Another failure in his life. Rivvie was quickly falling into a morose mood, and pitying himself was next on the agenda unless he got his shit together.
After one last cuddle, he sat up and shifted. His mother did the same. She had trouble meeting his eyes until Rivvie said, “I love you, Mom. Thanks for coming back.” Then he had to hug her, and their mother-son bond snapped into place as if it’d never be severed.
“I couldn’t leave my boys,” Beal said. “I couldn’t leave my anger, either. So I had to find a way to rid myself of it before it poisoned me even more.”
“How’d you do it?” Rivvie asked.
Beal pushed her wet hair off her face. “A lot of meditating, and running, letting my wolf take over. A wolf needs a pack, and I need my family. I’ll never forgive the people who murdered Varex, but I can accept that not all humans are evil.” She frowned. “Why was there an exodus of them when I arrived? I saw them below, when I was on the cliff.” She gestured to a red hill hundreds of yards away. “I didn’t approach them, but wondered what happened.”
Rivvie pointed. “Aaron. Aaron happened.”
Beal looked. “Where?”
“Right there. Watching us, wagging his tail.” Rivvie kind of got a kick out of her shocked expression and the gasp she let loose. “Yup. That’s Aaron. Saw it happen myself, and it wasn’t pretty. Way,
way
worse than any natural-born shifter’s first transformation.”
“I can’t believe it,” Beal murmured. “Just when I get to the point that I can accept him, he goes and does this?” She gestured and grinned.
The quirky humor soothed away a little more of the bruising around Rivvie’s heart. He still ached. Even so, it wasn’t the end of the world. Maybe he’d recover quicker than it felt like he would.
“He’s a pretty wolf,” Rivvie observed. “Silver. Like he’s got some sparkly going on there.”
Beal giggled. “Gods, you’re right.”
Aaron yipped at them and turned his nose up in the air.
Valen’s soft chuckle was followed by a charming smile he sent their way.
It was impossible not to smile back. Rivvie watched them for a few more minutes, then he reverted to his wolf form and left the cave. He told himself he was just stretching his legs, but those traitorous shits led him to the cave where Matt had been huddled with his parents and several other villagers.
Rivvie was surprise to see that more than three-quarters of those villagers were still there. Some greeted him as if nothing odd had happened, but others wouldn’t quite look at him.
And that’s how he knew for certain Matthew had left him, even before he put his nose to the wet ground and parsed out Matt’s scent. Rivvie followed it for as long as he could stand to before the heartache got too bad, then he turned around and went back to where he belonged.
Chapter Eleven
Valen still couldn’t believe it. He kept touching Aaron’s silky fur—it
did
have a shimmery sheen to it, as if stardust had fallen over it—and rubbing his face against it. Some small part of him wondered if this was an apology for the hell his pack had been put through over the past few days, but he knew better than to believe it. That was fanciful thinking, a way of searching for an explanation for the unexplainable.
Besides, Aaron had suffered so much. Valen had apologized to Aaron many times until Aaron had finally bared his teeth, his irritation no act.
Now he wanted to shift and run with Aaron, if he was willing. There was only one way to find out.
He shifted and was instantly pounced upon by Aaron. Happy, delightful,
wolfy
Aaron. “Mine,” Valen barked.
Aaron barked right back at him and bounded about the cave, butt up in the air, thickly furred tail wagging back and forth merrily.
Valen knew the universal wolf sign for ‘let’s play’, and he had every intention of doing just that. He leaped and yipped, feeling like a kid again as he and Aaron chased each other around the cave.
Finally, Aaron ran out, and Valen was right at his heels. They splashed through puddles and Valen noted that the rain had finally stopped. The skies were still dark, but there was a glow behind them as the sun tried to shine. The wind had settled down to a gentle breeze. It was still cooler temperatures than usual. The earth had quit shaking, and he hoped the worst of the storm was in the past.
Right then, he was going to believe that was the case. He ran with Aaron, and they sniffed out tracks and found new places to explore. The waterfalls were beautiful. Valen imagined hidden worlds behind them, letting his thoughts turn to fanciful things he’d never speak of out loud.
Aaron darted off on another adventure, and Valen was at his side. Aaron howled, and Valen sang with him.
But as he encountered another set of scents, Valen paused, and Aaron and whined after he stopped walking. He pawed at the ground and snorted, turning pretty blue eyes filled with confusion toward Valen.
