to see if I needed anything. I know I didn't, but I was bored. I always have the boys—now that I didn't have them, I didn't know what to do. In Wal-Mart they were having a sale on towels. And they had name-brand cereal for $2.50 a box. That was a good deal. I was twenty-eight years old, becoming excited about sales at Wal-Mart. This is so sad, I thought. I unloaded all my bags into my trunk and the phone rang.

“Hey, Kim—what's going on? I didn't check my messages.” I was so happy he called me.

“Andrew, I wanted to see if you wanted to hook up and go out.”

“I would love to, but I have Cee with me, but how about you come over? I can order us something to eat.”

“Oh, no. I don't want to intrude. You have your daughter. We'll get together some other time,” I said, disappointed.

“You won't be intruding—she is taking her bath, about to go to bed. She will be asleep.”

“Okay, I'll come over for a little while,” I said. He just didn't know he was about to save me from a night of boredom. Andrew gave me his address and I drove to his house. I was a little nervous. He opened the door and he gave me a hug. He took my jacket and we sat on the sofa.

“Where's your bathroom?” I asked.

“Straight up the steps.” I walked into the bathroom, passing his bedroom. His daughter, Cianni, was lying across the pillow. Her ponytails were longer and thicker than in her picture—she was a slightly tanner version of her father.

 

 

When I came down the steps, Andrew hugged me and said, “I missed you.” It took me by surprise, but I missed him a little, too, so I hugged back.

We watched a movie on HBO and Andrew brought me closer to him. He then began kneading my shoulders and back. His touch was so relaxing, it was sending me to sleep. I felt so at ease and safe in his arms that I closed my eyes for a little while but just as I got too comfortable I awoke and said, “What time is it? I'm going to get ready to get out of here.” I jumped up.

“Why? It's dark—just stay the night.”

“No, I can't—your daughter is here,” I protested.

“She won't be up until around nine. Stay until the morning.”

“I can't.”

“Kim, you can't leave—it is one in the morning. You fell asleep. You might as well finish sleeping—you need the rest. I promise you, I will have you out of here first thing in the morning,” he said. Andrew began to kiss me. His tongue went in and out of my mouth. His kisses were sweet, and tickled. He just held me and told me if I wanted to go home he would drive me, because he didn't want me out late at night.

“Please stay,” he said as he kissed me.

“Okay,” I said as I kissed him back. He turned the television off, and then held me until I went to sleep. I woke up to fluffy yellow eggs and cinnamon pancakes and a crook in my neck from sleeping on the sofa. Cianni was already eating her breakfast at the table. She stared at me. I felt nervous. I didn't want to meet her yet—it was too soon. If he introduced me to her, he would think I would introduce him to my children and that was not happening. I smiled at her, told Andrew I had to go, and left.

 

 

Nicole ran into my office. “It's Andrew,” she said.

“What are you doing when you get off work?” he asked.

“Picking the kids up.”

“Can I see you later?”

“I have to find a sitter,” I said.

“I'll come to your house,” he said.

“I have a lot of work.” I like Andrew but I couldn't let him come to the house, at least not yet.

“Kim, are you afraid one of your neighbors might see you with a white man? Kim, you know what? I'm having a lot of fun with you. I enjoy your company, but I'm starting to think me and you are not on the same page. We have been going out, doing a lot of talking, and you still haven't opened up to me. Why are you still holding back?”

“I'm not holding back. It's just—my oldest son, Kevin—my boys will be there.”

“I'll come over when they are asleep.”

“How about if they wake up? I don't want to confuse them.”

Before I could finish, Andrew stopped me and said, “Listen, Kim, when you decide what exactly it is you want, call me. Until then, have a nice life.”

 

 

Was Andrew right? Was I treating him like there was something wrong with him? There was nothing wrong with him. There was something wrong with me. I was acting very foolish. I liked him, but I was trying to find reasons not to like him. I'm going to let him come over and whatever happens will happen. He is who he is. I came home, fed the boys, let them play for a little while.

