Exposure (6 page)

We were lying with the Sunday newspapers
having a lazy day, and for once, Nathan didn’t have to go anywhere. Bliss!

“Hey, look at this Mel. That bitch is up to
her old tricks. Still, it’s not a bad picture. It won’t do any harm. Stupid
cow.” Nathan’s new-found fame had been noticed by his old enemy.

Lavinia Taylor’s column featured one of the
wet shirt pictures.

“Bad boy Nathan Waite has been
misbehaving himself again. One tour guide at Bentley Hall in Oxfordshire got
the shock of her life when she caught our friend Nathan and his lady love on
the castle ramparts in a compromising position last month. Some actors think
they own the place even when it’s marked “PRIVATE””

“But Nathan, you might not care, but people
will know it’s me. My friends. My family. Everyone.”

“Only if they read the column.”

“Loads of people read it. That’s why she
has a job.”

“Why will they care anyway? Let them think
what they like.”

He didn’t get it. Publicity was good for
him. He couldn’t see the harm in it at all.

“Just do me a favor and don’t touch me when
we’re outside.”

“Don’t touch you where? Here?” His fingers
stroked lightly over the tips of my breasts, and I batted them away.

“Nathan, I’m serious.”

“So am I. I just need to know where it’s
safe to touch you. Is here good?” he asked as his fingers took up their assault
on my nipples again, and I couldn’t stop my annoyance evaporating a little. “Or
here?” He smoothed his left hand over my stomach and down between my legs,
while continuing to massage my breast with his other hand, and I lost my train
of thought even more.

“Not there or there. That wouldn’t be
appropriate at all.”

“But is it okay to kiss you, then, like
this?” and he kissed me sweetly on the cheek. “Or like this?” He kissed me
softly on the lips.

I was laughing now. “That would be okay.”

“How about here?” He kissed and licked at
my nipple. “Or here?” He dipped his head down between my legs and kissed and
licked me there and sucked at me.

“Not appropriate, no.” I could hardly
speak.

He lifted his head then. “That’s exactly
what I’m going to do then. All those inappropriate things right out in public
where everyone can see you.”

I wanted to protest, but Nathan was back
between my legs and it was only when he made me come that he looked up and
grinned. “Just kidding.”

***

Once Nathan was four hundred miles away in
Scotland on location, I hardly got a chance to see him. He only had a few free
days here and there to get home, and when he did, I had to work, and he was
busy with things Paula organized for him. She was relentless.

My friends were getting paired up. Justine
had sent out her save the date cards, and even Suzanne had a new man and was
showing signs of settling down. But I didn’t envy them at all; despite
everything going on with Nathan, he was the only guy, the only relationship I
wanted.

But with Nathan still appearing in the
papers and him at the other end of the country, my friends were always asking
me about the women he was seen with.

“Don’t you mind him being pictured with all
those women?” Hannah asked.

“I don’t like it, but it doesn’t mean
anything. It’s just a publicity thing. If I thought it meant anything I’d ask
him to stop.”

Justine wasn’t so subtle. “Aren’t you
worried he’s cheating on you?” she asked. “There’s no way I’d let Robin do
that.”

I suspected not just Hannah and Justine but
all my friends thought there was something wrong with my relationship with
Nathan and I was having the wool pulled over my eyes. They couldn’t believe he
had chosen to be with me when he was seen almost daily in the media with a
famous actress or model. I would have thought exactly the same in their shoes.
But for some reason, I trusted Nathan. I only had to look in his eyes and I
did.

At least that was how I felt when he was in
Oxford. Who knew what was going on in Scotland? I was living for text messages
and phone calls while he was away, and they were not the same as seeing him and
feeling his arms around me.