Valen’s fun and frolic came to an end. He sat down and shifted. “Aaron, they left. They said they were taking Matthew and they weren’t letting Rivvie turn him into what I turned you into. I guess you didn’t hear them.”
Aaron morphed into his human form again, easing a fear Valen hadn’t shared, that perhaps Aaron wouldn’t be able to go back and forth, that he’d be stuck a wolf. Valen would have done the same and they’d have been together regardless. But human was good too—Valen would have missed touching Aaron in ways they only could as men.
“I didn’t hear them, no.” Aaron glanced in the direction his parents and brother had gone. “They were angry?”
“Furious. Your father has prejudices against shifters I don’t think he even knew about,” Valen said. “Or he was just pissed off, because you were in so much pain.”
Aaron frowned, staring at his hands as he clasped them together. “I don’t remember any pain. At all. And the place where you bit me is healed up. So’s my head. I feel better than ever, actually.”
Valen was confused. “You don’t remember any pain? Aaron, you were in agony. Your body contorted and you… There were froth and convulsions. It was truly the most frightening thing I’d seen. Not because of how you looked, but because of how much it hurt you.”
“It didn’t hurt,” Aaron said with conviction. “I might have bent in half, but it didn’t hurt.”
“What do you remember?” Valen asked.
Aaron smirked. “Riding you until I came. Then I got dizzy, and my blood went hot. It burned, my body burned, but at the same time, I experienced an adrenaline rush like I’d never felt before. It went on and on. I heard you.” Aaron cupped Valen’s cheek. “I always heard you. I couldn’t comprehend all the words, but I heard you, your tone and voice, the love—that was the biggest thing. I wanted to hurry up and get done with whatever was happening because I wanted to be with you. I just wish my parents hadn’t left, and Matthew… Gods, is Rivvie okay?”
“I haven’t asked,” Valen admitted, ducking his head in shame. “I wanted to be with you. Needed to, after that scare. I still don’t understand how it happened.”
Aaron stood up and stretched. “Me, either. I’d lay a wager on sex being involved, though. I’m sorry I scared you, but I’m not sorry I’m a shifter now. I feel better, stronger, and I can see and smell things I never could before. And hear… That too. It’s amazing. Humans are shorted, being stuck as they are.”
Since Valen was inclined to agree, he didn’t argue.
“I wonder if I’ll get big like you now,” Aaron mused. “Taller, and mmm, maybe I can have some muscles of my own.”
“I’ll love you any way I can get you,” Valen promised.
“You’re sweet. You know that?” Aaron stood on his toes and kissed Valen. “Ready to find Rivvie? And your mom, she came back.”
Valen hadn’t forgotten. “Thank the gods she did. I’ve been worried, especially with that storm. What do you think about it? You said maybe humans somewhere had done something.”
Aaron shrugged. “It just wasn’t a regular storm. There were too many things happening. Torrential rains, twisters, earthquakes, flooding, lightning that would have made the sun pale in comparison, thunder unlike any I’ve heard before. Nothing about it was natural, unless Mother Nature really does exist and she was pissed at us for merging humans and shifters.”
Valen gave Aaron an uneasy look. “Do you think that’s possible?”
“No. I don’t think there’s any deity waiting to slap us down. I think we do that just fine on our own.” He frowned. “But do I think there’s something? Something beyond this life? Yes. I think whatever we are, the essence of us continues throughout eternity. Lanaka talks of spirits, and I’m inclined to believe they’re everywhere.”
“Why?” Valen asked, fascinated by Aaron’s theories.
Aaron gestured around them. “This world once had billions of people on it.
Billions.
I can’t even fathom that, but it’s true. There are records in an archive in the village past my old one, and even more in other places. So if what I believe is right and our essence, our soul or whatever you want to call it, remains constant despite death, then there has to be a whole bunch of them hovering around. There’s not enough bodies for them to go back into.”
“That’s…” Valen felt like at least six billion pairs of eyes were watching him. “That’s fucking creepy, Aaron.”
“I know, right?” Aaron shuddered. “Sometimes I wake up at night and scare myself.”
“Well, now I’ll be waking up right with you.” Valen wasn’t joking, not entirely.
Aaron nodded. “I’ll tell you the rest of my theories on hauntings and angry spirits another time.”
“Oh, joy,” Valen said with as much sarcasm as he could muster.
Aaron smacked him on the arm. “How’s your neck?”
