Exposure (7 page)

Kurt returned and Jeremy took the polished wood cane from him gratefully. "Thanks, man."

It made all the difference. Now he didn't need help as he moved forward into the living room.

He turned back to look at me. "Wanna see my room?"

I nodded and followed him down the hall. He turned into a room on the right. It was small and sparsely furnished, but clean and neat. A large rainbow flag hung on the wall over his bed next to a poster from the After Stonewall bookstore. Jeremy's "out and proud" status became stunningly apparent at that moment.

"It's a lot tidier than the rest of the house," I observed. "Are you going to be okay?"

He leaned against his dresser and nodded. "I'll be fine. I'm going to call the MS Clinic today and my mom to see about ordering more meds. I'm on her insurance so she handles it for me."

"How much do they cost?"

"They're fifteen hundred a month."

"Jesus. They're not covered by OHIP?"

"Not yet." He shrugged.

"I guess I should go. You need to rest."

"Thanks for everything. I had a really good time. Except for waking up with gimpy legs." He shrugged, grinning shyly.

"Yeah, that wasn't my favorite part either."

"What
was
your favorite part?"

I grinned. "Not telling. You'll have to find out later. Call me okay? Let me know how things are going."

He nodded. "Okay."

I really didn't want to leave, but I needed some space and some time to think about everything. I moved toward him and kissed him softly on the lips. "Bye."

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Chapter Eight

Fog

When I got home I put some beer in the fridge, then sat down on the sofa and turned on the TV. My brain was spinning and I really needed to mellow out a bit. I was still reeling from the revelation of the previous night.

Why hadn't Jeremy told me about his disease? Sure, we had only been seeing each other a couple of weeks, but he'd called me his boyfriend. I should have known about something so important. We shared so many personal and intimate things it seemed like a purposeful omission.

On the other hand, my present reaction proved that he had a valid concern. He didn't want me to know because he didn't want that knowledge to alter my feelings for him. I didn't want it to. But it would take some adjustment at the very least.

I had a sudden urge to call Frankie. Simon answered the phone.

"Hi Simon, it's Martin. How are you?"

"Hey Martin. I'm good, I'm good. How's the 'hunkilicious' new boyfriend?"

I scratched my head. "Uh, that's kinda what I need to talk to Frankie about."

"Okay, I'll get her."

"Thanks."

It didn't take long for Frankie to get to the phone. "Martin? What's going on?"

"Hi Frankie. Can you meet me for coffee? I really need to talk to you about something." I shoved my free hand in my pocket and fiddled with some loose coins.

"Oh, Martin. He didn't dump you did he? I swear, I'll--"

"No Frankie, it's nothing like that."

"Then, what--"

I walked over to the window and looked out at the overcast sky. "I can't talk about it over the phone."

"At least I know you're not pregnant."

"Very funny. I'm not laughing."

"Sorry. Yeah, I can meet you. Is Jeremy okay?"

"Not really." I turned back into the room. "I'll meet you at the coffee shop on McLaren."

"Okay. Give me twenty minutes."

I walked to the coffee shop, figuring the exercise would do me good and I had twenty minutes anyway. My legs, arms, and abs were sore from my workout, so it helped to get moving.

I got a coffee and sat at a table to wait for Frankie. I glanced at the young women working at the coffee bar and wondered if they knew Jeremy. He didn't work at this location, but maybe they had events and stuff, I don't know. Did his coworkers know he had MS?

Frankie showed up on time. She had a worried look on her face when she caught sight of me. She came right to my table without bothering to get a drink.

"Don't you want a coffee?" I said.

She shook her head as she took off her coat and sat down. "What's going on?"

I hesitated. "Jeremy has Multiple Sclerosis."

She stared at me for a moment. "Okay. He told you he has Multiple Sclerosis?"

"Not exactly. He stayed with me last night. He woke up in the night and he could barely stand." I leaned forward. "Frankie, it was terrifying."

Her face reflected my fear and panic of last night. "Oh, Martin...is he okay?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. I wanted to take him to Emergency but he didn't want to go. He went back to bed and when he woke up later on, he was somewhat better. But he still can't walk properly. He needs a cane. He has a cane, Frankie."

