Existing (50 page)

“Wow,” I breathe.

“Yeah,” she agrees, “that was something.”

I nod and turn towards her, throwing my arm around her waist. I snuggle into the side
of her and feel myself starting to fall asleep.

“I hope you don’t snore,” she says.

I smile against her skin and shake my head. “I don’t think I do.” I kiss her forehead and pull her into me so we’re spooning.

“Good
night, Cabe,” she whispers.

“Good
night, Rose,” I whisper back. “I love you.” I want to say more. I want to tell her that I can’t breathe without thinking of her. I want to tell her that I can’t sleep without dreaming of her, but the sated feeling has started to crash right down on top of me and I can’t stop myself from falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

We hold hands the whole time
as we drive back to my house the next morning. I told Cabe my plans as we sat and ate breakfast this morning and I know he’s nervous. We pull up at my house and both sigh when we see my Father’s Range Rover in the driveway.

“See,” I say, “he’s home. It’ll be fine.”

“I still don’t like it, Rose. Let me come in with you.”

I shake my head. “
I need to do this on my own.”

He nods. “Okay. But I’m giving you an hour.
If you haven’t called me by eleven, then I’m coming over and I’m not going to knock.”

I nod. “Okay. An hour it is.”

He squeezes my hand and looks sadly into my eyes. “Are you nervous?”

“No,” I say
, quickly realizing that I’m not one bit nervous. “This is for my Mother.”

He nods. “Are you alright after last night?”

As I think about the night we spent together, I can’t help but smile. “I’m more than alright.”

“It was amazing,” he whispers. “I’ll never ever forget it.”

“Me neither.”

He grins. “
Won’t your Dad ask why I’m dropping you off and not Charlotte?” he asks, changing the subject.

“Probably not,” I say c
onfidently. “I can just say that we were downtown and I saw you or something. He knows you only live five minutes away.”

He leans over and kisses me
. I don’t know why, but I can tell that’s it’s a different sort of kiss.

I pull back and gently touch his cheek. “Don’t worry,” I assure him. “My Dad won’t let anything bad happen to me.”

“I’m still only giving you an hour, Rose.”

I nod. “I won’t need an hour.”

I kiss him quickly again and climb out of the car. As I head up the driveway, my throat starts to feel dry with anticipation and my hands start to shake. I open the door and turn to give him a quick wave.

I wave back and try to smile encouragingly at her. This doesn’t feel right. Even though I know her Dad will be there with her, I still feel like something’s going to go wrong. When her front door closes, I put my car into gear and spin off down her street. I promised her an hour. I’m giving her thirty minutes.

I bang on Riley’s door like a man possessed. When he finally opens the door to me
, he’s completely stark-bollock naked.

“Get dressed,” I tell him, “we have to go somewhere.”

“Good morning, Cabe. And how are you today?” He yawns and stretches, practically shoving his cock in my face.

“Get t
hat thing covered up,” I tell him, covering my eyes with my hands.

“Sorry, he’s waking up too.”

“Get it out of my face,” I snap. “And get ready.”

“Why?” he asks, walking into his living room.

I follow him, looking everywhere instead of at his arse, and see Courtney, the choir-singing and chess-playing virgin, just as she disappears into the bathroom. He flops down onto his sofa and grabs the remote.

“Riley,”
I hiss, “I’m really not joking.”

“I
can see that,” he says. “What happened? Don’t tell me you limped out on her?”  He flicks the tele off and turns to me, smiling like a Cheshire cat. “Oh fuck. Man, you totally prematurely ejaculated, didn’t you?”

As much as I want to think about last night, I don’t have the time
right now and I certainly don’t want to be giving all of the gory details about it to Riley.

“I’m not talking about it with you, Riley. Just get dressed and come with me, please.”

“Fuck. You did, didn’t you?”

“Riley,” I warn.

“Did she laugh at you?”

“Get dressed.”

“I told you that you should have whacked off beforehand. It always gives you a few minutes extra.”

“I don’t need your advice about sex,” I snap. “I need you to get your shit together and get your lazy arse out of this house.”

He raises his eyebrows and stands up. His cock is still bouncing around in front of him as if it’s happy to see me. “Where are we going?”

“Rose’s.”

He raises his eyebrows at me again. “What for?”

“She’s telling her Dad about Hallie and I have a bad feeling about it.”

“Bad feeling?”

I nod. “I just need to be there and I want you to come too.”

“Why? Do you think her Dad will kick your ass or something?”

I shake my head. I don’t really know why I want Riley there
, and looking at him right now with his stupid attitude is making me wonder why I’m even still standing here. “Are you coming or not?”

He nods. “I’ll be two minutes.”

Thank fuck for that.

I step into the hallway and immediately know
that something’s not right. It’s too quiet. There’s no Ava running around. There’s no evidence of my Father anywhere. My eyes fall onto two suitcases that have been dumped at the bottom of the stairs. I take a deep breath and wander into the kitchen.

Hallie is standing at the island in the kitchen with a frown on her face.

“Where the fuck have you been?” she hisses.

I look up at her face and notice her messy hair and smudged make-up.
“A friend’s house.”

“Don’t bullshit me
, you little slut. Who was that who dropped you off?”

“Cabe.”

She snorts and then wipes her nose with the back of her hand. “Is he your little boyfriend?”

