Existing (25 page)

Roisin stops on the top step
and waves Mrs. Bunny Rabbit at her. “Ava was upset this morning because she thought she’d lost this.”

Hallie narrows her eyes.
“And?”

“And,
while she was having her dinner and was distracted, I thought I would look for it. I found it on the floor on the other side of your bed,” Roisin tells her.

“What was it doing
there?”

Roisin starts to skip down the stairs. “I
have no idea, but I’m glad I found it. Ava loves this toy.”

Hallie raises her
eyebrows but chooses not to say anything. I see her walk into her bedroom, as if to check that nothing else has been moved. I feel something start to work inside me again and I breathe a sigh of relief as I watch Roisin glance back up the stairs and smirk before she disappears around the wall.

I can’t handle this anymore
, I think, as my eyes start to close. I can’t stand here and watch my daughter take more beatings from Hallie. The world needs to know what sort of woman Hallie really is, especially our husband.

I collapse onto my back on the landing and let my eyes close shut. I have a feeling I won’t wake up for a while but I don’t really care.

I scowl at him as he comes into view in the hallway and storm past him, ignoring him and his beautiful smile.

“Rose,” he calls. He jogs up to the side of me and gently touches my arm. “Rose,” he says, more softly this time, “are you alright?”

I pull my arm away from him. “I’m fine, Cabe.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

I huff and give him a look. “I would be fine if you hadn’t dragged me out to the park just so you could ask me questions.”

“I didn’t do it just to ask you questions,” he replies.

“So, why then?”

“
Fine,” he snaps. “I care about you, okay?”

The way he’s forced those words out of his mouth make me wonder why he’s bothering
to say them at all.

“
Which is why,” he continues, “I mentioned something on Saturday. But if you don’t want to talk about it or you want me to pretend not to care, then I can do that.”

I slam my locker shut and stare at him.
“Why would you pretend not to care if you really do care?”

“Because I don’t want
things to be like this between us,” he says simply.

“
Why do you care how things are between us?”

He grins and leans his arm above me
and against the metal. “I thought we just agreed that I would pretend I didn’t care?”

I huff and lean against the lockers. “I can’t talk about it
, Cabe. I need to know you’re not going to keep asking me about it or making snide remarks.”

He shrugs. “That’s what I just said
, wasn’t it?”

I sigh.
“You’re confusing me now.”

He rolls his eyes and smiles at me. “Will you come to the party on Friday with me?”

I blink at the sudden change in direction. “I didn’t know there was a party.” I fold my arms across my chest and watch the smirks, smiles, and frowns that I see being thrown our way.

“Well
, now you do. I just told you. Will you come?”

“You’re asking me to go to a party with you?”
I clarify.

“Yes.”

I narrow my eyes at him.

“Why are you suspicious of me?”
he asks, smiling at me.

“I’m wondering what sort of game you’re playing.”

He blinks. “Why would I play games with you?”

“Are you asking me to just go to the party with you as a friend?”

He laughs. “No, I presumed that anyway.”

“I never said I was your friend.”

He shrugs. “I think we both know you are.”

“So, in what capacity are you asking me to go to the party with you?”

“Rose,” he says, moving to stand directly in front of me. “I’m asking you to go on a date with me. I know going to a party isn’t exactly the most romantic thing in the world, but it’s a start, I guess.”

I frown.

“What are you frowning at now?” he asks, rolling his eyes.

“You don’t date girls,
” I blurt.

His hand suddenly shoots out and then I feel his fingers lifting my chin up, so I’m forced to look into his eyes.
“I don’t date any of those
other
girls.”

My breath
catches in my throat and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I can feel my eyes swelling as I take in his whole face and those soft-looking lips that are smiling at me. I can feel every millimeter of his fingertip that’s pressing gently against my skin. “Why me?” I whisper. “What’s wrong with them?”

“They’re not you,” he says quickly. “I told you the other day
that there’s something about you.”

I don’t want to be his pity date. I sigh, pulling my face out of his hand.
“There’s nothing about me. I hope you’re not playing games with me, Cabe. I’m not in the mood for them.”

“Why on Earth would I do that?”
he asks, sounding shocked and surprised.

I shake my head
, remembering the teasing at my old school. “It doesn’t matter.”

“You haven’t answered my question
, Rose.”

I take a deep breath
while trying to figure out if he’s being serious. I don’t really see any reason for him to not be serious, but something doesn’t feel right. Why would he suddenly decide to ask me on a date when Charlotte says that he has done everything he possibly can to avoid dating girls at all?

“Are you honestly being serious?” I ask. “This isn’t a joke?”

He places his flat palms on the lockers on either side of my head and stares me down. “I’m being honest, Rose. I can’t for the life of me figure out why you’d think that I’d joke about something like this.”

I stare in
to his sincere, silvery eyes and I cave. I hate myself for it, but there’s something about him that makes me feel like I can’t keep away from him. “Okay, I’ll go with you.”

The smile that breaks out on his face is indescribable. I can’t believe someone would smile at me like that just because I’ve agreed to go on a date with them.

“Finally!” he huffs, stepping away from me. “Shall I pick you up on Friday?”

