Existing (42 page)

“Would you like a drink
, Rose?”

“Yes
, please.”

“We’ve got soda
, juice, milk, water, or sparkling water.”

I smile. “I’ll just have some plain old water
, please.”

She pulls a large bottle from out of the fridge and pours it into a crystal glass. “I’m glad you’ve come tonight.”

“Thank you,” I say, taking the glass from out of her hand.

She nods toward the table. “Can
we sit for a moment?”

I swallow
, feeling like this is going to be a conversation that I’m not going to enjoy, but sit myself down on one of the heavy, oak chairs and take a deep breath.

“How are you feeling now?”
she asks gently.

I nod. “I’m okay
, thank you. My ribs still hurt a little and I get the occasional headache, but it could have been much worse.”

She nods. “
Yes, it could have.” She looks sad for a moment and takes a sip of her red wine. “He was very worried about you that afternoon. I’ve never seen him like that before.”

I don’t know what to say. Is she saying I shouldn’t have come?

“I want you to know that whatever has happened or may happen between you and Cabe, you can still come here if you need to get away from anywhere ever again. I will always answer my door to you,” she tells me.

Tears suddenly spring to my eyes and before I know what’s happening or before I can do anything to stop them
, they streak down my face. I scoot backward and quickly wipe my face with my sleeve and feel myself blushing.

“I’m so sorry,” I sniff, “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

Katherine puts down her wine glass and pulls me gently into a hug. She’s all warm and cozy and this feels exactly what a hug from another woman or a mother should feel like. I collapse into her. I can feel her arms wrap carefully around my rib cage as I shudder and sob into her.

“What have you said to her?”

Cabe’s words slice through the room, but Katherine doesn’t let go. She lifts her head up and looks over my shoulder. “Nothing that I shouldn’t have.”

I hear Cabe’s bare feet pad across
the tiled floor until he’s standing behind me. “How long until we eat dinner?”

I sniff
and wipe my face with my fingertips and pull away from her.

She looks down
into my eyes and smiles gently. “Better?”

I nod. “Yes, I’m s
orry.”

She leans forward and
smoothes my hair with her hands. “Never be sorry, Rose. Never.” She stands up and glances at her watch. “Dinner will be ready in about an hour, Cabe. Why don’t you take Rose and show her the things that you said you were going to?”

He gently touches the back of my neck. “Do you want to se
e my room?”

I clear my throat and take a sip of water. I don’t feel like I’m going to cry again
, but I do feel stupid. I turn around and smile at him. “Sure.”

As we walk out of the kitchen
, Katherine smiles gently at me again and slowly nods her head. I follow Cabe up the stairs, which are covered in a cream carpet, and I’m so glad that I told Ava to take her shoes off. My feet sink into each step, and I can’t help but wonder what it is that his Uncle does that they have so much money. We cross the landing and I hear Ava and Sebastian giggling as they play some game and find myself smiling. We climb up another staircase that’s narrower than the first but still covered in the same luxurious carpet. As I walk up to the third floor, my eyes fall onto the numerous family portraits that line the wall. I catch sight of a younger Cabe and look into his grey eyes and see his messy brown hair, and realize that he’s always been a very attractive boy.

“Ignore them,” he grunts, “I hate them.”

I smile. “I think you look very cute.”

“Ha. I don’t think so.”
He pushes open one of only two doors that stand opposite each other on a small, square landing and grins. “This is my room.”

His hand spreads out against the white wood and then I watch the muscles flex and bulge in his forearms as he pushes the door open. He remains standing on the landing and nods for me to go on in ahead of him. My eyes
flick up from the wooden floor to see a huge king-sized bed that sits proudly in the middle with white cotton sheets and matching duvet.

“Wow,” I say
, walking around the bed. “It’s white.”

He walks over to the far wall where white sashes are hanging and flicks them apart with his hand. Behind them are two glass doors. He grins and pushes them open
, letting the smell of the ocean breeze past him and swirl around his room until it surrounds me. That smell is exactly what Cabe smells like and I inhale deeply. I smile and take two small steps toward him and then stop when I look out of his window.

“This is amazing,” I say
, stepping past him. The sun has just begun to set, making the sky turn a deep orange and causing a warm shadow to fall over my face. My eyes fall on to the famous Haystack rock that stands on end in the middle of the beach and the group of teenagers that run and squeal around the bottom of it.

I hear h
is feet moving over the floor, and then I feel his cool breath moving my hair and skimming over the skin on the back of my neck. My entire body shudders in response, creating goose bumps on every millimeter of my skin. I suck in a quick breath but continue facing the ocean.

My eyes flick across to the wall opposite the bed.
“Why do you have those pictures pinned up on your board?” I ask quietly.

He clears his throat but doesn’t move, meaning his breath is constantly skimming over my skin. Something deep inside me is squirming. An ache has developed in the pit of my stomach
, and I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with being hungry for food.

“I like
looking at you there. It makes me smile when I wake up in the morning.”

I huff. “I’d rather you didn’t. I hate my picture being taken
…it’s embarrassing.” My eyes watch a flock of birds swoon up and over each other in the skies above me.

“Don’t be silly,” he says. “You’re beautiful.”

“I need to ask you something,” I whisper, “before I go back downstairs and have dinner with your Aunty and Uncle.”

I hear him inhale
a quick breath and then his fingertips touch gently against the side of my neck.