***

I spent a weekend in Scotland halfway
through his ten weeks there, but the production was behind schedule, and he was
working nonstop. I’d been excited about being with Nathan again, and even
seeing the movie set, but after the first couple of hours when I couldn’t even
touch Nathan and wasn’t really with him, I hated hanging around the set like a
little lap dog waiting to be petted. When he wasn’t in front of the camera, he
was rehearsing lines with someone or talking about the scene they were about to
shoot.

The nights were mine, but they weren’t much
better.

“You look exhausted,” I said on the first
night. “Do you just want to sleep?”

“Sleep? No way! I haven’t seen you for
weeks.”

But I could tell Nathan was just putting in
the effort because I’d gone all that way to be with him, and he fell fast
asleep after a brief spell of love making. I lay wide awake. It had been a
mistake to visit him on set. I knew that now. I didn’t suggest going there
again, and neither did he.

When I left that Sunday, he kissed me but
he seemed distracted, and my stomach churned. Was that the beginning of the end
for us? Would we drift farther and farther apart? I could already feel that
happening. I felt sick. Katherine and Sadie, the two female stars in the movie,
had ignored me completely, and they were worryingly attractive while I was four
hundred miles away.

But Nathan kept in contact as if nothing
was amiss. Every call or text perked me up and then the next day I’d feel down
again until the next time he contacted me.

“Don’t worry if you read the papers on
Sunday,” Nathan said one time when he called.

“Don’t worry? Now you have me worried.”

“It’s Lavinia Taylor. She’s been here on
set, stirring up trouble again. If there’s no news, she makes it up.”

“She hasn’t been on your case for a while
though has she?”

“Er…I found her in my trailer. She was
supposed to interview me but that’s not what she had in mind. She was furious when
I turned her down again. That bitch is going to have something to say again.”

I shouldn’t have looked at her column, but
I couldn’t stop myself. Among all the gossip about a soccer player and his wife
breaking up and a princess wearing a slightly risqué dress was a little piece
at the bottom of Lavinia’s gossip column on Nathan, not naming him exactly. The
Globe
were very careful about lawsuits, at least ones which might cost them
more than the increase in circulation a false report might bring.

“News from the set of Hamish, the new
highland romance due out early next year. The leading ladies told me they have
nicknamed their co-star Octopussy because of his predilection for clambering
all over women on the set no matter how unwelcome. No doubt his ego needs
regular stroking to get that big.”

My heart sank. She might be a gossip but
was there some thread of truth there? I couldn’t be sure. She wouldn’t write
that without having some basis for it would she? I didn’t think she could get
away with that.

Nathan called me but I let him stew all day
and didn’t answer his calls. I left my phone at home and went out because I
knew I’d be tempted to give in if he kept calling. I wasn’t going to take this
one lying down. I was already fed up with him being away all the time and now
this. Now I had to worry about how faithful he was.

It was six o’ clock before I got back after
wandering around all day, feet sore and heart sore. I saw how many missed calls
and texts I had—a lot considering how busy they always were on the set. I’d
made up my mind as I trailed about that day. I was never going to be happy if I
couldn’t trust Nathan, and it looked as if I couldn’t. His lifestyle didn’t
suit me. I was too quiet for him. I didn’t want to end things by phone but that’s
exactly what I would do when he came back to London.

I picked up the phone next time it rang, my
heart thumping. What would he say about Lavinia’s column? Would he lie to me
and tell me everything was fine when I knew it wasn’t?

“Why haven’t you been answering your phone?
I’ve been going out of my fucking mind.”

“Haven’t you been busy clambering over
women today then? I didn’t think you’d have time to call, what with playing
Octopussy with them all.”

“Octopussy is a fucking cat.”

“A cat?”

“Yes, they say never to work with children
or animals and that cat is something else. He’s called Felix, but Sadie and
Katherine call him Octopussy because he’s a fucking nuisance. Trust Lavinia to
twist it.”

“Where was Felix when I was there?”

“We only needed him for a couple of weeks’
filming. The scenes at the castle. As soon as I got a look at the paper this
morning, I knew you’d think it was me Lavinia was talking about. Katherine and
Sadie thought it was funny, but I didn’t.”