She stared at me. "He does?"

"Yeah, he said he was in a wheelchair three years ago, but got better and needed a cane for awhile."

"Oh, geez."

"I took him home and he's going to try to see his doctor on Monday." I put my head in my hands. "It was just such a shock...we had the best time yesterday--" I suddenly remembered our workout at the gym.

"What?"

"I wonder if that's why his legs are bad...we went to the gym together and I think he was showing off. He jogged on the treadmill for an hour."

She nodded with the hint of a smile. "That's cute."

I blushed and shifted in my seat. "And then we..." I couldn't look at her. "...we did some kinky stuff when we got to my place..."

"And I need to know this because?"

I looked at her and I knew my face had gone pale. "Frankie, I thought I'd hurt him. When he woke up later in such bad shape I thought...I thought we'd taken things too far and..."

She held her hands up. "Whoa, Martin...I can't believe I'm asking but...what exactly did you guys get up to?"

Holy shit, this is so embarrassing
. But I had to tell her. I had to tell somebody. I had to reassure myself that I hadn't done anything wrong.

"Uh, well, he told me he liked to be spanked..." My voice was barely above a whisper.

She stared at me. Then she put a hand over her mouth to hide a smile. "Wow. That's kind of funny. And kind of hot." She shook her head. "That little devil. Corrupting my innocent vanilla brother."

"What?"

"Nothing. Never mind. So you...spanked that pretty boy's ass. Is that all?"

God, I loved Frankie. I blushed but at least I could meet her gaze now. "Well, things got pretty intense after that..."

"I bet."

I think she was trying not to laugh, but I gave her a stern look and she composed herself. "But not rough or anything. I didn't spank him that hard. And he really liked it."

"Martin, I'm sure it had nothing to do with what happened. I mean, that's pretty 'small k' kinky. We're not talking whips and chains, right?"

"Of course not. I would never..."

She raised her eyebrows. "Never say never, Martin."

I rolled my eyes. "I can't believe I just told you I spanked my boyfriend and got off on it."

"Feel better now?"

I thought about it. "Yes, actually. But I'm worried about Jeremy."

"Me too."

"I'm kind of upset that he didn't tell me about this before he was forced to."

"Oh, Martin. New relationships are hard enough without laying all your cards on the table."

"I knew he was too good to be true."

She stared at me with a weird look on her face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, he's so damn good looking and sweet and smart and into me. I knew there had to be something."

"Nobody's perfect, Martin. Y'know, he's still all those things. The fact that he's dealing with this just makes him that much more interesting."

"I guess."

"Don't make this about you and your insecurities. This is your chance to step up and show him that you really care, that you're not some wimp that can't deal with the more difficult things in life. Right?"

"I think I'm falling in love with him."

She smiled. "Oh, Martin. I knew it. He seems like such a wonderful guy."

"He is wonderful."

"You know, Simon knows someone with MS."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Yeah, this woman in his office. Maybe you could talk to her."

I nodded. "Yeah, that would help. I don't really know what I'm dealing with here. But I can't just call her up."

Frankie shook her head. "No, of course not. Let me talk to Simon. Maybe we can have you both for supper this week."

"Okay. That would be great."

She looked at me sternly. "Call him tonight, okay? And then call me. I'm worried too. I really like him, Martin."

I nodded. "Okay."

We stood up and I gave her a big, warm hug. "Thanks Frankie. I love you."

"Y'old softy, you." She kissed me on the cheek and I walked her to her car. "Please call me after you talk to him tonight."

"I will."

The rest of the day passed pretty quickly. Of course, I couldn't stop thinking about Jeremy for a number of reasons and by seven-thirty I picked up the phone and punched in his number.

One of his roommates answered; presumably Charlie, since I didn't recognize his voice. I heard loud music and laughter in the background.

"Hi. Is Jeremy there?"

"One second."

Several moments later he came on the line. "Hello?"

Just the sound of his voice made my cock harden and at the same time sent a wave of relief through me. "Jeremy."

