Existing (39 page)

“Why?”
I ask.

He shrugs.
“Because it’s naughty. Bacon, eggs, sausages, and stuff.”

“Naught?”
I ask.

He grins at me and nods. “Unhealthy, I guess you’d say.”

I nod. “I see.” I can’t help but notice that the atmosphere between us seems a little tense, and I don’t know if it’s because we slept in the same bed. Maybe we’ve crossed some sort of invisible line or maybe it’s just because he’s going away. I take a deep breath and watch him as he runs his finger around the edge of his glass. I can tell he’s itching to ask me something, but instead of asking me whatever it is that’s on his mind, he stands up and clears the plates from off the table.

“I’ll do that,” I say, as I move toward the sink. “You cooke
d, so the least I can do is clean up.”

He dumps the plates into the dishwasher and sighs. “Are you sure
you’re okay? Because I probably should go and get my stuff together for our holiday.”

I nod. “I’m sure.”

As I’m wiping the counter down, I can hear his footsteps as he walks across the bedroom above me and feel a sadness in my chest that makes me feel like I’m being squeezed from behind. I rinse out the frying pan, the baking dish, and the cutting board, and stack them behind the dishes in the dishwasher. As I’m leaning down to put detergent in the dishwasher, I hear him walking down the stairs.

“Do you wan
t to tell me about that dream?” he asks, walking back into the kitchen.

I push the door closed and hear the whirl of the water start up as I shake my head. “I can’t remember it now.”

He half frowns. “Honest? You were really upset.”

I step toward him
, trying to keep my face as clear and calm as possible. “I honestly can’t remember. People have nightmares all the time, don’t they?”

He narrows his eyes at me and then shakes his head and clears his face. He ho
lds his hand out and pulls me into him. “I guess they do. I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me.”

I nod.

“I wish you were coming with me,” he whispers. “I really don’t want to go.”

I breathe
in the scent of him, commit it to memory, and smile up at him. “You deserve to go and have fun with your brothers.”

He scratches his head and glances at his watch. “I have to go
, Rose.”

I nod. I feel his warm, soft lips press hard against my for
ehead. I close my eyes and feel his forehead against mine and then he’s gone. When I open my eyes, I think he’s just stepped away, but he’s actually gone. I walk slowly to the window, keeping out of view, and watch Cabe climb into his car, looking like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He pulls slowly away without another glance and then he’s gone.

I step back
, feeling like I’ve missed something. Why did he just leave like that? Did I say something wrong? Was it because I went to him in the middle of the night and got into his bed? I’m not sure. He’d put his arm around me last night and made me feel like he was happy that I was there.

I’m still standing with my back flat against the wall when my Dad pulls up in the driveway. He gets out the car and practically runs up the drive
way and into the house. His eyes widen when he sees me standing in the hallway.

“Rose.” He dumps his suit
case and briefcase onto the floor and rushes toward me, scooping me up in his arms. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”

I can see the tears wobbling in my eyes
, but I don’t want to tell my Dad about Cabe. I don’t want to tell him that I think I’ve ruined the only good thing I have in my life. Instead, I let him hold me until I know I need to say something. “I’ve just had enough, Dad. I’m bored.”

“Oh Rose,” he says, stroking the back of my head with his hand. “You’ve only got two more weeks and then you’re back at school.” He squeezes me tighter. “I never thought I’d ever be able to say that to you and know that you’d actually be looking forward to going.”

“Dad, don’t.”

He pulls back
and looks at me. “I mean it. It hurt to see you that way before. You weren’t living properly. You were just sort of….existing. You just got up, went to school, came home, and went back to sleep. I can’t tell you how much it hurt seeing you that way.” He squeezes me again, but this time it’s too much.

“Ouch.” I hold my side and step back with a half-
smile on my face so he knows he didn’t really hurt me. “I’m still a bit sore.”

“I’m so sorry. I completely forgot.” He looks as tired and as miserable as I feel. The bags under his eyes weigh down heavy
, making him look about ten years older than he actually is. He sighs loudly and then looks at me and smiles. “Should I make some hot chocolate?”

I nod and follow him into the kitchen. “Yes, please.”

I climb up onto one of the chairs where I was sitting with Cabe and watch my Father move around the kitchen slowly.

“You managed to get
on your flight then?” I ask, hoping to just make normal conversation.

He shakes his head and leans back against the oven. “I
t was a nightmare. The fog wouldn’t budge, so obviously they don’t let any planes land or take-off when it’s that bad. There were lots of us that were just stuck.” He plops two scoops of cocoa powder into our mugs and fills them with hot water. “Thankfully the fog cleared overnight, so I managed to get the first flight out this morning. The connecting flight they arranged was pretty bumpy because of the winds, but other than that, I guess it was alright.” He shrugs. “It wasn’t like it was their fault anyway. They don’t control the weather.”

I glance out
the window and watch the trees sway and bend in the wind and think about Cabe, wondering if his flight is going to be affected.

“Have you spoken to
Ava?” I ask.

He turns around and screws his face up. “Yeah, she wants to come home.”

I nod. “I want her to come home too.”

He pauses
, then hands me my steaming mug of hot chocolate and studies my face for a moment. “Do you want Hallie to come home as well?”

I don’t look at him. All
of the things I could confess swim around and around in my head like the leaves around the garden right at this moment in time. I take a deep breath and lift my eyes up until they connect with his. I shake my head slowly. “No, I don’t.”