I take a few quick breath
s, now that he’s given me the space to do so, and try to calm my racing heart. “I’ll probably be getting ready at Charlotte’s,” I finally tell him, “so I’ll let you know.”He nods. “Okay. See you later.”

I find myself trying not to laugh as I
watch him walk down the hallway. I can’t help but notice the heads he turns. He has something about him, something that grabs people’s attention like a hook on a fish. And I’m definitely one of those people.

“What was all that about? The whole school is
already talking about how cozy you two look!” demands Charlotte when she sidles up next to me.

I can’t help but smile when I turn toward Charlotte.

“Oh, it’s like that, is it?” she laughs. “Spill, Rose.”

I take a deep breath,
knowing I have to tell someone. “Do you promise not to tell a soul?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she says
, waving her hands. “Come on.”

“You have to say you
’ll promise.”

She huffs and cross
es her heart with her fingers. “I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

I can’t stop the smile that’s creeping across my face. “Cabe just asked me out.”

“What?!?”

I clamp my hand over her mouth.

“Sorry,” she mumbles through my hand.

“I’m going to let go. Keep it down.”

She nods.

“Are you being serious?” she whispers.

“Yes. I can’t really believe it either.”

She smirks at me and shakes her head. “Cabe doesn’t date anyone.”

“That’s what I said.”

“You said that to him?”

“Yes,” I almost laugh.

“Oh my
God, Rose. I mean, I’m happy for you but I can’t believe it. Wait until the other girls find out.”

“You can’t,” I say quickly, “you promised.”

“I’m not going to tell them,” she hisses, “but they’ll know. You watch. Come Monday you will be the talk of the school.”

“Great,” I huff as I follow her through the corridor and out toward the
baseball field.

She giggles and excitedly squeezes my arm. “Cabe asked you out!”

“Shh,” I hiss, looking around.

“I can’t
friggin’ believe it! You’re going to have to tell me everything! Where are you going anyway?”

“He mentioned something about a party on Friday.”

“Oh, Noah’s? I’m going to that too! We should get ready together. Do you want to come to my house beforehand on Friday?”

“Sure,” I reply.

“Do you have anything to wear?”

“
Er,” I say, trying to think about my wardrobe. “I don’t really have any nice dresses or anything.”

She rolls her eyes. “We need to go shopping. What are you doing tomorrow night?”

“Wednesday?”

“Yes
, Rose. Today is Tuesday, which means tomorrow is Wednesday. What’s up with you? Is it that you’ve got Cabe on the brain?”

I laugh and playfully tap her arm. “No
, actually, I don’t.”

“I don’t believe you. So you’re coming shopping with me tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, is it okay if my little sister comes too?”

She looks as if she’s about to ask why
, but nods her head at me instead. “So long as she’s not annoying.”

“She’s no
t,” I say quickly, “she’s pretty cute actually.”

“How are you feeling about this date anyway?”
she asks, changing the subject again at a dizzying rate.

“What do you mean?”

“You said you would never date.”

“Oh yeah, about that,” I say. “
I might need your help.”

We walk into the
packed changing room and immediately look at each other.

“T
alk later,” she says smiling, as she dumps her bag down and pulls her top quickly over her head.

Ava pushes open the front door and runs into the house to get out of the rain. Spring in Cannon Beach is turning out to be unpredictable. I stick my keys back into my pocket and dump our bags in the hallway.

“Rose,”
Ava says, walking toward me, wrinkling her face up. “My Mommy is wobbling everywhere and got sick on the carpet.”

I sigh. “Where is she?”

She points in the direction of the living room.

“Can you go into the kitchen for me and get the cups
and milk out, please?” I ask.

She nods and runs off toward the kitchen. I sigh and walk into the living room
, where I see Hallie sprawled all over the floor with her face in her own vomit. I gag at the smell that’s floating up from the floor below me.

“Hallie,” I say. “Get up. You need to go to bed.”

“Leave me alone, you devil child.”

I sigh and peer at her face that’s half covered with her hair. The other half of her hair is hanging off the back of her head and stuck to
the vomit that’s nearly dried up on the carpet. I dread to think how long she’s been like that.

“My Father will be back soon,
” I tell her.

She sort of laughs.
“He won’t. He’s up to something and he’s a stupid asshole if he thinks I don’t know the signs. It’s me, I made those signs.”

I frown.
“Up to what? What signs?”

She turns her face a
nd rubs her nose in her own puke. I wrinkle my face up in disgust. She’s a mess. I have no idea what’s gotten into her lately or why she’s behaving like this. “Shut up, Rose. You know nothing.”

“I know you’re drunk.”

“Fuck off,” she spits.

I shake my head
and turn the lights off as I walk out of the room.

“What’s up with Mommy?”

I sit down opposite Ava at the table in the kitchen and rub my eyes. “Nothing, Ava. She’s just tired and wants to stay in the living room. We can just hang out here or something.”

“She’s always tired.”

“I know,” I say, not really knowing what else I can possibly say. “How about I make us some hot chocolate?”

“Yes
, please!”

“What would you like for dinner?”
I ask, wondering if there’s anything actually worth cooking in the refrigerator.