"Martin! Just a second, I'm gonna close my door."

He did so and then I heard him settle back on his bed. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm okay. About the same, I guess. I left a message at the MS Clinic so they can call me first thing on Monday."

"Good."

There was a pause. "Listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about all this sooner," he said quietly.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I'm a pretty up-front kinda guy, as you know. I should have told you. You were pretty freaked out."

"I didn't know what was going on. I thought it was something I did."

He laughed. "Oh, Martin. Like what? Like you spanked me a little too hard? I'm not that delicate. And, honestly, you didn't spank me very hard. We'll have to work on that."

Oh my lord. My cock got harder. "Do you think maybe...at the gym? I mean, do you always work out with that level of ... intensity? Or were you trying to impress me?"

"Yeah, that might have something to do with it. I was a little hardcore, wasn't I?"

"You don't have to go out of your way to impress me. Believe me, I'm impressed already. I've been impressed since I met you."

There was a pause. "So what do you think about all this?"

I hesitated. "I don't really know."

"Okay."

"I mean, I'm not gonna run, Jeremy. I just need some time to get used to this."

"Okay. That's fair. Just..."

"What?"

"Don't stay with me out of pity. If this changes things between us, tell me now, okay?"

"Jeremy, I don't pity you. I think you're incredible. I can't imagine having to deal with what you're dealing with."

"Does it change the way you feel about me?"

"A little. But not the way you think."

"What do you mean?"

"Jeremy, my cock got hard the second I heard your voice. But I'm starting to feel...I don't know...protective or something."

"Oh, yeah? Your cock is hard?"

"Are your roommates having a party?"

"No, they're always this noisy. Could you do something for me, Martin?"

"Sure." I thought he was going to ask me to get him something from the grocery store. I should have known better.

"Could you take that beautiful cock out of your pants and stroke it for me?"

"Oh, fuck..."

"Since I'm not there to do it for you?"

"Jesus, Jeremy."

"Please, baby? I'm doing the same thing over here."

"Holy shit. Really?" I unbuttoned my jeans and pushed my underwear aside.

"Are you holding it?" His voice was breathy.

"Yes."

"Good...now stroke it, baby...start slow..."

I groaned and did as he asked. "Wait, I'm gonna get some lube."

"Good idea. Me too."

Once we were ready he started talking to me again. "Did you like spanking me, Martin?"

"Yeah..."

"Will you do it again some time?"

"Yeah."

"Harder?"

"Maybe. If you ask me nicely."

"Fuck, yeah. Are you leaking for me yet?"

I groaned. "Yes..."

He moaned and his breathing got harsh. "Tell me what you'd do to me if you were here," he said.

Oh Jesus. He was going to make
me
talk. My hand was flying over my dick now. This wouldn't take very long. "I'd...I'd put my mouth on you..."

He chuckled. "Where?"

"You know where."

"I want to hear you say it, Martin."

I moaned again. "On your...fuck...on your beautiful, hard cock..."

"Oh yeah," he groaned, "then what?"

"I'd tease you with my fingers."

"Where would you put your fingers, Martin?"

Holy fuck
. I was going to come in a minute. I stroked myself even faster. I was whimpering now. "In your...your..." but I couldn't finish the sentence because I was groaning and spurting over my hand.

"Oh, baby...that sounds so hot...keep talking...I'm so close."

I took a deep breath when the spasms died down. "I came so hard for you, I made a mess."

"I bet you did, naughty boy."

"You make me come so hard... you turn me on so much I can't even stand it." He was whimpering now and I loved it.

"I'm gonna fuck you so good when I see you again, Jeremy...I'm gonna make you come hard for me..."

"Oh fuck...oh fuck...oh, yeah..."

I could tell he was coming and I wanted to reach through the phone and pull him to me, hold him close while he trembled, but all I could do was whisper, "That's it, baby, that's it...I love you." It was out of my mouth before I was aware of it and I froze, clutching the phone to my ear and listening to my heart rate speed up. And then I said it again. "I love you, Jeremy."
What the fuck am I doing
?