“What was up with you this morning?” My eyes scan over the beach again and an involuntary sigh escapes from my mouth. “Why were you so different with me
, Cabe?”

He doesn’t say anything so I turn around
, and even though I knew he was behind me, I’m shocked to find our noses nearly touching. I take a quick step back.

“And,” I cont
inue when he doesn’t answer me, “why were you so weird that morning when you left my house?”

His eyes flick over my head an
d I know he’s looking at the water, watching the waves roll slowly onto the beach and back out again. He frowns and then drops his eyes onto mine.

“It’s complicated,
” he says, as if it’s the simplest thing in the word he could have said.

I shake my head and concentrate on not letting the tears that have gathered in front of my eyes pour d
own my face. I sniff and say, “You mean,
I’m
complicated?” I cross my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling like a complete idiot. Of course he wouldn’t want me and all the mess that comes with me. How stupid could I be?

“It’s fine,” I say quickly. “I get that you’ve changed your mind, but you could have at least had the decency to say something to me. I mean, why
did you invite me here tonight?

“Rose.”

“I knew you were too good to be true,” I blurt.

“Rose.”

I ignore him. “And I knew it was just guilt.” I remember our conversation that we had in my living room the night he stayed over and feel a surge of anger shoot through me. “I warned you,” I say, stepping toward him. “I told you that you shouldn’t be bothering with me if it’s just guilt.”

“Rose,”
he snaps.

I stop and look up at him, hating the fact that I’m on the verge of crying. I’ve never cried over a boy before
, and I don’t really want to start. My life is enough of a mess without the complication of feelings. I should have listened to my instincts; I should have stayed away from Cabe Evans. “I really thought-“

“Shut up,” he shouts.

My mouth drops open when his loud words finally register in my brain. Before I can respond, he closes the distance between us with one stride and cups the side of my face.

“Shut up,” he says,
softly this time.

His fingers push up into my hair and then his gr
ey eyes burn into me. “Stop this right now,” he says sternly. “My feelings for you haven’t changed and they are
feelings,
Rose. It’s not guilt.” He doesn’t let go of my face and I don’t want him to. I put my hand up and cover his with mine.

He breathes in deeply and leans forward so our foreheads are touching. “I’m sorry about how I
acted the morning I left. I think it was because I didn’t want to leave. I hadn’t said all of the things I wanted to say to you, and I hated leaving you after everything we’d told each other.”

I nod, unable to speak
and knowing my voice would betray the relief I feel.

“I was also conf
used about your feelings for me,” he whispers. He looks away as if he’s shy, but I know he’s not shy. “You thought I was there because of guilt. You told me to leave and go out with my mates, as if you didn’t want me there, but then you came to me in the middle of the night and I was so frightened for you. I didn’t know what to do to make your pain go away and I still don’t.”

I shake my head. “I was just worried that-“

“I’m not done,” he says, cutting me off.

“This morning
, I was worried about the way I’d left you and the fact that I hadn’t called you. I was worried that you’d spent two weeks thinking I didn’t want you, and I didn’t know what was going through your mind. Not to mention, I was jetlagged and tired, so I’m sorry about this morning.”

I sniff.

“I really missed you,” he whispers. “I thought about you every minute of every day that I was there, and every time I did something or saw something, I couldn’t help but think how much better it would have been if you were there doing or seeing those things with me.”

I gaze
up at him and can’t stop the smile that starts to spread across my face. He dips his head and brushes his lips softly against mine. My hand shoots up to the back of his head and I find my fingers gripping and pulling at his hair. My fingers brush through his shiny, golden hair until they rest on the back of his neck. I can feel the strength in his chest as he encircles me with his arms. His hands work their way down my shoulders and then my back, until they rest at the bottom of my spine.

My heart is racing so fast in my chest that I feel like I’m about to have a heart attack
, but I don’t care. I ignore the breathlessness and continue to kiss him slowly, savoring the taste of him and this moment. He staggers back, pulling me into his room. His hands are in my hair when he wrenches himself away. He breathes hard against my neck, making me shiver even more and then he slowly drags his eyes up past my lips until they lock onto my eyes.

“Rose, I-“

A small knock sounds out behind us. His eyes quickly flick over my head toward his door.

“Yes?” he almost growls.

“Dinner is ready, Cabe.”

He briefly closes his eyes and breathes in. “Thanks
, Mum. We’re coming.”

I step away and smile shyly up at him
, rubbing my lips. They feel hot and swollen. He pushes his hands through his hair and pulls a navy sweat shirt over his head.

“Hungry?” he asks
with playful eyes.

I look toward the door and nod. “Very.”

I’m sandwiched in between Ava and Sebastian, who had to be separated because they wouldn’t stop whispering and giggling, and opposite Cabe, Reuben, Jack, and Harry, who seem to argue over food constantly. His Aunty and Uncle are seated at each end and seem to revel in the fact that they managed to get all of their children, plus two extra guests, around the table without being late.

I place my knife and fork onto my plate and sigh.

“That was delicious, Mrs. Evans. Thank you.” I pause for a moment, wondering if her last name is actually Evans and make a mental note to ask Cabe later.

She smiles up at me and wi
pes her mouth with her napkin. “You’re welcome, Rose, and I’ve already told you to call me Katherine.”

I smile at her and watch
Ava pop the last of her potatoes into her mouth. She grins around me at Sebastian and then pushes her plate away.