Existing (20 page)

I shrug. “I can’t remember.”

“Oh come on, Rose. You’ve got to give me something here. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“Honestly,” I say
, slamming my locker shut. “I can’t remember. It wasn’t important.”

She leans her head back against the metal and grins at me. “Well, just in case you do like him and think something happened between him and Gabriella
, I’m telling you nothing happened.”

“How do you know?” I accuse.

“He told us and I’d believe him over Gabriella, even if Greg didn’t back his story up.”

We start to walk toward
Anatomy as Rob saunters up in front of us. “Morning, girls.”

“Get out of our way,” Charlotte
growls. “I don’t know how you can show your face. How is that bruise, by the way?”

He sighs.
“Yeah, about that. I’m really sorry, Rose. I was drunk.”

“Forget it,” I snap,
pushing past him.

“Don’t be like that
,” he calls from behind us.

“Ignore him,” Charlotte huffs. “Cabe came to your rescue anyway
, didn’t he?”

I glance up and see her smirking at me. I shake my head at her and her curious eyes but find myself smiling anyway.

“Rose,” she says quietly before we walk into class. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “I’m fine.”

“If you do ever want to talk, I’m here, okay? I know we’ve haven’t been friends for long but I’m a good friend to have, and I don’t just mean because I know everyone. I can keep secrets you know, if you ever want to spill to me about anything.”

I nod. “I hear you. Thanks.”

“Cool,” she smiles, “let’s go and drool over Mr. Parker.”

What the
hell was all over her back? First a black eye and now a battered back. I don’t even know what it was that I saw. Scratches and scabs, but I have no idea what could have done that. It couldn’t have been anyone’s fingernails because the gashes were too wide and there were too many of them.

As I walk to class
, I spot Ashley hanging around by his locker and he’s alone. I take a deep breath and walk towards him. This isn’t like me so I’m not sure if there’s a proper way of doing this, but whatever, he’ll just have to deal with it.

“Ashley,” I call
when it looks like he’s about to walk off somewhere else. He stops and turns around and his eyes widen. He’s either surprised or scared. I’m not sure which I’d prefer him to be.

“Yes?”
he says. His voice is calm, giving nothing away about what he’s thinking.

“Can I have a word, please?”

He smiles easily at me. “Sure.”

I
nod towards the doorway to the hall. Ashley nods and walks in front of me towards the door. When he gets there, he casually leans against the wall, looking amused.

“I’m going to get straight to the point,” I say
and he nods. “Are you fucking with Rose?”

He
laughs. If he’s laughing at me, I might just have to fracture my immaculate school record and deck the shit out of him.

“Well,
that was certainly to the point,” he muses.

I stare at him, waiting
to see what his answer will be.

“No,”
he says. “I am not fucking Rose in any capacity.”

I raise my eyebrows at him
. “How many capacities are there?”

He shrugs. “Two
, I guess. Fucking with her head or fucking her. Either way, it’s a no on both accounts.”

I take a deep breath. “Good.”

“Can I be as direct and ask you a question now?” he asks.

I nod.

“Are you fucking Gabriella?”

I huff. “No.”

“Not at all?” he questions, looking at me sceptically.

I shake my head. “No.
Definitely not.”

“Well,” he sighs. “That’s what Rose thought
, and even though she won’t admit it or even tell me what you two were talking about, I noticed that it bothered her. Whatever happened on that beach, Gabriella was involved and Rose saw it. It bothered her and what I was doing with her on Friday night was trying to cheer her up. She doesn’t need you fucking with her head.”

“I’m not fucking with her head,” I say defensively. “Why would you think that?”

“Well, why would you think I was?” he counters.

“You went into a room with her at a party and came out half-naked with cream all over your tits.”

“They’re not tits,” he deadpans. “They’re pectoral muscles and very well defined ones, actually.”

Are we really talking about how toned he is? This guy is weird.

“Listen,” he says. “I thought I knew what sort of guy you were, but that stunt you pulled with Gabriella threw me off. I need to know that you’re not messing with Rose.”

How has the conversation
flipped one-eighty like this? It was supposed to be me warning him to not mess about with her. Not the other way around.

“I didn’t pull a stunt,” I tell him. “I took Rose onto the beach to talk to her and to get her out of that house and away from the wankers that were in there.”

“Wankers?” he repeats with a smile.

I ignore him and carry on. “When I was out there with her
, Gabriella just charged at me and sat on top of me. Before I could even push her off, Rose had stormed off and I never got a chance to explain myself to her.”

“Really?” he asks. “She just charged at you and sat on you?”

I nod. “Yes.”

“Why would she do that?”

I shrug. “Well, apparently she fancies me and that’s just how she behaves.”

“Fancies you?” he asks, blinking at me.