“I’m sorry.” I burst into tears. I’d been
holding my feelings in check all day, not wanting to give in to weeping in
public. “I hate it when you’re away all the time.”

“Me too, baby. Me too. A couple more weeks
and we’ll be done here.”

***

I wasn’t sure I could hack the kind of life
where we were separated all the time. Was it always going to be like that with
Nathan away on location? I suspected offers of work were going to roll in now
he was better known, and there would be more publicity, good and bad. I could
see it happening.

Nathan didn’t seem to mind that at all. Being
famous was what he had worked for, and any drawbacks that came along with it were
a price worth paying as far as he was concerned. But it wasn’t what I wanted. I
wanted Nathan but I didn’t want that.

Once the filming of the movie in Scotland
ended I thought we’d have more time together, but then Paula had Nathan working
on every TV quiz and late night talk show she could get him on, gearing up for
the release of the movie. It was still a few months away, but the more she
could keep him out there in the media, the better she said it would be for his
career.

And her publicity campaign was working,
because he was being noticed.

After Nathan was on TV he started getting
recognized when we were out, and we ended up staying home more. We didn’t take
the risks we used to. I was glad about that. If it took fame to calm Nathan
down then perhaps it wasn’t a bad thing after all.

We weren’t even seen together much in
public—the agent wouldn’t have liked it.

“Don’t you mind not coming with me? I’ll
take you if you like.”

“No, it’s okay. I know Paula wants you to
look like you’re unattached.”

“Well she did say we would get more fans
and more exposure that way, but I don’t want to leave you at home if it makes
you unhappy.”

“No, just go. I’d rather you were in the
limelight by yourself. I don’t want a camera stuck in my face all the time.”

Living life in the background suited me. It
always had. As a child and teenager, I didn’t like putting my hand up in class
or giving speeches. If I hadn’t wanted to teach so much, I’d never have made
myself get over the fear of standing at the front of the class instead of
hiding in the back row.

So Nathan went to wild parties alone, while
my life went on as usual. My friends carried on being hyper-interested in
everything we did and hyper-suspicious of Nathan and his media antics.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “Those parties are
far from wild. The only wild thing about them is the media circus they are part
of. We are all like animals performing for our dinner, being wild on cue to
promote this or that.”

I shrugged. I guess I understood his need
to be famous even if I didn’t share it.

“Anyway,” he said, “I just want to get wild
with you.” and he growled like a tiger, his hands clawing at the air in front
of me.

I laughed. He could always make me laugh,
no matter what. At least, I thought that then.

Even if we weren’t taking any chances of
being discovered outside, Nathan hadn’t stopped pushing my boundaries.

The first time he said I was his naughty
girl and I had to be punished over his knee, I couldn’t believe it and I just
laughed.

“There’s no way I’m doing that. I’m not
into pain. You’re on your own there.”

“On my own am I? Nope, not tonight. You’re
right here with me and you need a good spanking. You spent too long on the
phone with your mother when I had other much more interesting plans for you,
and you’ll have to be punished.”

“I was on there all of ten minutes.”

“That’s eight minutes too long.”

He had a point. I always hated calling my
mother, and it got me down. She only ever talked about herself and the
neighbors, and what she had bought that week, but to spank me for calling her!
That was something new.

“Over my lap,” he said. “I won’t ask
again.”

I looked at him. He had his stern face on.
I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t.

“Now,” he said, looking at me as if he had
no doubt I would comply.

I didn’t know why but my heart lurched and
I felt sparks of desire running down my spine as he commanded me. I gulped and
lay over his lap. What the hell was I doing? I was a grown woman for God’s
sake. This was ridiculous. But somehow, hot.

Nathan lifted my skirt to reveal my
panties. Then he pulled them down to my knees leaving my bottom bare.