“Kevin, come get ready for bed,” I yelled.

“Mom, it's Friday!”

“You heard what I said—get ready for bed.” He turned off his PlayStation, and got in the bed. I put Kayden down, then took a shower. I kept constantly thinking about what Andrew said. He is white, and so what. He is nice, he treats me good, and he is very attentive. I mean, he isn't trying to be hip, and I'm not trying to be anything other than what I am. I mean, we really just connect. I don't care if he is white, I don't care what anyone else will say. I like him, and I called Andrew back. His phone rang four times before he answered.

“Hello.”

“Andrew, um I wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I have been treating you. So why don't you come over so we can talk.” Andrew coming over meant that we were really dating, but I didn't care. I couldn't deny him anymore.

 

 

Andrew called to tell me he was outside. I went to open the door.

“Where are your boys?”

“Asleep.”

“You know what you want now?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Good, because I know I want you,” he said as he kissed me and squeezed my shoulders.

“You are so tense. You need a massage.”

“Okay—we can go upstairs,” I said. I walked him to my room and lay on my bed. He took off his shoes. I pulled out baby oil. His smooth hands were soft as he rubbed oil in between my toes and poured a few drops of oil down the center of my back—then he took his index finger and slid it up and down my vertebrae and began massaging my shoulder caps and arms. After my massage was over, he began kissing my back; he then flipped me over and kissed my ears, neck, and shoulders. He lifted my shirt and pulled my bra up and took the oil and massaged my breasts. My nipples rose and melted at the touch of his hand. He placed himself on top of me and kissed my neck, then my ear again. He unfastened his pants and then mine. I didn't move. I was curious, scared and anxious. He pulled a condom out of his wallet and placed it on his member. He entered me and spread my legs so far apart that I thought they were going to break. He entered a region in my pelvis that had never been touched. It was so overwhelming, so beautiful. I hadn't had sex in over a year, and somehow I don't remember it ever feeling like this. It was pleasure and pain. I tried to muffle my screams into the pillows. The last thing I wanted was Kevin knocking on my door, saying,
Mommy, what's wrong?
Andrew's lovemaking skills were incredible. I didn't want to let him go. I looked at him a little differently when it was over.

M
alik's new job was such a blessing. He stays at work real late but I don't care. I am so happy he is working. But now we are playing catch-up with our bills. So until then, I am so broke. I have learned that you can ride up to thirty miles on an empty gas tank. I am so tempted to ask Hicks what I needed to do to make five hundred extra a week. I really could use that money. I was so hungry—I had left my lunch at home, and the aroma from his food was creeping into my nose.

“Hey, Robinson—you okay?” Hicks asked.

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

“Did you eat?” His spaghetti smelled so good. My stomach was doing somersaults.

“No, not yet,” I said.

“You want something to eat?”

“No,” I said. I was so hungry, but I didn't want to let him know it.

“You sure?” he asked.

“Okay, I'll try a little.” I got a plate and ate a little. I felt more comfortable. I complimented him on his spaghetti and he told me he made it himself.

“You can have some more—I have a whole pot full.”

I grabbed a plate and took him up on his offer. “So tell me what you were talking about, when you said I can make money.”

“I'll talk to you about that later,” he said, a little agitated.

“Okay.”

The rest of the day was just like every day. The same people leaving jail. People coming in and out like a revolving door. Hicks told me he was going out for cigarettes and asked me did I want to take the ride with him. I took the ride and he closed the door and said, “First, let me tell you—you have to watch what you say and how you say it.”

“Sorry.”

“Naw, it's okay. So, here is how you make the money. It's like you have to see how you feel about things, right? All you have to do is go to the Wawa on Cottman Avenue and order hoagies. Come back up here, and I'm going to leave a box by the door. Just sit the hoagies in the boxes. and you can get fifty dollars.”

“That's it?”

“Yeah, that's it. And if you do that right, we will get into the other things with you. We are going to try it tomorrow.”