I can feel myself getting embarrassed. I hate talking about myself and I’m really not one of those guys that thinks that every chick wants to kiss me. I hear myself sigh and briefly close my eyes. “She thinks I’m hot.”

He keeps his mouth in a hard straight line and thankfully doesn’t laugh. “Can I ask why you’re asking me?”

I sigh. “I don’t really know,” I tell him honestly. “I just didn’t want you hurting her. She looks like she’s hurting enough as it is.”

“She is,” he says confidently. I wonder how much he knows.

“Something isn’t right,” I say, not wanting to give too much away.

He nods. “I’m just trying to be a friend to her. One that doesn’t bombard her with questions or
one that makes her feel uncomfortable. I just want her to be able to trust me so that if she ever needs to talk or anything, then she’ll know that she can come to me.”

“Okay,” I say, accepting his explanation.

“And,” he continues, “I wouldn’t fuck Rose anyway.”

I raise my eyebrows at him, wondering what it is about her that he doesn’t like. I haven’t spoken to a single guy yet that doesn’t think Rose is hot.
“Why not?” I ask.

“Because I’m gay.”

My eyes snap onto his face. Is he shitting me?

“Gay?” I repeat. “You’re actually gay?”

“Yes,” he says. “What is it that you Brits say?”

I shrug. Apparently we say a lot of weird stuff.

“I know,” he says, holding his finger up. “I’m as bent as a nine bob note.”

I try not to smile but it doesn’t work. Instead, I end up laughing and clapping him on the back.

I watch as she
walks stiffly into class with Charlotte, but she purposely ignores me.

“Dude!” says Riley, leaning back in his chair. “What the fuck went on with you two at the party?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t give me that shit. You turn
ed down Gabriella, even though you said you’d do her. You snuck off with the hot-but-weird Roisin, and then you don’t speak to me all weekend.”

“Gabriella pissed me off,” I tell him. “I was talking to Rose on the beach and she just decided to attack me, practically assaulting me in the process, and then went and told
everyone that she’d slept with me.”

“Did she?” he asks.
“Did you?”

“No. She’s a bitch.”

“You told me that you’d do her,” he reminds me.

“I know,” I say. “I didn’t mean it.”

He stops rocking in his chair and turns to look at me. “What the fuck? Why?”

I shrug. “I was trying to get you to shut up.”

He raises his eyebrows at me. I can see him arguing with himself about which line of questions to go with. Thankfully, he picks the easier one. “What were you doing on the beach with Rose?”

“Just talking to her.”

“About what?” he asks, smiling.

I shrug. “We were just talking.”

“But you never talk to a girl.”

“I know,” I reply.

“I’m gonna start calling you Curious Cabe.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Whatever.”

“You haven’t asked me what
I
got up to at the party,” he says.

I sigh. “What did you do at the party?”

He grins. “I only went and bagged Courtney Rivers.”

I stare at hi
m. Courtney Rivers is the choir-singing, chess-playing virgin. “Get lost,” I say in disbelief.

“I’m being serious,” he says. “I’ve always told you that it’s the quiet ones that are the dirty little-“

“Cabe and Riley, would you like to share your conversation with the whole class?” asks Mr Parker.

I lower myself down in my seat and Riley turns back around in his chair to face the front.

“Well?” Mr Parker asks.

“I think it would make you blush, Mr Parker,” says Riley.

I can’t help but smile at him and his downright stupidity.

“Detention.
The pair of you,” Mr Parker tells us.

Riley starts to protest, but Mr Parker cuts him off and ploughs right into the lesson
.

The morning is dragging as I take my seat in Algebra on Tuesday. I didn’t get much sleep again last night and can feel the bags under my eyes. I tried to apply concealer, but I’m not very good with make-up. Maybe I should ask Charlotte for some tips, I think, as my eyes fall on Cabe and the smile on his face as he walks into class chatting with another boy. I lower my head and pretend to flip through my textbook. When I feel the chair move beside me, I glance up and find myself staring at the boy that has started to take my breath away.

“Good
morning,” he says smoothly in his deep voice.

“Morning,” I mumble. I look to the front to try and avoid staring at him and that face of his. He pulls his books and pens out of his bag and places them down carefully onto the table. His arm b
rushes against mine when he pulls it back and a bolt of electricity flies so fast up my arm that I jump.

“Are you okay?”
he asks.

I nod, not trusting my voice if I were to open my mouth.

“Where did you used to live?”

I frown at him. Why is he bothering to ask me questions again?

He smiles. “I’m making conversation, Rose,” he says as if he heard my question. “Where have you moved from?”

I roll my eyes. “Utah,” I whisper at the same time that the teacher walks into the room and I fix my eyes on him.

“I already know that. Whereabouts in Utah?”

