Experiencing God at Home (16 page)

Finding a Church Family (An Example from Tom)

When we moved back to North America after living in Norway, Kim and I had to find a church to attend for the first time in our marriage (I had always been on staff before). It was somewhat disappointing how difficult it was to find a church that preached God’s Word accurately; encouraged its people to develop a personal, growing walk with Christ; modeled love among its members; and actively strengthened Christian families. We took our search for a new church home extremely seriously because we knew how impactful it would be on our family. Kim and I knew there were things we wanted in a church, but it was more important to us that our children feel connected to it. We were willing to forego some of our own preferences so our children had a positive experience.

During those days we concluded that the church was not responsible for discipling our children. That was our responsibility as parents. It took almost two years to finally settle on a church family. During that time we had a lot of family devotionals and family prayer times to help our kids stay connected with God. We even had our own family worship services while sitting around the piano! Our children heard what God was saying to their parents as we took turns sharing with them. As parents, we learned how to communicate our faith to our kids more effectively both in word and in deed.

Ask Yourself Some Questions

Our homes must have a faith in Christ that is alive, meaningful, personal, growing, authentic, and attractive. Ask yourself:

• Do I have the peace Christ promised in my life? (John 14:27; Phil. 4:7)
  
• Do I demonstrate the joy of Christ’s presence in my life? (John 15:11; 16:24)
  
• What does my behavior reflect about my love for God? (Mark 12:30)
  
• How often do my children hear me pray? (Eph. 6:18)
  
• How well do I represent God’s love to my children? (John 13:34)
  
• Do I put God’s kingdom first in my life and in my home? (Matt. 6:33)
  

Hopefully you are doing well enough in these areas that your children could not use your example as an excuse to turn away from God. Authentic, genuine, growing, personal faith is central to demonstrating a love relationship with God to our children. When our children watch the joy we have in relating to Christ, they ought to feel compelled to embrace Christ for themselves.

Prodigals Want a Party

The Bible does not provide many details regarding the home in which the prodigal son and his older brother were raised (Luke 15:11–32). They must have been relatively well-to-do as the family had servants, nice robes, and a family ring. There was also enough money to give the younger son his inheritance early without destroying the family business. We know the boys were expected to work, since the older son had returned from working in the fields when he discovered his younger brother had returned. What is interesting is that both boys were looking for essentially the same thing—a party. The younger son decided to find it in a faraway land where he squandered his money on loose living, eventually becoming destitute. The older brother longed for a party, too, and resented his father for never throwing one for him. Both failed to appreciate what they had in their father. The younger son assumed he could only find happiness by embracing what the world offered. The older son was around his father all the time, but he didn’t
know
him and, therefore, failed to
enjoy
him. While this parable is generally used to portray God’s amazing grace for sinners who find their way home, there is an underlying issue. Both children were looking for a party. They wanted to experience joy in their lives. Of course, our children want that too. Some of our kids will assume that to find it, they must leave the church, and the faith, and greedily gulp up all that the world has to offer. Others may continue to sullenly go to church, but they find no joy in their relationship with their heavenly Father either. Parents must help their children understand that there is incredible joy available in their relationship with their heavenly Father if only they will get to know Him.

Would you say your home is characterized by love and joy? Do you have times when you sit and laugh together or celebrate one another’s accomplishments? Does your family know how to throw great parties? (For a discussion of joy in the home, check out Richard’s book
The Seasons of God.
) We both strived to develop homes that reverberated with the joy of the Lord. We wanted our kids to understand that the essence of the Christian life was not the rules you had to follow but the relationship you got to enjoy. Both of our wives excel at organizing parties and helping our kids enjoy life and family. For several years in a row, Tom’s family had to announce the dates of his son’s birthday party months ahead so his friend’s families could plan their spring break vacation accordingly! Over the years, our houses have been transformed into pirate islands, enchanted forests, truck stops, hippie communes, towns from the wild west, and Cleopatra’s palace! Who says Christians can’t have fun? The key, of course, is not the amount of money you spend or the decorations you put up, but the irrepressible joy that bubbles up within each family member who has come to know and experience their amazing heavenly Father.

Answering Machine Man (A Story from Tom)

Having lived in an international community in Europe exposed our children to many different cultures, nationalities, and accents. Few people have the ability to nail an accent like my son Matthew. He listened carefully to his friends in school and has dead-on imitations. From Asian Indian, to Chinese, Scottish, Irish, proper British, Italian, German, and particularly Norwegian, he can get us rolling on the floor with laughter in only a few minutes. We have let Matt record our answering machine messages for many years now, changing from Norwegian to Irish to whatever comes into his mind at the time. It is fun to hear the messages on the machine when the person calling has a hard time speaking because they are laughing so hard at the recording. Our family likes to share our joy with those who cross our path!

There needs to be love and joy in our homes. The daily pressures are, well,
daily
. Nevertheless, there are a multitude of reasons for families to have fun, to celebrate God’s blessings, to enjoy their children, to sing, and to party. You will find that few children want to avoid a home that is filled with love and joy. It is natural to rebel against rules, criticism, unreasonable expectations, perfectionism, and micromanaging parents. But why would you rebel against a joy-filled home? “I’m outta here; everyone is just too happy in this house!” Not likely. Our kids ought to grow up experiencing the joy of a vibrant walk with God. Let’s plan some spiritual parties and celebrate God, our friends, and the wonderful blessings God has given us!