My heart was thudding. Was he really going
to hit me? And was I going to let him? I had to be out of my mind. It had to be
the only explanation for me still lying there waiting to be spanked. He ran his
hands over my bare skin, smoothing my buttocks and then brought his hand down
on my left cheek.

“Ouch, Nathan! That stung.”

“It’s meant to sting. It’s a punishment. Do
you want me to stop?”

I thought about it.

“No.” I wanted to see where this would go.
What had happened to sensible, rational Melissa? I had no idea.

He slapped me a few more times then, a bit
harder. It didn’t really hurt. It was more a sensation of heat than real pain.
He ran his fingers between my legs and my thighs opened for him.

“You like it,” he said. “You like me
warming your bare bottom with my hand. I’m going to spank you harder. Right?”

“Okay.” I gritted my teeth as his hand
landed hard on my bottom over and over again until I could feel the heat
radiating from my skin.

He smoothed his hand over my behind, easing
away the sting, his fingers delving between my legs, exploring me.

“Such a naughty girl,” he said, “presenting
your bare bottom for spanking. Opening your legs for my fingers. I’m going to
have to fuck you now, you know that don’t you? I’m going to fuck you hard right
against your naughty sore bottom so you remember your punishment.”

I gasped, his fingers continued to plunder
me, sending me reeling with desire.

“Don’t come,” he said. “Don’t come until I
fuck you, or I’ll have to punish you again.”

I whimpered. I needed to come. I wanted to
beg, but I didn’t.

“Bend over the bed. Raise your bottom for
fucking.”

I got up, and started to remove my panties
from around my legs.

“Leave them there. They’ll remind you what
a naughty girl you are.”

He plunged into me then, my legs only as
far apart as they would go with my underwear around my knees, Nathan’s body banging
against my sore bottom over and over each time he entered me.

“You like this, don’t you?” he said. “You
like being naughty for me. You like being punished.”

“Yes.” I couldn’t deny it. I was wet and
ready for him, all from being punished, by being told what to do, by being
dominated by him.

He had made me admit I liked it. How could
I know that spanking would make me ache for him rather than upset me? I truly
knew nothing about sex before I met Nathan, even though I wasn’t technically a
virgin.

“Come for me now,” he said. “I want to feel
you come.”

I let myself go over the edge, or rather, I
couldn’t stop myself; I was so close when he said those words. He groaned as I
clenched around him and he came inside me.

“Ah, baby that was so good,” he said as we
lay together on the bed. “You okay?”

“More than okay, but my bottom’s a bit
sore.”

“Too sore or worth it?”

“Worth it.”

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too.”

Somehow we had just fallen into saying it.

***

A week after that when I thought sex with Nathan
couldn’t get any better, we were getting ready for bed and he picked up the
long silk scarf I’d been wearing.

“I like this. It has possibilities.” He
raised his eyebrows.

“No, Nathan. Absolutely not.”

“But look how much you liked being spanked.
Maybe you’ll like being tied up, all helpless to resist me too. How do you know
if you don’t try it?”

He had a point. But I wasn’t sure.

“Just try it,” he said. “I’ll untie you any
time you want. You know I will.”

I let him use the scarf to tie my hands to
the bed. How was this ever going to do anything for me? I expected it would
irritate the hell out of me. I loved my freedom. I had a will of my own. Then
he put a blindfold on me too. That was hot—not knowing where or how he was
going to touch me. I didn’t know where I’d feel his breath, his lips, his
fingers, his tongue.

It turned out the restriction and the
frustration of not being able to touch him while he could do anything to me—and
did—was more freeing than anything. I didn’t have to think. I could just enjoy
the experience. The decisions were all out of my hands.

That first time he tied me up and
blindfolded me, he used his fingers and tongue to tease and tantalize me over
and over, to take me to the brink repeatedly and not allow me to come until I
was begging him not to stop, and then he plunged into me without mercy while I
shattered into a thousand pieces. I didn’t think I ever came so hard.