“Why do you want to know?”
I counter.

I hear him laugh at the side of me. “I’m curious about you.”

“Well, don’t be,” I say, sounding more annoyed than I intended. “There’s nothing interesting about me at all.”

“Oh
, I disagree,” he whispers into my ear, causing me to shiver. “I think you’re very interesting.”

“I’m sure Gabriella is
much more interesting than I am. Why don’t you go and sit next to her?”

H
e stiffens. “Nothing happened. I thought you knew that. And why does it bother you so much anyway?”

“It doesn’
t,” I snap. “You asking me questions bothers me.”

“Why?” he asks, sounding even more curious than he was before. “What is it that you don’t want me to know
, Rose?”

I finally allow myself to look at him and feel my breath catch in my throat.
He is heart-meltingly gorgeous, even if I won’t admit it to Charlotte.

“I don’t know.” I shake my head. “I mean
, there isn’t anything
to
know.”

He slouches down in his seat and twirls his pen around in his fingers. “What happened to your back?”

I freeze. “Nothing.”

He shakes his head. “Please don’t lie to me. What I saw on your back was not
nothing. It looked painful. What happened?”

“It’s fine. Why do you want to know?”
I ask, curious to see if he’ll tell me why he’s started to question me all of a sudden.

“Because I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Well, don’t,” I huff. I’m aware that I sound rude and don’t want to offend him when I know that all he is doing is making sure I’m alright. “I fell,” I whisper, “nothing more.”

He raises his eyebrows
at me. “What, like you fell and hurt your eye too?”

“Yes,” I sigh, feeling exhausted, “just like that. Can you please stop asking me about it now?”

“What did you fall on?”

I snap my head around to him. “What?”

“I think you heard me,” he says sternly, sitting himself up in his seat. “What did you fall on?”

“I, u
m,” I stammer, trying to think of something in the house that would cause injuries like mine but can’t think of anything. “I don’t know,” I finally sigh.

He frowns. “You don’t know?”

I shake my head. “I was drunk.”

“You weren’t even properly drunk at the party
, Rose, and unless your Dad was having a party when you got in, then I very much doubt you were drunk. Why are you lying?”

“Okay
class!”

I sigh in relief as the teacher finally calls the class to order. Cabe shoots a glance at me and narrows his eyes. Why, of all the people, is he the only one being suspicious and asking questions as if he doesn’t believe what I’m saying?

Throughout the lesson, Cabe’s arm brushes against mine and each and every single time, warmth spreads through my blood like a disease and into my veins. When I peek at the clock and realize it’s nearly time for the lesson to end, I start to pack up. The second the bell rings, I push up out of my seat and walk as quickly as my injured knee will let me out of the class and away from Cabe.

After lunch
, I have baseball practice as part of the standard physical education lessons that I can’t get out of. I hate baseball. I’m really crap with anything that requires hand-eye coordination. Unless it’s swimming or track, then I’m always going to be the worst in class.

I stand in the
batter’s box, holding the bat so firmly that I can see my knuckles turning white. My eyes roam around the field and I see Charlotte waving at me from out in center field.

“Come on
, Rose,” calls Cora from the side. “We need a home run!”

I laugh. “You’ll be lucky if I hit the ball, never mind get a home run.”

“Oh, come on,” she laughs, “you can’t be that bad.”

“Wanna bet?” I call
, as I swing at the ball that’s flying through the air directly toward me.

“Strike!”

I turn and frown at Rob, who is squatting down beside me. “What?” he says, pushing his catcher’s mask up. “I’m just doing my job.”

I sigh and turn back around. I s
queeze my hand tighter and take a few practice swings before the ball comes hurtling through the air again.

“Strike two!”

I ignore Rob and how enthusiastic he seems to be at my terrible swing.

“Come on
, Rose, you can do better than that!”

“I can’t,” I say as my eyes fall on a figure in the distance with his fingers hooped through the linked
fence. Cabe grins when he sees that I’ve spotted him. I take a deep breath and straighten my posture. I don’t take my eyes off him as the ball leaves the pitcher’s hands. He shakes his head when I first think about swinging, which makes me stop in my tracks. Two seconds later when I’m on the verge of closing my eyes because of how close the spinning ball is to my face, he nods. I close my eyes and swing. The bat vibrates in my hands, causing them to wobble and a loud crack pierces my ear drum.

“Run
, Rose! Run!” my team-mates call out.

I throw the bat down and sprint around the field. I can hear everyone
on my team calling my name as I pass second base. I spy a fielder picking my ball up and pump my arms as fast as I can. The adrenaline surges around my body, making the pain in my knee dull enough for me to hobble quickly around the field. I know I’m going to regret it afterwards as I run across home plate.