Conclusion

Christianity is not primarily a religion. It is a relationship. The relationship is not based on dread or manipulation or uncertainty but on love (Jer. 31:3). A love relationship between you and God always leads to joy (John 15:11). This is what God is constantly pursuing with you and with your children. Living out of the “overflow” involves entering each day profoundly aware that almighty God loves
you
.
God’s presence in your life ought to be like a spring of living water that continually bubbles up within you (John 4:14; 7:38). Growing up in a home in which the parents are continually basking in the joy of God’s presence is an incredible experience. May you never be satisfied until that is the experience of each of your children.

Questions for Reflection/Discussion

1. Which words would best describe your current relationship with Christ?

Loving

Growing

Vibrant

Joyful

Distant

Strained

Unreliable

Dull

Lifeless

Exciting

2. Is your walk with God attractive to your children? Why or why not?

3. Could you say with all honesty that you love God with all of your heart, mind, soul, and strength?

4. What is the compelling evidence that you have been born again?

5. Write down the names of each of your children. Beside each name, list the clear evidence that they are or are not born again. If some of your children are not currently believers, put their names in your Bible and pray fervently and daily for their salvation.

6. What would you say most characterizes your home?

Quiet

Joyful

Disciplined

Frantic

Fun

Godly

Busy

Noisy

Loving

Studious

Struggling

7. What fond family memories do you have from your own childhood that you are trying to recreate in your own home?

8. Do your family members enjoy being with one another? What do you think has contributed to the current atmosphere in your home? What needs to happen for your family to reclaim its affection for each other?

9. Do your children enjoy going to church? How might you help your family to get more out of church?

Notes

1. Mike Blackaby and Daniel Blackaby,
When Worlds Collide
(Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2011), xix.

Chapter 10

God Invites Us to Become Involved with Him in His Work

Missed Opportunities (An Example from Richard)

When my children were in elementary school, I held a demanding job as the president of a seminary. I had to put in long hours at the office (or at least I
thought
I did). However, I didn’t want to always be coming home late at night or missing dinner with my family. So, I developed a schedule in which I arrived at the office early each morning so I could return home at a reasonable time. I reasoned that my family would be snuggled in their beds during those early morning hours anyway, so it wouldn’t cost them anything if I were already at the office. For years I arrived to work before 6:30 a.m. By 4:30 p.m. I was on my way home.

There was one problem. I was often exhausted by the end of the day. During those years, my teenage son Daniel became infatuated with basketball. I put up a net in our driveway, and he was forever shooting baskets. As soon as I would drag my weary bones into the house after another day at the office, Daniel would be enthusiastically asking me to come out and shoot some hoops with him. All I could think about was reposing in my La-Z-Boy recliner until dinner was served. Typically I’d make a “deal” with my son. “Just give me ten minutes to rest, and then I’ll come out and play,” I would plead. I would fall heavily into my chair and then desperately hope that Daniel would forget how to tell time! Sure enough, he’d be back, right on cue. “Dad. It’s time!” “Son, just five more minutes. I had a
really
hard day today . . .” This routine occurred daily.

One day I entered the house and flopped into my chair, waiting for the negotiations to begin. Nothing.
Good,
I thought.
Perhaps Daniel hasn’t noticed I’m home yet.
But then as I lay with my eyes closed, I began to hear a faint noise. At first I couldn’t discern what it was. Then, it dawned on me. The sound I was hearing was the dull thumping of a basketball being bounced on the driveway outside . . . My son hadn’t bothered to ask me to join him. In that moment, I sensed God speaking to me. I had been going to work early so I could be “available” to my family. But snoozing in a living room chair was not going to win me any “Most Accessible Parent” awards! God was working in my teenage son’s life, and I was missing a marvelous opportunity to get in on the action. I hurriedly climbed out of my chair, threw on my tennis shoes, and made my way out to the driveway to join my son.

Sadly, that scenario is what many well-meaning parents experience. They
want
to be involved in God’s activity in their children’s lives, but they keep missing divine appointments that come their way. I personally vowed that if God was doing something in my children’s lives, I didn’t want to be sawing logs in the den when He did!

God Invites Us to Join Him in His Work

We should never lose our wonder at the amazing truth that almighty God chooses to involve
us
,
mere creatures of dust, in His eternal work. God has an unlimited number of angelic beings prepared to instantly carry out His commands. Magnificent warrior archangels such as Michael stand perpetually at the ready to undertake any task their King commands. Faithful messengers such as Gabriel are continually alert to deliver divine messages promptly and accurately. God need only think, and it is done.
God has absolutely no need for people.
Yet, out of His infinite love and gracious condescension, God chooses to involve us—His frail, fallible creatures—to join Him in conducting His work.

Perhaps we should first consider exactly what the “work” is in which God allows us to participate. Not everyone views that word favorably! For some, it connotes drudgery, toil, and tedium. Yet that certainly does not describe God’s activity! God’s purposes bring glory to Him through His creation. When God first created the universe, everything in it magnified Him (Rom. 1:20). As each star, planet, and creature fulfilled its divine purpose, it pointed directly back in reverential awe to its Creator. But then sin entered into humanity. People, the apex of creation, foolishly rebelled against God and chose to live in defiance of His ways and commands. The consequences were as immediate as they were horrific (Rom. 6:23). People suffered alienation from God and from one another. Violence and murder tore asunder the beautiful creation God had so lovingly assembled. The creation that had once eagerly embraced its divine purpose and brought glory to God now lived in terminal, desperate, rebellion against the only One who could give it life.