Before I came in to work, I went to buy the hoagies. I placed the sandwiches in the box and walked into the building. Hicks got ten dollars for two dollar hoagies. He gave me my fifty and told me he would let me know about other things.

 

 

It was sweet as hell, bringing in the sandwiches three times a week. At night, before the end of my shift, I would help Hicks collect the trash. He would mix in some real trash and he would take it out to the Dumpster himself. Hicks told me if I see a prisoner with food to turn my head and just do what I had to do to keep from looking suspicious unless there was a superior around. Next, Hicks wanted me to bring in cigarettes. They went for twenty dollars a pack. Loosie went for five. I brought in a carton and sold it for two hundred.

 

 

I was walking the floor, doing my rounds, when Riddick approached me and said, “Robinson, where is Hicks?”

“Up on Unit E.”

“What is he doing over there again? Tell Hicks to get his ass over here. Hicks been spending a lot of time in the women's unit.”

“Okay,” I said. I'd noticed it, too, but I didn't say anything. He always has me bring snacks and cigarettes to this one big, bone-white girl. Oh well, that was on him. I was making enough money to catch up on bills and treat myself.

 

 

Malik brought the baby over to spend the night. That little boy was full of energy, running around. I was so upset because I didn't have anywhere for that little boy to sleep.

“Malik, why didn't you ask me?”

“I have to ask you to bring my son over?”

“No, I didn't mean it like that. Why didn't you just let me know so I can have things ready for him? Like, where is he going to sleep?”

“With us.”

“He might fall out of the bed.”

“No, he won't—we will just put him between us.” Malik said, going up the steps. The phone rang—I thought it was Brian, saying he was outside, dropping Bree off. Instead it was Jarrod. “Malik there?” he asked.

“Hold on a minute. Malik, pick up the phone,” I yelled. “So, where you trying to get my husband to go?” I asked him, prying.

“I don't know yet,” he said. I knew he was covering for Malik. Before the conversation went any further, Malik picked up the cordless phone. I wished I could stay on the line and see what they were talking about.

Malik screamed, “Shonda, hang up—I got it.”

Bree ran through the door. She saw Kayden and dropped her bags and ran over to him. “Hi, Kayden,” she said, hugging him. “My dad said he'll bring the rest of my clothes home tomorrow, Mom.”

“I'll be right back,” Malik said putting on his coat as he came down the stairs.

“All right, how long you going to be?” I asked.

“Not long.”

An hour and a half had passed by and Malik wasn't back yet. Kayden was playing with Bree and still just getting into everything. I couldn't wait for Malik to get back to put his little ass to sleep. When he started getting whiny, I couldn't wait any more for Malik.

“Mom, can I help you give him a bath?”

“No, Bree, you have school tomorrow—go get ready for bed.” Bree brushed her teeth and washed her face and changed into her nightclothes.

“Good night, Mom.”

“Good night,” I said as I gave her a kiss good night and took Kayden's clothes off and ran his bathwater. He became instantly tired when the warm water touched him. He splashed the water and smiled at me. In his smile I saw glimpses of Malik. I dried him off and patted “Lil' Malik” to sleep and fell asleep with him.

Malik came in and me and the baby were asleep. “Thank you for putting him down. Look at you, being a good stepmom.”

Umm, I'm asleep,” I said drowsily. “Where were you?” I asked as Malik got in the bed with us.

“With Heather and Jarrod—they getting married, and he is trying to sell his place. I'm going to be helping him move.”

“That's nice,” I said as I went back to sleep.

Kayden began kicking me. I moved over to the right, and so did that little boy. He kicked me again. He was such a wild sleeper. Malik was knocked out and wasn't bothered by Kayden's tossing and turning at all. I, on the other hand, could not go to sleep. I finally got frustrated and decided to go downstairs to get some rest on the sofa. At least, I
thought
I was going to sleep on my sofa. Instead I saw Omar had some dirty young girl, watching television with the lights out. I made eye contact with him, rolled my eyes, and went to lie in Bree's bed with her.