I take a deep breath and step closer to her. “Yes, he is.”

She laughs.

“Where is my Dad?”
I ask.

She swigs straight from a bottle of whiskey and nar
rows her eyes at me. “He went to take Ava to Fredericka’s.”

Damn. I thought he was home. “He
walked?”

She nods. “He left about half an hour ago.”

I sign inwardly with relief. He shouldn’t be too much longer getting back and then we can get this all over with. I turn around, not trusting myself to be anywhere near her and start to walk out of the room.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“To my room,” I tell her.

“Don’t you want to ask me about this,” she says.

I stop walking and pop my head around the doorframe. When I see my Mother’s red diary in her hand, I feel the blood drain from my face.

“You took that from my room?” I
ask, the shock clear in my voice.

She nods and throws the diary onto the counter. “I took it, ripped the pages out and burned them. You can have that back.”

I start to shake as I stare at the empty book. Those pages had my Mother’s words scrawled across them and they were the only thing I had of hers.

“You’re a fucking bitch,” I spit. “I hate you.”

I turn and walk away.

I’ve only taken three steps when I feel her hand curl around my hair. I
suck in a quick breath and push my hands up to my head as she starts to pull me back into the kitchen.

“You’re Dad want
s a divorce,” she spits into my ear. “And it’s your fault.”

“Mine?!”
I shriek. “You did that all by yourself, Hallie. Who would want to live with a drunk?”

“I drink to forget about you,” she s
pits. “You drove me to the drink, Rose, which I why you’re going to fucking pay for this.”

“Why do you hate me so much
, Hallie?” I ask. If we’re going to do this, then I may as well ask her the questions that have been burning away for the past few weeks.

She laughs, forcing
spit to drop out of her mouth. “Because you’re fucking disgusting. I would be ashamed of you if you were my daughter.” She lets go of my hair and pushes me away from her. I spin around to face her and see how her eyes are completely glazed over.

“Why?” I push. “What is it exactly that I’ve done to you
to cause you to hate me so much?”

“Everything,” she mumbles
drunkenly. “You’re a disgrace. You’re horrible. You smell and you’re ugly. You’re an embarrassment.”

My whole body starts to shake. I glance at the clock on the wall and
realize that I don’t have much time. “Is it because I remind you of my mother?”

“Your Mother was a cunt.”

Her words slice through me like an axe through wood. How dare she use that horrible word to describe my Mother?

I
suck in a deep breath and briefly close my eyes. “Is that why you killed her?” My voice has startled to wobble when I speak because of the anger that’s surging through my veins and into my muscles. I take a step toward her and gag when the smell of alcohol hits me in the face.

“Were you annoyed with her because my Father wouldn’t leave her fo
r you? He didn’t want you, did he? Is that why you hate me, because I’m a reminder to you that he loved her more than he will ever love you?”

Hallie drops the glass on the counter. We both stand and watch as it rolls away from her and drops off the side. The sound of it smashing rings throu
gh my ears. She shakes her head and steps toward me but I’m ready for her. As her hand collides with my cheek, my own hand flies backward through the air until the back of it slaps across her face.

“
I am not a little girl anymore, Hallie,” I tell her. “I am not your punching bag.”

I push her with all
of my strength, causing her to stumble backward.

“You murdered my Mother!” I’m screaming at her now. I can feel my own face contorted with anger
, but I take a step toward her and continue. “You’re a murderer and you’re going to rot in jail. I promise you that.”

“Prove it,” she spits. “Go on, I dare you.”

“I can,” I hiss. “I’ve read her diary. I can place you at the scene of her death. Once I tell everyone how you’ve hurt me, they’ll see that you’re the one that’s mental. I have witnesses to my bruises. You’re going down, Hallie.”

“That stupid diary is gone. I’ve burnt it, so you’ve got nothing
, Rose. It’ll just be my word against yours and no one is going to believe you, not with the lies you’ve been telling people.”

I hate her. I physically hate her and everything about her. There’s not a single trace of her in
Ava at all, which is why I don’t feel guilty using my Father as a bargaining tool. I lean down against the counter and breathe in deeply. My heart is thumping so hard in my chest that I feel like I’m going to pass out, but I can’t stop this now. I need her to say the words and then I’m done.

“I’m going to tell my Father everything you’ve done to me. I’m going to show him the scars on my back. I’m going to tell him that it was you
that beat me when I got back from the party, and that’s why the hospital noted that I already had injuries. I’m going to tell him about my broken arm and all of the terrible things you’ve said to me over the years. He’s going to fucking hate you.”

Hallie’s hand fires out and grabs one of the knives from out of the wooden block. She smashes it down
, causing sheer hot pain to shoot through me as the knife cuts through my hand. I wrench it away from the counter and stare in disbelief at where the knife penetrated my skin.

“
What have you done?” I breathe.

The room starts to spin. My eyes start flicking around in my head
, but I refuse to pass out now. I have to tell my Father what she’s like. I can’t stop until she’s said the words I need to hear, or else this was all for nothing. I lean down against the counter, watching the blood drip from my hand and onto the cream-colored tiles.

“You will not tell your Father anything,” she hisses. “You can’t prove anything anyway. I can explain away every sin
gle injury you’ve ever had. I’m not as fucking stupid as you are!”