“Yes!” cries Cora.
“Home run!”

I pant and hobble onto the benches.

“Well done,” she says, patting my shoulder. “We’ll have another one of them next time you’re up.”

I sigh
, rubbing my knee. I’m not sure I can run on this again.

Her eyes widen when they take i
n my swollen, red knee. “Oh my God. I can’t believe you ran with that!”

“I know. Maybe I’ll strike out next time.”

She grins. “No, you won’t. You’re far too competitive to do that.”

I watch the rest of my team take
their turns at bat. Just as I’m on deck, Coach blows his whistle. Everyone runs off the field toward the changing rooms. I smile at Charlotte as she jogs toward me.

“You did
good,” she says breathlessly.

“Thanks.”

“I saw you looking at Cabe.”

I roll my eyes. “I just noticed someone standing there. I didn’t
realize it was him until the very last minute.”

She laughs. “It’s okay to like him
, Rose, just so long as you prepare yourself for rejection. I’ve told you he doesn’t seem to want to date anyone.”

“I’ll try to remember that, t
hanks,” I say sarcastically.

She stops and gently touches my arm. “Do you like him?”

“Why does it matter if I do or don’t?”

She shrugs. “It doesn’t, but sometimes it’s nice to just admit it to someone.”

“Even if I did,” I say, holding my hand up as Charlotte starts to grin, “I can’t go there with him anyway.”

“Why not?
What if he likes you?”

I sigh. “I can’t go there with anyone
, Charlotte. I never will.”

“You never have?”

I take a deep breath. I don’t want to go into this with her. Instead of telling her the truth and listening to her shoot even more questions at me, I shake my head.

“You’re a virgin?”
she clarifies, looking shocked.

I look around quickly
, making sure no one else has heard. “Yes,” I lie. And just like all of the others I’ve told, it slips smoothly out of my mouth. I don’t even care that I should probably be embarrassed about it, or that she might tell people and they’ll laugh at me. It’s better than the alternative.

“Hey,” she calls as I attempt to storm away from her. “Don’t be like that
, Rose. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Then
why are you looking at me like that?”

She blinks. “Like what?”

“Like I’ve just told you I’ve got five hands or something.”

“I’m sorry,” she says
, looking concerned. “I didn’t mean to. I was just shocked, that’s all. You’re gorgeous. I’ve heard all the guys saying that they think you’re hot.”

I laugh. “I don’t think so.”

“Seriously,” she says, “and I don’t just think it’s just because you’re new.”

“Well, like I sa
id, I can’t go there.”

“Why not?”
she asks, clearly confused.

“I can’t. Just stop it
, please.”

She shakes her head. “I really don’t understand how someone as pretty as you hasn’t had a boyfriend. Weren’t the boys interested in you at your old school?”

“No, not at all.”

“I don’t understand
, Rose.”

“I
’m sorry,” I say. “I’m not explaining this very well. I just don’t date. It’s that simple.”

“It isn’t though, is it?
Even Sandra, the school nerd who wears big thick glasses and metal braces, dates.”

I raise my eyebrows
at her.

“I’m being serious,” she says. “She’s dating
Benji from the chess club.”

“Good for Sandra and
Benji,” I say as I enter the changing room. 

“Rose,” she says. “I’m struggling to handle this latest revelation
, even more than the wondering I’ve been doing about how you got those marks on your back and the black eye last week.”

I stop and turn to see her concerned face staring right at me, waiting for an answer. I shak
e my head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you. Not yet anyway.” I shrug. “I’ll tell you one day, but please don’t ask me to tell you today.”

She huffs but accepts my answer and
then quickly undresses and steps into the showers.

I hate that my little girl can’t have a normal life because of Hallie. It’s not just the beatings; it’s everything else that Roisin feels because of them. She can’t date because she’s worried someone will get too close to her, or that she’ll be in a situation where they may see the marks on her body and start asking questions. She never had friends because of this, and I can see the worry etched across her face each day she makes more friends at her new school, but I’m so glad she’s decided to give friends a try and I hope she’ll ignore her worries and continue regardless of what may or may not happen. She needs to realize that friends are important, far more important than boys. Friends are the ones that’ll be there for you always. There’s never a guarantee with boys that they’ll stick around.

I’ve been watching Cabe Evans
, trying to figure out what game he’s playing with Roisin, if he is in fact playing one. His parents seem like nice, respectable people. I’ve watched Cabe, his parents, and his four brothers sitting around a table and eating good meals on more than one occasion. They’re polite with one another, each of them seeming like they find each other’s lives interesting. I think his mother is a lawyer or judge, but definitely something to do with the law, and his Father is a CEO of a small media company. Judging by the size of their house and the expensive cars that line the long driveway, it looks like they are more than comfortable when it comes to money.