“You remember that?” Valen touched the spot where Aaron had bit him. It was still sore—and hot and tender. Touching it was making him kind of horny, too.
“Yeah. I had to bite you. Didn’t even question it. My gums hurt, my fingers hurt, not bad,” Aaron said quickly. “Just pressure under them. Then I bit you, and it was so, so good.” He rolled his eyes and hummed. “Mmhm.”
Valen patted Aaron’s ass. “Of course I’m tasty. I’m a stud. Come on. I’m worried about Rivvie now.”
“You are a stud, and a modest one at that.” Aaron chortled and dropped to his hands and knees. An instant later, he was back to being furry.
Valen followed suit and they took off to find Rivvie.
It wasn’t difficult. Rivvie was sitting by their cave entrance with Beal, the two of them hunkered close to each other, heads down, clearly trying to have a private conversation.
Valen left them to it. He wanted to talk to Beal and Rivvie, too, once they finished their discussion. If there was any chance Beal could say something that would relieve Rivvie’s conscience in regards to their father, Valen would be grateful. He knew that bitter parting haunted Rivvie.
Chapter Twelve
It turned out even a long, intense conversation with one’s mother couldn’t eradicate heartbreak. Rivvie hadn’t meant to go on and on about Matt. He just hadn’t been able to shut up once he’d opened his mouth, and now his mom knew what a sappy, pathetic idiot he was.
“If he left without even speaking to you, he doesn’t deserve you,” Beal said. “He deserves to be miserable and think that sex should be mediocre. Fool.”
Rivvie
really
shouldn’t have over-shared. “Can you forget I told you about that? Please?”
“No. I won’t bring it up again, though. That’s the best I can do. I came back all prepared to grovel if I needed to and to accept the humans in my sons’ lives.” She snorted. “Turns out one is now a shifter, and the other one a coward.”
“Mom! He’s not—” Rivvie pursed his lips. “Okay, so maybe he
is
a little bit of a coward, but you didn’t see Aaron. It was awful. I wouldn’t ever want to do that to Matt. I lo— Er…I like him too much to bring pain to him.” Gods, he’d almost said that he loved Matt! How stupid could he get? At least it wasn’t true.
Liar. Liar,liar, liar.
Ohh, Rivvie really hated that smug voice in his head.
Fuck off, smug voice in my head. Go be right somewhere else.
Rivvie must be crazy. Surely no one else had mental arguments like he did.
“I wish I’d seen it.” Beal held up a hand when Rivvie would have spoken. “Not to watch him suffer, but to observe objectively. Aaron’s parents were too involved with him not to get upset, which I understand. I’d have been kicking teeth in if any of my children had gone through pain like that. Look how angry I was about you and Valen having relationships with humans. It wasn’t just because of your father.” She took one of Rivvie’s hands in hers. “I was afraid they’d hurt you boys. Men, I know… You’re both men, but you and Valen will always be my boys.”
“He’s your alpha, Mom,” Rivvie felt compelled to point out.
She bobbed her head. “That is true. I can find the balance between being Valen’s mother and part of his pack. It’s not difficult. I love him as I do you, and I’ve gotten my head out of my rear enough to see that I’ve acted abysmally. I’m sorry I was right about you being hurt, Rivvie. You’ve got such a big heart, and that ass tromped all over it, didn’t he?”
“He’s not an ass,” Rivvie said miserably. “You don’t know how he really is.”
“It doesn’t sound like he knows how he really is, either.” She gave his hand a squeeze. “I need to talk to Valen. Would you like to come watch me grovel?”
Rivvie rolled his eyes. “Mom, he’s not going to make you grovel. Sheesh.”
“I know he won’t, but he should.” Beal let go of his hand then stood up. She dusted off her rump. “Well, off I go. I love you, Rivvie.”
“I love you too.” Rivvie watched her traipse off. She was so much like the mother he’d always known and loved, though he still saw traces of sadness in her eyes. Of course he did. She’d loved Varex. They’d been together since for ages, from when they’d been very young. Rivvie was fervently glad that she hadn’t faded away from grief.
He got up and considered what to do. Until Valen ordered them out or whatever he’d order, there wasn’t really any chore for Rivvie. He could keep an eye on Valen and Aaron, but Beal was going to be talking to them. Rivvie figured that’d turn into a pretty deep conversation, with maybe some tears from all parties involved.