He sucks in a quick breath but holds my stare. “Why not
, Rose? Why do you want Ava to come home and not Hallie?” The tone of his voice is off and his face remains emotionless, but I can tell that he’s been waiting to ask me this question, and neither of us are sure about what my answer might do to us.

I can feel my chest rising and falling. The mug in my hand begins to shake as the nerves creep through me. “I love
Ava.”

He bristles. “But you don’t love Hallie?”

I bite my lip and look out the window. The weather is getting worse. The wind seems to be blowing harder and stronger and then a fork of lightning flashes across the sky, making me jump. Seconds later, the rumble of thunder sounds out around us and carries on and on, making it feel like the house is vibrating.

When I look back to my Father
, he’s folded his arms across his chest and raised his eyebrows.

“No, I don’t love Hallie.”

“Have you ever loved her?”

“No
, Dad.”

“Is it because she’s not your Mother?”

I shake my head. This is it. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. I can finally tell him how she’s beaten me up and made my life even more miserable than it already was. I watch my Dad’s face twitch and in that moment, I suddenly realize that everything is going to change.

“Then what is it
, Roisin?”

I take a sip of my chocolate and lick my lips. “She doesn’t like me
, Dad. Never has and never will.”

He shakes his head and walks
toward me. “Don’t be silly. She loves you.”

I pull back away from him and shake my head. “No
, Dad. No, she doesn’t. She hates me. She does things to me.”

He clicks his tongue
. “Like what?”

Just as I’m about to open my mouth to tell him
, someone bangs furiously on the front door. My Father looks from me, to the door, and then back to me. “Don’t go anywhere.”

I completely ignore him
, hopping down from the seat and following him to the front door. He swings it open, causing a torrent of leaves to blow into the house and frowns at George, who hops up and down on the front step. “Oh, Mr. Williams. You have to help me! Please help me!”

“What’s the matter
, George?” My Father steps outside and looks down the street. “Oh shit,” he says, as he runs back inside and pulls his coat on. He digs in the closet under the stairs and pulls out his tennis shoes. “Rose, call the fire department.”

“What?” I ask, stepping t
oward the door. “Why? What’s happened?”

When I stick my head though the open doorway
, I can feel my eyes widening in shock. One of the huge oak trees that lines our street has fallen over and landed on top of George’s house. I turn to George, whose light grey hair flaps about on the top of his head, and shake my head. “That’s not good.”

“You think?” he says
sarcastically, before running down the driveway and hopping around on the side of the road.

My Dad runs
out of the house and I stand at the bay window in the living room, watching the whole street trying to help George and his house. I stand there and wish the goddamn tree had waited five minutes. It ruined my chance to tell my Dad about Hallie. I sigh and head up the stairs to call Charlotte.

She answers after two rings.

“Hey Rose.”

“Hey,” I say quickly. “How was last night?”

“Yeah,” she says, sounding nonchalant, but I swear I can hear the smile in her voice. “It was nice actually. They’ve really decorated that place nicely, and the food there is even tastier than it was before!”

“Wow, I guess I’ll have to try it.”

“Definitely.”

“So,” I sigh, “as much as I
want to hear about your date with Willy William, I need to tell you something.”

“Did you have
sex?”

I frown. “What?”

“With Cabe?”

I roll my eyes
, even though I know she can’t see them. “No, Charlotte, I didn’t have sex with Cabe.”

“That’s too bad,” she says.

“Have you had sex?” I ask.

“Yeah, ton
s.”

“With William the Willy?”

She sighs. “Not yet, but it won’t be long.”

I shake my head. “Anyway,
stop distracting me. I’m calling to tell you something important.”

“Shoot.”

“It was Hallie.”

Whatever
it was that she was holding drops to the floor, causing a ringing sound to echo down the line.  I pull the phone away from my ear. “Hey, you there?”

“Yeah, I am. What did Hallie do?”

“All of it,” I whisper.

Charlotte goes quiet
, but I can hear her short breaths wheeze down the phone line and into my ear.

“What do yo
u mean, Rose?” Her voice is cold and hard. Serious.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Am I doing the right thing? I don’t know, but I do need to make a plan and Cabe isn’t here
, so I have no choice but to tell Charlotte and hope that she’ll help me. “The bruises and the scratches on my back and stuff.”

“Hallie did those?”

“Yes.”

“Rose?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for telling me.”

“I haven’t finished.” I hear her groan but carry on anyway. “She beat me up the night of the party after I got home. I remember being in the hallway, where she stubbed a cigarette out on my thigh and accused me of having sex.”

“Fuck
, Rose.”

I breathe deeply again. “I need to be honest with you about something else too.”

“I don’t like the sound of this.”

“I’ve been to see your Mom. Please don’t say anything to her,” I
say in a rush. “She’s helped me more than you can imagine.”

“You told my
Mother
about Hallie and didn’t tell me?”

“Wh
at?” I feel a frown creasing my forehead. “No, I didn’t tell her that. She hasn’t been helping me with that.”

Charlotte huffs
. “Well, what then?”

“Just promise me you’ll listen. Please.”

I can hear her growl as if she’s in the room with me. “I’m listening.”

“Since I was about four years old
, I’ve seen a ghost. I didn’t know who it was or what it wanted and I couldn’t see its face. It drove me nuts. Everyone thought I was crazy, including my own Dad, who sent me to various doctors and psychiatrists. Anyway, your Mom helped me to talk to it, and it turns out that it was my Mother.”